
ftass fcT/l 
Book_^ 
Copyright N° 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



^ 



Our Society. 



f\ ©omplete Treatije 



USAGES THAT GOVERN THE MOST REFINED 
HOMES AND SOCIAL CIRCLES, 



OUR 



fV]oral <§>ociaI, "P^y^ica 



AND 



©\15ine55 (Bulture. 



ALICE MllVES, MBS. H. W. BEECHEB, C. M. WILLIAMS, 
BT. BEV. BISHOP FOLEY, D. £>., 



ROSE E. tCLEVELANDJAN 



PUBLISHED BY 

DARLING BROTHERS & COMPANY, 

DETROIT, MICH, 
189I. 







£**- 



Dressed up for company, 
Dull hours pass ; 

Clenn, but so -wretched, 
l J oor little lass. 



Copyrighted by Edgar S. Darling, 189L 
All rights reserved. 




iiiiiiaiaiaoEiaiaasaiaiaHaHj 
____3 

EE B B ~B BE EEBBBBBE^ 




PREFACE. 



THE aim of every one is success. The hope we hold out 
to all young persons is that their lives may be successful. 
We urge upon them the necessity of industry, neatness, per- 
severance, honesty and economy, not alone for the building 
of character, but also for the attainment of success. Yet the 
end reached is the building of character, and the outward 
success is the sign of its achievement. He who asserts that 
evident, practical success denotes no superiority, errs fully as 
much as he who exalts the practical at the expense of char- 
acter. Though a man has made a fortune, he may have weak 
characteristics, but in some way he has surpassed his fellow- 
men in acquiring that for which thousands are striving. 
Every young man owes to himself the benefit to be derived 
from an agreeable personal impression. None of us envy the 
mental structure of the man who is habitually disposed to 
disregard the feelings of those with whom he comes in con- 
tact. From a commercial standpoint, we can distinguish a 
direct and indirect influence that good breeding and the 
knowledge of social amenities exert upon success. Many 
a millionaire is indebted to a civil demeanor for his van- 
tage ground on the slope of financial fame. Many a great 
lawyer owes his extensive clientage more to a courteous 
address than to great talent. Many a successful practitioner 



iv PREFACE. 

has won his way into the palatial residences of the rich by 
commendations of the poor whom his deportment and kind 
treatment have favorably impressed. Good breeding alone 
gives that ease and freedom, and imparts that graceful and 
proper assurance, which are the prerequisites to success in 
any line of business. 

Not sufficient attention is given to this important qualifi- 
cation in our universities and other seats of learning. It is 
here and in the home that its knowledge should be inculcated 
and its maxims made operative, since, if acquired young, the 
cost is immaterial, and it will always last and be habitual. 
The good manners of any person are an inspiration to all those 
with whom he comes in contact. They are to the eye what 
the eloquence of speech is to the ear. Subdued by their 
charm, he who is ordinarily careless and rude becomes, for 
the time being, courteous and refined ; for manners are learned 
by example. 

Many books on social training have been published, but 
no work, having for its object the development of those 
higher and nobler qualities which are attained by home and 
moral training, side by side with social training, has yet been 
offered to the public. 

This work is the result of much time and labor, and is not 
the product of one but of many minds. Many of its pages 
are from the pen of those occupying positions high on the 
ladder of social and literary fame. 

PUBLISHERS. 




INTRODUCTION 

ENTERING SOCIETY 

IN PUBLIC PLACES, 

INTRODUCTIONS, 

IN THE STREET, 

SALUTATIONS, . 

RIDING AND DRIVING, 

SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS, 

LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS, 

CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN, 

VISITORS AND VISITING, 

CEREMONIOUS DINNERS, 



9 

17 
28 

42 

58 
68 

79 

85 

107 

124 

138 
147 



6 TABLE OF CONTENTS 

IN THE DINING-ROOM, . . . 1 67 

THE ART OF CONVERSATION, . . . 1 83 

CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS, . 1 97 

RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS AND FIVE O'CLOCK TEAS, 215 

MANNERS WHILE TRAVELING, . . .226 

THE AWKWARD AND SHY, . . . 234 

AT HOME AND FOREIGN COURTS, . . . 245 

SUPERSTITIONS OF WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS 

STONES, ..... 257 

WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES, . . . 268 

FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS, . .274 

MOURNING CUSTOMS, .... 289 

CHRISTENINGS, ... . 299 

THE TOILET, TOILET MEDICINES AND RECIPES, . 304 

THE GUEST-CHAMBER, .... 338 

HOME BEAUTIFUL, . . . . 344 

TREASURY OE HOME READING, . . 360 

RELATION OF PARENTS AND CHILDREN, . 36 1 

A mother's influence, . . • . 368 

A MOTHER'S CARES, . . . .. 37 1 

FAMILY GOVERNMENT WHAT IS IT? ♦ .. 375 



TABLE OF CONTENTS. 

THE HOME CONVERSATION, 
COURTESIES IN THE FAMILY, 
HOME MEMORIES, 

KEEP YOUR DAUGHTERS NEAR YOU, 
BE PATIENT WITH THE BOYS, 
CULTURE IN THE HOME, 
PHYSICAL CULTURE, 
BUSINESS CULTURE, 
GENERAL INDEX, 



7 
376 
3*7 
39° 

393 
395 
399 
403 
441 
467 





INTRODUCTION 



SfoTHiNG could be more suggestive than the title of this 
<J^ book; and nothing could be more important than 
what it suggests. As we think of Our Society, we 
find the subjects involved it its consideration are those 
which concern each one of us most specially and vitally. 

Much has been written, talked, and preached about culture. 
Ideas and ideals have been freely formulated, good, bad, and 
indifferent. The good may be left as good seed to bring* 
forth from good soil its proper harvest. The indifferent may 
be left to that limbo which awaits all characterless things, 
whose mission is forever to amount to nothing. But of the bad, 
a bad word should always be said, for the bad ideas which 
prevail concerning this much mooted theme, culture, are bad 
with a vitality which makes them mischievous to an unlimited 
degree. I wish to speak in these few pages of preface to a 
book whose title promises so much, of one of these harmful 
ideas of culture, as being most relevant, indirectly, to what is 
doubtless the true aim and scope of the chapters which follow. 

I wish especially to inveigh against that idea of culture 
which points to a specialty as the ultimatum of aspiration and 
achievement. There is no gospel of culture preached with so 
much noxious energy as that of a one-sided culture, none 
which captivates its victims with so sincere a sophistry. 

The mandate which says to the young man or young 
woman: Be moral! and prescribes thereupon a formula of 



IO INTRODUCTION. 

conduct so nice and so narrow, that he who practices it walks 
in fear a tight-rope of prohibitions stretched above cataracts 
and rapids and mocking maelstroms, his eyes constantly upon 
his feet, oblivious to all the boundless beauty above and beyond, 
blind to all but the peril beneath. Such an one may, must be 
a very Blondin of negative morality. He can do no harm, and 
get none, for he comes in contact with no one and no things; 
but he achieves neither culture nor morality in a true sense. 

So, again, of much that is taught concerning intellectual 
culture. How many a serious and sincere-minded youth 
believes and earnestly practices those precepts concerning cul- 
ture which shut him up to mental cultivation! He consecrates 
himself to books, lectures, perhaps travel and sight-seeing, in 
short, to all things which contribute to the realization of his 
ideal of culture, making of himself a very encyclopedia of 
information, a guide-book of travel; and when, with all this 
accumulation, he comes to confront the infallible test of all so- 
cial culture — his relativity to others of his kind — he is weighed 
in the balances and found wanting. His cultivation of mind, 
isolated and unfinished by the frictions of complemental culti- 
vations, is short of measure. He has aimed at culture, and 
society finds him to have achieved pedantry. Conscious, 
finally, of this merciless sentence, he hugs to his heart a sense 
of unappreciated superiority, which isolates him more and 
more, and removes him farther and farther from the sources 
of all true culture. His idea of intellectual culture has been 
quite correct, as far as it has gone, but he errs in supposing 
that this alone can result in culture. 

I have indicated the mischievousness of a one-sided ideal of 
culture; but what shall be said of the mischief lurking in the 
onesided ideals which prevail concerning social culture? 
What is so pitiful as the self-delusion of that devoted parent 



INTRODUCTION. II 

who launches a son or daughter unfledged upon the wide 
waters of " society," there to cruise about in the faith of thus 
finding that harbor of ambition for both parent and child — 
culture f Where can one be found more destitute, as a rule, of 
true social culture than he who has " always been in society?" 
It is as if one who seeks to master the art of navigation 
should abandon himself to a life upon the Atlantic Ocean, 
unequipped save by his bathing-suit. In that wild waste he 
will find neither ship, chart nor compass, nor proper rules for 
their guidance and use. Had these accessories accompanied 
him, he might have attained the crest of his ambition, the 
science of navigation. Being destitute of them, he may, 
indeed, escape drowning by dint of good wind and good luck, 
but he will be much tossed about, the guest of many a chance 
craft, and most likely a stranger forever to the longed-for 
shore. 

A far too limited scope has often been given to the term, 
social culture. I doubt if one too unlimited has been, or can be 
given to it. There is moral culture, and there is intellectual 
culture, and, as we have seen, neither of these terms is an 
inclusive term for culture. I am not sure, however, that social 
culture, in its severest definition, is not an inclusive term for 
all. I may speak of moral culture and of intellectual culture, 
and make by that no mention of social culture. A man may 
be truly and profoundly intellectual, living a large, though not 
the largest, intellectual life, and yet have no external point of 
contact with his fellow-man. And so with moral culture; 
a man may live a life of rigid and frigid morality (so called) 
and yet be a recluse. These cultures do not necessarily in- 
volve social culture ; but a true social culture does necessarily 
involve both moral and intellectual culture. Each is an essen- 
tial factor of a social culture worthy the name. 



1 2 JNTROD UCTION. 

By the term culture, I take it, must be meant a symmetrical 
development of all those faculties with which human nature 
is endowed for the purpose of living a human life worthily 
and well. I have carefully chosen that phrase — purpose of 
living — though I am aware that it makes my definition of 
culture far too serious to suit some popular ideas and ideals 
which have been abroad and found lodgment in many minds. 
However, as Touchstone says of Audrey: if "ill-favored, it 
is still mine own, and I can not forswear it." 

When I come now to apply my own ideas and ideals of 
social culture to my definition of culture itself, I find the two 
to be, substantially, interchangeable terms. For, if the sym- 
metrical development of each faculty with which human 
nature is endowed, for the purposes of living, be essential to 
a true culture, what, when we come to consider the demands 
of society upon us- — the demands of the you upon the me, the 
you being all, individual by individual, group by group, which 
make up my social environment — what item of this prepara- 
tion for the purposes of living can be spared from a true idea 
of social culture, as well? 

God has subjected human creatures to the discipline of 
human life under the conditions of social life. It is His 
purpose. He has no relation to any man which excludes the 
duty of that man's right demeanor toward his fellow-man. 

Social culture is a synonym for all culture. Its achieve- 
ment is a preparation for the fulfillment of the purposes of 
life ; it is the raison d? etre of all existence ; it is the purpose 
of God. How is it to be achieved? 

Its consideration embraces all themes. All that contributes 
to make the attitude of the individual right toward God, con- 
tributes to make that attitude right toward man. All that 
goes toward the acuter development of my moral sense, 



INTRODUCTION. 1 3 

makes the responsibility of my neighbor for the development 
of his moral sense the greater. All that pours wealth into 
my mind and enriches my thought must add to your re- 
sources, whoever you be, who have relation to me. If my 
demeanor is refined and graceful, your manners must be the 
better for it. Whatever shapes and moulds me must impress 
you, whether as with the perforating force of the pebble's 
blow which cuts from surface to the profoundest depth of the 
Hquid lake it strikes, or whether as with the faintest, undis- 
cerned impulsion which ripples remotest from that pebble's 
impact. 

The last word has not yet been said on the subject of man- 
ners. Much has been said, but, after all, the wide-spread 
impression is, I fear, that this belongs rather to the depart- 
ment of the dancing-master than to that of the theologian. I 
hope the chapters which, in this volume, shall follow my pre- 
facing words, will demonstrate what I can only suggest as a 
problem, that there is a third which connects indissolubly these 
two extremes, the study and teaching of morals, and the 
study and teaching of manners, and which sums up both in 
itself as their great inclusive outcome — cause and effect, in 
one, of all developments and cultivations — social culture. 

Doubtless the best teaching on the subject of manners goes 
to show that all good manners are but the outcome of good 
character. This is a most incontestable truth, but its enforce- 
ment has frequently resulted in very bad manners. This 
baffling result can only be understood by a realization that 
another truth, equally important, though in a subordinate 
sense, has perhaps been ignored; I mean the truth that 
manners have to do with character as a cause as well as an 
effect. From within to without ? yes; and from without to 
within, as well. In this sensitive solution of all circumstance 



H 



INTRODUCTION. 



and influence which constitutes our social environment, all 
elements conspire, acting and re-acting, and the surface 
stratum cannot be ignored. Perhaps last, possibly least, but 
absolutely essential. The whole cannot spare any part; the 
centre cannot ignore the circumference. 

It should be understood that as morals act on manners, so 
manners re-act on morals. As it is necessary that good 
morals must be cultivated in order to attain to good manners, 
so it is worth while that good manners shall be cultivated for 
the sake of the good morals into which they may grow. The 
old proverb, " Handsome is as handsome does," which we 
have heard so much in our childhood, has a far deeper and 
subtler meaning than either children or parents give it. 
Paraphrased to its last word, it says all that the moral teacher 
would say. It says to us not only its old current teaching, 
as childishly understood by parent as by child, " Let your 
behavior be beautiful to others if you would seem beautiful 
to others," but it says, also, " Let your behavior be beautiful 
that it may make you beautiful to yourself." Handsome 
doing strikes in; the blossom has a stem, and, in good time, 
this slip of conduct will strike roots down into character. 

I would as soon wager that, of two strangers, the one sworn 
to have good manners will also have good character, as that 
the one sworn to have good character will have, therefore, 
good manners. A man or a woman who achieves truly good 
manners takes much trouble to do so. It may be true to say 
that good manners are simply a matter of habit, and, by con- 
stant practice, become second nature. All the same, good 
manners are good habits, and good habits imply the pains- 
taking correction of bad habits. Second nature is always the 
nature that is second, not first; and the first nature is the 
tyrant; a tyrant undying, almost unsleeping. Unselfish and 



IN TROD UCTION. 1 5 

gracious demeanor toward others may be the easy habit of 
full dress and evening company, but it is not the easy habit of 
all day long, and the family circle. It is no one's first nature 
to choose another's comfort rather than one's own. If this is 
done " naturally " it comes of the second nature, not the first. 
The natural man does not instinctively relinquish his own easy 
chair if another is not procurable. The question will always 
arise — Why shall I do this? The mind works before the 
body. When a gracious action is performed, though in so 
small a matter (if small!) as the resignation of a comfortable 
seat, motives must be conscious or semi-conscious; the 
reason is called for, and when an action requires a reason for 
its performance, that action at once acquires character, and 
becomes a reasonable as well as a gracious performance. The 
performer's reason for his performance may, or may not, be a 
good one. In the case of the easy chair, it may be, in nine 
times out of ten, that he is observed, and that if he does not 
disturb himself, he will be deemed a boor. But once out of 
ten times the same circumstances, minus the spectators, will 
occur. The habit of relinquishment of my comfortable chair 
will suggest that I do so now. Again, I ask — Why, since I am 
so at ease, and no one observes? The very question itself 
throws before my consciousness the existence of motives, and 
again the mind works, whether the feet do or not. I am 
become conscious, of a responsibility lodged above the plane 
of feet. A debate takes place in the mind and leaves me, 
according to the event, with more self-respect or more self- 
disgust. In either case the the plane of morals is reached. 

Suppose, now, I am the one observer of this event, that is, 
of the chair relinquished gracefully to the one more needing 
its comfort, or kept in disregard of that one's need. I 
observe the event minus the mental debate; I can see only 



1 6 INTRODUCTION. 

the outside action, that which takes place on the plane of the 
feet; but in the seeing, casual or studious, I receive an impres- 
sion of decorum or deformity in demeanor, and am thereby 
stimulated to the one or the other in my own case. Another's 
surface action has thrown a pebble from the plane of manners 
into my consciousness which, however faint, awakes a ripple 
upon the liquid plane of my morals. 

When will the importance of manners, for themselves alone 

— if they could be, or anything could be for themselves alone 

— be rightly estimated ? And, alas ! when will their import- 
ance as links in the chain which connects us- with God, be 
rightly estimated? 

Like all good books, this book is suggestive rather than 
exhaustive. The best books finish nothing. The best readers 
are those who read to the last page, but reach " The End " 
only in their own cogitations. 

We all have need to think much upon the themes sug- 
gested in the following pages. Of such books there are none 
too many. Every page, wherever found, which serves to 
make clearer the mutualities of life, is a golden page. Every 
line which goes to emphasize that pregnant, all-significant 
truth that " No man liveth to himself and no man dieth to 
himself " contributes pressure to the upward leverage of the 
human race. Everything which tends to better our morals or 
improve our deportment in the home or social circle, con- 
spires toward a culture which fulfills the purposes of living 
and achieves the will of God towards man. 

ROSE E. CLEVELAND. 



ENTERING SOCIETY. 




HE young lady just entering society 
has before her a vast, unexplored 
realm, and it is well, in reconnoiter- 
ing it, to look for some slight aid 
from chart and compass, be they 
ever so inadequate to all sorts of 
weathers and atmospheres. 

The Age for a Debut. — The age 
at which a young lady may make 
her formal entrance into a society, is 
usually from seventeen to twenty. 
The time is generally governed by her school duties, or the 
presence of older sisters yet unmarried. 

A young lady should not attend parties and balls 
while engaged in educational pursuits. The proper serving 
of two such masters as learning and the gay world, is an utter 
impossibility, especially at the age of seventeen, when the 
fascinations of a ball possess charms that are never experi- 
enced in after years. Going to school is an old, well tried 
experience, going to a ball is a new and delightful one, and it 
is not hard to tell which would engross the entire thought of 
a young girl. 

The one who has remained a student until twenty, and 
enters the dizzy whirl of society when heart and brain are 
2 11 



1 8 OUR SOCIETY. 

somewhat prepared for the ordeal, will, if she be wise, never 
cease to be thankful that she did not enter society at seventeen. 
This is especially true in this country where young girls go 
about so much without chaperons, and are allowed liberties 
which, in the old world, would be considered as flying in the 
face of Providence. We must say for Ameriaan women that, 
as far as their honor is concerned, they will bear favorable 
comparison with those of any nation, and their morals are even 
better than the strictly watched French Madamoiselle. But 
since they are left so much to themselves, they need to be 
doubly armed with wisdom and common sense if they would 
escape those regrets and self-accusations over ill-timed and 
unconsidered remarks, which are the result of artlessness and 
an abundant flow of spirits. 

" O well," some one says, " we all have to learn by experi- 
ence." Very true, but sometimes we do not have to buy so 
much experience at a 'high price if we lay in a little caution to 
start with. 

The Formal Debut. — The mother who desires to make 
known to the social world that her daughter has passed from 
school-life to womanhood, usually invites to her house, in rec- 
ognition of the event, such friends as she may wish to present 
her daughter to, as a future member of their circle. Before 
giving such a party, the mother and elder, unmarried sisters 
call, or leave their own and their father's and brother's cards 
with such people as they wish to invite. 

Invitations. — The invitation is sent out about ten days in 
advance, and if sent by mail, an extra envelope covers the one 
to be kept neat and presentable. Where there are several 
young ladies in a family, they are addressed as " the Misses 
-." Each young gentleman receives a separate invita- 
tion. 



ENTERING SOCIETY. 



19 



The form is nearly always the same as that for a party, but 
when the special purpose of the entertainment is indicated, 
something like the following is used: 

Mr. and Mrs- W. H. Burwell, 

request the pleasure of 

presenting their eldest {or second, etc.,) daughter, 

Miss Augusta Gertrude, 

to 

Mr. and Mrs. W. B. Harley, 

on Thursday evening, May 8th, at half past eight o'clock. 

Dancing at eleven. No. 11 Burton Street. 

A method more in favor is to enclose the card of the lady 
with the invitation from her parents. Such invitations should 
be immediately answered, either accepting or declining. 

Other Formalities. — Intimate friends may, if they wish, 
send flowers to a young lady on the day of her debut, but it 
is not expected that they will do so. 

During the reception of guests, the debutante stands at the 
left of her mother. Young gentlemen are introduced to her, 
but she is presented to her elders, and to ladies. As at any 
party or reception, guests do not linger for any lengthy 
remarks, but give place, as soon as possible, to others who are 
waiting to pay their respects. 

When supper is announced, a brother escorts the young 
lady to the table, the father leading the way with the oldest or 
most distinguished lady present, and the mother coming last 
with the gentleman to be most honored. If there be no 
brother, the father takes in the young lady. 

The gentleman who dances first with the debutante is usu- 



20 OUR SOCIETY, 

ally selected by the mother from among her relatives or 
nearest friends. 

No gentleman asks to dance twice with the young lady, 
though he may express his regret that the number who wish 
for that honor debars him from again soliciting the pleasure. 

The young lady is generally present when her mother 
receives the visits which follow the party. 

During the first season she does not pay formal calls alone, 
nor does she have a card of her own, her name being engraved 
beneath that of her mother. 

She does not receive gentlemen visitors, without a chaperon, 
until her second season. 

The Sorts Entrance. — In this country no formality is 
observed on the entrance of the son into society. In England, 
if he belong to the upper class, the celebration of his twenty- 
first birth-day usually marks the time from which he is hence- 
forth to be considered a man. But, as a general thing, he 
takes furtive peeps, of short duration, at the dizzy whirl from 
the vantage ground of school or college boyhood, and decides 
for himself how soon he shall care to enter the arena. If he 
have sisters, he begins earlier than otherwise. 

Some Words to the Debutante. — In the first place, we are 
quite sure that you mean rightly. We are also sure that 
much will be forgiven you, but to be continually forgiving the 
most charming woman, is exceedingly wearing, unless a man 
be madly in love with her. 

It is natural for young people, running over with fresh 
young life and spirits, who are blessed with the power of 
pleasing, to imagine that the world was created for their 
especial benefit; but after a time it is apt to be forced upon 
them that other people seem to think that they have a right 
to come in for a certain share of consideration; and, though the 



ENTERING SOCIETY. 21 

very young man and woman have no desire or intention of 
slighting any one or stepping on anybody's toes, and " wish to 
goodness," people would just take them as they mean, people 
will not go on taking them as they mean. Outside of their own 
family circle, society has no opportunity of judging them 
except by their behavior. And though there are many 
charitable ones who are always wishing to give us the benefit 
of the doubt — Heaven bless them! — there are a very large 
number who have neither cultivated nor been born with that 
sort of a disposition. 

Now, in the first place, — and we are speaking to young 
men as well as maidens — while we know you have all respect 
for the elderly, and must inwardly bow before those whose 
years and long experience, you see at a glance, have given 
them the wisdom which can only be acquired by time, do not 
neglect the outward manifestation of that respect which you 
have for them. 

We do not mean by this simply the giving up of a seat to, 
or waiting upon the aged, but we mean the respectful 
attention in conversation, and the attempt to be entertaining 
and agreeable, which many young people of the present day 
seem to think only worth while when addressing some one of 
their own age, or of the opposite sex. This does not apply 
entirely to the treatment of the very aged; there are many 
middle-aged people who are well worth talking to, strange as 
the assertion may sound to certain young people. 

It ought not to be necessary to write these words. It ought 
to be understood that for the elderly or middle-aged to give 
time or attention to those who, by reason of less education, 
character, and experience can scarcely interest like an older 
person, is a condescension to be met by the recipient with the 
best he can give. 

But in some localities — we must say, not noted for their 



22 OUR SOCIETY. 

culture or refinement — we have actually seen the fathers, 
mothers and older relatives snubbed and slighted to such a 
degree, that when some young man or maiden acknowledged 
their existence in a polite and decent manner, they accepted 
the fact as a phenomenal case of condescension. 

It is natural that ordinary young people should prefer the 
society of those of their own age. Their pursuits, amuse- 
ments and interests are apt to be on the same plane. 

" When we go to a party," say they, " we go for dancing 
and nonsense. We can not be expected to talk up to the 
grade of the elderly and wise. So we like those who feel the 
same way that we do, and are ready to take us as we are." 
Very true, and very natural, and the " elderly and wise," who 
expect you to be up to their " grade," would be exceedingly 
unreasonable. They would not dream of engaging you in an 
ethical argument or a philosophical discussion, but they do 
expect that you will notice their presence and pass a few 
words with them. If you are in such haste to dance and talk 
with every young lady present, or, being a young lady, to 
attract the notice of every young gentleman present, that you 
forget common politeness to the mammas, papas and aunts, 
then society becomes too much of an intoxication for you to 
safely enjoy it, and you would better call upon a waiter or cha- 
peron to watch and remind you of the duties which you for- 
get. 

There are many places beside parties where the opportu- 
nity for conversation with elders should not only be embraced 
with pleasure, but should be sought for, by those who desire 
to be something other than frivolous or drearily common- 
place young men and women. You cannot afford to slight 
one of the important factors of a liberal education. If one 
does not occasionally mingle with both old and young, he 
misses certain elements of a rounded culture, and a know- 



ENTERING SOCIETY. 23 

ledge of mankind, both of which are necessary to success in 
the world. 

A cknotvledging Courtesies. — We wish we might impress 
upon all young people the importance of acknowledging favors 
conferred upon them by their elders. If a lady gives a tea or 
a lawn party for the express purpose of making the young 
men and maidens happy, the latter should not imagine that all 
obligations on their part end after they have lent the sunshine 
of their presence to the affair. Young ladies who have 
received such hospitalities should not forget to call upon their 
hostess, and young gentlemen should not only call, but occa- 
sionally place themselves at the disposal of the lady, as escort, 
supposing she may be in need of such a convenience. If the 
lady be cultured and morally fine, the youth or young man 
upon whom she is gracious enough to spend any time, may 
consider himself especially fortunate, for he will derive from 
her society that which will benefit him more than a two years 
experience with the thoughtless of his own age. 

Nearly all the famous men of letters have owed much of 
their culture and knowledge of the world to a friendship with 
some educated woman older than themselves. 

A certain old English lady who gave some of the most ele- 
gant balls of the London " season," to which she invited scores 
of young people, because she was fond of them, and of seeing 
them enjoy themselves, finally announced quietly, but in bit- 
terness of spirit, that she had given her last ball. The young 
ladies and gentlemen who gladly flocked to her handsome 
drawing-rooms on festal occasions, never thought of calling 
upon her afterwards and she declined to be any longer a 
convenience to them. 

The "Horrid Man " Speaks. — A correspondent of the New 
Orleans Times-Democrat says a few words which we sincerely 



24 OUR SOCIETY. 

recommend to the consideration of all young ladies in their 
first season. If he writes the least particle bitterly, it is no 
doubt from the weariness of recent martyrdom, and we must 
forgive him for the sake of the good he is likely to do in thus 
putting the case plainly to those who have not the remotest 
intention of being cruel, but are only unconscious of the burden 
they impose. He says: 

"Any good-natured and polite man is willing to devote ten 
minutes to each debutante; he is glad to dance with her, to 
walk a few minutes about the room with her, and contribute 
his share toward making her first season a success. But the 
average debutante has not graduated in tact and discernment. 
She loves dancing, and never wearies of revolving about the 
room with a real society man, instead of a school-girl partner. 
She keeps on and on until the poor partner, who has been at 
work all day, is nearly ready to drop. At last she stops, not 
from any consideration of her partner, but because the music 
ceases. Then begins a promenade. Again and again they 
make the tour of the room; again and again they pass the 
brother, who is supposed to be chaperoning her, or the mother, 
whose business it is to see that the daughter does not become 
an incubus, a ' deadly old man of the sea,' upon the unhappy 
gallant who took her out to dance. The brother pursues his 
own heiress, the maternal guardian makes no sign, and the 
girl has neither grace nor gumption enough to say, 'And now 
take me to my mother.' 

"So the music begins again, and so the weary young man 
totters off to the same treadmill measure, the same dreary 
promenade. By this time Rosafresca begins herself to be 
uncomfortable. She realizes a little that her cavalier may 
have in the room friends that he would like to see; she dimly 
comprehends that there are probably girls present who have 
entertained him at dinner and otherwise. She looks appeal- 



ENTERING SOCIETY. 2$ 

ingly at the few men she knows, but they have observed the 
situation and have no intention whatever of being " stuck " — 
in the elegant phraseology used to describe the predicament — 
for the rest of the evening. 

" Naivette and the pretty little current phrases have long 
since ceased to be amusing, and as the unsophisticated creat- 
ure grows restive and inattentive, she loses all charm; but the 
martyrdom continues until the desperate cavalier invents an 
engagement, or exchanges with another unfortunate whom 
they meet in the endless promenade, or boldly inquires if she 
would like to sit down. Then, and not till then, is the chap- 
eron sought." 

To the gentleman in such a dilemma as the foregoing, an 
easy way out would be to take the young lady to her chap- 
eron, whether she suggests it or not. This course is nothing 
more nor less than etiquette at any time. 

Lovingly Addressed to the Girls. — Dear girls, we want to 
let you into a little secret — we know you wouldn't be a year 
or two behind the style for anything. — It is this : pertness, 
silliness and kittenish do-nothingness are actually, after receiv- 
ing such wide popularity, going out. They are even now 
quite passe in the best circles, and it is thought, in a short 
time, they will only be seen among the lower and more igno- 
rant classes. Good sense, thoughtfulness, and an aim in life, 
are becoming so fashionable that very soon to be without them 
will be decidedly behind the mode. 

We saw recently, at a summer resort, several girls who 
were bound to be up with the times. They were nearly all 
pretty, handsomely dressed and attractive. They didn't 
talk four-fifths of the time about clothes, and, " isn't he 
just too lovely?" and, "I'm just dying for a box of car- 
amels," and, " wasn't the floor just heavenly last night ! " and, 



26 OUR SOCIETY. 

" its no use talking, I can't go on this way, I didn't sit through 
one dance, you know." And they didn't look insufferably 
bored, like amateur Cleopatras, or condescendingly com- 
manding, like embryo de Medicis, these girls of whom 1 
speak; but they talked brightly and sensibly, with quite a 
sprinkling of original ideas, and without giggling much. They 
were on hand for tramps and excursions, but they didn't 
consider it " fussy " to take their rubbers or, if they were to 
go on the water, to provide themselves with wraps. They 
danced about half the time, and were not averse to con- 
versation between the numbers. They had a certain self- 
reliant air that, while it was not so manifest as to repel the 
little helpful gallantries of the gentleman, still impressed the 
the latter with the idea that they were extending these cour- 
tesies to women, and not to kittens or canary birds. 

They dressed in good taste, were decidedly in good com- 
pany, could set the table for a clam-bake, or wash the dishes 
afterward, and nearly all, when at home, earned their own liv- 
ing, or helped to manage the work of the household. Those 
who were not helpful in some way, had an aim in life and 
were training themselves to be helpful, either in the useful or 
fine arts. 

Another important point is that all the gentlemen for whose 
opinion any cultured, sensible girl cares, seem to be decidedly 
favorable to the new fashion, and it is to be hoped that those 
who have not hitherto been partial to it, will be influenced 
by the gentler sex to adopt certain modifications of the 
mode, which will, without doubt, add to their attractions and 
power in a large degree. 

Society and the world are what the women make them. 
Dear girls, can we drift idly on in the face of such responsibil- 
ity? Can we rail at the falseness, the foolishness, the frivolity 
and wickedness of the times, if by our own shallow, inactive, 



ENTERING SOCIETY 



2 7 



unthinking lives, we have helped to bring about these things? 
Protest as you will, the weak, characterless woman is more 
often the mother of a vicious son than of one who only 
repeats her vapidness in harmless ways. 

None of us can afford to be a clog upon the wheels of pro- 
gress. The world is going forward, let us go with it; 
every day we are given more chances to help it along. 
If our services are beginning tp achieve the proud dignity of 
being recognized, let us make them more perfect, and fit for 
the great work in which they have been found worthy to take 
a part. 

"What," says Emerson, "is civilization? I answer, the 
power of good women." 




IN PUBLIC PLACES. 




INCE in all public places we are 
more or less subjected to criticism 
from strangers, it is important that 
at such times we should be espe- 
cially mindful of our behavior. 
Some people in their conduct in- 
stinctively consider the fitness of 
Hff things; others by their good- 
natured confidence in the forbearance of all humanity, expect 
always to be excused as they pardon others; and a consider- 
able number are so selfish, or desirous of attracting attention at 
any cost, that they trample on all the proprieties with the 
utmost abandon. 

While the following suggestions may in no way add to the 
stock of information possessed by many, they may serve to 
freshen in the memory certain things which are sometimes 
allowed to be forgotten. 

In Church, — If possible, be in your seat before the service 
begins. 

If you are a stranger, wait in the vestibule until some one 
comes to show you to a seat. 

A gentleman accompanying a lady may walk up the aisle 

by her side, or slightly preceding her, allowing her to enter 

the pew first. 

28 



IN P UBLIC PLA CES. 29 

When a lady comes to a pew in which gentlemen are 
already seated, they generally arise and step into the aisle to 
allow her to enter. This is not obligatory, especially when 
the service has begun, as in this case the late comer would 
much rather slip in quietly, than create the extra disturbance 
of two or three gentlemen leaving their seats to admit her. 

Respect for the time, the place, and other worshippers, should 
be incentive enough to preserve the utmost silence and gravity 
of behavior. Whispering, laughing or staring is not only ill- 
bred, but irreverent. INoises of the feet, hands, mouth or 
throat should be carefully avoided. Some people nervously 
tap a book with their ringers, or the woodwork with their feet. 
If they are so absent-minded or fidgety as to thus annoy other 
people, they ought to forego even the consolation of divine 
worship in public until they have cured themselves of these 
habits. Neither has any one a right to bring small children, 
whose pranks or uneasiness will take attention from the ser- 
mon. Besides being an annoyance to others, it is a cruelty to 
the innocents. 

A lady who finds it necessary to use a fan, should not 
sway it at arm's length, but should try and confine the benefit 
of it to herself. Sometimes, delicate people, or those who do 
not look frail, but are very susceptible to colds, are much 
annoyed by draughts of this sort striking the ear or the back 
of the neck. A fan can be used so as not to spread dismay 
for several feet around. If it can not, the owner, if unable to 
do without it, would better leave the place than stay to annoy 
others. The noisy fan which clatters, or shuts with a rasping 
sound, is also a nuisance which should be abated. 

A person should not leave church during the service except 
in cases of emergency. 

It is polite to see that visitors are provided with books. If 
the service is strange to them, or they have not understood the 



30 OUR SOCIETY. 

page, the place should be found for them. If there is but one 
book, it is proper to offer to share it with a stranger. 

If very late, one should take a pew as near as possible to 
the door. 

Books or fans passed in church are accepted or refused with 
a silent motion of the head. 

When visiting a church of a different belief from your own, 
conform as far as possible to the" observances, such as rising or 
sitting. No matter how grotesque some of the forms may 
seem, you should not allow a smjic or contemptuous look to 
indicate your impressions to the worshippers. That which is 
precious or uplifting to any human soul is worthy of your 
respect. 

A Protestant gentleman accompanying a Roman Catholic 
lady to her own church may offer to her the holy water with 
his ungloved right hand; this, however, is not obligatory. 

When sight-seeing, or visiting a church for the mere purpose 
of viewing its interior or works of art, one should, if possible, 
choose a time when no services are being held. If, in such a 
case, scattered worshippers are found at their devotions, the 
visitor should move quietly about and speak in whispers. 
The conduct of some English and American travelers in 
cathedrals abroad has been sufficiently outrageous to justify 
the custodians of such places in closing their doors against all 
tourists if they choose to do so. 

In the Studio. — Do not handle anything in an artist's studio. 
If you take up a bit of drapery, you may disarrange folds 
that he has spent hours in adjusting for a study. The canvas 
which you handle may not be dry, and some serious accident 
may be the result. The canvas turned to the wall may be in 
that position for some certain reason, and you have no more 



IN P UBLIC PL A CES. 3 1 

right to turn it around, than you have to examine the private 
notes of an author, or the diary of a physician. 

Never take a small child into a studio. If it does not do 
any mischief, it will keep the artist in a constant fever of 
apprehension. A dog should be left at home also. 

A visitor should not stand long watching an artist at work. 
Some people of nervous temperament are unable to paint at 
all under such circumstances. 

Do not make a long visit, especially if you find the artist at 
work. Some things can only be painted in a certain light, 
and he must make use of every minute. The time which he 
sets apart to devote to his palette and canvas is golden to 
him, and unless he assures you positively that you are not 
interrupting him, either make a very short call, or ascertain 
at what time he usually stops work, and visit him then. 

Do not ask his prices unless you intend to become a pur- 
chaser. If the amount named is higher than you wish to pay, 
you may state what you can give, when it is optional for the 
artist to accept or refuse. Some people prefer to get the 
artist's price through a third person, and trust the entire trans- 
action to the latter, as being a more delicate method ; but the 
artist certainly paints his pictures to sell, and there can be no 
objection to the first proceeding, if politely conducted by the 
purchaser. 

If you have not been invited by the artist, do not visit his 
studio, except on business. 

Extravagant admiration or severe criticism is in bad taste, 
and to endeavor to talk much about any picture in a learned 
way, when you are not learned, is only to subject yourself to 
the ridicule of the artist and all who may chance to hear. If 
the statue or painting pleases you, the sculptor or painter will 



X2 OUR SOCIETY, 

be glad to hear it in a few well chosen words, for no one is 
entirely insensible to the appreciation of others. 

In the A rt Gallery. — All that has been said of conduct in 
the studio will apply equally well in the public exhibition 
room or gallery, with perhaps a few additional hints. Do not 
talk or laugh loudly, or in any way draw attention to your- 
self. If you know a great deal about pictures it is the wiser 
course not to make such a display of it as to draw the atten- 
tion of strangers to the fact. Instead of thanking you for the 
information, they will be more likely to accuse you of egotism, 
and the desire to impress them. A friend or two may be glad 
to hear what you have to say, and your remarks should be in 
low tones, and addressed only to them. 

The following from Punch will describe how a certain class 
of people make themselves ridiculous: 

" Male dilettant, No. i (making a telescope of his hand). — 
What I like so much is that — er — er — . 

Ditto, No. 2 (with his nose almost touching the canvas). — 
I know what you mean — that broad — er — . 

Female dilettant, No. i (waving her hand gently from right 
to left). — Precisely. That sort of — er — of — er — of — er — . 

Ditto, No. 2. — Just so. That general sort of — er — of 
— er — . 

Ditto, No. 3. — Oh, yes! quite too lovely! — that particular 
kind of — er — of — er — ." 

Never ridicule or make caustic remarks about a work, loud 
enough to be heard by those around you. If you do not hap- 
pen to know the artist, he may be very near you, and you will 
not only appear ill-bred, but may wound his feelings in a 
brutal manner. 

Do not pass before a person who is viewing a picture, or if 
you are obliged to do so, apologize. Do not touch the canvas, 
or point with canes or umbrellas. So much damage has been 



IN P UBLIC PLA CES. 33 

done with these articles, that in most public galleries they are 
not now allowed to be taken inside. 

The author of a recent book on art says : "Are we to remove 
our hats in a public gallery? We are not obliged to; and, 
yet, it is better and more polite to do so. We should remove 
them out of respect to the ladies who may be present, and to 
facilitate the view of persons who may be behind us. And, 
again, when we come into the presence of a work that has 
caused a great man months, and even years, of hard labor and 
anxious thought, why should we not uncover?" 

In the Hotel. — In so public a place as a hotel parlor, a lady 
will be careful not to draw the attention of strangers to herself, 
by loud laughing, talking, or any conspicuous conduct. She 
will never sit down to the piano, and put an end to all conver- 
sation, unless she is sure that she is a good enough performer 
to give real pleasure even to the fastidious. For professional 
pianists or singers to give a few exhibitions of their talents 
and skill, is a graceful compliment to those present, and such 
music is always listened to with pleasure; but the mediocre 
player who bangs the instrument in season and out of season, 
however worthy her motives, is apt to draw unfavorable com- 
ment to herself. 

Any sort of boisterous conduct in the corridors, especially 
at night after guests have retired, is ill-bred and selfish in the 
extreme. 

Ladies should beware of asking questions of strange gentle- 
men in hotel parlors. Sometimes that which carries the out- 
ward semblance of a gentleman is something altogether 
different from what it seems. Ring for the clerk or some 
attache of the house, and get the desired information from 
those whose duty it is to give it. 

When a lady is obliged to receive gentlemen callers in the 
3 



34 



OUR SOCIETY. 



reception-room of a hotel, they will rise at her entrance, the 
same as in a private drawing-room, but will shorten their 




IN THE RECEPTION-ROOM. 

visits in so public a place. Of course, neither ladies nor gen- 
tlemen will indulge in loud conversation or boisterous laughter 
in an apartment where the public have free access. 

At Fairs and Festivals.— A gentleman on entering a 
charity fair or festival, will remove his hat, as he is to be in 



IN P UBLIC PLA CES. 3 5 

the presence of ladies. It is not polite to make comments on 
the prices or the articles exposed for sale. Take them at the 
sum asked or leave them alone. 

The lady having a table should not descend to coaxing or 
wheedling people to buy, even for sweet charity's sake. 
Those who can sometimes very illy afford the outlay will 
purchase to avoid the attention which is being drawn to them, 
or the appearance of stinginess in the eyes of others. Neither 
should a lady resort to the still more beggarly scheme of 
retaining the change, when more than the price of the article 
is received. If the purchaser wishes to give, it must not be 
on compulsion, as he has a perfect right to choose the manner 
in which he shall bestow his charity. The well-bred person 
will not be guilty of loud talking or laughing, or conspicuous 
flirting in so public a place. 

At the Opera or Theatre. — By all means try to be in your 
seat before the performance begins. If you come late you 
make a portion of the audience lose some of the entertain- 
ment by having to pass before them, and by the noise and 
confusion necessary in settling yourself. 

Gentlemen having occasion to pass before ladies, should do 
so with their faces toward them, never turning their backs, 
and always apologizing for disturbing them. 

In entering the auditorium the lady and gentleman pass up 
the aisle side by side, unless the passageway is narrow or 
crowded, in which case the latter precedes his companion. In 
coming out, the gentleman always goes first. 

Do not talk, whisper or laugh, while others are quietly 
listening. It is an indignity to both audience and performers, 
and could such an offender be conscious of the bottled up 
wrath which is ready to be poured on his head, he might pos- 
sibly desist. However, it is doubtful if he would. An indi- 



36 OUR SOCIETY. 

vidual who is willing to interfere with the comfort of five hun- 
dred people, is perhaps so callous as to be beyond anything 
but the persuasion of force. The Press has lifted up its voice, 
and Theodore Thomas, a short time since, administered a well- 
timed and stinging rebuke to the wealthy occupants of a box, 
who were by their chatter disturbing both performers and 
audience. In this he was encouraged and supported, not only 
by those present, but by all the " noble army of martyrs," who 
have suffered under such inflictions. 

Other individuals who are positive thorns in the flesh to 
sensitive people, are the ones who eat candy audibly, break 
peanut shells, rattle papers or programmes, put their feet 
against their neighbors' chairs, or contrive to rustle about in 
their seats, just when a low or delicate passage requires the 
utmost silence and attention. 

What is said of the fan in church manners is also quite as 
applicable in the lecture room or theatre. Be careful not to 
make so innocent a thing an instrument of torture to others. 

The gentleman who escorts a lady should by no means 
leave her side between acts or at any other time during the 
performance ; neither should he give up his seat to a lady who 
happens to be without one, as his first duty is to his com- 
panion. In cases where the audience come by invitation, such 
as college commencements, or complimentary performances, 
and no reserved seats are to be obtained, a gentleman may 
give his seat to a lady friend, especially if she be an elderly per- 
son, after first asking permission of the lady who accompanies 
him. 

Applause is perfectly right, and should not be withheld 
from the performer who deserves it. Public speakers, sing- 
ers, musicians and actors have no other means of knowing 
whether they please, and are sure to do all the better for a 
little encouragement. We once heard a performer say: "I'm 



IN P UBLIC PLA CES. 3 7 

sure I didn't do well at all to-night. It was such a cold house; 
hardly a hand from beginning to end." 

Do not take small children to the opera house. We love 
the dear little people anywhere better than there. But when 
we are carried up to sublime heights by Shakespeare's im- 
mortal words, or float in upper air with tender strains of won- 
drous Chopin, and are suddenly dumped down to earth by the 
innocent prattle or discordant cry of an infant, we don't feel 
just as we ought to toward the infant for about a minute ; and 
the rest of the time our resentment is transferred from the 
innocent to the parent or guardian, who should have known 
better than to have deliberately taken the chances of disturb- 
ing a whole audience. 

Never stand up, and put on an overcoat or wrap, or leave 
before the performance is over, unless in cases of absolute 
necessity. Most people wish to hear the end of a play or 
piece of music just as much as the last page or two of an 
interesting book. If you do not, you have no right to deprive 
others of the privilege. 

Dress at the Opera. — A lady should not appear in full 
dress, except when occupying a box. Heretofore the rule 
has also applied to gentlemen, but as American theatres are 
now built with so few boxes, the fashion seems to be gaining 
ground for gentlemen, on very stylish occasions, to come in 
evening dress. The ladies accompanying them, wear hand- 
some visiting or reception dresses, flowers, and small white or 
delicately tinted opera bonnets. Ladies should never wear 
large hats, or any kind of towering head-gear at a public 
entertainment. They have no right to obstruct the view of 
those behind them, and if they persist in so doing, should not 
feel aggrieved if they are requested to remove the objection- 
able piece of millinery. 



38 OUR SOCIETY. 

A lady ought to consider it her duty to brighten a sombre 
garb with a ribbon or knot of flowers. If natural blossoms 
are not convenient, some of the artificials are pretty enough 
to come very near nature. 

Light shades of gloves may be worn, but white ones are 
not just now admissible. 

Duties of the Escort. — A gentleman, when wishing to ask 
a lady for her company to any place of amusement, should 
send a note of invitation at least a day in advance; and the 
lady should answer at once, either accepting or declining. 
It is customary for the gentleman to ask permission to call 
the next evening, which should be granted, or if a previous 
engagement interferes, an evening should be named upon 
which he can call. 

If full dress is to be worn, the gentleman calls for the lady 
in a carriage. If in the ordinary street, or visiting costume, 
it is entirely permissible to take advantage of the street cars 
or any public conveyance, or even to walk if the distance be 
short. Of course, in case of a storm, the gentleman should 
provide a close carriage. Ladies who are understood as 
expecting the luxury of a carriage on all occasions, will be 
likely to find their invitations to the public amusements 
steadily on the decline, unless, indeed, they possess an unusual 
number of wealthy admirers. 

Many gentlemen who would enjoy the company of their 
lady friends at such places, are obliged to forego the pleasure, 
when to the price of a ticket is added the florist and livery- 
man's bill; therefore, ladies who make the carriage fashionable, 
must also expect to make staying at home fashionable among 
those who rely on their gentleman friends for escorts. 



IN P UBLIC PL A CES. 39 

In Street Car and Omnibus — In any public vehicle, try to 
take up as little room as possible. If you are a lady, do not 
spread out your draperies, and at the same time allow some 
one to stand. Do not pile up the seat or floor with parcels or 
extend your umbrella or parasol at an angle to trip up unwary 
passengers. If you are a gentleman, do not stretch your feet 
across the aisle, or expectorate. There is no necessity for the 
latter disgusting performance unless you are an invalid or an 
inveterate tobacco chewer. For one there may be pity, for 
the other there is only loathing. 

Do not get into heated discussions, and, above all things, do 
not use profane language. 

Swearing. — The great revivalist, the Rev. Sam. Jones, in 
his sermon to men at the exposition building in Cincinnati, 
January 22, said: " Swearing in its fearful influence permeates 
your system, and when the cancer breaks out on your tongue 
it is in your system from head to foot, and, if you stop it there, 
it will break out on your hand, and you will go and steal 
something. I often think of the grandmother of little Willie. 
She sat in a car behind two men who were spitting out their 
vile oaths. The old lady pressed the ends of her thumbs into 
little Willie's ears until he would stand it no longer. She 
then ran around in front of the men, placing herself between 
them and Willie, and pleaded, 'Oh! gentlemen, please quit; 
my little grandson won't let me hold my thumbs in his ears 
any longer, and I would not have him hear those oaths for all 
the world." 

It is the height of ill-manners and bad raising to sit among 
strangers and pour out profanity into their ears. I tell you, 
men, if you swear, you lack just that much of being a gentle- 



40 OUR SOCIETY, 

man. Boys let us assert our manhood and our sense to the 
God that made us, and let us say: ' I have sworn my last oath.' " 

Where may We Keep on Hats? — At garden parties, and at 
all assemblies held in the open air, or in corridors where there 
are strong draughts, gentlemen may wear their hats. In the 
latter instance, when in the presence of ladies, gentlemen will 
offer some explanation, and ask permission to retain their hats, 
but ladies will sometimes request the latter to resume their 
hats where there is danger of catching cold, as at the door of 
a carriage or the foyer of an opera house on a cold evening. 

Where can We Smoke ? — In any place where we are not 
inconveniencing others, injuring dainty surroundings, or pro- 
faning sacred ground; most assuredly not on the crowded 
deck of a ferry, steamer, hotel piazza, or in any place where 
ladies may resort. Some people are very disagreeably af- 
fected by tobacco smoke, and no well-bred man will for a 
mere selfish gratification destroy the comfort of others. 

The Fatal Banana Peel. — Do not eat fruit on the public 
promenade, especially if you are so careless as to throw the 
peel on the sidewalk. One would scarcely like to consider 
himself responsible for broken bones or a lameness for life, yet 
he is liable to be so every time he throws a bit of fruit skin 
where people walk. 

True Politeness. — The truly polite person will answer 
kindly all proper questions addressed to him in a respectful 
manner, wherever he may be. People asking for information 
take for granted that you are a gentleman, and as they pay you 
this compliment, you should not lead them to believe otherwise. 

Some men seem to think they have a perfect right to 
kick a newsboy if he asks them to buy a paper, or growl at a 



IN PUBLIC PLACES. 



41 



little fruit vender for presuming to present her wares. The 
true gentleman finds it just as easy to speak politely, and a 
great deal more conducive to self-respect. The man who 
swears at a bootblack, instead of making himself one inch 

taller by the performance, only 
belittles himself in the estima- 
tion of all whose opinion is 
worth considering. 




THE TRUE GENTLEMAN. 



To go through this life with good manners possessed, 
Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor, and oppressed, 
For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal 
The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel. 



INT ROD UCTIONS. 



OU or I have a perfect right to 
choose our acquaintances, there- 
fore we should remember that others 
wish to enjoy the same privilege, and 
should, in introducing people, rather 
err on the side of being too careful, 
than not careful enough. Many very agreeable ac- 
quaintances have been made without the formality of 
an introduction, and, under some circumstances, an 
cquaintance begun in this way is not an improper one. A 
iormal introduction may be called a gateway to the beginning 
of a long and agreeable friendship, while the "picked up" 
acquaintance may be justly styled a "short cut " to a friend- 
ship, equally pleasant. 

Social Endorsement, — It should be borne in mind that 
in introducing a person, we in some degree assume the re- 
sponsibility of a social endorsement of the one presented, 
and may involve ourselves in the unpleasantness of afterwards 
finding that one of the two, not desiring the acquaintance, 
has seen fit to " cut '■' the other, thereby bringing upon our- 
selves the displeasure of both parties. It is always best, when 
practicable, to settle the point beforehand, by enquiring if the 
introduction will be mutually agreeable. When this pre- 
caution is impossible, a reasonable amount of good judgment 
and common sense will usually enable the introducer to dis- 
criminate in assuming the responsibility of the introduction. 

42 



INTRODUCTIONS. 43 

Under Tour Friend } s Roof. — It is generally understood in 
the best society that any one we may meet at the house of a 
friend, whether it be at a dinner, evening party, or simply 
making a social call, is entitled to our respectful consideration, 
The fact that our friend receives the person under his or her 
roof ought to be sufficient guaranty of the respectability of 
the individual. Under such circumstances we may always 
address our fellow guests without the formality of an introduc- 
tion. Indeed, such introductions are considered in many of 
the highest circles, especially in England, as quite unnecessary. 

Usage. — In America, however, where society is cosmopoli- 
tan, and often made up of many different elements, and where 
it seldom happens that people who are brought together are 
all versed in the same social code, it has been found more con- 
ducive to the ease of all concerned for the hostess to introduce 
her callers or party guests to each other. Many ladies who 
are leaders in society, and who are recognized as authority in 
these matters, always insist on going through this formality — 
books of etiquette to the contrary. 

If, however, this ceremony is omitted, a well-bred person 
will always respond to the polite advances of his fellow guest, 
or, if need be, make such advances himself. Any other 
course is a pronounced discourtesy to one's host or hostess. 

A Deaf and Dumb Guest. — Mrs. Sherwood relates the fol- 
lowing anecdote, which will illustrate a case in point: 

" ' Pray can you tell me who the pianist is?' said a leader of 
society to a young girl near her, at a private concert. The 
young lady looked distressed, blushed and did not answer. 
Having seen a deaf-mute in the room whom she knew, the 
speaker concluded that this young lady belonged to that class 
of persons, and was very much surprised when, later, the hostess 
brought up this silent personage and introduced her. 



44 OUR SOCIETY. 

1 I could not speak to you before, because I had not been 
introduced, — but the pianist is Mr. Mills,' remarked this punc 
tilious person. 

' I, however, could speak to you, although we had not been 
formally presented. The roof was a sufficient guaranty of 
your respectability, and I thought from your not answering 
that you were deaf and dumb,' said the lady." 

The narrator adds: " The rebuke was deserved. Common 
sense must interpret etiquette ; ' nice customs courtesy to 
great kings. 7 Society depends upon its social soothsayers for 
all that is good in it. A disagreeable woman can always find 
reasons enough for being formal and chilling; a fine-tempered 
woman can always find reasons enough for being agreeable. 
A woman would rather be a benediction than a curse, one 
would think." 

The Acquaintance Not Necessarily Continued. — We may 
sometimes have special reasons for not wishing to continue an 
acquaintance begun under the roof of a friend. When this is 
the case, we are under no obligation to bow to the person thus 
met, and the fact of having been introduced makes no differ- 
ence, as we should in either case have spoken politely to the 
person while in our friend's home. Even our greatest enemy, 
if he be guest of our friend, should be thus treated, if we do not 
recognize him ten minutes afterwards, when once outside the 
door. We have no right to bring any disturbing element into 
the social atmosphere of our friend's home. 

Persons who have been introduced at a public place are not 
obliged to recognize each other afterwards. Nevertheless a 
mere formal bow of recognition encourages no further famili- 
arity, and, unless some very good reason for its omission 
exists, is never neglected by well-bred people. When there is 
such a reason, a lady or gentleman will rather avoid than 
openly u cut " an undesirable acquaintance. 



INTRODUCTIONS. 45 

The Benefit of the Doubt. — Sometimes a lady who is a 
great deal in society may not remember the faces of all whom 
she casually meets, and for this reason may fail to recognize 
some persons on the street. No one more keenly regrets the 
occurrence than the unfortunate possessor of a bad memory, 
who is thereby led into the omission of a civility which it was 
not her intention to neglect. Those engaged in mental occu- 
pations, notably literary people, are most prone to this social 
forgetfulness, and charitable people will always give them the 
benefit of the doubt, rather than attribute to the omission a 
desire to " cut." 

The Cut Direct. — One should have exceedingly good 
reasons for inflicting the " cut " direct, unless the person 
slighted is decidedly objectionable in character or manners, or 
is so ill-bred as to presume on the slightest civility. A bow 
of recognition costs very little, and a lady or gentleman with 
true Christian kindliness will always respond to this courtesy; 
nor will he or she, whose social standing is established, feel that 
it is possible to be compromised by the mere return of a polite 
recognition. The incident related of George Washington, 
who would not allow himself to be outdone in politeness by 
his colored servants, is not true alone of this high-bred gentle- 
man and illustrious American, but finds a parallel in many 
men of these later, so-called, degenerate days, notably in the 
case of a resident of Cleveland, Ohio, who, living in princely 
style on Euclid avenue, and having much on his mind, as most 
modern Americans have, still, never forgets the polite saluta- 
tion to his servants, whether in the house or upon the street. 
If in the latter place, he never neglects to raise his hat. It is 
the comment of his friends and neighbors that this man has 
the best trained and most polite servants anywhere to be found. 
The reason may perhaps be traced to the example set before 



46 OUR SOCIETY. 

them by this modern Chesterfield, for, as Pope says: "All 
manners take a tincture from our own." 
Of such a man it may be well said: 

" The gen'ral voice 
Sounds him, for courtesy, behaviour, language, 
And every fair demeanour, an example : 
Titles of honour add not to his worth, 
Who is himself an honour to his title." 

Because the person slighted happens to stand upon a some- 
what lower social plane; and the other wishes to establish a 
reputation for exclusiveness, is no excuse whatever for a 
deliberate "cut." A true heart and a broad, generous, Chris- 
tian character are above anything savoring of intentional 
snubbing. 

If, however, a lady desires exclusiveness, for some good 
reason, perhaps from diffidence, an over sensitive nature, one 
that does not readily adapt itself to different dispositions, or, 
as it often happens, from a lack of time to cultivate new 
acquaintances, her friends should remember this in introducing 
others to her, and should respect her privacy by not thrusting 
people upon her. But where this manner is affected for the 
mere name of being exclusive, it is nothing more or less than 
snobbishness of the worst sort. It is direct evidence of a very 
slippery social footing. Gurowski, in his book on America, 
declares that snobbishness is a peculiarity of the fashionable 
set in America, because they do not know where they stand. 
This gentleman doubtless did not mean to confine his remarks 
strictly to America. The -parvenu is to be found in every 
country under the sun, and the -parvenu is always a snob. 
Thackeray says : " Snobs are known and recognized through- 
out an Empire, on which, I am given to understand, the sun 
never sets." And again: "An immense percentage of snobs, 



INTRODUCTIONS. 47 

I believe, is to be found in every rank of this mortal life. 
First the world was made: then, as a matter of 
course, snobs." 

A Stony Stare. — The " cut " direct is understood to be a pro- 
longed stare without recognition, and, if justifiable at all, can 
only be so when the extremely rude or presuming manners of 
the person " cut " necessitates extreme measures, or, as the 
surgeons say, " heroic treatment," and a stinging rebuff is 
imperative. Some people will not take a hint. When this is 
the case the other alternative is in order. The necessity for 
such measures, however, may not occur more than once in a 
life-time, for a persistent avoidance will generally accomplish 
the same object, and is always the better course of the two. 

Which Shall Bow First. — -It has been customary until 
within a few years for a lady to always recognize a gentleman 
first, but it is now generally conceded that the one who first 
sees the other may immediately bow, whether it be the gentle- 
man or the lady. This seems a sensible view to take of the 
matter. The only exception to be made would be in the case 
of a bow after the first meeting. In such an instance the gen- 
tleman would always prefer to wait to be recognized, as it is 
the lady's privilege to determine whether or not the acquain- 
tance shall continue. 

Stop-ping to Talk in the Street. — If, while walking with a 
friend, you meet another and wish to stop a few minutes to 
converse, it is not necessary to introduce the two, if they are 
strangers to each other; but when you part, the friend accom- 
panying you bows to the one leaving. 

Introduce Yourself. — If, when you enter a drawing-room, 
you find that you are not recognized, introduce yourself 
immediately. It sometimes happens that members of the 



48 OUR SOCIETY. 

family you have not met may be the only ones present; in 
which case you should make yourself known to them, in the 
absence of those who can introduce you. 

Shaking Hands. — A young lady, when introduced to a gen- 
tleman, bows but does not extend her hand. A married lady 
may use her own judgment in the matter. If the person intro- 
duced is a friend of some member of the family, or is pre- 
sented by a friend, and she wishes to give the stranger a cor- 
dial welcome, a lady should undoubtedly extend her hand as 
evidence of her pleasure at the meeting. 

A stiff, cold manner, upon being introduced, is much to be 
avoided, as a stranger will sometimes become so prejudiced 
against the possessor of such an exterior that no amount of 
thaw, or after glow, will ever efface the disagreeable impression 
first formed. Why encase yourself in an armor of ice that 
chills the atmosphere for several feet around you! Your 
friend or acquaintance, in introducing a lady or gentleman, has 
not meant to affront, but rather to compliment you. If you 
are so suspicious as to imagine that the stranger may be a 
thief or a disreputable character in disguise, you would better 
mingle no more in society, but go into a cave, or enter a con- 
vent at once. If, however, you mean to live with your fellow- 
creatures here below, always think the best you possibly can 
of them, until you are convinced and obliged to believe the 
contrary. Erasmus, in a letter to the pope, has beautifully 
said, in speaking of judging one's neighbor: " Let him put on 
Christian charity, which is severe enough when severity is 
needed. " 

A kindly heart will feel that we are members of one great 
family, and that friendliness, not antagonism, should always 
be the first impulse. Among the beautiful teachings of the 
Master, this fact was most strongly emphasized, especially 
when He answered the question: "Who is my neighbor?" 



INTRODUCTIONS. 49 

Should you discover that you have been imposed upon — 
for wolves do sometimes masquerade in sheep's clothing — 
you will have nothing to regret, if you have shown yourself a 
gentleman or a lady. You will certainly have much to regret, 
if your chilling demeanor has driven away one who might 
have been a valued friend. 

And who can estimate his influence? Emerson has said 
every man is an oracle to somebody, and again: " Who shall 
set a limit to the influence of a human being?" In a two 
minutes' talk you may be able to turn the current of a life. 
Suppose the person to be incongenial and not to your liking, 
is it not worth the sacrifice to have perhaps sown a good seed 
where one had never fallen before? 

Too Effusive. — On the other hand, effusiveness is not only 
in bad taste, but immediately leads the recipient to suspect its 
genuineness. " Those are generally good at flattering, who 
are good for nothing else," says South. 

An overwhelming or patronizing manner is disgusting to 
any one except a toady, or one so unsophisticated that he 
doesn't know when he is patronized. 

Upon receiving an introduction, good manners consist in 
striking the happy medium between these extremes. If one 
can be gracious without being gushing, kind without being 
patronizing, and dignified without being chilling, he has indeed 
found the juste milieu (the golden mean); and, says Lord 
Chesterfield: U A man's good-breeding is the best security 
against other people's ill manners." 

Introducing a Gentleman to a Lady. — It is always best to 
obtain the consent of a lady before introducing to her a gentle- 
man, and no one should be introduced into the house of a 
friend, unless permission has first been granted. 

If a person asks you to introduce him tc another, and, above 



5o 



OUR SOCIETY. 



all, if the former be a gentleman and the latter a lady, you 
should ascertain if the introduction will be agreeable, and if 
you find that it is not, you should decline on the ground that 
you are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty. 

The Form of Introduction. — The gentleman is presented to 
the lady with some such words as these : " Mrs. B, allow me 
to introduce Mr. A;" or, " Mrs. B, Mr. A wishes to be pre- 
sented to you." After both have bowed, Mr. A should 
acknowledge the honor in any polite remark which his good- 
breeding or gallantry may suggest. 




Between Ladies. — In introducing two ladies, the younger 
should be presented to the elder, the inferior in social position 
to the superior. 

In America, a lady's social rank is not altogether gauged by 
her husband's. Sometimes a Mrs. X, whose husband is in no 



IN TROD UCTIONS. tj 1 

way distinguished, or a Mrs. Y, who is a widow, or a Miss Z, 
who has never been married, may, by virtue of her elegant 
manners or exceptional gifts and attainments, reign a society 
queen over the wife of Senator M or General Q. That society 
may be justly called the most elegant and cultured, which 
ranks its members according to their minds, souls, and social 
graces, rather than the accident of wealth or birth. 

The Chaperon. — It is quite proper in a ballroom for a 
chaperon to ask young men if they will be introduced to her 
charge, and also if they wish to dance with her, as the young 
lady after the introduction naturally expects such an invita- 
tion, and its omission may appear an intentional slight. Ball- 
room introductions are supposed to indicate a desire on the 
part of the gentleman to show the lady some little attention. 

Good Intentions Respected. — If a lady wishes to introduce 
one gentleman to another, she should not meet with indiffer- 
ence from either one. If a lady has brought together two 
people who are distasteful to each other, she has, either through 
a want of tact or lack of knowledge of the true state of affairs, 
made the mistake ; and while men undoubtedly have a perfect 
right to be exclusive as to their acquaintances, they should 
remember that they possess so many more ways of knowing 
facts that may reflect on a gentleman than women do, that 
the lady's mistake must be laid to a pardonable ignorance, 
rather than anything else ; and a true gentleman would prefer 
to submit to a personal annoyance rather than subject a lady 
to mortification of any sort. 

Introducing Relatives. — A mother always introduces her 
son or daughter, a husband his wife, or a wife her husband, 
without asking permission. In introducing members of your 
family, be sure not only to specify the relationship but to 
mention the name, for, if one of the parties be married, the 



52 OUR SOCIETY. 

name can only be guessed at, as, for instance, if a married 
lady were to say: " This is my brother Harry," or "my sister 
Charlotte." We once knew something of a wag, who, on 
such an occasion, when something like the latter form was 
used, responded: " Happy to meet you, sister.'' 

Bestowing Titles. — Always give a man his appropriate 
title. If you are introducing a clergyman, say " the Rev. Mr. 
Gray; if a doctor of divinity, " the Rev. Dr. Gray. If he is a 
member of Congress, he should be called " Honorable," and 
the branch of Congress to which he belongs, specified. 

In introducing the President, we say " Mr. President," but 
his wife, were she introducing him, would say, " the Presi- 
dent." A lady, in introducing her husband, should always 
give him his proper title. Some ladies do not do this, think- 
ing it savors of ostentation, but there are good and sufficient 
reasons for so doing, else it would not have become usage. 
Mrs. Grant, with her usual modesty, could not bring herself to 
call her distinguished husband anything but simply, Mr. Grant, 
but no one even thought of considering it in her case the 
slightest breach of etiquette. 

Tact of the Introducer. — It will sometimes break the ice 
between two people and start a subject for conversation if the 
introducer will add something to the mere form of introduc- 
tion, as, for instance: "This is Mr. Bromley, whose picture 
you have so often seen," or, " Miss Murdoch, whose book, 
1 Summer Saunterings,' you liked so well." If the persons 
are not noted in any way, but have come from some other 
place, the mere fact of mentioning that Miss Burney is 
from St. Paul, or Mr. Erskine from Washington, may imme- 
diately suggest topics of conversation, and bridge over what 
else might have been an awkward silence. Some people are 
blessed with a ready wit and infinite tact, and can always find 



IN TROD C/CTIOATS. 



S3 



something to say upon being introduced, while others, who are 
often very bright and intellectual, go down into the depths of 
misery and humiliation, while casting about for something with 
which to begin the conversation. To such, a little help in this 
way is a positive boon, and to even the ready-witted, an aid 
which never comes amiss. The poet Cowper has well said: 

c * Our sensibilities are so acute, 
The fear of being silent makes us mute." 

Obligatory Introductions. — The friend who is visiting at 
your house must be introduced to all callers, and the latter, if 
courteous, will pay the visitor any little attentions which may 
He in their power. 

Among Gentlemen. — In introducing one gentleman to an- 
other, the younger should be presented to the elder, the inferior 
in social position to the superior. For instance, if you wished 
to introduce your friend who is unknown to the poet Whittier, 
you would say: "Mr. Whittier, permit me to introduce Mr. 
Brown," or, " Senator Brownell, this is .my friend Mr. Gray." 
The person introduced in such instances must wait for the 
elder or superior to extend his hand, and never take the initi- 
ative himself. Hand-shaking, upon being introduced, is quite 
the common usage among gentlemen; but one should not 
immediately feel snubbed if this ceremony is omitted, as some 
men have the peculiarity of never, except on rare occasions, 
extending a hand to strangers. 

A gentleman is always deferential to his elders, and, other 
things being equal, a young gentleman will never omit to 
raise his hat or give up his seat in a street car to a friend 
whose age entitles him to this consideration. In many ways 
the aged man deserves the same deference from the young 
man, that the latter would pay to a lady. Nothing is so true 
an indication of good or bad manners in the young person of 



54 OUR SOCIETY. 

either sex as his or her conduct toward the aged. In these 
days, which might be called the youth's decadence, when, as 
Henry James, jr., declares, " the little boys kick your shins, and 
the little girls offer to slap your face," there is danger of a 
growing laxity in one of the first principles of good manners, 
a proper deference to age. While moderation and good sense 
will teach us to steer aside from the severe code of our grand- 
fathers, when the youth were crushed into perpetual silence 
in the presence of their elders, and boys were flogged for for- 
getting to raise their hats to an unknown man who happened 
to pass, there is still cause for apprehension, not only for the 
manners but the morals of a people who take too violent a 
rebound in the other direction." 

Introductions for Business Purposes. — Suppose a man is 
introduced by another, who says: " This is Mr. Belford, whom 
I think you can rely on to do the carpenter work of which 
you spoke;" you would not in such an instance extend your 
hand, as the man has not presented to you one whom he wishes 
you to consider a friend, but merely a workman whose rela- 
tions to you will be simply of a business character. The car- 
penter may be equal to you in breeding and attainments, and 
under different circumstances, if introduced to you as a 
claimant for your social recognition, should be met with a 
hand-shake and the same consideration you would extend to 
any gentleman. 

Suppose the person is a candidate for the positron of your 
private secretary, confidential clerk, or, perhaps, a possible 
partner, your attitude toward him would be different from that 
of the former case. You are likely to be brought into close 
business relations with him, to exchange certain confidences, 
and, in some degree, to consider him as a personal friend; 
therefore he is entitled to your hand and a certain amount 
of cordiality on your first meeting. 



IN TR OD UC TIONS. 5 J 

Also, if you be Croesus with nothing to recommend you but 
your decent morals and money, and are introduced to a great 
artist whom you wish to commission to paint you a picture, or 
a great writer whom you wish to write you an article, you 
should not only be very quick to extend your hand, but feel 
that the other has a perfect right to extend his first, and honors 
you by so doing. Genius is always entitled to deference ; and 
money, even if it can buy the work of a great man, should 
remember its inferiority in his presence. The Florentine Duke, 
whose wealth set Michael Angelo an unworthy task, has 
reaped the scorn of centuries; while the great emperor, who 
stooped to pick up from the floor the brush which Titian had 
dropped, added to an immortal name one more laurel, which 
the ages love to keep ever green. 

Letters of Introduction. — Much discrimination should be 
used in giving friendly letters of introduction. You should 
only give such a letter to a person with whom you are thor- 
oughly acquainted. You must remember that you make 
yourself, in a way, responsible for the one thus introduced. 
You should also be careful not to take the liberty of address- 
ing such a letter to any but a friend of long standing. You 
have no right to ask another to entertain, or even to extend 
the slightest courtesy to your friend, unless you can confidently 
count on his not only being willing, but glad to do so. You 
should also consider whether the two people thus brought 
together will be congenial to each other, else you may incur 
the displeasure of both. 

Another thing to be considered, is whether the person 
addressed is in a position to be able to spend the time in show- 
ing the bearer the attention which he would wish to give. If 
not so situated, he is at liberty, after meeting the stranger 
kindly, to apologize for his lack of time; but this may be an 
uncomfortable thing for him to do, or he may make some con- 



56 OUR SOCIETY. 

siderable sacrifice to avoid the necessity of so doing. There- 
fore, one should exercise discretion in making such demands 
upon very busy people and those whose pecuniary limitations 
will not allow them to give up their time to the entertainment 
of strangers. If you conclude to introduce a friend to another 
so situated, the circumstances of the latter should be explained 
to the bearer of the letter. 

Business Letters of Introduction. — Where the card or 
letter pertains to business only, the person to whom it is 
addressed is in no way bound to extend any social courtesies 
to the bearer. He is obliged to meet the stranger politely and 
kindly, out of deference to the friend who has introduced him, 
and may go as much further as his inclination leads him, but 
is at liberty to draw the line at the door of his office, shop, or 
studio, if he wishes. 

Delivering a Letter of Inti'oduction. — A letter or card of 
introduction, if relating to business, may be delivered at once 
in person. If of a social nature, it should be enclosed with 
card and address and sent by messenger or post. If the stay 
in the city is to be very short, the bearer of such a letter may 
call and send up the letter with a card. If addressed to a lady, 
a gentleman may always take the latter course, in order to 
ascertain when she will be able to receive him. 

Obligations to the Bearer of a Letter of Introduction. — The 
receipt of a letter or card of introduction should be acknowl- 
edged by a gentleman in person within two or three days at 
the longest. If the recipient be a lady, she should immediately 
write, asking the gentleman to call, and naming the hour at 
which she will receive him. If both be ladies, it is imperative 
that the one to whom the letter is addressed should immedi- 
ately call on the stranger. Where response in person is 
impossible, by reason of sickness or some other cause, an 



IN TROD UCTIONS. 



57 



explanation should be sent. Neglect to notice a letter of intro- 
duction is not only a slight to the stranger, but an insult to the 
friend who introduces him. 

The new acquaintance may be invited to go to some place 
of amusement, to drive, to meet others of an evening, or to 
dine with the family. Here the civilities may cease, unless 
the host or hostess wishes to further extend them. 




a^ 



IN THE STREET. 




PON the public promenade 
one's manners are 
judged by strangers, 
who cannot be expected 
to mingle with their ver- 
dicts the charity or gener- 
ity of a friend, or to regard 
other than scrutinizingly and crit- 
ically, the person who in any way 
attracts their notice. It is therefore of 
the utmost importance that one should look to 
his behavior under such circumstances. 

The True Lady. — The true lady never intentionally 
attracts undue attention to herself by any extreme pecul- 
iarity of dress, manner or gait. She does not wear, on a 
marketing or shopping excursion, a dress suitable only for a 
dinner party ; she does not talk across the street, or to any one 
in an upper window — unless, indeed, it be a very quiet, retired 
spot, and the occasion an unusual one; she affects none of the 
ungraceful, idiotic gaits, such as some unknown authority 
occasionally pronounces "fashionable," and which, when she 
has distorted her walk into a kangaroo hop or a masculine 

58 




4 



:■■■'*-.'/-■'-■ 







\, 



IN THE STREET. 59 

stride, she has suddenly to unlearn by hearing that something 
else has " come in." 

She does not giggle, laugh or speak loudly, nor rush fran- 
tically up to her friends and kiss them at meeting or parting. 
She remembers that the cold, critical world is looking on, and 
that which would be perfectly fitting in her own drawing-room 
or on a sequestered country road, is not proper on the pave- 
ments of a crowded city street. 

Who Bows First? — The old custom was that a lady should 
always bow first, but the later and more sensible one is that 
the one who first recognizes the other shall bow, whether it 
be the lady or the gentleman. The only exception to this is 
when a gentleman meets a lady on the street for the first time 
after being introduced to her. He will, in this instance, wait 
to be recognized. 

Street A cquaintances. — It would be almost superfluous to 
add that a true lady never makes the acquaintance of strangers 
on the street, were it not that some young girls who, at other 
times, convey the impression of being ladies, have been known 
to do such things. It is a pity they could not know how 
much they lose, and how very dearly they pay for their "fun." 
Purity and dignity in a woman is " the immediate jewel " of 
her soul. The young lady who indulges in street flirtations 
should ask herself how she would feel if suddenly introduced 
in her friend's house to a gentleman before whom she had 
lowered herself by an attempt at flirtation in public. It is 
possible he might be the one whose respect she would 
especially value. Can she ever hope to regain it after having 
lost it in such a way? 

In a Crowd. — If a gentleman and lady are walking in any 
public place, where, by reason of the crowd, they are com- 



60 OUR SOCIETY. 

pelled to proceed singly, the gentleman should always precede 
his companion. 

Intrusive Inquiries. — Do not ask a person whom you 
happen to meet, where he is going, what he is doing in that 
part of the city at that time of day, or what he has in the 
parcel which he carries. Inquisitiveness and intrusive curiosity 
are decided marks of ill-breeding. 

Stopping to Talk. — When a gentleman meets a lady on 
the street, it is the privilege of the latter to pause to speak or 
go on as she sees fit. If the gentleman has anything which 
he wishes to say, he should not stop the lady, but turn and 
walk with her until he has finished what he wishes to say, 
and, when leaving, he raises his hat and bows politely. 

Walking with a Lady. — A gentleman walking with a lady 
should, if the path be narrow, see that his companion has the 
smoothest or dryest portion, taking the wet or rough part 
himself. It is scarcely necessary to give any gentleman a 
reason for this, but if one is required it is obviously this: the 
man is generally physically the stronger of the two, and his 
shoes and clothing are better adapted to " roughing it " than 
a woman's. He will also, if the street be crowded, place him- 
self upon the side of the lady where he can best protect her 
from being jostled. The old custom of placing the lady on 
the inside of the walk is not now scrupulously observed, as, in 
turning, the gentleman was frequently obliged to change, and 
anything like punctiliousness and fussiness are always to be 
avoided. 

A gentleman should relieve a lady of any parcel which she 
may be carrying. 

A gentleman, accompanying a lady, should not carry his 
hands in his pockets, nor smoke. Neither of these things 



IN THE STREET. 



61 



may annoy her in the least, but they will show to others a 
lack of respect for her presence, and are, therefore discour- 
tesies which no well-bred man will offer to a lady. 

Offering the Arm to a Lady. — A gentleman, in the evening, 
always offers his arm to a lady whom he is escorting. In the 
day time, it is not customary, unless the parties are husband 
and wife. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, as in 
cases where the comfort or convenience of the lady may 
depend upon such assistance. 

Keeping Step. — A gentleman, in the habit of taking very 
long steps, will try to moderate his stride when walking with 
a lady, and the latter in turn will adapt her pace as far as pos- 
sible to his. 

Answering Questions. — A gentleman will endeavor to 
answer courteously all inquiries from strangers, which are 
politely addressed to him. He should bear in mind that he 
may yet require of some unknown person the same service 
when himself in a strange city. If the inquirer be a lady, he 
should lift his hat when answering. When a policeman or 
uniformed official can be found, ladies should always go to 
such for information, rather than to strange gentlemen. 

Staring. — No gentleman is ever guilty of boldly staring at 
a lady, whether from street corners, in front of hotels, or upon 
the promenade. 

A Lady Walking with Two Gentlemen. — When two gen- 
tlemen are walking with a lady, they will place her between 
them, instead of both remaining on one side. 

The Salutation. — A well-bred lady will neither be stiff, 
capricious nor demonstrative in her public recognition of gen- 
tlemen. In bowing, a slight smile is all that she accords her 
dearest friend upon the street; but her bitter foe must also be 



62 OUR SOCIETY. 

served in the same way, if she bow at all. She has no right 
to make an exhibition of private pique in a public place, as the 
victim of such retaliation may be unjustly accused by spec- 
tators of more sins than those of which he is guilty. She should 
either bow politely or take no notice of the person she is passing. 

These latter remarks apply as well to the gentleman. No 
matter how antagonistic his feelings may be to the lady who 
bows to him, his salutation must be as polite as to his partic- 
ular friend, for the same reasons given above. He may not 
recall the face of the lady, but he must be sure to lift his hat 
politely and return the civility. A lady is sometimes very 
much changed in appearance by the transformation from 
evening dress to street attire, but even if he is quite sure that 
she has made a mistake, all the more should he return the 
bow, not to add to her mortification, should she discover her 
blunder. 

No gentleman will take offence at the formal street recog- 
nition from a lady, who had at the last party treated him 
most graciously. If he wishes for more cordialty, he will 
seek it in her own home, where she is privileged to be gracious, 
and not in public, where she is obliged to put on a mantle of 
reserve. 

How to Bow. — A gentleman in bowing should not act as if 
the burden of raising his hat were rather too much to ask of 
him, or as if it were an intolerable bore to be disposed of as 
soon as possible, and he wishes you had taken the other side 
of the street, or as if, like Beau Brummel with his tie, he 
wishes to distinguish himself by that particular brand of bow. 
The careless nod is as much to be avoided as the elaborate 
flourish which attracts the attention of every one on the block. 
Something near the " happy medium " is to raise the hat 
slightly to one side as the head is inclined, and neither evince 
haste or premeditated elaboration in the movement. 



IN THE STREET. £^ 

yoining a Lady, — A gentleman should not take the liberty 
of walking with a lady acquaintance, whom he happens to 
meet upon the street, unless he be a welcome visitor at her 
home. 

Keeping an Engagement. — The friend who stops you 
while on your way to fulfill an engagement, will not consider 
it an impoliteness if you courteously acquaint him with the 
fact, and release yourself from the delay which a long talk 
might occasion. 

Bowing to Tour Friend Is Friend. — If two or more gentle- 
men are walking together, and a lady bows to one of the 
number, all raise their hats at the same time. A gentleman, m 
walking with a lady, bows to any lady or gentlemen | 
friends whom she may recognize. . ;j| „j 

If a gentleman is obliged to stop a ".- v r-" ' | 

friend who is accompan- '■■■" ___--■ -'■ 1 

ied by a stranger, 
he apologizes to 
the latter for so 
d o i n g^ and 
dows to him 
when leaving. 

Civilities 
to Ladies. — 
When a gen- 
1 1 e m a n ac- 
companies a 
lady who 
wishes to en- 
ter a store, 
house, or 
room, he should hold the door open and allow her to go in 




64 OUR SOCIETY. 

first. He will also extend the same civility to any strange 
lady who happens to be entering at the same time as himself. 

Passing Pedestrians. — In passing people, the rule is to keep 
to the right. If you are a gentleman, walking alone, you may 
give the preferred side, whichever it be, to a lady, an aged 
person, or to any one carrying a heavy load. Never turn a 
corner at full speed, for fear of a collision. 

Crossing the Street. — When it can be avoided, a lady should 
not run across a street to escape an approaching vehicle, as it 
is both dangerous and inelegant. If detained upon a crossing 
by several vehicles, it is better to stand still than to endeavor 
to dodge them and get across. In the first instance, the drivers 
will divine your intention and try to keep clear of you, in the 
second, you may be run over while they are seeking to avoid 
such a catastrophe. Of course, there are cases of reckless 
driving where only exceeding celerity will save the pedestrian; 
but such drivers in a crowded thoroughfare belong not in the 
consideration of etiquette, but in the strong grasp of the law, 
and the criminal court. 

In the Street Car or Omnibus. — In all public conveyances, 
passengers should endeavor, as much as possible, to make 
room for new comers. No gentleman, unless ill, or feeble 
from age, will retain his seat while a lady stands. But a lady 
must not forget that a gentleman, in surrendering to her his 
seat, is doing her a favor, and that he should have her thanks, 
as he would for any less common courtesy. A lady may 
accept with propriety any little service from a strange gentle- 
man, such as removing parcels on entering or leaving a public 
vehicle, closing an umbrella, or passing fans. A polite bow 
or simple " thank you " are the proper returns for such 
assistance. 

Loud talking or heated discussions are likely to give the 



IN THE STREET. 



65 



participants therein an unpleasant amount of attention from 
the rest of the passengers. 

A gentleman will not cross his legs, extend his feet, or 
plant his umbrella in the way of other passengers. Neither 
will he spread out a newspaper and hold it at arm's length, so 
that his neighbors on either side of him are extinguished 
behind elbows and reading matter. No man can read more 
than one column at a time profitably, and any newspaper can 
be folded so as to adapt itself to the exigencies of a crowded 
car with the greatest of ease and dispatch. 

The Umbrella. — A gentleman walking with two ladies in 
a rain storm where there is but one umbrella, should give it 




to his companions, and walk outside. When three people 

walk under one umbrella, the one in the centre is the only one 

5 



66 OUR SOCIETY. 

protected, the other two not only getting the rain, but the 
drippings of the umbrella in addition. 

Precedence on the Stairs. — A gentleman should precede a 
lady going up a flight of stairs, and allow her to go first when 
descending. 

Hack Fare. — A gentleman should never keep a lady wait- 
ing while he disputes with a hack-driver. If the man has 
over-charged, or is guilty of any other offense, quietly take 
his number, and report him to the proper authorities. 

Shopping. — A lady, when asking for goods in a store or — 
as the English would say — a shop, will prefer her request in 
a polite manner, rather than in the authoritative " I want " 
such an article. 

Do not take hold of a piece of goods which another person 
is examining; or if you have not time to wait until he or she 
has finished, politely apologize, and ask permission to 
examine it. 

Do not interrupt acquaintances who are making purchases 
to ask their attention to your own, nor give your opinion 
regarding theirs unless it is asked. 

To make sneering remarks respecting the goods, is discour- 
teous to the saleman. 

Do not indulge in a prolonged chat with a friend while the 
clerk stands waiting your commands. The latter class have 
some rights which we are bound to respect; and they are 
entitled to about the same share of consideration that other 
people expect, strange as this assertion may sound to some 
shoppers. 

If it takes you a long time to decide as to a purchase, and 
others are waiting to be served, ask the salesman to attend to 
their wants while you are making up your mind. 



IN THE STREET. fa 

Do not whisper, or attract attention by loud talking or 
laughing. If the quality or price does not suit you, do not 
make many words over the fact, but go somewhere else. 

If you are a salesman or a saleswoman, do not appear to 
know what the purchaser wants better than he does himself. 
Such intrusiveness is always distasteful, and leads customers 
to avoid you in the future. To blankly contradict an opinion 
regarding a shade or quality, especially if a lady be matching 
goods, and be possessed of ordinary eye-sight, is insulting; and 
to suggest that she can do better elsewhere, is an offense which 
she will be perfectly excusable in reporting to the proprietors. 

Some people can be urged or wheedled by a clerk into buy- 
ing things, but the latter should be pretty sure of his subject 
before he pursues this course to any extent,- else he may dis- 
gust a possible purchaser so that he or she will flee in self- 
defense, and go somewhere else, where a decision can be 
made in peace. 




SALUTATIONS. 




N a rude state of society," 
says a certain writer, " every 
salutation is to this day an act 
of worship. Hence the com- 
monest acts, phrases and signs 
of courtesy, with which we are 
now familiar, date from those 
earlier stages when the strong 
hand ruled, and the inferior demonstrated 
his allegiance by studied servility. 7 ' This 
may be true of the stereotyped form, — the 
letter of the salutation, but cannot be of the spirit. 
We prefer to think that since human beings first 
trod the earth, they instinctively felt the necessity of in some 
way acknowledging each other's presence, that the mere fact of 
eye meeting eye must have caused them to feel very much the 
same pleasurable sensation which we now experience in com- 
ing within the range of vision of a friend, and that the heart 
naturally set about inventing some graceful and fitting outward 
expression of this recognition. True, this has crystalized now 
into a mere formula, and empty enough it is sometimes, we all 
know, but, as Carlyle says: " What we call ' formulas' are 
not in their origin bad; they are indisputably good. Formula 
is method, habitude; found wherever man is found. Formulas 
fashion themselves as paths do, as beaten highways leading 



SALUTATIONS. fig 

toward some sacred, high object, whither many men are bent. 
Consider it: One man full of heartfelt, earnest impulse finds 
out a way of doing something — were it uttering his soul's 
reverence for the Highest, were it but of fitly saluting his 
fellow-man. An inventor was needed to do that, a poet ; he 
has articulated the dim, struggling thought that dwelt in his 
own and many hearts." And so it is that though when we 
wave our hand to a friend, we may be imitating the ancient 
Romans, who, in reverence before the statues of their gods, 
stood solemnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting 
it, as if they had cast kisses, we are still recognizing our friend 
in the most fitting and graceful manner of which we have any 
knowledge; and though the heart go not with the form, still 
it is better to have some form than none. 

Novel Salutations of Different Nations. — Each race and 
nationality has its own peculiar forms of greeting. Many of 
them seem odd and ungraceful to us, but it is quite likely ours 
would impress them in the same way. We all remember the 
remarks of the Shah of Persia, on looking at a ball-room full of 
whirling figures: "We do this much better in our country; 
we hire others to dance for us." No doubt the African whose 
idea of a cordial greeting is expressed by rubbing his toes 
gently against those of his friend, or the Laplander whose 
nose is laid affectionately against his neighbor's, would con- 
sider our forms of salutation decidedly inelegant. The stately 
Oriental, who seems always to have plenty of time on his 
hands, must needs greet his neighbor in the same slow, digni- 
fied manner in which he does everything else. He doesn't 
slap you on the shoulder, with the explosiveness of a fire- 
cracker, shout " Howdy ! " and disappear, as do some of the 
inhabitants of this great and glorious republic; but if he be an 
Arab of the desert, he places his right hand impressively on 



j . OUR SOCIETY. 

his breast, and bows low, as he repeats the sentence: "God 
grant you a happy morning," or, " If God wills it, you are 
well." If he is addressing a person of high rank, he bends 
nearly to the earth and kisses the hem of his garment. The 
Turk bows slowly with the arms folded and the head bent 
very low. The Hindoo nearly touches the ground with his 
face, to express his deference. The Chinese evince a mind on 
hospitable thoughts intent, for, after bowing low, they immedi- 
ately ask, "Have you eaten?" Herodotus says that the 
Egyptians drop the hand upon the knee and solicitously inquire 
" How do you perspire? " No doubt in the dry, burning air 
of that desert land, perspiration was a real luxury, and natur- 
ally became a desirable condition. The ceremonious Spaniard 
salutes with, " God be with you," and, if you are a stranger, 
immediately places his house and all his worldly goods at your 
disposal. He entreats you to make his home your hotel, 
studio or office as "you may require, but would be utterly 
dumbfounded if you were to take him at his word, and at 
heart does not possess one-tenth of the genuine hospitality of 
the blunt and inelegant American who says, " Come, take a 
snack with me." The Neapolitan in the land of cathedrals, 
piously exclaims, " Grow in holiness," and the Hungarian 
blesses you with " God keep you well," a beautiful salutation 
and fitting for any land or people. When the Pole leaves you 
he kisses you on the shoulder and says, " Be ever well." The 
Moors salute the Great Mogul by touching the earth with the 
right hand, then laying the hand upon the breast, next lifting 
it to the sky, and repeating these gestures three times with 
great rapidity. This same people have a startling and not 
altogether desirable mode of greeting a stranger. They ride 
toward him at full speed, and when at close range fire a pistol 
over his head. The effect of such a cordial demonstration 
toward a Texan cowboy might result in a speedy termination 



SALUTATIONS. 



7 1 



of the friendship thus begun. There generally have to be two 
to carry on a friendship. The German asks, " How do you 
find yourself? " and, in parting says, " Leben sie tuokl " — " Live 
well," — while the Frenchman, with a low bow, says: " How 
do you carry yourself?" The Japanese rub both knees and 
draw in the breath in a long inhalation, like a deep sigh, before 
speaking. The longer the breath, the greater the degree of 
respect shown. The latter part of the ceremony is said to 
be due to their not wishing to pollute with their breath the 
air that the person they are greeting must breathe. The 
Englishman or American salutes with, " How do you do?" 
" Good morning," or " Good evening," accompanied by a 
cordial grasp of the hand, or simply a bow, as the inclination 




XVysVKSfc «8«a. TO, 



or convenience may suggest ; and he never forgets to raise his 
hat when he meets a lady. 

An English physician in recounting his experience in a Per- 
sian harem, tells how the eldest lady met him with, " Salaam, 
Sahib; you are welcome. Tea, tea for the Sahib!" and at 



J 2 OUR SOCIETY. 

parting, "Wallah," — with a little laugh — "I have forgotten 
why we sent for you. Your footsteps, however, have been 
fortunate, for our hearts are no longer sad." He adds that 
they shook hands, and the lady gave him a beautiful bunch of 
narcissus as he left. 

Antiquity of Certain Customs. — Shaking hands is said to 
date back to the ancient custom of adversaries, when treating 
of a truce, taking hold of the weapon hand to ensure against 
treachery. 

The gentleman who removes his glove to take a lady's hand^ 
is but perpetuating the custom of the knight whose iron gaunt- 
let would indeed have been all too hard for the palm of the 
fair lady of the castle. Gentlemen now scarcely even remove 
the glove before shaking hands, contenting themselves with 
apologizing for its presence, or taking no notice of it whatever. 

The common word, " Sir," which we now use in addressing 
all sorts and conditions of men, is derived from signeur, sieur y 
and originally meant lord, king, ruler, and, in its patriarchal 
sense, father. " Sire," a title much affected by the ancient 
noble families of France, was also commonly used in address- 
ing their kings. 

" Madam " or " Madame " means " your exalted," or "your 
highness," and was originally applied only to ladies of the 
highest rank. " To bare the head was at first an act of sub- 
mission to gods and rulers," and the very word, " salutation", 
is derived from " salutatio" the daily homage paid by a 
Roman client to his patron. 

The Bow. — " The bow," says La Fontaine, " is a note 
drawn at sight; if you acknowledge it, your must immediately 
pay the full amount." One of the most positive and apparent 
indications of elegant or unpolished manners in a person is the 
way in which he bows. You remember how one day on the 



SALUTATIONS. 



73 



promenade a friend saluted you in a way that made all your 
horizon rose-color, and your whole walk a benediction; and 
another day when one roused all the animosity and old Adam 
there was in you, and you became a veritable cynic looking 
for an honest man. We remember a courtly gentleman of 
the old school — " Lord keep his memory green," — whose bow 
was a mingling of old time deference and of Utopia to come, 
and who invariably invested us with increased self-respect for 
a whole day afterwards. We also remember another person 
whose salute — if it could so be dignified — was such a mix- 
ture of I-don't-want-to,-but-I-suppose-I-must, and you'll-take- 
that-for-a-bow,-or-have-nothing, that "hatred, malice, and all 
uncharitableness," immediately took possession of us, and we 
spent part of the remainder of the walk reiterating to ourself 
how we would cut that individual the next time we saw him, 
and the rest of the time despising ourself for becoming so 
incensed over such a small matter. 

To know how to bow well may seem a very unimportant 
thing, but some one will be sure to gauge your knowledge of 
society by the way in which you do it. Air and manner are 
more expressive than words. Says Whately: "Good man- 
ners are a part of good morals; and when form is too much 
neglected, true politeness suffers diminution." An English 
author has said: " You should never speak to an acquaintance 
without a smile in your eyes," which is a very good rule by 
which to go, in the expression of countenance proper to salu- 
tation in public places. Decidedly the pleased expression 
should not expand into a broad grin, nor the sense of propri- 
ety become so appalling as to stiffen one's countenance into an 
impassive, vacant exterior. If you must commit one extreme 
or the other, it is better to avoid the latter than the former, 
for in the first place you only make yourself ridiculous ; in the 
second you may make an enemy. " Aspire to calm confidence 



74 OUR SOCIETY. 

rather than loftiness in your manner of salutation," and never 
forget to add a flavor of cordiality to the greeting. It is 
perhaps useless to add that the bow should be prompt, and as 
soon as the eyes meet. 

Between Gentlemen. — One gentleman bowing to another 
may touch the hat or make some gesture of the hand, but a 
careless nod is something which no gentleman allows himself 
to give, even in his most hurried moments. 

In bowing to one much his elder or superior in position, a 
gentleman removes his hat. The body need not be bent in 
bowing, an ™^- 
inclination of the * * 
head being suffi- 
cient. The truly 
cultured young 
man will al- 
ways lift his 
hat to the sil- 
very - head- 
ed old gen- 
tleman with 
the same re- 
spect and 
courtesy he 
would show 
to a lady. 
The hat is 
only slightly lifted 
from the head, as the 
sweeping flourish of the 
head-covering, which enabled the 
world to judge of the lining and of the make there, is now 
obsolete. 




SALUTATIONS. 



75 



Always Return a Bow. — It is polite to return a bow, 
although you may not know the one bowing to you. Either 
the person knows you, and you do not at the moment remem- 
ber him, or he has mistaken you for some one else. In either 
case he is entitled to civility as his intentions have been 
courteous. 

Saluting a Lady. — A gentleman walking with a lady 
returns a bow made to her, whether by a lady or gentleman, 
always lifting his hat, which is in def< 
ence to his companion, whose friends 
acquaint- 
ances must 
be worthy 
of his re- 
spect, if 
they are 
of hers. If 
he is ac- 
company- 
ing her 
across a 
drawing — 
room he 
also bows 
to any one 
whom she 
may recognize. 
If two gentl( 

men are walking or riding, 
and one of them is recognized by a lady who happens to 
meet them, both should lift their hats. 

A gentleman driving a spirited horse may sometimes require 
both hands to manage the reins, in which case he should bow 




76 OUR SOCIETY. 

rather lower than usual to make up for his inability to raise 
his hat. A rider of a bicycle or spirited horse may possibly 
be in the same predicament, in which case a like course would 
be proper. Among American gentlemen it is quite customary 
to touch the hat with the whip by way of salute, but this is 
considered bad form by foreigners, and should never be 
indulged in while abroad. 

Recognition of a Lady. — A gentleman lifts his hat in offer- 
ing any kind of service to a lady whether she be a friend or 
entirely unknown to him. If he passes her fare in a street car, 
opens a door for her, or responds to an inquiry, he raises his 
hat respectfully at the moment of service not allowing his eyes 
to rest upon her. He also observes the same civility when 
making an apology. A true gentleman will not extend these 
courtesies to those who are young and charming, and be obliv- 
ious to the aged or ugly ; he will remember that it is a tribute 
to womankind, and if there is in him any flavor of the fine old 
knightly nature, he will be sure to treat all alike. The high- 
bred man never forgets that " rank imposes obligation." 

A gentleman must not "cut" a lady, as that is always conceded 
to be the latter's prerogative. If she so far forgets herself as 
not to deserve the title of " lady," it is possible a gentleman 
may be driven to this extreme alternative, but he will always 
rather avoid, as delicately as possible, the woman whom he 
has good and sufficient reasons for not recognizing. 

In bowing to a lady, some men have lately acquired the 
awkward and absurd habit of clutching the hat and, by a 
sudden sliding movement, bringing it down in front of the face 
in a way that totally extinguishes the features and leads one 
to think they are trying to conceal a black eye or some other 
mortifying facial blemish. The hat should be raised with a 
slightly upward and side movement. 



SALUTATIONS. 77 

A Lady^s Duty. — A lady should observe the same deference 
in saluting another who is much her elder that a young man 
does toward an aged man. Again, elderly people who have 
large circles of acquaintances sometimes confuse the faces of 
the younger portion of society with whom they have been 
brought in contact, and so wait for them to give the first sign 
of recognition. A lady should always bow to a gentleman to 
whom she has been introduced, unless she has good reasons 
for not doing so. She need no longer feel the necessity of 
bowing first, as was explained in the chapter on " Introduc- 
tions," unless it be the first meeting after the introduction, in 
which case she should be very careful to recognize the gentle- 
man, not waiting for him to bow, if she wishes to continue the 
acquaintance. 

On the continent the gentleman always bows first, and 
although our manners are becoming familiar to Europeans, a 
German lady who took the initiative in bowing, would doubt- 
less be considered forward by her own countrymen. 

Shaking Hands. — One would just as soon shake a wilted cab- 
bage leaf as a limp hand, or manipulate an old-fashioned churn, 
as to submit to the' pump-handle movement common to some 
people in salutation. Then there is the man who grasps your 
hand with such a vise-like pressure that you are almost forced 
to exclaim, " let go," and another who forgets to let go, but 
continues to emphasize his remarks by unexpected jerks at 
your fingers. To anyone who has had experience with these 
different styles of hand-shaking, it is needless to say " don't." 

A gentleman never attempts to shake hands with a lady 
unless she first offers her hand, except in cases where he is 
very much her senior and an old friend of the family, or 
greatly her superior in rank or distinction. A lady or gentle- 
man always rises when giving the hand, unless illness compels 



78 OUR SOCIETY. 

her or him to remain seated. As a rule the more public the 
place the less call there is for hand-shaking. But if there be 
special reasons for so doing, as in the instance of one gentle- 
man bringing up another with the remark, " I have long 
wanted you to know my friend Mr. Brown," or if Mr. Brown 
happens to bring a letter of introduction, then the hand-shake 
should never be omitted, and it should be a cordial one, too. 

The mistress of the house should offer her hand to her 
invited guests, and to any stranger brought to her house by 
a friend. 

Where an introduction is simply for dancing, hand-shaking 
is omitted. 

A Beautiful Custom. — In France the gentleman who 
happens to be passing a doorway when the dead is being car- 
ried forth, or pauses for a funeral cortege in a quiet street, 
invariably uncovers his head with respectful deference. This 
custom is also becoming general in our own country, and is 
but a fitting and delicate recognition of the sorrow that sooner 
or later comes to all humanity. 

The Kiss. — This expression of affection, so sacred to lovers, 
friends and relatives, is never by refined people paraded in 
public. The habit affected by some ladies of kissing on the 
streets, or whenever they may happen to meet, is considered 
vulgar by the most elegant mannered. 

The Kiss of Respect. — It is customary in Europe for gen- 
tlemen to kiss the hand of a lady at meeting or parting, as a 
mark of esteem or respect. This graceful and courtly saluta- 
tion is however now quite obsolete in America. 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 




NE of the most delightful and 
health-giving of amusements is 



horseback 



and the fact 



that it seems, every day, to be 
becoming more and more popular, 
will be hailed with pleasure by all 
f who enjoy this exhilarating exercise. The rules which 
govern the etiquette of riding are not only very elaborate, but 
are exceedingly important. 

Learn How to Ride. — In almost all cities there are riding- 
schools; but where no such advantage can be had, there will 
surely be found some one who rides well, and can be prevailed 
on to give a beginner a few hints. One will scarcely care to 
appear in public on horseback until he or she understands the 
first requirements of graceful riding, and can seem to be at 
ease. One of the first things to learn is to sit erect and in the 
middle of the saddle. Ladies are apt to lean to one side or 
the other. A line which would exactly cut the horse in two 
at the backbone, should also divide the rider in the same way, 
should one sketch a rear view of a lady upon horseback. 

The Duty of a Gentleman as Escort. — The first duty of a 
gentleman, who intends riding with a lady, is to see that her 

79 



£ OUR SOCIETY. 

horse is in good condition and one that can be easily managed. 
He must examine the saddle and bridle, and be careful that 
they are perfectly secure, as it is best to trust nothing so im- 
portant to the stable-man, without personal supervision. He 
must be sure to be punctual in keeping the appointment, as a 
lady should not be kept waiting. He should see that she is 
seated comfortably in her saddle before he, himself, mounts, 
and should place his horse at the right of hers. 

Helping a Lady to Mount. — The lady should stand at the 
left side of the horse, and as close to it as possible, with her 
skirts gathered in her left-hand, her right-hand upon the pom- 
mel, and her face toward the horse's head. The gentleman 
should stand facing the lady, at the horse's shoulder, and, 
stooping, hold his hand so that she can place her foot in it. 
The gentleman then gently lifts her foot as she springs, so as 
to aid her in gaining the saddle. He then puts her foot in the 
stirrup, arranges the skirt of her habit, and gives her the 
reins and the whip. 

A cconvpanying Ladies. — When a gentleman is riding with 
two or more ladies, his position is still at the right, unless one 
of them requests his presence near her, which she will not do 
unless some assistance is needed. It is the lady's privilege to 
decide the pace at which to ride. A gentleman will never 
urge her to a faster gait than she feels inclined to undertake, 
but will adapt the speed of his horse to that of hers. 

Helping a Lady to A light. — The gentleman must always 
dismount first and place himself at the disposal of his com- 
panion. She first frees her knee from the pommel, and is 
careful to see that her habit is entirely disengaged. He then 
takes her left-hand in his right, and places his left-hand as a 
step for her foot. He then slowly lowers his hand, allowing 



RIDING AND DRIVING. g T 

her to gently reach the ground. A lady should never spring 
from the saddle. The voluminous drapery which custom 
compels her to wear when riding, is liable to catch upon some 
projection, and a serious accident may be the consequence. 




Meeting a Lady. — If a gentleman, riding alone, meet a 
lady with whom he wishes to enter into conversation, he 
should alight, and remain on foot while talking with her. 
6 



82 OUR SOCIETY. 

Driving, — the Best Seat. — The most desirable seat in a 
double carriage is the one facing the horses, and gentlemen 
should always give that seat to the ladies. When only one 
lady and one gentleman are riding in a two-seated carriage, 
the gentleman should sit opposite the lady unless she invites 
him to sit beside her. The place of honor is the right-hand 
seat, facing the horses, and this is also the seat of the hostess, 
which she is expected to retain. Should she not be driving, 
she should offer her place to the oldest or most distinguished 
lady who is to accompany her. ^ 

Entering a Carriage. — A person should always enter a 
carriage with her back to the seat, and thus avoid the neces- 
sity of turning around. It is best to be as expeditious as pos- 
sible, and not to seem fussy and particular about settling 
oneself. 

A gentleman should be careful not to trample upon or crush 
a lady's dress. 

Duties of a Gentleman. — In helping a lady to enter a car- 
riage, a gentleman should see that her dress does not brush 
against a muddy wheel, or hang outside when she is seated. 
He should provide a lap-robe to protect her from the dust or 
flying slush, and see that it is well tucked in. He should also 
hand to her, before taking his seat, her parasol, fan, or what- 
ever small belongings she may have, and see that she is com- 
fortable. 

A gentleman must alight first from a carriage, even if he 
has to pass before a lady in order to do so. 

Whenever a lady has occasion to leave a carriage, the gen- 
tleman accompanying her must alight and help her out, and 
when she wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight and 
assist her to do so. 



RIDING AND DRIVING. 83 

Keep to the Right. — The rule of the road is always, in 
meeting or passing a vehicle, to keep to the right. 

Trust Tour Driver. — Nothing so annoys a person who is 
holding the reins as to have a companion imply or express any 
distrust of his ability to manage them successfully. The indi- 
vidual who is in continual fear of being upset or run away 
with, is not likely to be often asked for the pleasure of his or 
her company. If you discover that your driver is decidedly 
incompetent or reckless, you may suggest some improvement 
in his methods, apologizing for so doing. If you find that he 
does not improve, you should, in future, refuse all invitations 
to trust yourself to his tender mercies, rather than go with any 
hopes of reforming him. 

Dress for Driving. — A lady may wear what she pleases in 
a close carriage, but not in an open one, or on top of a coach. 
If, on the latter, or in an open vehicle, she insist on wearing 
an elaborate toilette of pink, yellow, or cream-white satin, she 
must expect to see staring eyes, and hear unpleasant remarks. 
A lady is very apt to pity or despise the poor girl perched up 
in cotton velvet and spangles on the top of a gilded chariot in 
a circus street-procession. But, O most marvellous inconsis- 
tency, she is quite ready the next moment to place herself on 
the top of a coach, arrayed in quite as conspicuous, though 
better materials, and to become the centre of interest to the 
same open-mouthed, vulgar mob. It is strange that a woman 
of refinement, who would not, for a moment, be seen on the 
street in a dinner or ball costume, can imagine that the same 
dress can be less conspicuous when viewed from the top of a 
coach, where all the accompaniments are calculated to attract 
attention. It is to be hoped that American ladies who have 
heretofore dressed in this fashion, may take note of the fact 
that the pretty and sensible Princess of Wales appears in 



8 4 



OUR SOCIETY. 



navy-blue flannel, or some dark-tinted cloth, when she goes 
upon a coaching excursion; and that her ideas of taste and 
" good form " may be implicitly relied on. 

Delicately tinted dresses of silk or satin are in no way fitted 
to stand the sun, dust, or possible showers, incidental to a 
coaching trip. The most expensive creation of Worth or 
Pingat is apt to look the worse for wear before the excursion 
is over. Wraps look out of place with such toilettes, and if 
the breeze blows freshly, the fair wearer has to face the pos- 
sibilities of pneumonia, rheumatism, and all the other ills that 
come from exposure. A lady should remember that her dress 
can not be considered elegant if it is unsuitable to the occasion. 




SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS. 



" Pleasures, or wrong or rightly understood, 
Our greatest evil, or our greatest good." 

— Pope. 




HE word, soiree, is probably from the 
French soir, the term for evening, and 
is simply another name for an evening 
party. Still, it has a distinctive flavor 
of its own, and, to the initiated, means an 
entertainment to which the cultured, intel- 
lectual and truly refined resort for real 
enjoyment. Dancing is not excluded, but 
is never made the chief end and aim of 
the gathering. To have a soiree, one must 
bring together people who can either talk or 
listen well. Young people who dance every num- 
ber on a programme and are happy only when they 
are dancing, are not the ones to ask to a soiree. Women 
whose stock of conversation is entirely comprised in dress and 
the servant-girl misery, or men who can think of nothing so 
interesting as the rise in wheat or the export of iron, are not 
desirable at such a party. People of ready wit, bright and 
original minds, and those who have an interest in literature, 
ethics, art or metaphysics, are the ones to ask to a soiree. 
The society woman, in the best acceptation of the term, which 

85 



g6 OUR SOCIETY. 

means a person of attractive, graceful manners, tact, educa- 
tion, broad information and good conversational powers, is the 
one to lead and organize these charming cote?'ies. Such 
women, in every age, have attracted to their homes the cele- 
brated people of their time. 

Still, one not possessed of all these virtues may have, 
instead, some great and conspicuous talent, or the rare gift 
of genius, and, though his eccentricities be many, he will 
draw interesting people to him. 

Given, then, some literary, professional and society people, 
artists and dilettante, and, supposing them to be socially 
inclined, you have the materials from which to arrange a suc- 
cessful soiree. 

There may be music, recitations, readings, dancing and 
conversation, and some light refreshments, such as sandwiches 
and coffee, or ices and cake, served en buffet, as at receptions, 
or handed round. If the latter way is chosen, small tables, on 
which to set the cup or plate, are convenient. 

There need not be wealth or magnificent surroundings in 
order to give a successful party of this kind; indeed, the 
Misses Berry, who entertained the most illustrious men of 
their time, lived very unf ashionably ; and Madam Mole's fur- 
niture is described as exceedingly shabby, and the lighting 
anything but good. 

Money can procure delightful and congenial surroundings, 
but there are still, be it said for the consolation of those of 
limited means, some things in the social life it cannot accom- 
plish. The woman whose mansion is an oriental dream of 
luxury, and on whose ball-nights perfumes and music float 
from walls of flowers, like a veritable fairy-land, may remain 
forever powerless to charm under her roof the men and 
women who are the admiration of two hemispheres, and who 
willingly flock to the shabby parlor of a Miss Berry. 



SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS. 87 

Let it not be thought that a lion is a necessity for a soiree. 
On the contrary, one may live in a small town, a thousand 
miles from a celebrity of any sort, and by attracting the 
brightest, the cleverest, and the best from among those around 
her, still be able to give a soiree, in the truest sense of the 
term. 

Invitations. — Invitations may be issued from a week to 
two weeks in advance. These may be expressed in various 
ways. One form, now in favor, is the following: 

Mrs. Loring Braith 

requests the pleasure of your company 
on Friday evening, March tenth. 

DRAMATIC READINGS. 75 PARK SQUARE. 

The word, or words, in the lower left-hand corner will ex- 
press the nature of the entertainment. Sometimes, conver- 
sazione, musicale, recitations, readings from Dickens, or reci- 
tations from Shakespeare, is the term or phrase used. 

If at short notice, or a very informal affair, a friendly note, 
such as any lady will know how to write, is sufficient. When 
programmes are provided, one should be enclosed with the 
invitation. 

Shall We Answer? — Some authorities say, answer all 
invitations; others, that to entertainments of this character, a 
response is not necessary. Our own opinion is, that when one 
is certain that he can not be present, there is no doubt that a 
note of regret should be sent. This will explain his absence 
to the hostess, and assures her that he acknowledges her 
courtesy. An acceptance is not strictly required, but where 
one prefers to send such a note, he may do so, being sure that 
it will meet with the approval of the lady of the house. 



88 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Guest at the Soiree. — The guest should come early. 
If a lady, she should not keep on her bonnet, and should wear 
a party toilette. She will be guided in the matter of dress, 
somewhat, by the nature of the invitation. If she has ten 
days or two weeks notice, and is led to think that the party 
will be a large or ceremonious affair, she should make a more 
elaborate toilette than for one less formal. 

Gentlemen should also be guided in the same way, and 
should wear a dress-suit, unless in circles where great inform- 
ality prevails. In New York or Europe, a dress-coat would 
be proper at any such evening entertainment. 

Matinees. — A matinee, which originally meant an enter- 
tainment taking place in the morning, is now understood as 
occuring at about any time before evening. We generally 
consider the term as especially applying to afternoon per- 
formances of plays, operas, etc., but in society it has 
another meaning, and signifies an informal lunch, with conver- 
sation, music or readings, from two till four o'clock. It has 
much the nature of a reception, only it is earlier. The hours 
during which it is held, render it very convenient for those 
who have engagements for a drive, a five o'clock tea, or a din- 
ner. Ladies who wish to secure gentlemen for their matinees, 
generally give out their invitations for some national holiday, 
such as Washington's birthday or decoration day, when the 
man of business is released from his toil, and able to be 
present. The tempting bait of a great name in letters, 
science, or art, is sure to draw together people of brilliant 
attainments; and fortunate is the woman who can secure a 
noted artist, author or clergyman, in whose honor to give her 
entertainment. A lady who invited guests to meet Dean 
Stanley, afterward remarked that she particularly enjoyed her 
own matinee, because, through this celebrated foreigner, she 



SOIREES, MA TINEES AND MUSICALS 89 

for the first time induced New York's most distinguished 
clergy to accept her invitations. 

A lady may attract to her matinees other ladies of the fash- 
ionable circle, but she can not always be sure of the men and 
women of serious pursuits or exceptional minds, unless they 
are assured of meeting others with whom they have something 
in common. 

As at soirees, music, either vocal or instrumental, readings 
or recitations may add to the pleasure of the occasion. 

Dancing is sometimes indulged in, and a lady occasionally 
adds to her invitations the words, matinee dansante; but this 
is not in general favor, as the assembly, unless on a holiday, is 
likely to be nearly all ladies, and dancing seems more appro- 
priate for a later hour. 

Refreshments. — Refreshments are served in the same man- 
ner as at receptions, and as they are offered at an hour when 
they may take the place of the regular lunch, it is proper that 
they should be substantial. Game, bouillon, salad, etc., are 
nearly always found on such tables. 

Matinee Dress. — Ladies wear reception or visiting toilettes, 
and bonnets are not usually seen. Gentlemen's dress is the 
same as for day receptions. 

Musicales. — Musicales or musicals, if held in the day-time, 
are the same as matinee musicals, and, if in the evening, 
soiree musicals. Dress and refreshments follow the same 
order, and if the word soiree or matinee does not appear with 
the word musical, it is understood to be the same. 

The lady who intends to make music the principal feature 
of the entertainment, should see that a programme is system- 
atically arranged, so that the performers can understand when 
and where they are to be called upon. If programmes are 



GO OUR SOCIETY. 

printed or engraved, each of the guests should be provided 
with one. If these can be gotten ready before invitations are 
issued, one should be enclosed to each recipient. 

When singers or musicians give their services, the host or 
hostess is expected to send a carriage for them. 

The hostess should see that a lady performer has an escort 
to lead her to the piano, and to turn the leaves of music. 

After the programme is finished, refreshments may be 
brought in and passed to the guests, instead of being served 
en buffet, if preferred. 

Guests at a musical will remember that it is decidedly 
impolite to talk or whisper, or be otherwise than quiet and 
attentive, while a selection is being rendered. 

Lawn Parties. — Nothing can be more delightful than a 
garden-party, if the hostess has tact and the weather is propi- 
tious. The out-door sense of freedom, the games, and the 
various objects in nature which suggest conversation and 
amusement, are all elements of pleasure not to be found under 
a roof. 

"A garden-party may be described as a full dress, out-door, 
five-o'clock tea," says the author of "The London Season"; 
but, being disposed to take a melancholy view of such festiv- 
ties, he goes on to say that " no Englishman is really at his 
ease at an out-door entertainment, in the daytime, that is 
unconnected with any sport. At a garden-party the least shy 
man has a sense of being placed en evidence in his best clothes, 
in the light of the sun. * * * The only persons who really 
enjoy these fetes are 'frisky matrons 7 and engaged couples." 
But he adds: "In spite of the melancholy that prevails at a 
garden-party, it is a pretty sight on a fine afternoon, and a 
foreigner attending one at Holland House, for instance, would 
probably rank it as the pleasantest entertainment that the 



SOIR&ES, MATIN&ES AND MUSICALS. 9 1 

season affords. The bright dresses moving in the picturesque 
garden, the old house in the background, and the old associa- 
tions behind it, produce a brighter and more lasting impres- 
sion on the mind than the hurry and glitter of most of our 
'fashionable arrangements.' " 

Invitations to a Gar den- Party. — When the party is given 
at a country house to which the majority of the guests will 
have to go by rail or some public conveyance, a card should 
be enclosed, stating the arrangements made for meeting 
guests by train. Invitations should be engraved or printed 
on plain note-paper in this, or a similar form : 

Mr. and Mrs. Wesley Gordon 

request the pleasure of 

Mr. and Mrs. Edgar BartWs 

company on Wednesday *, July tenth, at four o'clock, 

GARDEN-PARTY. CARLETON, MASSACHUSETTS. 

The enclosed card may be worded in this form: 

Carriages will meet the 3.20 train from East Branch Station. 

If still more explicit directions are necessary, they should 
be given. 

These invitations are often sent two weeks in advance. 
When this is the case, the state of the clouds can not be pre- 
dicted, as the weather bureau only supplies us with indications 
two or three days in advance, and arrangements must be 
made for entertaining within doors, should there be rain. 

Preparations, In and Out Doors. — As many out-door 
games as possible should be provided. If there is lawn-tennis, 
the ground should be in order; if archery, the implements 



g 2 OUR SOCIETY. 

ready; and if croquet, the set should be in place or ready to 
hand. Sometimes, ball playing and races are among the 
amusements, and a floor is often laid for dancing. A band of 
musicians to discourse harmony, grave and gay, is a great 
addition to the festivities. 

For those who are afraid of any possible dampness, rugs 
should be laid upon the grass, and plenty of chairs be placed on 
the piazza. 

Refreshments are often served in a marquee, or large tent, 
the guests going within to partake, or allowing servants to 
serve them outside. 

Some hostesses, especially those at Newport, serve refresh- 
ments in the house, making much the same arrangements as 
for an afternoon tea. Guests, after becoming weary of stroll- 
ing through the grounds, dancing, or indulging in other 
amusements, can then seek the house for rest and refreshment. 
Cold game, sandwiches, pate de foie gras, lobster salad and, 
sometimes, hot dishes, are served. For beverages, there may 
be tea, coffee, or wine. 

For out-door serving, all dishes should be cold. Game, 
salads, ham, tongue, -pate de foie gras, jellies, ices, cakes, 
champagne and punch are the usual things offered. It is best 
to have a cup of hot tea ready at the house for those who may 
feel the need of it. 

Servants should be taught to be especially neat and careful 
at these parties. Plates, knives, forks and spoons, should not 
be allowed to lie around on the grass, but should be instantly 
removed in baskets, provided for that purpose. Napkins 
should be plentiful, and fruit, which is always desirable at 
such entertainments, should be of the best quality. 

In passing lemonade, tea, punch, or strawberries and cream, 
servants should use great care, as a very little of these com- 



SOIREES, MA TINEES AND MUSICALS. 93 

pounds, spilled upon a pretty costume, is enough to spoil it and 
the day for the wearer. 

Tables at which guests may sit are not easily provided for 
a large party, but small tables can be placed at convenient 
intervals, where plates and cups can be left. 

Ladies seldom use their choice china or glass at these enter- 
tainments, and frequently rely on the caterer for all the neces- 
sary furnishing. 

Separate tables for gentlemen are sometimes provided with 
Madeira, sherry, soda-water and Apollinaris water. Gentle- 
men help themselves, but servants should be in attendance to 
remove wine-glasses, tumblers and goblets, as they are used, 
and to replenish decanters and pitchers. Glasses of wine are 
carried on trays, by servants, to ladies in different parts of 
the grounds. 

A lady may ask for an invitation for a friend to a garden- 
party, but should not feel that any disrespect is meant to her- 
self, if her request be not granted. Sometimes a hostess has 
reasons for such a denial that she cannot explain. 

Dressing for a Gar den- Party. — Bonnets or hats are always 
worn at a garden-party. The dress should be of walking 
length, and may be of silk, lawn, crepe, grenadine, wool, or 
any material suitable for a pretty out-door toilette. Light or 
delicate tints are preferable to anything in the least sombre, 
as the ladies' gowns are valuable accessories to the picturesque 
and festal character of such a gathering. 

The hostess wears her hat or bonnet, and receives out on 
the lawn. 

Carriages generally drive up to the door, and ladies go to 
a room provided for them, where they leave wraps and 
arrange toilettes before paying respects to the hostess. 



94 OUR SOCIETY. 

Balls. — When a ball is given at a private house which has 
no regular ball-room, canvas or linen is usually stretched over 
the carpet, nearly all furniture is removed, and growing plants 
and flowers are tastefully arranged in every favorable situa- 
tion. 

An awning and carpet is stretched from the curb-stone to 
the vestibule. A servant is in attendance to open carriages 
and number them; another servant opens the door of the 
house without waiting for the bell to ring, and directs guests 
to their dressing-rooms. Here they are met by attendants, 
who assist in adjusting their toilettes. 

The Supper-room. — The supper-room is opened about 
twelve o'clock, and an elegant and substantial menu is usually 
provided. The table should be handsomely set with flowers 
fruit, candelabra, silver and glass. There should be an abun 
dance of hot oysters, in various styles, boned turkey, salmon 
pates, salads and jellies. With this arrangement, there is fre 
quently a tea-room open all the evening, where bouillon, tea 
coffee, sandwiches or macaroons are to be found. A large 
bowl of iced lemonade should always be provided. 

Another method is to have the supper-room open the entire 
evening, where the guests can go at any time, as at a recep- 
tion. When this is done the tea-room is dispensed with. 

When the first arrangement is observed and supper is 
announced, the host leads the way with the oldest or most dis- 
tinguished lady present. If there be a very celebrated man 
in the company, the hostess will go in last, with him; but, as 
a general thing, she will prefer to see that all her guests are 
first served, and will take the opportunity, while supper is in 
progress, of looking about to see that all are provided for, and 
that there are no neglected or unhappy ones. 



SOIREES, MA TWEES A ND M USICA LS. 95 

The Smoking-room. — A smoking-room is often set apart for 
the gentlemen. When this is done, they should never smoke 
in the dressing-room. 

In the Ball-room. — The ball-room should be well lighted, 
well ventilated, and decorated with flowers. There should be 
plenty of seats around the rooms, next the walls, for the elderly 
people, mammas and chaperons. 

"A great draw-back to balls in America," says Mrs. Sher- 
wood, "is the lack of conveniences for those who wish to 
remain seated. In Europe, where the elderly are first con- 
sidered, seats are placed around the room, somewhat high, for 
the chaperons, and at their feet sit the debutantes. These red- 
covered sofas, in two tiers, as it were, are brought in by the 
upholsterer (as we hire chairs for the crowded musicales or 
readings, so common in large cities), and are very convenient. 
A row of well-dressed ladies, in velvet, brocade and diamonds, 
some with white hair, certainly forms a distinguished back- 
ground for those who sit at their feet." 

At public balls, there should be a committee of ladies to 
receive. There should also be ushers, managers and stewards. 
The receiving committee should especially see that ladies 
who are strangers in the city are introduced and properly 
entertained. 

The Lady Guest. — A lady should not forget her ball-room 
engagements, neither should she refuse one gentleman and 
accept another for the same dance. She certainly has the 
privilege of declining to dance, but, in that case, she should 
remain seated until the next number. 

A lady is bound to accept the arm of the first gentleman 
who asks to escort her to supper. 

It is not exactly good taste for a young lady to dance every 
time. 



96 OUR SOCIETY. 

A young chaperon should not dance while her charge 
remains seated. 

A popular lady will never mention to one less favored, 
the number of times she has danced. 

A lady should remember that the usual hour for departure 
is not later than three o'clock. 

She should not criticise any one's manner of dancing. 

She should not call upon a gentleman, who is not her escort, 
to serve her at supper; but, if she find herself neglected, must 
ask a waiter for what she wishes. 

She should not allow a gentleman to see her to her carriage, 
unless he has first donned hat and overcoat. 

She should not cross a crowded ball-room unattended. If 
she finds herself accidentally alone, she may ask any gentle- 
man at a private ball, whether acquainted or not, to take her 
to her mother or chaperon. 

The Chaperon. — The mother should, if possible, go with 
her daughter to a ball. If this is impossible, the father, or a 
chaperon of suitable age, should accompany the young lady. 
Any place in which the mothers feel in the way, is not a good 
place for the daughters. If the hostess has not room for the 
chaperons or parents, she should give two balls instead of one, 
and have fewer people at each. If the young lady's mother is 
not invited, then the daughter should not accept the invitation. 
Society which does not recognize the middle-aged or elderly, 
is a very poor sort of society. 

The Gentleman Guest. — A gentleman sometimes accom- 
panies a chaperon and two or three other ladies. In going up 
the stairs, he precedes the ladies; also in coming down. The 
latter exception to the general rule is necessary on account of 
trains. He should be ready, in the upper hall, to escort the 
lady when she emerges from her dressing-room. On entering 



SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS. qh 

the ball-room, the lady precedes the gentleman by a step or 
two, if she does not retain his arm, which is no longer cus- 
tomary. Of course, the first duty is to greet the hostess, who 
stands in a position conveniently near the door. The gentle- 
man always dances first with the lady he escorts, but, after- 
ward, is at liberty to make engagements with other ladies. 
He should see that his companion is not neglected, and should 
introduce partners to her. He should also escort her to sup- 
per if she has made no other engagement, should leave when 
she wishes to go, and should call within two days after the 
entertainment. 

As soon as the dance is finished, the gentleman returns the 
lady to the care of her mother or lady friend. He may linger 
there if he wishes to converse with her, but can not, with 
strict propriety, detain her elsewhere. 

A gentleman may ask ladies to supper, if he happen to be 
talking to them when supper is announced. But if he has 
accompanied a lady to the ball, his first duty is to her, and he 
should be sure that she has an escort before he offers his 
services to others. No gentleman takes a lady to supper 
without also inviting her chaperon. 

In the supper-room, the escort sees that the ladies he attends 
are well served before he supplies himself. 

Gentlemen who find few ladies with whom they are ac- 
quainted, in the ball-room, go to the hostess and ask to be 
presented to ladies who dance. As the hostess, when receiv- 
ing, cannot leave her position, she usually asks two or three 
friends to assist her, and one of these she gladly deputes to 
find partners for them. A hostess is always distressed at an 
array of " wall-flowers "; she cannot endure to think that any 
one is having a stupid time, and very attractive girls, who are 
neither well known nor exceptionally pretty, are often neglect- 
ed by gentlemen, in the mad rush for favor from the society 



98 OUR SOCIETY. 

belle. A truly well-bred man will endeavor to be of use to 
his hostess. He will go to her and ask to be introduced to 
ladies without partners. The more popular and well-known 
he may be, the more will his politeness be appreciated by the 
lady of the house, who will realize that he has denied himself 
the pleasure of dancing with his particular favorites, to be of 
service to her. Gentlemen are not always so considerate in 
these matters as they should be. 

At a private ball, a gentleman may attend a lady to a car- 
riage, bring her refreshments, or offer any other little attention 
which he sees she is in need of, without an introduction. 

After the gentleman has entered and paid his respects to 
his hostess and her daughters, he should next find the master 
of the house, and if unknown to him, should ask to be pre- 
sented. 

It is not necessary, on leaving, (as it is at smaller entertain- 
ments) to bid the host and hostess good-by. 

A gentleman who is not accompanied by a lady should 
dance first with the young ladies of the house. 

A gentleman should never attempt to step over a lady's 
train; he should go around it. 

Ball Dress. — A ball requires the most formal and elaborate 
of evening dress. Young ladies of slender figures usually 
wear a light, diaphanous material, though all sorts of beautiful 
fabrics are admissible. The thinner and lighter the dress, 
however, the less fatiguing it will be found. The mothers and 
chaperons wear velvets, satins and brocades. Jewels are in 
order, and flowers are worn and carried. The bouquet and 
fan are usually carried in the right-hand, which rests on the 
arm of the escort; this leaves the left-hand free to manage the 
train, which is often quite necessary in crowds. Ball dresses 
without trains have lately come into favor, and are certainly 
more convenient for dancing. 



SOIRfiES, MA TINGES AND MUSICALS. 99 

The gentleman wears full dress, and light, delicately tinted, 
kid gloves. Gloves are necessary at any gathering where 
there is to be dancing. 

How Many Shall We Invite? — The hostess should be 
careful not to over-crowd her rooms. A crush is an infliction, 
and to most people a positive horror. Where comfort is only 
to be found on the staircase, which becomes a refuge for a 
few, stranded out of the "madding crowd," it is evident 
there are some present who should not have been invited. 
One is usually safe in inviting about one-fourth more people 
than can easily be accomodated, as about that proportion may 
be expected to send regrets. 

A London authority defines a ball as " an assemblage for 
dancing, of not less than seventy-five persons." 

Invitations. — A lady never designates her entertainment in 
the invitation as a " ball," the word, " dancing," usually indicat- 
ing the nature of the gathering. 

The following form is the one most in use: 

Mrs. Samuel Seldon 

requests the pleasure of your company 

on Thursday evening, November fifth, 

at nine o'clock. 

DANCING. 

When the ball is to be given at Delmonico's, it is worder 
Mr. and Mrs. Seldon 

request the pleasure of your company 

Thursday evening, November fifth, 

at nine o'clock. 

DELMONICO'S. 



IOO OUR SOCIETY. 

If the ball is given for a young debutante, her card is some- 
times enclosed. 

In case the invitation is to a stranger, it is polite to enclose the 
card of the host, if to a gentleman, and that of both host and 
hostess, if to a married pair. 

Acceptances and Regrets. — Answers should be sent within 
two days after receiving an invitation, and may be in this 
form : 

Mr. and Mrs. Edward Fairday 

accept, with much pleasure, (or regret exceedingly that, owing to 

serious illness in the family, they are unable to accept) 

Mrs. Samuel Seldon's 

kind invitation for November fifth. 

25 BRUNSWICK SQUARE. 

Calls After the Ball. — All who have received invitations 
should call on the hostess within ten days or two weeks after 
the ball. If the lady has a regular reception day, a call should 
be made on that day. Sometimes, when a lady has no par- 
ticular day for receiving, she encloses a card with her invita- 
tion, naming some special day or days when she will be at 
home. If it is impossible to make a call, a card should be 
left at the door. 

A Few Suggestions. — If you don't dance, don't go to a 
ball unless in the capacity of chaperon. 

If you are a gentleman, don't exasperate your hostess by 
posing against mantels and door-ways, and saying, " No, 
thanks, I don't dance," when asked by her if she may find you 
a partner. 



SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS. IOI 

When there is plenty of conservatory room, the man who 
does not dance may be of some use, otherwise he is not. Be 
sure to dance with the ladies of the house. At a ball, do not 
dance more than twice with the same lady. 

The German. — No one will think of giving a " German " 
unless well informed as to the numerous formulas and acces- 
sories, which are scarcely within the province of this book to 
explain. But, granted that the figures of the dance, and the 
nature of favors, etc., are understood, the first thing for the 
hostess to think of, is the selection of a leader. 

Some society gentlemen become quite noted in their own 
circles for superior abilities in this line, and it should only be 
to one who is thoroughly competent that the hostess entrusts 
this office, for almost the entire success of the affair depends 
upon the capabilities of the leader. 

Favors should be chosen with taste, and anything like osten- 
tation should be avoided. 

The hostess should see to it that ladies who are not so 
attractive as others, and are not often "favored," are brought 
to the notice of partners and not suffered to remain sitting. 
A hostess of tact can manage this so adroitly as not to allow 
the lady in question to know that she has been neglected. 

Generally, waltzes occupy the first part of the evening, and 
the " German " begins after supper. 

The dress is the same as that worn at a ball, and all other 
arrangements, supper, attendance, etc., are the same. 

Invitations to the German. — The same form as that used 
for a ball is proper, with the words, " The German," and the 
hour it is to commence, engraved or written in the lower left- 
hand corner, in place of the word, " Dancing." 

Less formal " Germans " are given by clubs or coteries, who 
meet at different houses to practice the figures. 



I02 OUR SOCIETY. 

The invitations for such gatherings should be issued in the 
name of the young lady's mother, in this form: 

Mrs. John Brown 

requests the pleasure of your company at a 
meeting of the " German* 

Friday evening, October eighth, 
at nine o'clock. 

Calls. — Those who have received invitations should call 
upon the hostess within ten days, or on the first reception day, 
after the event. 

Parties. — Parties are understood to be less formal than 
balls. They do not call for such elaborate arrangements or 
dressing as the latter, and are not exclusively devoted to 
dancing. 

Conversation, music, etc., may occupy the earlier part of 
the evening. The dancing seldom begins until after supper. 

One o'clock is usually the latest hour for departure. 

Party Invitations. — The invitation at once indicates to its 
recipient the nature of the entertainment; and the hours of 
the party invitation show the distinction between it and the 
ball. For instance: 

Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson Blank 

request the pleasure of your company 

on Wednesday evening, December ninth, 

at half-past eight o'clock. 

DANCING AT ELEVEN. 



SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS I03 

Sometimes, instead of the latter words in the lower left-hand 
corner, " Cotillion at ten " is written. 

When the party is to be very informal, the style of the note, 
or the word, "Informal," in the lower left-hand corner, should 
distinctly convey this fact to the recipient. 

Few things are more embarrassing than to appear ap- 
parelled for a full dress party, and discover that the gentle- 
men are in frocks or cut-aways and the ladies in visiting dress. 

Opera and Theatre Parties. — The opera or theatre party 
is a pleasant mode of offering hospitalities or conveying a 
compliment to a friend. 

Sometimes, in arranging these parties, a dinner is given at 
six o'clock, after which the company proceed to- the opera in 
carriages provided by the host or hostess. The gentleman 
assigned to a lady, to take her to dinner, becomes her escort 
during the evening, and boxes are provided to accomodate 
without crowding the party. 

After the entertainment, the guests return to the house of 
their hostess for refreshments, and separate at twelve ; a gentle- 
man accompanies each lady home; usually, a maid or atten- 
dant calls for her with her carriage, or she maybe accom- 
panied to the theatre by her mother or chaperon. 

A less elaborate and more popular form is that in which 
the host or hostess, after the acceptance of his or her invita- 
tions, leaves or sends tickets for the opera to the guests, and 
meets them at the box or boxes indicated for the evening. 
In this case, some male relative of the lady is also invited or 
a chaperon is provided to accompany her. 

After the opera, supper is served, either at the house of the 
entertainer or at some fashionable resort. 

Theatre parties are a favorite means, among well-to-do 
bachelors, of repaying social obligations. 



104 OUR SOCIETY. 

A Gentleman's Theatre Party. — When a gentleman decides 
to give such a party, he secures a matron to chaperon the 
affair. She may be a lady of his own family, or any one in 
whom he has confidence as capable of managing such a party. 

He gives his invitations personally, asking the consent of 
the mother for the favor of the daughter's presence for the 
evening, being careful to state the name of the chaperon and 
the names of the gentlemen who are invited. 

The dinner, which is given after the entertainment, may be 
at the house of a friend or in the private parlor of some pop- 
ular restaurant. 

The host informs each gentleman as to whom he shall take 
to dinner. 

The bachelor host pays his respects to his lady guests 
within a week after the party, and thanks them for the pleas- 
ure their presence afforded him. The young ladies should 
also call upon the one who consented to chaperon them. 

From eight to twelve persons are the usual number invited 
to a theatre party. 

Other Forms. — Sometimes the lady prefers to give the din- 
ner before the play and to omit the refreshments afterwards. 

When both dinner and refreshments are given, a lady guest 
may excuse herself from the latter without giving offense. 

When a lady gives such an entertainment, guests call the 
same as after a party. 

A lady invites by informal notes. 

Private Theatricals. — When there are to be fancy-dress, or 
private theatricals, the arrangements as to refreshments and 
receiving are the same as for an ordinary party, but the invita- 
tion should clearly state the nature of the festivities. There 
should be added to the usual form for a party invitation, the 
words: 



SOIREES, MATINEES AND MUSICALS. I05 

Theatricals at eight; Dancing at eleven. Or, In character 
from Shakespeare. Or, if no especial book or author is desig- 
nated, Fancy dress, or Masquerade. 

When any special dress is to be worn, invitations should be 
issued three or four weeks in advance, to give time for the 
necessary preparations. 

Of course, the invitation should receive a response, and the 
guest should not appear in ordinary evening dress at any 
fancy or character party. At private theatricals, the usual 
evening dress is worn. 

Children's Parties. — By all means see that the little peo- 
ple have early hours. A party from five to nine o'clock is 
much better than from nine to twelve, and one from three to 
six is better still. 

It is a pleasant custom, and one worthy of observance, the 
celebrating of children's birthdays. These small festivities 
become red-letter days to be long remembered. 

The refreshments should be plentiful but not rich. Salads, 
fates and wines should be banished, and sandwiches, cakes, 
ices and fruits served instead. 

A special feature is the birth-day cake, and a pretty fancy 
is to have it decorated with as many wax candles as are the 
years of the one in whose honor it is made. These small 
tapers may be set in a ring around the edge, or placed in tin 
tubes and sunk into the top of the cake, and are lighted just 
before the little people come in to the table. 

At the close of the supper, the child who is celebrating his 
or her birthday, if old enough to perform the duty, cuts the 
cake, and sends a piece to each small guest. 

Presents are not expected from those attending the party. 

Games or dancing may follow the supper, and some older 
person should constantly superintend the amusements of the 



I06 



OUR SOCIETY. 



little ones, to see that the merriment does not flag, and that 
no small guest is unhappy or neglected. 

Children's parties may be celebrated in households that are 
in mourning, where all other festivities are banished. Child- 
hood should not be clouded by a sorrow which it cannot com- 
prehend. 




LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS. 




HE social call 
is a firmly es- 
tablished cus- 
tom and is like- 
ly to last as 
long as human 
JSP beings feel the 
necessity of ming- 
ling in each other's 
society. To the busy man or woman, the scientific, pro- 
fessional, or literary worker, whose circle is narrowed down 
to a few chosen friends, the ceremonious call is regarded 
as an irksome exaction to be avoided. To the fashionable 
individual, whose life is a round of society's demands and 
returns, its strictly defined code is at once a law and a pro- 
tection, without which chaos would come indeed. To the 
sensible, well-bred person, though he may avoid fashionable 
society on account of its ceremonious demands, the rules 
which govern it are a recognized necessity, and the under- 
standing of them a part of his education. 

The Morning Call. — " Morning calls," as they are termed, 
from the English custom of not dining till evening, and all 
that part of the day which precedes this meal being called 

107 



I08 OUR SOCIETY. 

morning, should not be made earlier than 12 m., nor later than 
5 p. M. From ten to twenty minutes is considered the ordin- 
ary length, and the limit should not exceed half an hour. 
When other visitors enter, the call is brought to a close as 
soon as possible. Upon leaving, bow to the strangers. A 
well-bred lady will not keep her hostess standing while she 
lengthens out the leave-taking or enters into conversation 
which should have been finished before she rose to go. 
Neither should the hostess detain the guest with long recitals 
or last words. If some of the attention which is bestowed on 
the art of entering a room was devoted to the equally impor- 
tant one of getting out of it, much weariness and vexation 
would be spared those who make and receive calls. 

Ladies who are visitors at the house do not rise, either on 
the arrival or departure of other ladies, unless there is a great 
difference in age. 

The Evening Call. — This should not be made earlier than 
eight o'clock, nor later than nine. As a general rule it should 
not exceed one hour in duration. Still, there are exceptions 
to all rules, and some there are who have said that even this 
was " more honored in the breach than the observance." 

Duties of the Lady Receiving. — The lady of the house rises 
when her visitors enter the drawing-room, and, after giving 
them her hand and greeting them pleasantly, is careful to seat 
the latest arrivals near her, if possible. She leads or directs 
conversation to them for a time, but is watchful to see that no 
one is neglected. She delicately draws out the shy and 
reserved, encourages the witty,, and acts as a gentle stimulus 
to all. Perhaps it is too much to expect that a woman pos- 
sessed of all these qualities will be found every day, but when 
she is, who can estimate her power? Has it been told in 
France or Russia, where the limit was drawn to such influ- 



LADIES? CALLS AND CARDS. I09 

ences as those of Mme. Swetchine and Juliet Recamier? In 
those salons where the learned, the brilliant, and the famous 
loved to gather, what was the motive force that impelled 
them there ? A woman of noble character, fine intellect,, 
and delicate sympathy was the subtle magnetism which drew 
forth from each the best that was in him. The hostess who 
is less anxious to shine herself than that others should shine, is 
sure to succeed. 

Some ladies, when their callers leave, have the English habit 
of rising only, others follow them to the drawing-room door. 
They never resume seats until their visitors have left the 
room. Where a servant is to be summoned to open the door, 
the bell should be rung in good season, and the departing 
guest kept engaged in conversation until the servant is at 
hand. If the gentleman of the house is present, he accom- 
panies the ladies to the outer door. In unpleasant weather 
they should not permit him to see them to the carriage. 

Guests at the house from other cities, or any stranger who 
calls with a friend, should be introduced by the hostess, even 
when the custom of not introducing residents of the same place 
is observed. 

To continue at work during a formal call would be rude, 
but during a prolonged visit, or friendly, informal call, work 
which does not interfere with conversation need not be 
laid aside. 

A lady, not having a regular reception day, will endeavor to 
receive callers at any time. If she be unable, through any 
good cause, to do so, she will instruct her servant to say she 
is engaged. " Not at home," seems now to pass with some 
people for the same thing, and is not even considered a fib, as 
those who would be offended at being told the first, are left 
no chance for being so by the second. A visitor once admit- 
ted must be seen at any cost. 



HO OUR SOCIETY. 

A lady should not keep a caller waiting without sending to 
ask whether a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience him 
or her. Servants should be instructed to return and announce 
to the visitor when the lady will appear. The hostess should 
always apologize for delay, which should never exceed five 
minutes unless it be positively unavoidable. 

Receiving New Yearns Calls. — New Year's calling is a 
pleasant social observance which should not be suffered to die 
out. On this day busy men of affairs pause to bethink them- 
selves of old acquaintances whose faces they would fain see 
once more, and perhaps make new ones who may in time 
become valued friends. For this and the gentle courtesies, 
the genial good will and hearty fellowship common to this day, 
we say all honor to the kindly, hospitable old Knickerbocker 
custom, and " may its shadow never grow less! " 

Those who intend to entertain elaborately, sometimes send 
out cards of invitation to gentlemen friends. These cards are 
engraved with the name of the hostess, and if she have daugh- 
ters who are to receive, their names are placed below hers. 
If other ladies are to recieve with her, she encloses their cards 
in the envelope with her own. 

When the lady guest wishes to invite her own personal 
friends to the house of the hostess for this day, she writes upon 
her card the number of the residence where she will receive, 
and the hours for receiving, enclosing with it the visiting card 
of her hostess. 

The lady of the house will use as an invitation, a card bear- 
ing her name, place of residence, hours for receiving, and the 
words " at home." 

Upon such an occasion the ladies are expected to be in full 
dress — which does not mean bare shoulders and arms, — a 
square cut, or heart-shaped opening for the neck of the cor 



LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS. Ill 

sage, and sleeves to the elbow, being now considered the most 
fitting for a day reception. There is scarcely any limit to the 
elegance of toilettes worn by married ladies at such times. 
Still, any of the delicate-tinted, crape-like wool goods, which 
are now manufactured, can be made into beautiful and effective 
dresses, and for young ladies are always appropriate. The 
lady who is assisted by her daughters in receiving, should wear 
a dark silk, satin or velvet, with rich lace, or dainty ruchings. 
Long gloves of a light tan or pearl color are en regie. Ladies 
should be dressed and ready to receive as early as 12 m., as 
gentlemen, who have a great many calls to make, generally 
begin about this time. The house is lighted as if for an even- 
ing, and a table is spread in the back parlor or dining-room as 
it would be for an ordinary reception or party. It is a difficult 
matter to serve hot viands, owing to the irregularity of time 
and the intervals between guests. For this reason the refresh- 
ments which are best adapted to this style of reception are 
boned turkey, pickled oysters, sandwiches, jellied tongues, 
pates, etc., with the addition of cake and fruit displayed attrac- 
tively. Do not offer wine. Dear readers of the gentler sex, 
as you would help with your fair hands to raise the standard 
of a noble manhood, as you would not place one stone in the 
path of decency and morality, as you would ever lift up your 
voices for the pure and elevated, as you would not lead toward 
degradation one immortal soul, we pray you do not hold to the 
lips of those who can so illy refuse you, the intoxicating cup. 
If you are in the habit of offering wine at other times, do not 
on this day of days. Consider the case of a man who may 
call at fifty houses, if even one-fifth of that number offer wine. 
If he be unable to resist temptation, or is so kindly hearted as 
to be persuaded against his better judgment, can you think 
smilingly and comfortably of your own brother, father, hus- 
band, or lover, after he has passed through this round of 



112 



OUR SOCIETY. 



debauchery? If you can not, do not be one to help make 
some other woman wretched. Even suppose a gentleman 
should drink with two or three of his lady friends and stop 
there, he lays himself liable to the pique of others whom he is 
obliged to refuse. If he have self-control sufficient to abstain 
entirely, think of the disagreeable position in which you place 
him, for no gentleman likes to refuse a lady, and above all, his 




WINE FROM WOMAN'S HAND. 



hostess, what seems such a small request. Therefore, by all 
that is pure, sacred and holy, do not on this first, glad day of 
the year mingle with the cup of one human being humiliation 
and regret, or sow other than what you would wish to reap. 

An admirable arrangement is the spirit-lamp under the 
kettle, which keeps the bouillon, coffee and tea always hot. 
These should be placed with the tea-cups and accessories on a 
small side table, and served by a maid-servant neatly dressed. 
A man-servant will also be necessary to wait upon the table, 



LADIES CALLS AND CARDS. 1 1 3 

and another to attend the door, which should be opened with- 
out waiting for the caller to ring. The man-servant in the 
hall should have a silver salver or card-basket in which to 
receive all cards ; and these should be deposited in some recep- 
tacle where the ladies may examine them when the leisure 
time arrives for doing so. 

Ladies rise to receive callers. The hostess offers her hand, 
and after an interchange of kindly wishes, the visitor is intro- 
duced to her lady friends. The young ladies, and those to 
whom he is a stranger, are not expected to extend their hands. 
If the caller is a friend or acquaintance of one of the lady 
guests, the hostess will express the same cordiality that she 
would to one who belongs to her own inner circle. 

A gentleman should not be asked to remove his overcoat, 
nor to be relieved of his hat. During the brief visit, which 
rarely exceeds five minutes, he would generally prefer retaining 
them. If he wishes to dispose of either, he may do so in the 
hall, but as he is best acquainted with the dimensions of his 
list, and the time at his disposal, he is at liberty to act his own 
pleasure on this point. Neither should he be asked to stay, 
but when about to take his departure refreshments may be 
offered, but this hospitality should never be pressed, as the 
gentleman may have lunched only ten minutes before, and the 
human stomach has its limitations even on New Year's day. 
A servant will serve the guest, but one of the ladies may, if 
she wishes to show especial attention, accompany him to the 
refreshment room, but should return immediately on the 
arrival of new guests. 

The lady who desires to be less formal may simply write 
" January 1 " upon her visiting card, and send it to friends 
whom she would like to call upon her. 

Having intimated a wish for visitors, it is expected that 
some refreshment will be provided. This need not be at all 



j!^ OUR SOCIETY, 

elaborate; a simple visiting costume may be worn with light 
gloves, and it is not necessary to light the house artificially. 

In some cities, the names of ladies who intend to receive are 
published in the papers on New Year's morning. This obvi- 
ates the necessity of sending cards, unless, of course, the ladies 
prefer the latter method of announcement. 

The lady who does not send invitations, but graciously 
receives all her friends and acquaintances, who wish to pay 
their respects to her, may or may not provide a table of re- 
freshments as she chooses. Some houses are not so arranged 
as to make this convenient, or it may be impossible to obtain 
the requisite help for the setting and serving of a table. 
Where this form of hospitality is to be carried out under 
difficulties, it is better not done at all, and as the capacities 
in man for eating are limited, and he cannot partake at 
every house, it is quite as well to follow the plan, which many 
ladies have adopted, of receiving their friends without offer- 
ing refreshments. Some present each caller with a button- 
hole bouquet instead. But whether the lady is to receive 
formally or informally, she should be ready to see visitors at 
12 m., unless she intends to close her house; in which case a 
basket is usually hung from the door or bell handle, as a 
receptacle for cards. 

Calls of Acknowledgment. — Calls should be made within 
three days after a dinner or party, if it is a first invitation; 
and if not, within a week. When a lady has been invited to 
a tea or other entertainment through the instrumentality of a 
friend, and has not previously met her hostess, she should call 
very soon afterwards. If her response is not followed by a 
return call or another invitation she will infer that the ac- 
quaintance is at an end. If, however, within a short time she 
invites her entertainer to her own house, and the lady accepts, 



LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS. nj 

she will understand that a continuance of the acquaintance is 
desired. 

After having visited a friend at her country seat, or after 
having received an invitation to visit her, it is proper that you 
should call upon her as soon as she returns to the city. If 
you do not observe that civility, your neglect will be construed 
into a desire to drop her acquaintance, and nothing but ex- 
ceedingly strong reasons should lead you to take the latter 
course, after having been the recipient of the lady's courtesy 
or hospitality. 

A Visiting List. — A lady should keep a visiting book in 
which receptions, calls made and to be made, are kept in strict 
account, with blank spaces in which to note future engage- 
ments. 

At a Summer Resort. — Those who own their cottages 
call first upon those who rent, and those who rent call upon 
each other according to priority of arrival. Exceptions to 
these cases are where there has been a previous acquaintance 
and exchange of calls, or where there is any great difference 
in age, when the elder lady makes the first call, or takes the 
initiative by inviting the younger to call, or to some entertain- 
ment. When the occupants of two cottages, who have 
arrived at about the same time, meet at the house of a friend, 
and the elder of the two invites the other to call, it would be 
rudeness not to respond to the invitation. The sooner the 
visit is made, the more graceful will the attention be con- 
sidered. If one lady asks permission of another to bring a 
friend to call, and it is given, it is decidedly rude to neglect 
to do so. 

Residents of cottages always call first upon those at hotels. 

Reception Days. — Some ladies set apart certain days or 
evenings once a week, fortnight or month, as the case may 



Il6 OUR SOCIETY. 

be, on which to receive. When a lady has made this rule, 
and it is generally understood, her friends should be consider- 
ate enough to observe it by making it their convenience to 
call at this time, instead of upon other days. The reason of 
her having made such an arrangement is to prevent the loss 
of time from other duties, which being " at home " at all times 
is apt to entail. Acquaintances merely wishing to leave their 
cards, but not call, may do so upon other days, but not upon 
the regular reception day, as it would be a slight to present 
yourself otherwise than in person at a time when a lady has 
opened her house for the express purpose of entertaining her 
acquaintances. 

The custom of giving up one afternoon or evening each 
week to the receiving of one's friends is one very much to be 
recommended. When the day becomes generally known, 
callers are spared the disappointment of not rinding the hostess 
at home, people who are congenial to each other are apt to 
meet, who might not otherwise. It was in this way the 
brilliant men and women of France became known to each 
other in the last century; and, says Mrs. Sherwood: "No one 
can forget the eloquent thanks of such men as Horace Wal- 
pole, and other persons of distinction, to the Misses Berry, in 
London, who kept up their evening receptions for sixty years. 

After the Betrothal. — When a betrothal has been formally 
announced to relatives and friends on both sides, calls of con- 
gratulation follow. The prospective bridegroom is intro- 
duced by the lady's parents to their friends, and his family 
in turn present their relatives and acquaintances to the bride 
to be. Announcements are generally made by the parents, 
who leave the cards of the betrothed, with their own, with 
such persons as they wish should continue the friends of the 
pair who are to be wedded. 



LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS. 



II 7 



Congratulations, — When any happy or auspicious event has 
occurred in a family, such as a birth, a marriage, the accept- 
ance of some high office or position, or when one of its mem- 
bers has distinguished himself or herself by a fine oration, a 
notable work of art or literary production, it is graceful and 
kindly to show your appreciation and good will by a call of 
congratulation. We may feel that our friends are glad of our 
happiness or success, but there is yet to be found the human 
being who is not made the least bit happier by hearing them 
say so. 

Says Chesterfield: "Compliments of congratulation are 
always kindly taken, and cost one nothing but pen, ink and 
paper. I consider them as draughts upon good breeding, 
where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer." 

Condolence. — Visits of condolence should be made by friends 
within ten days after the event which occasions them, and by 
formal acquaintances immediately after the family appear at 
public worship. 

If admitted, callers should not allude to the sad event, unless 
it is first mentioned by the bereaved. Many sensitive and 
nervous people suffer renewed torture by the re-opening of 
such wounds by well-intentioned but unthinking visitors. For 
the same reason the custom of sending. the old-fashioned, har- 
rowing letters of condolence has fallen into disuse. 

First Calls. — It sometimes becomes a question between old 
residents as to who shall call first. When this is the case the 
older one should take the initiative. 

We once happened to be present where there were two 
ladies who had frequently met, but had never exchanged calls. 
The elder of the two, who was married, said to the other, who 
was unmarried: " I wish } t ou would come and see me." 

" O, I think you ought to first come and see me," was the 
answer. 



I I 8 OUR SOCIETY. 

" If Mrs. B has asked you to call, she means it," said an old 
lady who was present, and whose reputation for kindness and 
motherliness fully excused the interference. 

The young lady, feeling the gentle rebuke, flushed slightly, 
but quickly answered : " I have no doubt of it, and I shall have 
great pleasure in calling." 

After Mrs. B had departed, the old lady said : " You see, 
my dear, when an older person expresses a desire to have you 
visit her, her invitation should meet with something of the 
same response as if she had first come to see you, and it is 
better not to haggle over the point of priority." 

The young lady made the first call. 

When a first invitation is answered by a mere formal note 
of regret, the invitation is not repeated. A person of good 
breeding will always accept a first invitation if possible. 
When circumstances will not allow of the acceptance, an 
informal note should so fully explain the reasons that no doubt 
can remain as to the appreciation of the courtesy. 

Residents always make the first call upon the stranger in 
town, whether she is visiting or has come to live in the place. 

Sometimes a lady who has removed to a new city, and 
wishes to become acquainted, adopts the expedient of sending 
out cards for several days in the month. These are sometimes 
accompanied by the card of some well-known friend. If these 
cards are acknowledged by the calls of the desired guests, the 
stranger may feel that she has made a very- pleasant and 
desirable beginning. Failure to respond either by call or note 
of regret to such an invitation, is a rudeness of which no well- 
bred person will be guilty. If a lady does not wish to keep 
up an acquaintance thus begun, she can discontinue her calls, 
but a civility such as an invitation should never be allowed to 
pass without some acknowledgement. 

First calls should be returned within a week. 



LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS H9 

No first visit should be returned simply by a card, unless it 
is followed by an invitation. 

As a rule, calls made in person are not returned by card, 
and vice versa. 

Ladies who know each other by sight, and have exchanged 
calls without meeting, should bow when the occasion presents 
itself. They will, of course, seek the first possible opportunity 
of being introduced. 

Never. — Never take young children or dogs with you into 
anyone's drawing-room. Even if you get away from the 
house without their having done any harm, you have doubtless 
kept your hostess in a state of nervous alarm, which annuls all 
pleasure she may have had in your visit. 

Never make a long call if you find the lady you have called 
to see dressed ready to go out. 

Never bring your umbrella or water-proof into the drawing- 
room if making a social call. 

Never call at the luncheon or dinner hour. 

Never make an untidy or careless toilette in which to visit 
a friend. 

Never allow three or four out of your family to accompany 
you when making calls. Two, or at most three, of one family 
are all that should call together. 

Never, if you are a lady, call upon a gentleman except on 
business. 

Never, while waiting for the hostess, touch an open piano, 
walk about the room, nor handle bric-a-brac. 

Never offer to go to the room of an invalid, but wait to be 
invited to do so. 

Never remove your bonnet during a call unless asked to 
do so. A lady, however, may always take off a wrap upon 
entering a heated room, as health demands this necessary pre- 



120 OUR SOCIETY. 

caution against colds. A polite hostess will usually invite a 
visitor to lay aside a wrap, especially if the weather be very 
cold, necessitating heavy outer coverings. 

Never call upon guests at a house where the host and hostess 
are unknown to you, without leaving cards for them also. 
You cannot exercise the same freedom at a private house that 
you would at a hotel. 

Never, if you cannot recall the name of a person, stumble 
through an interview on uncertain ground. Frankly state the 
truth in the matter and save embarrassment on both sides. 

Cards. — A bit of pasteboard on which is engraven a name 
may seem a very insignificant, unimportant thing to the indi- 
vidual who has never used one. To the man or woman of 
polite society and the world, it is either an open sesame or 
bolted door to much that is worth living for. If the small 
square of bristol board stands for so much with some people, 
it is quite necessary that its general appearance and make-up 
should be a matter for careful consideration, since these quali- 
ties will convey to the fastidious, at a glance, something of the 
social status of the owner. The style of the card is apt to 
change slightly each year, but good taste has established cer- 
tain rules by which one need never be very much out of the 
fashion. These are, that the card should neither be noticeably 
large or small, that it should be white, of fine, unglazed texture, 
guiltless of all manner of decoration, emblem or crest, and bear 
nothing but the name or, possibly, the residence or day of 
reception, in clear, unflourished script. " Mrs." or " Miss " 
should be written in every case. 

Titles. — When a lady has herself earned a title, she may use 
it upon her cards, but she should never borrow her husband's. 
Good society will be sure to smile at a card bearing the 
inscription: "Mrs. Lieut. Brown, U. S. A.," or "Mrs. Dr. J. 



LADIES CALLS AND CARDS. r2I 

B. Smith." A married lady's card should always bear her 
husband's name, as, " Mrs. Charles Grandcourt." Whether, 
after his death, she should continue to call herself by his name, 
or simply write " Mrs. Sarah Grandcourt," is now a mooted 
point, the majority being rather in favor of the latter form. 
Still, there seems no very good reason why those who prefer 
the former should not adhere to it, unless there should be a 
married son having the same name as his father, when two 
Mrs. Charles Grandcourts might lead to the elder being called 
"old Mrs. Grandcourt," in which case the widow would gen- 
erally prefer to use her own name. 

During a young lady's first season, her name is engraved 
under that of her mother. She may afterwards continue this 
form, or have her own separate card, as she prefers. 

P. P. C. Cards. — These letters stand for " Pour Prendre 
Conge" — rto take leave, — and should appear at the lower 
right hand corner, the best usage being in favor of capitals. 

When a lady leaves town for a voyage or extended absence, 
it is customary for her to send by mail P. P. C. cards to those 
persons whose acquaintance she wishes to keep up. When 
she returns to town, her friends may call upon her as soon as 
they know of the event, or she may signify her presence by 
again sending cards with or without an " at home " day 
upon them. 

A young lady about to be married, leaves her card in per 
son about three weeks before the event, but she does not make 
visits. Her mother's or chaperon's card should accompany 
her own. Their names are not engraved together, as the 
young lady, about to assume a new dignity, very properly 
feels that she may use her own individual card to signify to 
her friends that they are to be welcome to the home of which 
she is soon to become the presiding genius. 



I2 2 OUR SOCIETY. 

Folding or Turning Down Corners. — Turning down the 
left hand upper corner signifies congratulations; the left hand 
lower corner, condolence; the right hand lower corner, " to 
take leave;" the right hand end, delivered in person, if folded 
through the middle, and left for lady of the house, the whole 
family is included. This latter form does not embrace guests 
visiting at the house; a card should be left for each one. 

At Receptions. — Cards should always be left in the hall 
when entering a reception, as this is a great convenience to 
the entertainer when arranging her visiting list. Cards or 
calls after a reception are not necessary, unless the person 
invited was unable to be present. 

On a reception day, it is not allowable to leave a card with- 
out entering. Of course, on a day when special invitations 
have been sent, one would scarcely commit the enormity of 
leaving a card, unless unaware that a reception was being 
held. 

Congratulation or Condolence. — Cards of congratulation 
or condolence must never be sent by mail, but must be left by 
special messenger or in person. Flowers may accompany 
either one. Upon cards of condolence some appropriate senti- 
ment may be written, but when the sender is only an acquaint- 
ance this is usually omitted. Cards of condolence demand no 
answer. They are expressions of a sympathy so delicate that 
no response is expected. 

Cards by Mail. — Cards of introduction, of invitation and 
reply, and P. P. C. cards may be sent by mail; all others 
should be delivered in person or by messenger. 

The Husband '5 or Relative's Card. — A lady may always 
leave her husband's card with her own; it is no longer fash- 
ionable to engrave both names upon the same card. 



LADIES' CALLS AND CARDS. 



I2 3 



When a son enters society, his mother will leave his card 
with her husband's and her own. This signifies that it is 
expected that he will be included in invitations to members of 
the family, a form of etiquette which simplifies matters, and is 
a positive necessity in a society where gentlemen have so little 
leisure as they do in this country. 

A near lady relative may attend to this formality, if by any 

reason it can not be done bv the mother. 

j 

Change of Residence. — When a lady removes her residence, 
she should leave a card, with her new address, with those 
who are expected to make the next visit to her. She may 
send it by mail to those upon whom she called last. 

Once a Tear. — A card left once a year is understood to 
continue the acquaintance. 




THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF 
GENTLEMEN. 







HAT fact," says Emer- 
son, " more conspicuous in 
modern history, than the cre- 
ation of the gentleman? Chivalry is that,, 
and loyalty is that, and, in English litera- 
half the drama, and all the novels, from Sir 
Philip Sidney to Sir Walter Scott, paint this figure."" 
While the term u gentleman M implies much more 
f than a fine veneer of good breeding and perfect etiquette^ 
still we can scarcely conceive of a gentleman who is en- 
tirely wanting in the outward indications of breeding and 
refinement, for — to again quote the Concord philosopher — 
" Defect in manners is usually the defect of fine perceptions." 
Certain codes and observances are the outgrowth of much 
experience of society, and while one's perceptions may be fine 
enough to lead him, in the main, to do the right thing, still 
there are certain small points which he comes upon, that other 
people have run against before and settled. If he have not 
the lightning-like perception necessary to grasp the situation 

124 



THE CALLIXG CUSTOMS OT GENTLEMEN. 



125 



at a glance, he ma)* be glad to know how others have sett 1 ed 
it before him ; for that which the majority have agreed upon 
in these matters may generally be safely accepted as the right 
decision. It is better to even be over punctilious as to rules, 
than to have no rule at all ; for as the poet Young says : 

" Stiff forms are bad, but let not worse intrude, 
Nor conquer art and nature to be rude." 

In "As You Like It," the gentle duke is shocked at "a 
rude despiser of good manners," 

The First Call. — A gentleman, after having been pre- 
sented to a lady, can seldom tell whether she will care to 
continue the acquaintance. Being modest enough to have 
this doubt, he does not wish to ask permission to call, and 
must therefore wait to be invited; or, he may do that which 
is considered in polite circles quite as good form, that is, he 
may simply leave his card at her residence, and if the acquaint- 
ance is desired, the mother or chaperon will send an invitation 
for him to visit the family, or, perhaps, to attend an entertain- 
ment to be given at the house. After the latter courtesy 
he will, of course, call to pay his respects, and, upon being 
invited to visit, will not be slow to respond. 

If his card receives no answer, he may conclude that the 
lady's circle is already sufficiently large, and will wait, as 
would anv stranger, to be recognized when thev again meet. 

If a lady has stated a time at which a gentleman may call, 
he should be careful to be prompt, and to allow nothing, if pos- 
sible, to prevent him from keeping the engagement. Should 
he be unable to appear, he should immediately despatch a 
messenger with a note explaining his absence. Gentlemen 
must remember that a lady's amour -propre is quite as quickly 
wounded as their own, and that carelessness has sometimes 
killed a friendship. 



126 OUR SOCIETY. 

When an invitation to call, without specifying any time, is 
given by a lady, a gentleman generally considers it quite the 
same as no invitation at all, as the lady may be out or en- 
gaged, when he makes his appearance. 

The Visiting' or Calling- Card. — This is a more important 
matter than it may at first seem. A man's acquaintance with 
polite society is sometimes gauged by this bit of pasteboard. In 
the first place, it should be unglazed and of the finest quality. 
The size can be determined by enquiry of a fashionable sta- 
tioner. If written by the owner, the prefix " Mr." is not used, 
but the most correct style is now considered to be the neatly 
engraved script with " Mr." before the name. The address 
should be placed in the lower right hand corner, in this wise: 



Mr. John Darreh 



545 Sanborn Ave. 



When to Call. — If a gentleman can command leisure, he 
calls upon a lady at the strictly conventional hours, — between 
two and five o'clock p. m. If he be a business man, he makes 
his visit between eight and nine o'clock in the evening. A 
gentleman who calls a half hour or more before eight, for fear 
the lady may be out, is very apt to displease a well-bred 
hostess by his over eagerness or ignorance of society usages. 

Whom to Ask For. — When a gentleman makes a formal 
call, he should ask to see all the ladies of the family; and 
should send in a card for each one, though it is quite permis- 
sible to send in but one. 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN. 12 n 

If he be calling upon a young lady who is a guest of people 
whom he has never met, he should send in with his card for 
the former, a card for the hostess, at the same time asking to 
see her. The latter may decline to interrupt his visit with 
his friend, but it is considered graceful and hospitable for the 
hostess to enter before the close of the visit, to assure the gen- 
tleman that any friend of her guest is entirely welcome in 
her house. 

A gentleman should always ask to see the mother or 
chaperon of the young lady whom he visits. In America, a 
young lady who has been out in society one season may 
receive a gentleman without the assistance of an older person, 
still, the caller should never fail to ask for the mother or 
chaperon, even if she continue to excuse herself. Should the 
elder lady appear and remain throughout the visit, the true 
gentleman, however annoyed he may be at the presence of 
the third person, will not allow the slightest appearance of dis- 
pleasure to be apparent. He will address the greater part of 
his conversation to the mother, and never fail to ask for her 
when he calls. 

Many cultured and elegant women are, by reason of their 
larger experience, more charming and attractive in conversa- 
tion than their daughters, and young gentlemen often seek 
such homes quite as much for the mother's as the daughter's sake. 

If the elder lady always enters and remains during the entire 
visit, no matter how often the gentleman may call, the latter 
is quite right in concluding that there is some strong reason 
for her constant attendance on her daughter or charge; and 
the sooner he divines her motive the better for all. 

In Europe, such a line of conduct on the part of a mother or 
chaperon would only be a necessary observance of etiquette, 
and a gentleman who has sisters or daughters will not con- 
sider such rules severe. Says a recent writer: " The man 



128 OUR SOCIETY. 

who quarrels with them, or with their enforcement, is just the 
person for whom they were established by those who, by 
reason of superior social position, experience and refined cul- 
ture, have combined to ordain them." 

After an Entertainment. — A gentleman should call within 
a week after having been invited to an entertainment, whether 
he accepted the invitation or not. If he can not call, he must 
at least leave a card for both host and hostess. This latter 
courtesy is imperative and should never be neglected. If the 
recipient of hospitalities is careless on this point, he need not 
be surprised if he is left .out in future. 

If a gentleman be married, his wife may leave his card for 
him with her own. If he leaves his card in person, the corner 
should be turned down to signify the fact. 

Answering' Invitations. — A gentleman should promptly 
answer all invitations, either accepting or declining them. 
Invitations to receptions, kettle-drums and similar entertain- 
ments may be answered by mail; those to balls, parties, din- 
ners, and all formal entertainments, by special messenger. 

Calling with Ladies. — A gentleman, attending ladies mak- 
ing ceremonious calls, should ring the bell, follow the ladies in, 
and be the last to greet the hostess, unless he is obliged to 
introduce. He should never be seated while they are standing, 
and should follow the ladies out, being the last to take leave. 

Calling with Strangers. — A gentleman, unless he be a very 
old and valued friend, should never take a strange gentleman 
to call upon a lady, without first ge^ng her permission to do so. 

Acknowledging a Courtesy. — A gentleman, when invited 
by a lady to visit her, will acknowledge the compliment with 
thanks; and, if he really desires the acquaintance, will not 
neglect to pay his respects within a week. If he can not call, 
he must leave a card. 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN. 1 29 

Calling at a Hotel. — A gentleman, visiting a friend at a 
hotel, will send up his card and remain in the parlor, never 
offering to go to his friend's room until invited. Of course, a 
lady will always receive a gentleman in the parlor or reception 
room, unless she should have a parlor for her own use, where, 
if she be a young lady, she may entertain her guest in this 
apartment in the presence of her mother or some older person. 

The Formal Call. — In making formal calls, a gentleman 
may wear the usual morning dress — a black frock coat, dark 
trousers, a dark silk tie, and a neutral tint or unobtrusive 
shade of gloves. In warm weather, lighter colors are per- 
missible. He retains his hat in his hand, but never lays it 
upon a chair or any of the furniture. He may place it upon 
the floor, under or beside his chair. His cane he may also 
retain, or leave it in the hall, as he prefers. Soiled overshoes 
should not be worn into the drawing-room. At summer 
resorts, less ceremony is observed in the matter of dress, and 
whatever clothes are suitable to the place are worn in making 
visits. On the entrance of ladies, he rises and remains standing 
until they are seated. He does not wait for an invitation to 
be seated, but takes a convenient chair within easy talking 
range of the lady on whom he has called. He will certainly 
try to control all fidgeting, such as twisting his cane, tilting a 
chair, twitching his watch chain or drumming on the furniture ; 
and try to be cool, self-possessed and agreeable, talking in an 
unconstrained, but not familiar manner, and not monopolizing 
the conversation. The man who never listens is about as 
unwelcome as the man who never talks. Somewhere between 
the two, is a golden mean, and the one who possesses it is 
master of the situation. 

In case other ladies enter the room during his call, he rises 
and remains standing until they are seated. He need not 



I30 OUR SOCIETY. 

offer a seat unless the hostess requests him to do so, and then 
it should not be his own, if others are at hand. If ladies to 
whom he is talking rise to take leave, he rises and accom- 
panies them to their carriage. Unless his 'stay has been very, 
very short, he may take leave of the hostess and depart 
at this time with less awkwardness than if he returns to 
the house; but this is entirely a matter of his own prefer- 
ence. He may converse with any who are in the drawing- 
room without an introduction. Should several others arrive, 
he will take advantage of the first lull in the conversation, 
to take leave of the hostess, one bow sufficing for the others. 
The formal call should not very much exceed fifteen minutes, 
and a gentleman, without consulting his watch, will rise 
promptly, and get out of the room as soon thereafter as is 
consistent with grace and ease of manner. 

Calls of Congratulation. — When a friend has distinguished 
himself or herself by a fine oration, the authorship of a book, 
a work of art, or has been chosen to fill a position of high 
honor, a visit of congratulation is always in order, and can 
only be kindly understood by the recipient. To some people, 
the consciousness of a public honor only becomes of value, 
when near or dear friends express their appreciation and 
delight. You do not know how much your friend may care 
for your sympathy, and wait for some outward manifestation 
of it. If, then, }^ou can make his heart one whit the 
happier by your delicately expressed appreciation, do not lose 
time before hastening to do so. A lost opportunity to do 
good sometimes becomes a mill-stone on one's conscience. 
Says Shakespeare: 

" The means that heaven yields must be embraced, 
And not neglected; else if heaven would, 
And we would not, heaven's offer we refuse." 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN'. 131 

The Yearly Call. — A gentleman should not neglect to make 
a yearly call, when friends have returned from summer vaca- 
tions, and before the " season " begins. If he does not do so, he 
need not be surprised if he is not included in the invitations to 
entertainments given by them. He should leave a card at 
each house where he calls, as this will assist the lady's memory 
when making up her list, which is quite a considerable task if 
one has a large circle of acquaintances. The exact address 
should be placed upon the card, as this is a great saving of 
time and trouble to the lady, when issuing invitations. If 
cards are left once, they need not be left again during the 
year, except after an entertainment, or for a guest. 

After a Marriage. — If a gentleman has received an invita- 
tion to a wedding reception, he should afterward call on the 
parents who sent the invitation. If, not being able to attend, 
he send a card by some member of the family, he need 
make no call until he receives cards naming the address of 
the newly wedded pair. If he has received an invitation to 
be present at the marriage ceremony, he should call as soon 
as possible upon the parents and the young married people. 

A Bridegroom's Card. — -When there has been no wedding 
reception, or the invitations have included only the family and 
most intimate friends, the bridegroom sometimes sends his 
bachelor card, enclosed in an envelope, to those of his acquain- 
tances whom he wishes to visit him in his new home. Recip- 
ients of such cards should not fail to call upon the bride within 
ten days after her permanent address becomes known. 

Letters of Introduction. — If a gentleman be the bearer of 
a letter of introduction, he calls upon the lady or gentleman 
addressed, and sends in his own card with the one that intro- 
duces him. If the person who has given him the letter be 
held in esteem, he will be sure of a cordial welcome. If he be 



132 



OUR SOCIETY. 



a person of tact he will not be long in determining whether 
the kindness he receives is all for his friend's sake, or whether 
he may feel himself entitled to a share on his own account. 
If he find the acquaintance less pleasant than he anticipated, 
there are always ways of avoiding it, or breaking it off. 
The gentleman who has been kindly received leaves his card 
on taking his departure from the place. If he should again 
return to the city, he may send his card, but must not feel 
indignant if it receive no recognition. Should it be noticed, 
he may be convinced that this time it is for his own sake, and 
that the acquaintance is desired. 

Receiving the Bearer of an Introduction. — When a gentle- 
man receives a card or letter of introduction from another 
gentleman, through the mail or by messenger, he must not fail 
to acknowledge, in person, its receipt within three days. If it 
be impossible for him to do this, he must send an explanation 
by special messenger, and a proffer of such courtesies as he 
may be able to extend. After the interchange of these civil- 
ities, if the receiver of the introductory card be satisfied that 
he owes nothing more to the person who has sent the stranger, 
the acquaintance may cease without any unpleasant feeling on 
either side. If, however, the acquaintance prove mutually 
agreeable, an interchange of civilities may continue, as long as 
the stranger remains in the place, but the receiving gentleman 
must offer the first hospitalities before he can accept any from 
the stranger whom his friend has sent to him. 

Notes and Visits of Condolence. — After a friend has suf- 
fered a bereavement, a call should be made within ten days, 
if on intimate terms with the family; if not on such a footing, 
a call within one month, or as soon as the family have appeared 
at public worship, is considered proper. Mere acquaint- 
ances only call and leave a card, with inquiries after the 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN. 



x 33 



health of those in affliction. Friends may or may not be 
admitted, according to the physical or mental condition of 
the bereaved. If received, a visitor should not allude to the 
sad event, unless the other introduce the subject, or seem to 
wish to make it a topic of conversation. When this is the 
case, a tender and delicate sympathy should be expressed, and 
whatever maxim of philosophy, Christian resignation, or fine 
fortitude, that the tact of the consoler may suggest. Some- 
times such words fall fruitlessly upon a bruised heart, but 
again they have become " as the gentle rain from heaven upon 
the place beneath." Says a recent author: " Often a phrase, 
on which the writer has built no hope, may be the airy bridge 
over which the sorrowing soul returns, slowly and blindly, to 
peace and resignation. Who would miss the chance, be it 
one in ten thousand, of building such a bridge?" But if you 
can do nothing more than harrow up the wounded soul with a 
stronger and deeper realization of its loss; if you can only 
echo the hackneyed phrases of consolation, with which the 
old time letters of condolence ran over, and of which we have 
spoken in a previous chapter, we beseech of you, leave noth- 
ing more than your card. Sometimes a flower, or a book, or 
a simple message, such as " I send you a pressure of my hand," 
" My love and sympathy, dear friend," or some other sentence 
of that sort, is an expression of condolence which may come 
gratefully to the sufferer. 

Call in Person. — A call, made in person, must be returned 
in person, and not by card. 

At the Club. — In acknowledging, by card, courtesies re- 
ceived from a club, one card will suffice. 

A Graceful Civility. — It is a graceful civility for a gentle- 
man, when calling, to leave cards for professional people, and 
aged ladies or gentlemen, who are unable, through failing 



134 



OUR SOCIETY. 



health or too great demands upon their time, to return calls. 
A proper respect for age or eminent attainments is always an 
evidence of refinement and good breeding. 

New Tear's Calls. — In the busy life of America, there 
seems so little opportunity for social intercourse, that so pleas- 
ant a custom as the call on the first day of the year should 
not be suffered to die out for lack of observance. The old 
days in which a man could seize the slightest pretext for an 
excuse to call upon a lady on this day, have passed away. In 
those primitive times, the fact that he was an employe of the 
master of the house, happened to live in the same block, furn- 
ished the family larder, or at some remote time had been 
introduced to the hostess or one of her family, afforded ample 
excuse for his invasion of her house on this particular occasion. 
Naturally, ladies of refinement, while too well-bred to show 
their annoyance, objected to this miscellaneous assortment of 
strangers, whose manners were often "not at all to their tastes; 
and this may have had something to do with the decline of 
the custom in very large cities like New York. In these days, 
a gentleman only calls upon those ladies who are acquaint- 
ances of the ladies of his own family, or who have, by their 
graciousness to him on former occasions, assured him by word 
or manner that he will be welcome. He may also, if an entire 
stranger, venture, if asked by a friend who is sure of his recep- 
tion. Less formality is observed on this day than upon any 
other, and a gentleman is not expected to ask permission 
regarding whom he shall bring, but may call, accompanied by 
one or even two strangers, if he wish. It is a foregone con- 
clusion that his companions are fit persons to introduce to his 
friends, else he would not be with them; for this reason he 
should be careful about choosing his company. Strangers, 
thus introduced, need not feel agrieved if the hostess fail 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN. 



*35 



afterward to recognize them. With the very best intentions 
in the world, she may be the one who, out of a multitude of 
faces seen at such a time, can not recall those of strangers. 

The Acquaintance Not Continued. — For the above and 
other reasons, an acquaintance begun upon New Year's day is 
no plea for its continuance, unless the lady take the initiative, 
and evince by her recognition and manner that she desires it. 

What to Wear. — A gentleman should be attired in a morn- 
ing costume of dark coat, vest and tie, and light or dark 
trousers, as suits him best. He wears what would be suitable 
at any time for a call upon a lady. His gloves should be of a 
neutral tint. A dress suit is never correct until afternoon or 
evening. 

When to Begin. — Some gentlemen who have a large list 
begin to call as early as 1 1 a.m.; but 1 2 M. is generally con- 
sidered in better form. Should a gentleman be obliged to 
begin at the former time, he should choose those families 
where he is most intimately acquainted, reserving the formal 
calls for a later hour. Calls may be made until ten in the 
evening. 

Sending Cards. — Many gentlemen who can not visit 
enclose cards in envelopes, and send them by messenger or, 
the day before New Year's, by mail, to their lady friends. 
Where the gentleman drives from door to door and leaves 
cards, the right side is folded over to assure the ladies of 
the fact that they are delivered in person. Opinions regarding 
the correctness of this custom are divided, a very good 
authority having said : " Let a gentleman call, and in person, or 
take no notice of the day." 

The Proper Card. — A gentleman's visiting card, without 
additions of any sort, is considered in the best taste. 



I36 OUR SOCIETY. 

Entering the House. — If there is a man at the door with a 
tray or card-basket, the caller deposits his card therein, other- 
wise he leaves it upon a table or any other convenient recep- 
tacle in the hall. If he is not known to the hostess, he sends 
in his card to her, and the guest or lady member of the family, 
with whom he is acquainted, introduces him to the lady of 
the house. 

He may or may not, as he chooses, leave his overcoat, hat 
or cane in the hall. Gentlemen generally prefer to retain 
these belongings, as the New Year's call rarely exceeds fifteen 
minutes in length, and is often limited to five. He may relieve 
himself of these incumbrances if he wish, as the ladies leave 
this to his own option. He does not remove his gloves, nor is 
it necessary for him to apologize for their presence as he takes 
the hand of his hostess. 

If the room be full, and he a stranger, he may only be 
introduced to the lady of the house, but, should the opportunity 
offer, he is at perfect liberty to speak to other ladies who 
are present. 

He has a right to decline refreshments, if he do not wish to 
partake. He should decline wine or any spirituous liquor in 
every instance. If he make this a rule, and adhere to it, no 
one can feel offended. He wishes to appear to the best advan- 
tage on a day when he will be sure to have to stand the test 
of comparison with many others. He can not afford to run 
the risk of appearing the least bit muddled, stupid or loudly 
loquacious, which may be the result of a glass or two. He 
most decidedly can not risk the unpardonable insult to a lady 
of appearing in her presence intoxicated, which will prgbably 
be the result of a good many glasses. 

The arrival of more guests should be the signal for retiring. 
The leave-taking should be brief. A gentleman may take 
his departure from the refreshment room, without again 



THE CALLING CUSTOMS OF GENTLEMEN. 



137 



visiting the drawing-room, if the latter apartment be very full 
and the hostess much engaged. 

Clergymen do not make calls, but receive at their own resi- 
dences. A gentleman always tries to include in his calls the 
minister in charge of the church he attends. 

On the first New Year's day after marriage, the husband 
does not make calls, but receives with his wife, at home. 




VISITORS AND VISITING 




IGH-STRUNG, busy, 
.intense life is characteristic 
of the advanced civilization 
of our country to-day. 
The man or woman who 
is not devoted to a profes- 
sion, trying to compass a 
great ambition, or in the 
race for riches, where 
there are so many com- 
petitors, is at least in 
pursuit of pleasure with the same unresting, feverish 
haste. 

There are very few women, possessed of average 
health, whose day is not rilled with a programme 
which is regularly carried out, more or less success- 
fully, as circumstances will allow. True, the mass 
of " unconsidered trifles " of which such days are made, may 
seem of little moment to one of grave aims, but to him whose 
life is made of trifles, each one is of vast importance. 

The " help " of to-day has arrived at a point where either 
a radical revolution or the deluge must be close at hand. 
Lack of training, incompetence, impudence and independence 

13« 



VISITORS AND VISITING. 



139 



on the part of the help, and ill-trained, inexperienced, unreas- 
onable, or thoroughly bad mistresses, are some of the causes 
of the household reign of terror, which follows the entrance of 
the " new girl " on, the scene of devastation. The mistresses 
of some homes spend a large share of their time interviewing, 
engaging, and " breaking in " new servants, and the back 
stairs of some mansions continually echo with the tramp of the 
porter, either bringing in or carrying out trunks and valises at 
all hours of the day. Unfeeling, unreasonable mistresses are 
sometimes accountable for indolent, unambitious help, and 
vice versa ; and always in the end the righteous have to suffer. 
But the servant-girl problem must not be discussed here. It 
would fill a book, let alone one chapter. Suffice it to say, it is 
here and must be faced. Taking this and the high-pressure 
living into consideration, the person who contemplates a 
u swooping down " unexpectedly, or even at a day or two's 
notice, with bag and baggage, upon a household, must be 
either inexcusably thoughtless or exceedingly selfish. How 
can such a guest tell what plans have been made by the hostess ? 
Perhaps other friends who have been expressly invited are 
expected, or have already arrived and the house is full. Per- 
haps there is no servant, or the household is in the transition 
state between the going out of the old administration and the 
coming in of the new; or the lady of the house may have 
arranged, herself, to make a visit, and the coming of the 
invader thus despoils the plans of two families. 

A General Invitation. — In view of the above contingencies, 
we most emphatically say, do not accept such an invitation as 
"Do come and make us a visit," though felt to be earnest and 
cordial, without something being added unto it by way of 
preliminaries. A lady should scarcely go to city, town or 
country to visit her own sister, without first writing to announce 
her coming, or asking if it will be convenient. Even the 



140 



OUR SOCIETY. 



members of one family may have times when they can more 
perfectly enjoy each other's society than at others. 

The Right of a Hostess. — The hostess unquestionably has a 
right to say whom she will entertain; and none but intimate 
friends, between whom there is a perfect understanding, will 
even write to announce an intended visit, but will wait for a 
special invitation. 




WELCOME THE COMING. 



The Time Specified. — When such an invitation is extended^ 
the time for coming and length of visit should be clearly stated. 
By this arrangement, the guest will not unconsciously disar- 
range her friends' plans by staying too long, or frustrate any 
pleasant projects for her entertainment, by departing before 
they can be carried out. At English country houses, the time 
and duration of a visit is always specified, and the guest who 
makes himself particularly charming and desirable, is urged to 
repeat the visit at a very early date, instead of being persist- 
ently pressed to remain. It is understood that the visitor has 
other invitations and plans, even if the host or hostess may not. 



VISITORS AND VISITING. 



41 



A Limit Made by the Guest. — When no time has been set 
for departure, in the invitation, the visitor will make his own 
limitation, and inform his entertainer. If the latter has made 
no such specification, he does not like to ask his guest how 
long he intends to remain, and yet it may be inconvenient for 




SPEED THE PARTING. 

him not to know. When one has to set his own time, it is 
best to limit his visit to three days, or a week, according to 
the degree of intimacy, or the distance he may have come. 
If the host or hostess insists on a prolongation of the visit, 
arrangements can be satisfactorily made accordingly 

Making One^s Friend a Convenience. — We by no means 
wish to discourage or underrate the beautiful old institution of 
hospitality. We confess to a sort of reverence for the sacred- 
ness in which it was held by the Arab in his tent, and the 



142 OUR SOCIETY. 

ancient nomadic nations of the earth. But it meant a very 
different thing in those simple, primitive times from what it 
means now. In those days, there were no hotels. Now, if a 
person wish to see a distant city, or have business in the place, 
we can see no human reason why he should not stop at a 
hotel, or why he should feel that he is at liberty to look upon 
his friend's house as such. Let him, if he wish to see his 
friend, by all means send his card, or call; then, if his company 
be urged for a visit, he experiences no loss of self-respect in the 
acceptance. 

Duties of the Host or Hostess. — Offer your guests the best 
that you can give, and then make no apologies for having no 
better. See that their food is well cooked and neatly served, 
that the sleeping-room is in order, well aired, and if the 
weather be cold, as comfortably heated as possible. Foolish 
lavishness and ostentation are a proof that the wealth which 
prompts them is a recent acquirement. Unless a hostess be a 
sufficiently good housekeeper to keep the domestic machinery 
oiled and noiseless, unpalatable food, irregular meals and slat- 
ternly service will detract much from the most cultured 
atmosphere and the warmest welcome. Inform your guest 
of your hours for serving meals, but if it should happen that 
for any sufficient reason he can not be promptly at hand, serve 
him, if long after the meal, with a light lunch, and much good 
humor. If your help is so insufficient as to make this a great 
inconvenience, he will not be apt to allow you to go to the 
trouble of serving him between meals again. But you would 
better serve lunches every day than to have such iron-bound 
rules regarding meals that he feels like a condemned criminal 
if not on hand at the instant. Neither neglect nor worry him 
with too much attention. The moment he begins to feel that 
he is being entertained, he begins to suspect that he is a burden. 



VISITORS AND VISITING. 



43 



If possible, arrange some amusements for his special benefit, to 
show that you wish to please him ; but, if you have household or 
other duties to perform, do not hesitate to go about them as usual. 
If you have a letter to write, or are in the habit of taking an 
afternoon nap, do not hesitate to retire to your own apartment 
and take the necessary time. " If," says Mrs. Sherwood, " you 
have a tiresome guest, who insists upon following you around 
and weighing heavily on your hands, be firm, go to your own 
room and lock the door." 

Remember that if you do not care for certain hours for 
retirement, your visitor may, and if he evince a disposition 
for such a time, respect his inclination. In other words, let 
him alone. If you are entertaining in the country, do not 
insist on your visitor accompanying you to church, or to tea- 
parties, or visits with people in whom he has no interest. It 
is polite of course to invite him, but do not press the matter; 
let him feel that he is at perfect liberty to decline. 

The Model Host or Hostess. — A recent writer has said: 
" To be a charming hostess requires all the best qualities of 
the legendary angel, combined with the fascinating wisdom of 
the arch-enemy. A morbid devotion to truthfulness in word, 
deed and countenance is impossible to the cordial or even the 
courteous hostess. She is expected, by the sacredness of her 
position, ' to smile though the China fall.' " And we might add, 
she is still compelled to smile though her guest bore and tire 
her beyond all ordinary endurance ; for the rites of hospitality 
demand that the guest, if he be a burden or inconvenience, 
shall never know it. 

We must look, after all, to the high-bred English for the 
model entertainers. On arriving at the country house, the 
guest is conducted to his room, where a cup of tea or some 
light refreshment is served. The servant in attendance 



144 0UR SOCIETY. 

informs him at what hour before dinner he will be received in 
the drawing-room. He rarely meets the host or hostess until 
this hour. Sometimes, an invitation is brought to him to drive 
before dinner, but when this is not done, he is at liberty to 
seek his own amusement until the time for presenting himself 
to his entertainers arrives. Generally, the hostess, before her 
guests separate for the night, tells them that they will find, in 
the morning, horses at their disposal, with which to drive 
where they please, she asks if they have any projects in which 
she can be of any assistance, or she suggests an excursion or 
picnic to which they are at liberty to go or stay, as suits them 
best. They are asked at what hour they prefer breakfast, and 
are given the choice of having it in their own rooms or in the 
dining-room, and at the same time are invited to meet the 
hostess at an informal lunch in the middle of the day. 

While the fine establishment and trained servants of the 
English hostess may not fail to the lot of a great many hos- 
pitable souls, they can still make their guests happy by giving 
them a kindly welcome, and then allowing them liberty and 
the pursuit of happiness according to their own sweet wills. 
It does not follow that you do not respect or love a person be- 
cause you do not wish to talk to him, or be talked to by him, 
from sunrise till bed time. Human nature can not stand such 
a strain. This is one of the reasons why many charming 
people accept no invitations, invariably stop at hotels when 
away from home, and avoid entertaining others, because the 
exactions of " visiting " are chains too heavy to be borne. 

Duties of the Guest. — In houses where the ladies of the 
family perform the domestic duties themselves, or perhaps 
with the assistance of one servant, the guest, who is consider- 
ate, will first of all endeavor to add as little as possible to the 
labor of her friends. She will make her own bed and arrange 



VISITORS AND VISITING. 



*45 



her clothes and belongings, so that time need not be spent in 
making the room tidy after her. She will ask to assist in any 
light work which she can do, and will be careful to be punct- 
ual at meals. If she is not allowed to help, she will, after 
breakfast, retire to her own room, absent herself for a walk, 

or, at least, not intrude 
herself in the way of those 
who are obliged to busy 
themselves with house- 
hold or other tasks. 

In any case, the well- 
bred guest will conform, 







as far as possible, to all 
rules and regulations of 
the house, such as the 
hours for rising, retiring, 
and having meals. She 
will, if possible, fall in with 
/i\v ^ ^*/_ < ^ / f/*fc£ and help along any little 
amusements which the family enjoy, such as parlor games, a 
contest at chess with the master of the house, or a rubber of 
whist with any of the family who happen to be devoted to 
the game. She will express pleasure and thanks at any 
project formed for her amusement, and, as far as her strength 
will permit, will hold herself at the disposal of her entertainers. 
She will not accept invitations, or entertain her own friends 
without consulting her host or hostess. 

The guest, who is a lady or gentleman, will not send the ser- 
vants of the house on errands, find fault with or notice the 
bad behavior of children, or kick the family dog or cat. 

1\ faking Presents. — The guest who wishes to make one of 
the family a present, should bestow it on the hostess, or on the 
youngest child. 



146 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Tour HosPs Friends. — Be very particular regarding the 
treatment of the friends of your host or hostess. Even if they 
be distasteful to you, you must endeavor to conceal your dis- 
like, and avoid all unfavorable criticisms after their departure. 

Taking Leave. — Before going, express to your entertainer 
the pleasure you have had in the visit. Be sure to write to 
your friends on your arrival home, assuring them of the fact, 
and repeating your appreciation of their kindness. Whatever 
skeleton you may have found in their closet, remember you 
have partaken of their hospitality, and be not the one to open 
the door, for even the slightest peep at the ghastly possession, 
to any one else. 




CEREMONIOUS DINNERS. 



2^ 




T no kind of social entertainment is it so 
important that the guests should be congenial 
and well suited to each other as at a dinner. The 
hostess should be quite sure that the elements she is 
about to bring together will coalesce with harmoni- 
ous results. The same people are obliged to be 
longer in each other's society, without any escape, 
than at any other form of social gathering. You 
and your neighbor at the table must talk, or you are painfully 
conscious of boring each other, and being considered sticks by 
all the rest. Imagine the situation when }^ou have not one idea 
or taste in common. General conversation should at intervals 
bring the whole company en rapport or into sympathy; but, 
in these days the prevailing tendency seems to be to talk in 
pairs. The era of great conversers, who could entertain a 
whole tableful with their wit and eloquence, seems to have 
gone by. We can not believe there are no longer any such 
talkers as those of the old time; we rather think there are no 
such listeners. Much of the spirit and inspiration of a speaker 
departs when he finds his audience gradually breaking up into 
opposition groups of twos and threes. He naturally feels that 
he is not making himself interesting. A little more cultiva- 
tion of the art of listening would no doubt help to develop the 
art of conversation, not only at dinners but everywhere else. 



148 



OUR SOCIETY. 



The Old Style and the New, — Nowhere has the growth 
of luxury in this country been more apparent than in the pomp 
and circumstance which now accompanies modern dinners. 
Time was, not many years back, when a line white damask 
table-cloth and napkins, a solid silver service, some good china 
and glass, furnished forth the festive board of a " blue blood " 
or merchant prince on the most stately occasions. If flowers 
were used, they were few, and the hostess of those days had 
not yet imagined the quaint and curious designs and the pro- 
fusion of color and fragrance which is part of the ceremonious 
dinner of to-day. Two or three white, cut or engraved glasses 
supplied the places of the five of various tints and shapes 
which now stand next each plate; and menu cards, bonbon- 
nieres and favors worth a house and lot, were follies not yet 
dreamed of in their philosophy. But, notwithstanding the fact 
that extravagance is the fashion, there are still given some 
old style dinners, where good feeling, wisdom and wit glow 
and sparkle quite as beautifully as they do around these more 
ostentatious boards. 

We do not say but that the charmingly decorated porcelain 
and pottery are works of art, which are to be encouraged as 
part of the real education of a people; and we see no reason 
why any one with a particle of artistic taste should wish to 
return to the white expanse of old time table furnishing. We 
merely wish to suggest that the absence of these modern 
luxuries does not make a good dinner in good company an 
absolute failure, and that no one should hold back from 
extending such a hospitality because he is not the fortunate 
possessor of sets of Sevres, Dresden, or old Spode. 

The Table. — The long extension table is most in use, as it 
more readily accommodates itself to the number of guests 
than any other. 



CEREMONIOUS DINNERS. 1 49 

The Table-Coth. — The table should be first covered with a 
canton flannel spread. This ma}' be white if the cloth is to 
be the usual snowy damask, and red if the outer cover is the 
open work table-cover. One need never fear of going wrong 
in using a fine white damask, and eschewing the silk and gold 
embroidered affairs. A table-cloth that will not wash is in 
decidedly bad taste. The long fold down the middle forms 
the line upon which the centre ornaments are to be placed. 

Decorations. — There are about as many devices for mak- 
ing a table look pretty as there are varieties in porcelain r 
faience, flowers, and napery. If the hostess, or whoever 
directs , the decorations, have artistic taste or even a certain 
knack or skill at combining colors or forms, she may carry 
out any plan or device of her own with success, and even find 
herself honored as being the originator of a fashion; but, if 
she be not quite sure of her skill, rather than run the risk of 
future ridicule, she would better keep in the safe, beaten path 
of conventional customs. As some one has remarked : " It is 
better to be sure than sorry." A fashion which has found 
much favor is the scarf or mat of crimson velvet laid over the 
table-cloth down the centre. This is to give a bit of rich 
color to the table and to serve as a background for the decor- 
ations to be placed upon it. Sometimes these are banks of 
flowers in trays, or silver salvers, lined with mirrors to simu- 
late miniature lakes, upon whose surface float artificial swans, 
or, perhaps, a ship of flowers. Sometimes, tall, slender vases 
of graceful or fantastic design contain blossoms and trailing 
vines; and again a French flower girl in bisque stands amid a 
bed of ferns, and supports an overflowing basket of roses. 
Some very beautiful designs have been entirely of ferns of the 
different varieties, gracefully and effectively arranged. 



i5o 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Dinner Cards. — Of odd, pretty or fantastic devices in 
menu or dinner cards, there seems to be no end. A good idea 
for starting conversation and raising a merry humor is to hit 
off delicately and good-naturedly any hobby, occupation or 
pursuit of those present, by the design upon the card. These 
little drawings can be done in ink, sepia, or colors, by any one 
who has even a slight aptitude for such things, or appropriate 
designs can be copied from books or magazines. Suppose, 
for instance, an artist is to be present, his or her card should 
show a small easel draped with a scarf and holding a little 



canvas perhaps just begun, 
draw, a palette and 
orate design 



or, what would be easier to 
brushes, or, if a more elab- 
can be managed, an out- 
door outfit of umbrella, 
easel and stool, with an 
\ artist sketching. A 
student or literary 




person might have a study- 
table littered with paper, 
pens and ink, with a lamp, 
suggestive of " midnight 
oil," and, beside it, a large pair of spectacles. A musical 
individual should have his or her favorite instrument. 



CEREMONIO US DINNERS. I 5 1 

If it should happen to be a piano, and this is found too 
difficult for the amateur artist, simply the key-board could 
be represented; a violin, harp, or any of the smaller instru- 
ments will lend themselves readily to means of decora- 
tion. If a vocalist is to be served, a bar or two of 
music, perhaps that of a favorite song with the title or a few 
of the words, would be appropriate. Suppose we have an 
angler, what could be more complimentary than a rod and 
fish-basket, or perhaps two or three portraits of his alleged 
victims of the finny tribe. If he a be mighty hunter, a gun 
and game-bag, or some dead birds would be equally fitting. 
The lady with a craze for pottery painting,. could have a 
sketch of a vase, plaque and punch-bowl, prettily grouped, 
and the one with a particular liking for some domestic animal 
might have her pet poodle, pug, or parrot set forth in his 
most engaging attitude. Suppose we have a friend who 
would continually a-journeying go, make a group of his valise, 
umbrella, and time-tables, or a retreating train of cars, with 
the gentleman in the rear, just a little too late. An oarsman 
can have his oars and racing shell, a yachtsman his yacht, 
and an athlete his dumb-bells and Indian clubs. A graceful 
compliment to a foreigner would be the flag or arms of his 
country, together with our own. Should he be a diplomate or 
secretary of a legation, an official-looking paper or papers with 
seals attached, and pens and ink-stand might be added to the 
national emblems. 

It is perhaps needless to suggest that the work upon such 
trifles should be kept exceedingly neat and dainty, and the 
card clean and crisp. 

Favors and Bonbon m'eres. — The pretty trifles containing 
sugar plums, or simply the favors which are given to each 
lady guest to carry away as a souvenir of the occasion, have 



152 



OUR SOCIETY. 



given employment to the inventive brains and skilful fingers 
of an army of workmen, both in our country and in Europe. 
They are pretty, fantastic, or expensive, according to the 
taste, common-sense or purse of the giver. The prices for 
each, range all the way from fifty cents to fifty dollars, the 
latter being not an uncommon price for a hand-painted fan, 
lace handkerchief, or artistically chased silver box, which 
have been bestowed on guests at many recent lunches or din- 
ners given by ladies of wealth. Less expensive favors are 
bags of plush and satin richly embroidered and trimmed with 
lace, and a very pretty conceit is the tiny muff of velvet, silk 
and ribbons, in which is concealed the bonbonniere of sweets. 

Fans are much in favor, and pretty satin ones can be had at 
from twelve to one hundred dollars a dozen. Very pretty- 
ones of paper, of Japanese make, can be obtained at much 
less cost. 

Gilded wicker baskets, lined with bright tinted satin or 
plush, inside of which was placed silver paper to hold the con- 
fectionery, quite delighted the hearts of some lady guests at a 
dinner given about two years ago, since which time they have 
become very popular for such uses, as they are so easily con- 
verted into useful and dainty work-baskets. 

Another style of bonbonniere, which can afterward be used 
for a party bag or in numerous other ways, is the brocaded silk 
handkerchief, gathered up into the form of a bag, and deco- 
rated with tassels and lace, and satin ribbons by which it is to 
be hung. 

Painted Easter eggs in satin, plush or carved wood boxes, 
or eggs made of different materials, that can be opened, and 
are large enough to hold confectioner} 7 , come in a multitude 
of devices, and are as cheap or expensive as the buyer may 
desire. A pretty design is a painted egg lying in a nest of 
silver and gold threads in a dainty basket. 



CEREMONIO US DINNERS. I 5 3 

Tiny wheelbarrows of wood, with a few pansies, daisies or 
rosebuds painted upon them, with the monogram of' the 
recipient, or those of carved wood, which can afterward be 
rilled with earth, and made to hold a house plant ; or the pret- 
tily tinted ones of Dresden ware, which can afterwards be 
utilized for cut flowers, are all graceful and appropriate favors. 

Small, gilded wicker baskets, hung upon three gilt poles, 
gypsy kettle fashion, will afterwards conceal a small cup or 
vase in which cut flowers can be placed. 

Articles in pottery, which can also be used for holding 
flowers, are pale pink conch shells, sea-green dolphins, a 
group of branching coral and shells, sea-weeds floated up 
against a piece of drift-wood, a canoe pulled up on the shore, 
a lunch-basket with a bit of pink or buff napkin peeping over 
the edge, a small donkey carrying pale blue panniers as large 
as himself, a churn of pink and silver, or a gaily decked 
peasant with a large fish-basket swung upon his back. 

Others, which open and disclose the bonbons within, are 
large roses, a sedate head of a Turk, whose fez can be easily 
lifted off, a rosy apple which is quickly halved, or a silvery 
clam-shell among pale pink sea-weeds. 

The great majority who cannot afford to give expensive 
favors, can find at the wholesale stores, where they can be 
bought much cheaper than at retail, or can themselves manu- 
facture, very pretty little affairs of gilt card-board and satin. 
A favorite design in these materials is the pair of bellows, one 
side of which opens to receive the sugar-plums. Another is 
the old-fashioned carpet-bag with puffed satin ends. A 
powder-horn hung by silken cords and tassels, if made at 
home, can have two flat sides cut the required shape, and 
joined together with puffed satin. The card-board can be 
covered with gold-paper, gilded or painted with the name or 



!54 0UR SOCIETY. 

initials of the recipient and some appropriate design. A hat 
or shoe might also be made in the same way. 

A conceit which would be especially effective for a dinner 
given to army officers and their wives, would be a miniature 
cannon or stack of arms, with chocolates arranged in a pile 
like cannon balls beside them. A Greek or Roman helmet, 
or a small Krupp gun, with its large bore, which would be 
adequate for holding sweets, would also be appropriate for 
such an occasion, if manufactured in the deft and dainty man- 
ner of which the French toy maker is such a master. 

The person who is skilful with the brush has, within easy 
reach, a multitude of pretty fancies that are sure to please. 
Small wood covers for books, or photograph cases, or larger 
ones for music, decorated with an owl sitting on a swaying 
branch, over which creeps woodbine or ivy; a flight of birds; 
a butterfly settling down upon a spray of golden-rod; or a 
branch of wild roses, with a spider's web in the corner, are all 
appropriate designs for such articles. 

Small boxes of wood, or those covered with satin, can also 
be decorated in the same way, or with the quaint little Kate 
Greenaway figures in color or in outline. 

Tiny banners of satin, with some simple design, in which 
may appear the monogram or initials of the lady to whom it 
is to be given, are also acceptable. 

Small leghorn hats filled with flowers, and having ribbons 
by which they can be hung upon the arm, were the very 
aesthetic favors which delighted the hearts of twelve ladies at a 
luncheon given about a year ago by a leader in the social throng. 

Conducive to merriment are cats and kittens with almost 
human expressions, owls with eyes rolled up or cast down 
in a languishing manner, and bears in stained glass attitudes. 
These amusing conceits are to be found in china or composi- 



CEREMONIO US DINNERS. I 5 5, 

tion, and open to disclose tempting caramels or sugared 
fruits. 

In the latter material, fruits and melons, elephants, tigers, 
lions, and even the harmless, necessary cow, are pressed into 
service as bonbonnieres. Quite inexpensive favors in paste- 
board come in the form of steam yachts, ferry-boats and gon- 
dolas, to be loaded with sugar plums. Besides these are 
musical instruments, such as banjos, guitars, mandolins, tam- 
bourines and drums, and the different implements used in such 
games as lawn-tennis, and battledoor and shuttlecock. 

The very realistic toads, crocodiles, snails, beetles and old 
shoes, which have appeared on some tables, we need scarcely 
suggest, are anything but " a dainty dish to set before the king," 
or indeed any ordinary person. Their presence at a feast is 
sometimes quite enough to destroy the appetites of sensitive 
or slightly squeamish people. 

Bonbonnieres, favors and dinner cards are simply a caprice, 
and not a necessity. The hostess whose taste does not lead 
her in this direction, or whose purse will not admit of such 
expenditures, may give very charming dinners or lunches 
without anything of the kind. 

Laying the Table. — The centre ornaments being arranged, 
the person laying the table next measures a hand's length 
from the edge of the table towards the centre, which will be 
the proper line upon which to place the water goblet, around 
which he groups the claret, wine, hock and champagne glasses. 
The plate comes next, upon which is placed the folded nap- 
kin, holding a roll of bread. At the right of the plate are 
usually to be seen two knives and a soup spoon; at the left, 
three forks. Very thin glasses, which are sometimes used for 
choice Madeira, are not put on until the latter part of the 
dinner. 



I56 OUR SOCIETY. 

If oysters are to be served on the half-shell, a small majolica 
plate containing them and an oyster fork is placed beside 
the larger plate, as oysters served in this style are to be eaten 
first of all. 

When menu holders of china or silver are to be used, these 
are placed before each plate, but when these are dispensed 
with, the card is laid on the plate. 

A salt-cellar of some pretty or fanciful design should be 
placed at each plate. The carafe should not be set on until 
the last thing, so that the water may be cold from its fresh 
contact with the ice. 

Serving a la Russe. — As the practice of serving entirely 
from side tables, or d la Russe, as it is called, is now consid- 
ered the most elegant, no spaces are required to be left for large 
dishes, carving-knives, forks or spoons; all vacancies being 
filled with baskets and numerous designs of silver, gilt, glass 
or faience^ holding fruit, bonbons or confections of various sorts. 

The Sideboard. — This should have ready for use the 
reserve dinner plates, sauce-ladles, knives, forks, tumblers and 
Madeira glasses. On another table or sideboard should be 
placed the finger-bowls, desert plates, the small spoons, coffee- 
cups and saucers. At the table nearest the door, or, if the 
room be small, in an adjoining room or hall, should be served 
all the principal dishes. As the roasts are to be carved here, 
this table should contain the plates necessary for the course, 
and the accessories, carving-knife, fork, steel, etc. The soup 
tureen and soup plates are also kept on this table before the 
entrance of the guests. 

Plates removed from the table are immediately sent to the 
kitchen. 

Champagne and hock are not decanted, but are kept in ice 
pails until needed. Wines poured into decanters are placed 



CEREM0N10 US DINNERS. 1 5 7 

upon the principal sideboard, and when required are brought 
first to the host, who sends them around to his guests. 

The Order of Wines. — White wine is usually offered with 
the fish, sherry with the soup, and claret or champagne with 
the roast. The guest, if he take the latter, should be asked 
if he prefer dry or sweet champagne. A napkin should be 
wrapped around the bottle, as its recent contact with the ice 
causes drippings, which are decidedly objectionable upon 
dainty toilettes. 

The Servants. — One well-trained servant can wait upon ten 
people, which is a very good number for a dinner. It 
generally requires three to serve twenty-four. In some estab- 
lishments where there is a competent butler, the mistress 
requires of him only to direct and manage the under servant 
or servants, to remain behind her chair, and to hand the wine. 
Sometimes the butler serves all the courses, and waits upon a 
small dinner party with no assistance. Frequently he is 
helped by a maid-servant. 

The Hour. — Seven or eight o'clock are the usual hours for 
dining. The former is more in favor in this country, as it 
leaves more time for fulfilling evening engagements. What- 
ever the hour is, it should be distinctly stated in the invitation, 
and the guest should take particular care not to be one minute 
behind time. He must indeed be of more than ordinary metal 
who can face with equanimity a roomful of impatient guests, 
and an anxious host and hostess who are thinking of the cool- 
ing soup and the spoiling courses. Of course, none of this will 
be visible on their faces, but if he knows anything of " dining 
out," he must be sure that it is all there, and that he is the 
active and sole cause. About five or ten minutes before the 
hour, is the proper time to arrive. 



I58 OUR SOCIETY. 

Entering. — The gentleman guest will find in the hall a card 
bearing his name and that of the lady he is to take out to the 
dining-room. Sometimes accompanying this card is a bouton- 
niere, which he places in his button-hole. If a lady be with 
him, he allows her to precede him in entering the drawing- 
room. If he be not acquainted with the lady assigned to him, 
he asks the hostess to introduce him. When cards are not 
provided, the lady of the house should quietly inform each 
gentleman which lady he is to take in to dinner. 

Going in to Dinner. — The butler, or head waiter comes to 
the entrance and silently bows to the host, who is inwardly on 
the alert for this signal of announcement. The latter offers 
his left arm to the lady who is to be most honored. Some- 
times it is a noted literary woman or artist who is the lioness 
of the occasion, and for whom the dinner is given, or it may 
be the wife of the lion of the hour, or the most celebrated 
man present, or, if no such distinction can be made, then it 
should be the eldest lady, providing, of course, she is old 
enough not to resent such discrimination. The hostess comes 
last with the gentleman whom she particularly wishes to 
honor. Each guest finds his or her name written upon cards 
placed upon their plates over the menu card. Sometimes the 
host previously informs them upon which side of the table 
they are to sit, which is a very good arrangement for pre- 
venting confusion. The ladies and gentlemen stand at their 
places until the hostess is seated, when the gentleman, having 
his right arm free, arranges the lady's chair and places her at 
his right. If there are any vacant chairs, they are, if possible, 
left the farthest from the entertainers, as it is pleasant for the 
latter to be as near as they can to their guests. 

The First Course. — When oysters are found next the 
plate, these are eaten, or pretended to be eaten, by all. Soup, 



CEREMONIOUS DINNERS. 



1 59 



which comes next, is refused by no one, and even the one who 
has a deadly aversion to this part of the menu, should take 
lessons of the people who eat on the stage, and appear to be 
enjoying it, while taking very little. We need scarcely add 
that no one will commit the enormity of taking soup a second 
time, as, in that case, the whole company must wait for one 
person. Other courses may be refused, but never soup. 

Taking Wine. — Contrary to the usual custom, some 
people had begun to give dinners without wines, even before 
Mrs. Hayes, at the White House, heroically set her face 
against the use of liquors at the feast. But the example of 
the first lady in the land had the effect of strengthening the 
resolve of many who had not before the strength to carry out 
their intentions in this respect. Nevertheless, the force of old 
established custom and the taste of some people still seem to 
require wine at the dinner. In Europe it is about as much of 
a necessity as bread ; and foreigners and those who have spent 
much time abroad miss it, when absent from the table, as the 
tea or coffee drinker does his favorite beverage. 

The average American can not drink wine like the foreigner. 
His more nervous organization actually forbids it. Some con- 
stitutions will not stand a drop of spirituous liquor. Others 
must take it very sparingly. Still others are teetotalers on 
principle. Having, in this country, seen so much of the ter- 
rible effects of intemperance, they shun even the first step of 
the downward flight. 

For these and other reasons, the host or guests have no 
right to feel offended if a gentleman or lady refuses wine. 
This should be done as silently and unobtrusively as possible. 
A shake of the head, or simply placing the fingers over the 
glass, will suffice; or, if one wish, he may allow his glasses 
to be filled, and sip them once or twice, or let them remain 



1 6o OUR SOCIETY, 

untouched. If toasts are given, the latter plan is the best, as 
no one wishes to appear so discourteous as not to raise his 
glass on such an occasion. But if one have good or sufficient 
reasons for refusing, especially if it be on principle, he should 
make no remarks on the subject. A temperance lecture is 
decidedly out of place at such a time, when no one is supposed 
to be in need of this advice, and where it is a positive insult to 
the host. 

Rising from the Table. — When all have dined, the hostess 
bows to the lady at the right of the host, and rises. This is 
the signal for all to rise and pass to the drawing-room, except 
when the custom of gentlemen remaining after the ladies is 
observed. In the latter case the gentleman who accompanied 
the hostess in to dinner opens the door for her to pass out, 
and all the gentlemen remain standing until the ladies have 
left the room. Wine and cigars are then discussed, either in 
the dining-room or another apartment, while the ladies chat 
together in the drawing-room. The custom of gentle- 
men remaining at the table is thought by many to be one 
"more honored in the breach than the observance;" and is 
gradually going out of fashion. In many of the recent, elegant 
dinners, the gentlemen rose with the ladies and accompanied 
them to the drawing-room. It seems that, out of deference to 
their fair companions, gentlemen might postpone, for a short 
time, their after-dinner cigar, and certainly the opportunities 
for taking wine with the courses are more than sufficient for a 
temperate man. In the minds of some, the custom is always 
more or less associated with the dark ages. 

After Dinner. — When coffee is not served at table after 
the desert, it is served in the drawing-room, half an hour or so 
later, after the gentlemen have come in. In such cases the 
hostess usually sits by the coffee-urn, and the gentlemen hand 



CEREMONIO US DINNERS. 1 6 1 

the coffee-cups to the ladies, a servant following with sugar, 
cream, and sometimes a cut glass bottle containing brandy. 

Taking Leave. — Guests should remain about one hour 
after dinner, and not later than two hours. Should one be 
obliged to leave immediately after dining, he or she should 
explain this to the hostess directly after arriving, in which 
case there can be a withdrawal without any formal leave- 
taking. 

Calls After a Dinner. — Calls should be made upon the 
hostess within a week after a dinner, by all who have been 
honored by an invitation, whether accepted or not. Gentle- 
men whose time is much absorbed in business, making it incon- 
venient to do much calling, may send their cards by their 
wives or lady relatives. When this is impossible, they may be 
sent by post, but this should be the very last resort, as a single 
gentleman, if he have not the time to call, should at least offer 
the civility of leaving his card in person. 

The Invitation. — Invitations for a dinner are usually sent a 
week or two before the event. They can be either written or 
engraved. Sometimes, ladies who give a great many dinners, 
keep on hand engraved forms which can be filled with names 
and dates as the occasion requires. The usual wording is the 
following : 

Mr, and Mrs. John Grayling 

request the pleasure of 

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart BurrelVs company at dinner, 

on Tuesday, March ninth, 

at seven o'clock. 

11 



j62 OUR society. 

In Honor of a Guest. — When the dinner is given in honor 
of some distinguished person or a guest from some other city, 
there is added to the invitation the words : " To meet Mr. 
Guy Courtney of Washington; " or a separate card is enclosed 
on which it is written or engraved in this form: 

To meet 

Mr. Guy Courtney, 

of Washington. 

R. S. V. P. no longer appear on dinner invitations, as it is 
understood that all such invitations must be answered. 

Acceptance or Regrets. — The recipient of an invitation 
should answer it immediately, either accepting or declining. 
An acceptance may be expressed in the following terms: 

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart Burrell 

accept with much pleasure 
Mr. and Mrs. John Grayling's Invitation 

for March ninth. 

Regrets may be written thus: 

Mr. and Mrs. Stuart Burrell 

regret exceedingly that owing to (whatever the cause may be) 
they cannot have the pleasure of dining with *■ 

Mr. and Mrs John. Grayling 

on Tuesday •, March ninth. 

The cause for declining should be stated very clearly, as 
nothing can be more rude than regrets with no reason as- 
signed. 



CEREMONIOUS DINNERS. 1 63 

If illness, or some other urgent cause, renders attendance 
impossible after an invitation has been accepted, word should 
be sent immediately to the hostess, even if it be but a few 
minutes before the appointed hour. 

Guests from one Family. — A gentleman should not be 
invited without his wife, nor a lady without her husband, 
unless in cases where either one happens to be a guest in a 
city some distance from home, or the husband or wife of the 
person invited is absent on a protracted tour. No more than 
three from one family should be asked, unless the dinner is to 
be a very large one, or it is understood to be a family affair. 

Returning Courtesies. — Those who are in the habit of giv 
ing dinners should, if possible, return the hospitalities they 
have received. If their resources will not allow of this kind 
of entertainment, they should seek some other method of 
returning the compliment. They should not be deterred 
from so doing because they cannot entertain so magnificently 
as the one who has opened his house to them, but should 
remember that the spirit, and not the manner of doing these 
things, is what is considered by the most refined people. If, 
for any good reasons, a lady cannot entertain, she should not 
decline invitations on this account, as it is generally under- 
stood why she does not do so, for, if society wish for her 
attendance, there must be compensation enough in her pres- 
ence, else the demand would not continue. 

While it is quite certain that a large share of entertaining 
is what some one has denominated a " give and take affair, " 
it is also true that the most delightful and thoroughly success- 
ful social gatherings have been given by hostesses who 
respected and admired certain people for their minds and 
hearts alone, who invited them for these reasons, and for the 
purpose of bringing together congenial souls. With no petty 



164 



OUR SOCIETY. 



calculation of benefits to be received in return, they embodied 
in their social creed, the finest reading of that grand old law 
of hospitality. 

Whatever may have been omitted in the foregoing pages, 
we hope will be found in the following ingenious rhymes, 
which seem to embody about all that can be said regarding 
the rules for dining out. 

FRENCH ETIQUETTE FOR DINERS OUT. 

[From the French (Code Ceremonial) of the Countess De Bassauville.] 

In dress complete of silk and lace, 

In spirits gay and fine, 
Promptly arrive, with beaming face, 

When you go out to dine. 
Go precisely at the hour in the invitation stated, 
Nor hurry in before the time, nor ever be belated. 



1 r 




CEREMONIOUS DINNERS. 

To the lady for him chosen 

By the hostess able, 
Offers the gentleman his arm 

To lead her to the table. 
No lady ever should refuse the arm of Monsieur brave, 
To do otherwise he'd recognize as insult very grave. 

When en route for the dining-hall, 

No lady, called well-bred, 
Will stop, or hesitate at all ; 

But, with well-measured tread, 
Will observe the strictest order, nor let any pass before, 
Both in going from the parlor, and returning to its door, 



165 




A card should indicate your seat ; 

But, if you find it not, 
Await with manner most discreet 

Till Madame casts your lot; 
Then place yourself behind the chair Madame has signified, 
And wait her signal to sit down with presence dignified. 



1 66 OUR SOCIETY. 

The men should wait until they see 

The dames their napkins hold, 
Then spread them deftly on the knee, 

And do not quite unfold. 
Be not too near the table, and of the opposite beware; 
Sit upright with graceful air; lean not back upon your chair. 

'Tis called uncouth to cut one's bread; 

It should broken be; 
Upon the plate it should be spread 

And eaten leisurely. 
Accept the plate that's to you sent, nor pass it to another, 
The host who has remembered you will not forget your brother. 

Attract their glance and make a sign, 

But servants do not call, 
If you should want more bread or wine, 

Or anything at all. 
And thank them not; in serving you they serve their master still, 
Avoid all noise with knife, fork, plate, and use your jaws with skill- 
Eat with the left hand, cut with the right, 

Handle not any bones. 
Guests should not laugh, ( 'tis ill-bred quite), 

While speaking in low tones. 
Be affable to other guests as much as in you lies, 
Be attentive when your hostess the signal gives to rise. 

A part of your evening is due 

The house where you have dined; 
So, after dinner, hours two 

Are given to feast of mind. 
Then say good-bye. Within a week your hosts a visit pay, 
Their feast to praise, and of their guests the kindliest things to say. 

And courtesy requires that you 

An ample dinner give 
Within the month that does ensue; 

Unless it be you weary live 
A bachelor, a widow lorn, or lady still unwed, 
Or fortune's fickle favors are not round your pathway shed. 

M. A. R. 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 




OWHERE does a per- 
son display his good 
or bad breeding more 
conspicuously than at 
the table. Look down 
the hotel or steamer 
table, where all are entire 
strangers to you, and, in 
a few minutes, you can 
the man who is much used 
or the world, the one who 
carefully trained when a 
child, the recluse or absent-minded man, the one who is 
entirely indifferent to matters of social culture, and the 
decidedly ill-bred man. If these things are at once detected 
at a public table, how much more are they noticed at the pri- 
vate board, where deference to ones host and hostess, and 
their friends, should make one care to be in all ways unobjec- 
tionable, and incapable of giving offense. 

The Dining-Room. — First of all, let us consider the dining- 
room. This important apartment should be well lighted and 
cheerful in furnishing and decorations. The idea that 
dining-rooms in all kinds of modern houses should imitate 
the sombre, brown dining-rooms of old, European houses, 
where every room was solemn, is a mistake which is being 

167 



1 68 OUR SOCIETY. 

rapidly rectified in many of the handsome, new residences. 
Unquestionably, much bric-a-brac, scarfs and drapery are out 
of place, except in a very spacious apartment, as room- must 
be left for the waiter to move about without being in danger 
of disarranging such things. A rich, but not sombre wall, a 
few pictures, some pretty pottery and glass on the sideboard, 
and harmonious curtains and carpet, are capable of furnishing 
color and sparkle enough to keep any apartment from looking 
dreary, if chosen rightly. 

Chairs upholstered with leather are not only more durable, 
but for dainty toilettes, such as are likely to be worn at din- 
ners, are much better than cane, as the latter are likely to 
catch certain kinds of garniture and make havoc, especially 
with beads and pendants. 

Laying the Table. — The napery should be always clean 
and well ironed. It is better to have a good many coarse 
table-cloths, and have them fresh, than a few very fine ones 
that must be made to do duty after their daintiness has 
departed. The silver should be kept bright and well washed, 
and the glass transparent and glistening. If china or glass 
has the least roughness to the touch, it has been either 
washed or dried improperly. A dainty, sparkling table with 
plain viands is decidedly more tempting than an array of good 
things set forth with smeary glass and soiled table-cloth. 

The Breakfast Table. — For breakfast a colored spread may 
be used if preferred. The red and white, pale pink, and buff 
damasks come in very pretty and attractive designs. Nap- 
kins should match the cloth. A few flowers add very much 
to any table, and should not be forgotten at breakfast any 
more than at the more ceremonious meals. Fruit or 
melons are usually eaten first, and should, if the table 
is large, be found on sitting down at each plate. If oatmeal 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. 1 69 

is served, it should come next, and should not be brought to 
the table until needed, as it is generally preferred hot. Next 
come the meats, vegetables, omelets, eggs, or hot cakes as 
they are required. With many it is the custom to have the 
entire breakfast placed upon the table before sitting down, but 
where oatmeal or cracked wheat, and fruits are to be eaten, it 
seems much the better plan to serve these in two courses, and 
make the meats, eggs or omelets the third, as the latter can 
then be kept hot and appetizing. 

In a large family, where there are servants, much inform- 
ality should be allowed. Members of the family, or guests, 
should be allowed latitude as to the time for appearing at the 
table. The one who has lost sleep through any cause what- 
ever, should be allowed to catch an extra nap in the morning. 
The iron-bound rule which obliges all the members of a house- 
hold to make their appearance at the table at an early hour, 
because the master of the house wishes to catch a certain 
train, is enough to rouse rebellion in a family, and keep guests 
forever from the door. If the servants are not sufficient to 
keep warm an elaborate breakfast for each straggler, let it be 
less elaborate, or let the late comers take what they find with- 
out a murmur. Coffee, oatmeal, or omelet are easily kept 
hot, and one who, for any cause whatever, has lost his rest, 
would much prefer his sleep in the morning, with simply a 
cup of hot coffee and a roll, than to be aroused and dragged 
forth unfitted for either work or pleasure for the whole day. 
Let it be understood, and especially by guests, that their 
appearance at breakfast is a matter of their own pleasure, and 
that no one will be inconvenienced by their absence, and the 
breakfast hour will cease to be a terror that haunts one's 
nights like the fear of losing an early train. Habitual late 
rising is not a practice to be encouraged, except when one's 
business or mode of life demands late retiring, but one would 



lyo 



OUR SOCIETY, 



better rise at ten o'clock, and be good-natured and fit for his 
duties all the rest of the day, than be forced out of bed at six, 
only to drag through the time in a peevish and languid fashion. 

Lunch. — When dinner is served at six or seven o'clock, the 
midday meal is eaten at about one o'clock, or whatever hour is 
most convenient. This is usually an informal affair, with hot 
or cold meats, vegetables or salad, preserves, marmalade or 
pastry. The table-cloth and napkins may be colored as for 
breakfast or tea, but, at more ceremonious luncheons, white 
should be used. Lunch for the midday meal is rapidly grow- 
ing in favor as cities grow in size. Business men, whose 
offices or warehouses are at long distances from their homes, 
are obliged to take their lunches down town, and naturally 
prefer their dinners when " the cares that infest the day " are 
put aside, and they are at liberty to enjoy eating with their 
families. 

The Dinne?' Table. — Dinner, whether served in the middle 
of the day according to the old time American custom, or in 
the evening after the manner of the European, is the most 
substantial and important meal of the day. The table should 
be spread with white damask, and large white napkins to 
match. Colored napery is not considered appropriate for 
dinner. Dishes should be garnished, and placed upon the 
table as attractively as possible, and the board laid with the 
utmost care and attention to details. Every member of the 
household is expected to be prompt at this repast. In Eng- 
land no gentleman thinks of appearing in other than evening 
dress, and the ladies likewise. In America such ceremonious 
dressing is not generally adopted, but it is understood that, if 
any formality is observed, it must be at dinner.. Certain it is 
that the English custom is to be commended for its civilizing 
and refining influence on the manners. If the master of the 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. j » j 

house has the time and inclination to array himself in broad- 
cloth and fine linen, why should he not do so? If he would 
assume this attire to sit down in the presence of other gentle- 
men and ladies, why should he not do so for the one he holds 
highest among women, and the ladies and gentlemen of his 
own family? If he set such an example, wife, daughters or 
sons will be ashamed to pay less attention to their own toilettes, 
and all will be carefully dressed. No one, in his best clothes, 
is apt to be careless and absent-minded about his eating; 
therefore his manners will be correspondingly improved. 
Good manners are a help to good morals, and a whole sermon 
might be preached with the swallow-tail for a text: not in a 
Teufelsdrbchhian strain, but with good cheer. 

Longfellow, happening to be writing a note while arrayed 
in a dress-coat, with a rose in his buttonhole, says, referring 
to his dress: "Why should we not always do it when we 
write letters? We should, no doubt, be more courtly and 
polite, and perhaps say handsome things to each other." 

If such a man could be so impressed with the influence of 
dress upon manners, must there not be something in the idea 
that is worthy of consideration by all? 

There are very many refined and truly elegant men who 
do not possess a dress-coat, and many who do, who could not 
be induced to wear one every evening. Still, some change 
might easily be made in the freshening of the tie or linen, or 
the donning of a coat that had not been through the heat and 
dust of the day; and the ladies of the house can as well dress 
for the evening before dinner as after. 

Respectful behavior toward the members of one's own fam- 
ily lies at the very groundwork of good breeding. There is 
much to think of in Emerson's remark: "Let us not be too 
much acquainted," and again: "We should meet each morn- 



172 OUR SOCIETY. 

ing, as from foreign countries, and, spending the day together, 
should depart at night as into foreign countries." 

If we wear our good manners every day, they will set easily 
on us. Otherwise they may be something like poor Joe 
Gargary's Sunday coat, a dreadful source of anxiety to the 
wearer. 

Serving Dinner. — At some family dinners the meal is all 
placed upon the table before sitting down. But where the 
mistress has the service of a competent servant, she generally 
prefers to strike a small call-bell which stands before her 
plate, and have the courses brought on as they are required. 
When there is more than one servant, and one remains in the 
dining-room, or in the pantry, to wait on the table, the bell is, 
of course, not required. Soup is first served, after which the 
servant removes the plates, and brings in fish. If there is no 
fish, the roast and vegetables come next. When this course 
is finished, the platter, plates, vegetable dishes, and side 
dishes are removed from the table, the servant neatly and 
dexterously brushing away crumbs from each place with a 
napkin or small brush. Pastry or pudding is next brought on. 
If fruit, or nuts and confectionery are served, these come last, 
and with them the finger-bowl, placed on a doyly in the 
desert plate. This small ornamental bit of linen is usually 
only to be looked at, and is placed under the bowl as it is 
lifted from the plate. We remember distinctly the dire morti- 
fication of two ladies, who at a dinner, thinking these small 
napkins were for use, as one naturally might, committed the 
enormity of drying their fingers upon them, before observing 
that the other guests used only the large ones. 

The Tea Table. — When dinner is served during the middle 
of the day, the last meal is called tea, and is necessarily light 
and simple. Cold meats, thin slices of bread, preserves or 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. I 73 

stewed fruits, creams, custards, and fancy cakes, or any other 
cold dish that is fancied with hot tea, is the usual bill of fare. 
Colored table-cloth and napkins are generally used, the latter 
of a smaller size than those used for dinner. 

Carving. — The master of house is expected to carve at 
family dinners. He should be provided with a sharp knife 
and strong fork, and should sit, not stand, while performing 
this service. 

Serving. — The one who carves indicates to whom the plate 
is to be sent. When a person is handed a plate, he should 
keep it, not pass it on. Also, when one is to help himself from 
a dish, he should do so before offering it to his neighbor. The 
servant should hand everything at the left, except wine and 
water, which should be served at the right. 

The Napkin. — The napkin should not be starched. Why 
it should ever have been starched, nobody knows, except it 
may have been for the purpose of folding it into all sorts of 
fantastic shapes in hotels and restaurants, a method devised 
for decorating the table, but not in use in private houses. Cer- 
tain it is, that attempting to put to the lips one of these paste- 
board affairs, is an operation to be avoided by all but the most 
hardened hotel boarder. 

Some beautiful napkins made in Berlin, Paris, London, and 
New York, by the Decorative Art Society, having the drawn 
thread, lace effects, and wrought monograms or crests, are 
very dainty things in napery, but the thick, line, white damask 
is the most thoroughly reliable; it washes well, will never go 
out of fashion, and is always really elegant. 

Daintily wrought and ornamental napkins have been among 
the luxuries of the wealthy since the days when Queen Elizabeth 
sent to Flanders for the lace with which hers were to be edged. 



174 OUR SOCIETY, 

Some families provide for the children a coarse grade of 
damask, as those used by the little folk are more apt to 
become stained, and to need more vigorous rubbing in the 
wash than the others. 

Napkins should be well washed, ironed and aired, before 
being placed on the table. A damp napkin, or one smelling 
of soap, is an abomination. 

Japanese paper napkins are very convenient for lunch bas- 
kets or picnics. 

It is not economy to purchase colored cloths or napkins for 
the use of children, as they will not bear washing as well as 
the white. 

The Use of the Napkin. — The napkin should not be fast- 
ened at the neck, but laid conveniently across the lap, and 
one corner should be lifted to wipe the mouth. Men who 
wear a moustache are obliged to manipulate a napkin in a 
vigorous manner, which would be unpardonable in a lady. It 
is not customary, when you have finished a meal, to fold your 
napkin, especially when at a public table or in a private house, 
when you are to take only one meal, still, if at the latter, and 
all others at the table fold their napkins, you may, if you wish, 
do likewise, but you will not be wrong if you never fold your 
napkin, but leave it beside your plate. 

The Knife. — Food should not be carried to the mouth with 
the knife. We are aware that this trite remark has been 
found in about every book on manners since the first one was 
published, but as we yet, in public places, see people perform- 
ing this rather dangerous operation with the utmost unconcern, 
we feel constrained to still lift up our voice in protest. 

The crusade against the knife should not be pushed, as it is 
by some, where it is really necessary. Pie and pastry are often 
served with only a fork, and it is sometimes really painful to see 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. I 75 

the fruitless efforts made with a fork to separate the compound 
into suitable morsels. It would look much more graceful, and 
be altogether more conducive to peace of mind, if they were 
first cut with a knife, and then conveyed to the mouth with 
a fork. The knife as well as the fork must be used with 
some kinds of fish, with lettuce, and with pine-apple, beside 
the meats, with which it is indispensable. 

The Fork. — The overloading of the fork, such as one is 
likely to see in railway stations, not only looks decidedly awk- 
ward while on its way to the mouth, but results in more 
unpleasantness after it gets there. Children should be taught 
to take only as much on a fork as they can conveniently and 
gracefully manage. The fork in the right hand should be 
used for eating salads, soft cheese, pastry and all made dishes. 

When through with the knife and fork, they should be 
placed neatly side by side across the plate. 

The Spoon. — It is scarcely necessary to tell any one what 
he must eat with a spoon, as the nature of the dish will gen- 
erally indicate the necessity of this implement. Still, it occa- 
sionally becomes fashionable to use the spoon where it has not 
before been used, as is now the case in eating oranges and 
melons. With the desert coffee-cups, very small spoons are 
used. But the spoon which is apt to get one into the most 
trouble is the soup spoon. There has been much debate 
as to whether soup should be taken from the side or the point 
of the spoon, but we believe the decision is now in favor of the 
former mode, as it requires less movement and angularity of 
the arm. Of course, the spoon should not be full, and no 
noise should be made in taking the soup. 

Children should be taught not to put any sort of a spoon 
too far into their mouths, or to retain it so long as to appear 
to be cutting their teeth on it. 



176 OUR SOCIETY. 

Eating Fruits.— In many places in Europe, berries and 
small fruits are served on the stem, and are dipped into sugar 
as they are eaten. But to the American, used to heaping 
saucers of berries and cream, this is a decidedly unsatisfactory 
method of serving. We distinctly remember the feelings with 
which we daintily lifted a beautiful spray of large, red rasp- 
berries from the plate as it was passed, and, after having been 
obliged to content ourselves with just twelve berries, observed, 
with a sort of mild wonder, the equanimity with which the 
other guests submitted to the same indignity. 

Pears and apples should be peeled and quartered with a 
silver knife, and then taken up with the fingers. 

Oranges may be peeled and separated, or a small portion of 
the peel removed, and eaten with a spoon from the rind. 

The skins and seeds of grapes should be conveyed by the 
hand to the plate, as should also the pits of all small fruits. 

In stewed or preserved fruits, the stones or seeds should be 
removed by the teaspoon and placed on the plate, In pies 
or pastries they can be placed on the fork, and conveyed to 
the plate. 

Eggs. — Eggs boiled in the shell should be eaten from the 
shell, placed in an egg-cup, if one is at hand. 

Bread. — Bread should be broken, not cut, and each portion 
spread as required. Bread can be laid upon the table-cloth, 
but no other article of food should be. 

The last Piece. — It is perfectly proper to take the last 
piece, if you want it. 

The Soup Plate. — The soup plate should not be served 
full. A half ladleful is the usual amount. Strict etiquette 
demands that bread or crackers should be eaten with the 
soup, not crumbed into the liquid. 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. jjj 

The Cup and Saucer. — The cup, when not in your hand, 
must remain in the saucer. On no account must it be set 
dripping upon the table-cloth, or the contents poured into the 
saucer. The only time when this is pardonable, is when there 
is just ten minutes for refreshments, and the coffee or tea is 
scalding hot. 

Children at the Table. — The parent who does not teach 
children to behave properly at the table is either densely 
ignorant or positively cruel. It is astonishing how much dis- 
comfort and actual misery one small child can cause a whole 
tableful of grown people, and how much solid mortification 
this same small child, if not restrained, may be laying up for 
his own future years. When the baby is old enough to be 
brought to the table, he is old enough to have his training 
begin. Mrs. Beecher, who has written many sensible things 
on this subject, says : 

" We believe that a child should be brought to the table 
with the family just as soon as it can sit in a high chair, and 
receive its first lessons from the mother and not from the 
nurse. The child will soon learn to be quiet and happy, and 
to wait quietly till the mother has helped the older ones, after 
which, it will very quickly learn, its wants will receive instant 
care. But if the child begin to call for attention the instant 
it is seated, and, if delayed, emphasize its demands by ener- 
getic screams and passionate blows on the table, none need 
expect to restrain such samples of temper and insubordination, 
even in u the baby," by indulgence or coaxing. Remove it at 
once from the table for a short season of admonition, which 
will soon prove salutary and efficacious, and the little one 
soon returns to the table serene and happy. Of course, such 
an interruption may disturb for a few moments the pleasures 
of those at the table, but if the discipline or lesson, whatever 
12 



1 7 8 



OUR SOCIETY. 



its nature may be, be judiciously administered, it will not need 
to be repeated many times, and the discomfort of the family 
for those few minutes will be a small price to pay for the 
comfort and honor of having the children all trained to be 
bright examples of good table manners. When guests are at 
the table, it will not be courteous to bring very young children 
to the table until they are so far under control as to risk no 
danger of disturbance from them, yet it is not wise to tax a 
child's patience too far unless absolutely necessary. But the 




earlier very young children can sit at the table with parents, 
brothers and sisters, if carefully trained, the greater security 
for the parents that they will grow up polite, helpful and 
respectful. 

As soon as a child can speak, it can easily be taught to 
make known its wishes quietly, without crying or impatience, 
and can also learn that it is the only way by which it can 



IN THE DINING-ROOM. ijg 

obtain the desired service. It is surprising how soon the little 
ones will understand this method of calling attention to their 
faults, and how readily it becomes a second nature, as easy 
and natural as breathing. Children are not quite angels — and 
some are less so than others; these may require a longer pro- 
cess to arrive at the same conclusion, but patience will 
accomplish it. Parents are cruel who do not give their chil- 
dren such lessons, and enforce them until the child is seldom 
tempted to ask in a less quiet way. But what can be more 
disagreeable than children utterly unrestrained and selfish at 
the table ; not the young children merely, but those who have 
outgrown childhood and are just emerging into maturity. 
Indulged and unrestrained in their earlier years, they become 
impatient and arrogant to their parents as well as to those 
they call inferiors. 4 Hand me the salt,' without naming any 
one. ' Pass the bread.' Perhaps the demand is a little soft- 
ened: l Give me the butter, please.' But the please is too 
long delayed to be rated as anything but another thought. 
Such habits unrestrained in youth are intolerable when young 
ladies and gentlemen do not hesitate to exhibit them. Loud 
talking at the table reveals great ill-breeding and lack of del- 
icacy, interrupts conversation, and greatly annoys those seated 
near. But of all specimens of ill-breeding in children none is 
more unpardonable than whispering at the table. Nothing so 
quickly destroys all respect for the offender, or makes a sensi- 
tive person so uncomfortable, as to see two persons at the 
table lean close to each other, shield their lips with the hand 
or napkin and whisper very earnestly, emphasizing their talk 
with hearty laughing and sly glances over the table. Such 
conduct is exceedingly embarrassing to all others, and indica- 
tive of exceeding ill manners in those who thus trespass." 

Healthy children, who exercise much in the open air, are 
generally blest with good appetites, and are very apt to eat too 



l8o OUR SOCIETY. 

fast. This is not only unhealthful, but leads to many habits 
disagreeable to others, such as cramming the mouth full to 
repletion, smacking the lips, making a noise like a whole 
menagerie at feeding time, and causing others to constantly fear 
a case of strangling. Neither should children be allowed to 
carry food to the mouth while leaning back in the chair, handle 
the hair, pick the teeth, tilt or rock the chair, lean elbows on the 
table, wipe their fingers on the table-cloth, nor leave the plate 
in an untidy condition, with the knife in one place and the 
fork in another. The knife and fork should be laid side by 
side across the plate, with the handles toward the right. 

We have been at tables where children were allowed to 
interrupt their elders, talk while they were talking, and end by 
monopolizing the entire conversation. We by no means 
believe in a continual observance of the old, Puritanical rule 
that " children should be seen, not heard," but we do believe 
in the rule working both ways, and occasionally allowing the 
older portion of the household to be heard as well as seen. A 
certain consideration for the rights of others, if not learned 
when young, must be learned when old, and it is kindness to 
any child to save him the trouble of taking up the task 
late in life. 

Children should not be allowed to jump up noisily from the 
table, and rush from the room whenever it may suit their 
inclinations. They should be taught to sit quietly until all 
have finished the meal. If school, or any other reason, obliges 
them to leave before the others, they should politely ask to 
be excused, and, rising quietly, go from the room in such a 
manner that any conversation which may be going on will not 
necessarily come to a stand-still, and every one draw a sigh of 
relief when they are well out of hearing. Parents, from their 
continual contact with, and love and tenderness for their chil- 
dren, may not notice, or be disturbed by those things, but it is 



IN THE DlNifvG-ROOM. jgj 

not natural that anyone else should feel as they do; and, if they 
wish those who are dear to them to be loved, or even tolerated 
by people, and not shunned as a pestilence, it is their first and 
most sacred duty to teach them to respect the rights of others. 
It may require continual vigilance, but it is well worth the price. 
Before a child can be taught to understand the immorality 
or wickedness of falsehood, he can be taught not to scream for 
his food, and as soon as he can be broken of one bad habit, it 
is time to begin his education. 

Some General Observations, — Never lay a soiled knife or 
fork on the table-cloth, instead of on the plate. 

Never, except at a hotel or boarding-house, leave the table 
before the others, without asking to be excused. 

Never sit so far away from the table as to be awkward, nor 
so near to it that you lose the use of your arms. 

Never use your own knife, fork or spoon to put into a dish 
from which others must be helped. 

Never eat fast, smacking the lips and making unpleasant 
sounds while chewing. 

Never come to the table in your shirt-sleeves, or with 
untidy nails or hair. 

Never pare an apple, pear or peach for another at the table, 
without holding it with a fork. 

Never wear gloves at the table, unless the hands, for some 
special reason, are unfit to be seen. 

Never pour sauce or gravy upon meat or vegetables, but 
allow each one to help himself, or else place on the side of 
the plate. 

Never draw the attention of others at the table, if obliged 
to remove any objectionable substance from the food. Place 
it quietly under the edge of the plate. 

Never pass on to another, unless requested to do so, a dish 



1 82 OUR SOCIETY. 

which is handed to you, as it may have been especially intended 
for you. 

Never put the feet so far under the table as to interfere 
with your neighbors. 

Never think it necessary to explain why certain foods do 
not agree with you. 

Never introduce a disagreeable topic, or one which may 
unpleasantly affect the appetite of even the most squeamish. 

Never lay potato skins or other refuse on the table-cloth. 
Use for this purpose the edge of the plate, or an extra dish, 
and keep the cloth as clean as possible. 

Never play with articles on the table when not eating. Let 
hands rest quietly in the lap. 

Never draw attention to yourself by calling loudly to a 
waiter. If possible, wait until you can catch his eye, and then 
ask for what you want in a low tone. 

Never take up one piece and lay it down for another; nor 
hesitate in making a choice. 

Never leave the knife and fork on the plate when passing 
it. Either hold them in the hand, or lay them down with the 
ends resting upon a piece of bread or individual butter plate. 

Never cut or bite bread, but break it as you need it. 

Never wipe your fingers on the table-cloth. If no napkin 
is provided, use your handkerchief. 

Never fill a dish with sauce or any liquid so full that it is 
easily spilled. 

Never yawn nor stretch at the table. 

Never carry fruits or confectionery away from the table. 

Never reach over another person's plate. 

Never open your mouth while chewing. 

Never speak with the mouth full. 

Never pick the teeth at the table. 

Never whisper at the table. 



THE ART OF CONVERSATION. 




O not make talk," says Emerson. 
Would that we need not, but 
alas, sometimes we are sore 
pressed by necessity. Who of us ever 
makes talk," except in a spirit of self-de- 
nial. We do it to bridge over an awk- 
ward silence, to put some one else at ease. It is the 
most thankless of tasks, for no one after all, if the 
remark be shallow, abates one jot of his condemnation for the 
sake of the self-sacrifice involved. 

It may be that certain self-centred, divinely balanced souls 
intuitively grasp the situation, and have born in upon them, at 
a glance, the mental status of the stranger with whom they 
are thrown in contact, and thus say something to the point at 
the first encounter. But we of lesser calibre and moderately 
good hearts, when introduced at balls, dinners, receptions, and 
in public places, often feel the dire necessity of " making talk." 
Then let us not condemn at once the stranger who, on a first 
meeting, makes an unusually vapid remark. His nervousness, 
diffidence or kind-heartedness may be altogether to blame for it. 
Besides the kind of " making talk " which comes directly 
after an introduction may be likened to the rather aimless 
punching and poking of the stick used to stir up the animals. 

183 



184 



OUR SOCIETY. 



A thought may rise up and shake itself, and then the enter- 
tainment will begin. 

It would be a fine thing, indeed, if we did not have to 
" make talk ; " and perhaps some day the world will have 
grown so spiritualized that the personality of another will 
impress itself on one like the subtle shock from a miniature 
battery, and we shall have no need of the clumsy beginnings 
of social intercourse, which we now have. 

It is very probable the philosopher, when he said, " talk 
is chalk eggs," meant only to discourage its too frequent and 
unsparing use, and certainly all people who have any concep- 
tion of the value of time will heartily sanction his assertion. 

Some Conversation Only Talk. — Much that gets the name 
of conversation is only talk. In fact we have been in some 
companies whole evenings, and half days, where anything like 
conversation never, for an instant, showed its head. We need 
scarcely say that we did not make extraordinary exertions to 
get there again. 

Dreary platitudes, shallow jests, endless banterings, gossip 
and personalities are not conversation. They not only debase 
the currency of intercourse, but make social offenders of those 
who manufacture or pass them. 

How can we, with the wonders of the universe above us 
and beneath our feet, be content to chatter like magpies whc 
have neither the inventive brain nor the immortal soul? 
We do not mean that humanity should not occasionally 
indulge in a little harmless gossip and good-natured jest and 
banter. The iron bound realities and practical needs of life 
are passing us on every side, and we must sometimes unbend 
and play with our words, just as a healthy animal occasion- 
ally plays with its heels. It is a necessity of nature and is 
good for us. 



THE ART OF CONVERSA TION. 185 

But words were not given us for a continual recreation; 
they were also meant to cheer, to uplift, to give comfort, to 
embody that almost infinite thing, human thought, and to 
move the world. Can we, with a clear conscience, continually 
put such noble instruments to ignoble uses ? Should we make 
the great reeds of the collossal organ bellow forth only bar- 
baric discords ? Should we drive our mules always with strings 
of pearls? And is not the wealth of our beautiful language 
beyond any of these? Something like this must have been 
meant when we were told that we should have to give 
account for every idle word: not the idle words which are 
the necessities of certain times and moods, but the idle words 
which are the only stock in trade, and kill everything that is 
better and more profitable. 

" But," perhaps you will say, " can a person talk well if he 
has nothing to talk about ? " Most certainly not, but can he 
not keep still, and learn to listen? 

" Oh, but some people don't know enough to be aware that 
their talk is not worth listening to. They are so well pleased 
with their own shallow vaporings that they never discover the 
difference between talk and conversation. 

Very well, then, with them the case is hopeless. Let them 
keep within the circle of their kind, and they shall be mutu- 
ally pleased and pleasing. 

After all, conversation is judged and enjoyed according to 
different grades of intellect and mental stand-points. Miss 
Gushy would no doubt call that conversation which Emerson 
would call talk; and so on through all the different steps of 
the scale. But let us, if we can not reach Emersonian 
heights, take as exalted a view of it as we can, and look upon 
conversation, not as a mere trade in words, but as an expres- 
sion of the intercourse of souls. 



1 86 OUR SOCIETY. 

Conversation as a Fine A rt. — To the man or woman with 
an original mind, quick wit, and much riches of expression, 
conversation comes naturally, as the gift of writing does 
to others. But there are many more who are obliged to cul- 
tivate it with much patience and industry. 

It may appear strange that anything whose chief charm is 
spontaneity, the sudden flash, as when the spark touches the 
tinder, can be acquired by any previous training or disci- 
pline. But the word has first to be burned to make the spark, 
and the tinder has to be prepared by a skillful hand. 

Probably no amount of preparation could produce wit or 
brilliancy that would approximate to the native article, but 
very many people are pleasing conversationalists who have 
neither of these. Observation is a fine ingredient of the 
accomplishments of an interesting talker. But suppose a 
person to be especially gifted with none of these things we 
have mentioned, he can still make himself interesting. How 
shall he begin? 

First, he must inform himself. He must have some know- 
ledge of standard literature, of history past and present, of 
men and things. He must know what he is going to say 
before he begins to say it. He must have the power of mar- 
shaling his facts quickly into line, so that he can put his hand 
on the one he wants in an instant. 

Says Lord Chesterfield in one of those wonderful letters to 
his son: " One must be extremely exact, clear and perspicuous 
in everything one says; otherwise, instead of entertaining or 
informing others, one only tires and puzzles them. The voice 
and manner of speaking, too, are not to be neglected; some 
people almost shut their mouths when they speak, and mutter 
so that they are not to be understood; some always 
speak as loud as if they were talking to deaf people, and 
others so low that one can not hear them. All these habits 



THE AR T OF CON VERSA TION. j 8 7 

are awkward and disagreeable, and are to be avoided by 
attention; they are the distinguishing marks of the ordinary 
people, who have had no care taken of their education. You 
cannot imagine how necessary it is to mind all these little 
things; for I have seen many people with great talents, ill 
received for want of having these talents too; and others well 
received, only from their little talents, and who had no great 
ones." 

Granted, then, that one is reasonably well informed, 
that he has a quick way of arranging his facts for use, that he 
can express himself grammatically and in a good tone of 
voice, and he is well equipped for a beginning. Now comes 
to the front, tact and judgment. He desires, above all 
things, to please. In order to do so he must think, as Southey 
says, of the " three things in speech that ought to be con- 
sidered before new things are spoken, — the manner, the place, 
and the time" 

The First Requirement. — " The first ingredient of conver- 
sation," writes Lee William Temple, " is truth, the next good 
sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit." Doubtless 
he is right; truth first, but not certain truths at certain times. 
Better evade the subject, decline to answer or remain quiet, 
than to wound some one's feelings by a brutal truth, unless 
he will be benefitted thereby. Lord Bacon says, " Dis- 
cretion of speech is more than eloquence; and to speak 
agreeable to him with whom we deal, is more than to speak 
in good words, or in good order." 

Save us! we all cry out, from those people who find it nec- 
essary on all occasions to speak their minds. It is, in ninety- 
nine cases in a hundred, prompted, not by a missionary 
spirit and the leading of souls out of darkness into light, but 
by " envy, hartred and malice, and all uncharitableness." The 



1 88 OUR SOCIETY. 

human being who delights in seeing another wither under his 
words, is of the same calibre as the savage who burns victims 
for his own delectation. 

Clearly then, conversation belongs not to barbarians; 
and the individual who indulges in cutting personalities will 
never shine socially. 

Tact teaches the popular man to adapt himself to all sorts 
and conditions of men. With the farmer, he is interested in 
crops ; with the lawyer, in legal points ; with the housewife, in 
the servant question; with the mother, about her children; 
with the diplomate, in statesmanship; and with the author, in 
his last new book. 

Listening. — But with all his acquisitions, let the conversation- 
alist get the art of listening, for, though he be as eloquent as 
Burke and as witty as Swift, if he gives no one else a chance 
to speak, he will be voted a bore. Colton, who wrote 
" Lacon " over sixty years ago, never said wiser words than 
these: " Were we as eloquent as angels, yet should we please 
some men, some women, and some children much more by 
listening than by talking." 

If you cannot listen, if you must be thinking of what you 
are going to say just as soon as the one who is talking stops, 
try and cultivate at least the appearance of listening. Don't 
allow your eyes to wander off in various directions, don't stare 
impassively at the speaker as if he were a post, or assume an 
attitude of resignation, as if you were trying to bear the 
infliction patiently. Any one of these things is enough to 
daze and scatter the wits of the best talker who ever lived. 

It is not necessary to look steadily in the eye of the speaker. 
This course sometimes disconcerts him quite as much as per- 
sistently looking away. But give him often the benefit of the 
sympathetic meeting of eye to eye, an intelligent, appreciative 



THE ART OF CONVERSATION. 1 89 

look or smile, and put as the occasion offers, a word of 
approval or dissent, to show that you are following his mean- 
ing. 

Some people of quick, responsive intellects, are so stimu- 
lated by a good converser, into a sudden rush of ideas of their 
own, that they cannot wait for the other to finish, but inter- 
rupt continually. This is almost as bad as the first kind of 
inattention, for it shows clearly that you only catch fragments 
of what your companion is saying, or, in other words, you 
snatch a spark from his fireworks, and run away to light a 
bonfire of your own. 

The most delightful talker is he who, having shown an unaf- 
fected interest and pleasure in your thought, flames up 
brightly, when you pause, with the fire he has kindled at your 
own. Nothing can be more charming than this bright, quick, 
sympathetic exchange of ideas and impressions. Such con- 
versation has a stimulating, vivifying influence on one's intel- 
lect that is not to be compassed in any other way. Many a 
person has wondered at the possibilities within himself, when 
the individual of tact has magically charmed them forth. 
This latter accomplishment belongs more generally to 
women than to men. It is they who, having the tact of draw- 
ing forth the best, and listening well, have made most of the 
brilliant conversers of the last two centuries. Mme. Recamier 
was not herself a brilliant talker, but all the good convers- 
ers who thronged her salon were brilliant in her presence. 
She possessed the gift or accomplishment of listening well. 

Dogmatism. — Dogmatism kills conversation. The moment 
any one mounts the tripod and speaks as if by divine author- 
ity, there is nothing to do but be mute before him, unless, 
indeed, you wish to figuratively make the earth tremble by 
rising up before the oracle, in opposition. 



I go OUR SOCIETY. 

It is most astonishing how some people of ver^ good sense 
and not more than the usual amount of conceit, fairly gag and 
bind you every time they administer an idea of their own. 
Their manner seems to say, " Don't you dare to do anything 
but swallow my words; you know they are good for you." 
Others speak with a lofty condescension which has, mixed with 
it, a sort of tolerating pity for any difference of opinion which 
you may advance. With such people there can be nothing 
like conversation. One may listen to lectures or monologues 
from them, but one must never venture to speak his own 
thought or impression. There may be appreciation and 
sympathy in the dogmatic individual, but his manner con- 
veys such an opposite impression that he never gets credit 
for these qualities. Hence there can be no social interchange, 
and without reciprocity there can be no real converse. 

William Penn, in his advice to his children, has said some 
things that may well be pardoned by those inclined to be dog- 
matic: "Be humble and gentle in your conversation, of few 
words, I charge you, but always pertinent when you speak, 
hearing out before you attempt to answer, and then speaking 
as though you would persuade, not impose. 

Talking too Much. — Magnificent talker as was Coleridge, 
and bewitched and &&7,7\e<S. as nearly every one was with his 
brilliancy, one must needs sympathize a little with Theodore 
Hook who, having listened to a three hours' discourse from 
him, suggested by having seen two soldiers by the roadside, 
exclaimed at the close: " Thank Heaven! you did not see a 
regiment, Coleridge, for in that case you would never have 
stopped.'" 

Sir Walter Scott also declared, on returning from a dinner 
party at which he had been obliged to listen to a long 
harangue from Coleridge: "Zounds! I was never so be- 
thumped with words." 



THE ART OF CON VERSA TION. i g x 

Mr. Mathews writes that " even those who bowed to this 
'Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table ' felt, after they had listened 
to a soliloquy of five hours' duration, that they were pumped 
full, and cried ' Hold, enough! ' " 

Henry Crabbe Robinson, who seems to have turned out to 
be considerable of a Boswell to his contemporaries, was also 
much more given to talking than to listening, and it is related 
that Rogers once said at a breakfast party, " Oh, if there is 
any one here who wants to say anything, he would better say 
it at once, for Crabbe Robinson is coming." 

Training Children in the Art. — The child should be 
encouraged to relate such incidents as may have attracted his 
attention, and to give voice to his own impressions and ideas. 
When he has gained sufficient confidence to do this, he should 
be trained in the right use of words and phrases. He 
should not be allowed to express himself loosely or improp- 
erly. He should be taught to observe closely, and be accu- 
rate in his relation of any fact or occurrence. Memory, 
accuracy and observation can be cultivated, and if one has 
begun these habits early, he will find them of inestimable 
advantage every day of his life. 

Cultivating the Memory. — Memory is an extremely impor- 
ant aid to conversation. Some persons of exceedingly poor 
memories have systematically gone to work to remedy the 
defect, and have succeeded admirably. The methods put in 
practice can be adopted by children or grown people. 
When one attends a sermon or lecture, an excellent thing to 
do is to relate or write out all that can be recalled of what 
has been said. The same plan may be carried out with a 
book or newspaper article. Try, if you cannot give particu- 
lars, to set forth the main facts in a concise and orderly 
manner. 



192 



OUR SOCIETY. 



If you find it difficult to remember names, try and associate 
those you wish to remember with some object or incident that 
you cannot forget. Suppose the person's name to be Wells, 
you say to yourself : " I must think of oil wells, or a kero- 
sene lamp; and every time I try to recall that man's name I 
shall remember one of these things and the resolve I made at 
the time." 

Henry Clay, who determined to make his memory serve 
him, adopted the practice of writing in a book the names of 
all the people he had met during the day, and repeating over 
the list the next morning. The success which he achieved in 
this experiment was an important factor of his popularity as a 
politician. 

A gentleman who wished to train his son in habits of obser- 
vation as well as memory, frequently took him to walk on a 
business street and, after returning home, required of him an 
account of the different articles displayed in the shop windows. 
When the list was full and accurate, the boy was rewarded, 
but when it fell below the standard, he received nothing. 
Both father and son entered into the scheme with zest and no 
little amusement, and both felt well repaid by the results. 

Relating Particulars. — Because one has trained oneself 
in remembering minute facts is no reason why every particu- 
lar should be brought in, in relating a story or incident. 
Some people will express themselves in good language and tell 
a thing accurately and smoothly, but at the same time draw 
the recital out to such a length, with a multitude of uninter- 
esting details, that the) 7 bore us beyond expression. It is 
very seldom that we care to hear all that there is to be said 
about anything. If these things interest the narrator he ought 
always to ask himself if they are likely to interest his listener. 
No one likes to get the name of being " long winded." But 



THE AR T OF CONVERSA T/OM 



93 



let one of this sort literally or figuratively button-hole an indi- 
vidual whose time is not only money, but a solemn responsi- 
bility which he can not afford to fritter away, and he must 
expect to be avoided like a pestilence. We, for one, most 
fervently pray Heaven to save us from these people who spend 
an hour telling us nothing. The mental and moral losses 
which we suffer during these visitations would in time actu- 
ally bankrupt us. 

Compliments. — Compliments, when delicately expressed, 
are only an honest appreciation of certain merits or gifts, and 
are always admissible in polite conversation, if they are spar- 
ingly used and given with an air of sincerity. They are in 
better taste when addressed to an equal or inferior, as other- 
wise they may be suspected of a flavor of toadyism. 

Flattery. — Flattery, which means insincere praise, is debas- 
ing to the giver, and insulting to the recipient. The inferior 
is sure to ascribe patronizing motives to it, and the superior 
to call it servility. Flies may be caught by sugar, but sensi- 
ble men and women are not. It is best to be an individual of 
exceedingly few words, when it comes to flattery. 

Some Things to Think About, — Slander is not only 
immoral but exceedingly ill-bred. 

Slang is tabooed in good society. 

When you wish to address a person with a title, always add 
the name. For instance do not say, " Professor, is not that 
so? " but, " Professor , is not that so? " 

The reverse of this rule is true in foreign countries; and it 
is quite proper to address a titled lady or gentleman in France 
as Madame, Madamoiselle, Monsieur. 

Foreigners who come to this country, when addressed in 
English, should always be given their appropriate titles. 
13 



194 



OUR SOCIETY. 



It is considered better form, when speaking to a person with 
whom you are not intimate, to refer to his or her relatives by 
their full names, rather than speak of them as " your son," 
" your sister," etc. For instance if you were speaking to Mr. 
White, you would say: "I saw Miss White a few minutes 
ago," rather than, " I saw your daughter a few minutes ago," 
or, " I met Mrs. Wilson last evening," rather than, " I met 
your sister last evening." 

Unless very well acquainted, never speak of people by their 
Christian names. 

Never call any one by his or her Christian name unless you 
have asked the privilege, or been requested to do so. 

Ladies should never designate their gentleman friends as 
" Smith," " Brown," or "Jones," leaving off the proper prefix. 
It gives a " fast " flavor which is not desirable. 

Don't make a show of learning, either by lugging in 
unusual topics, or sentences from foreign languages. 

Give things their proper names. It is not modest, but 
decidedly the contrary to say " limb " for " leg," and " gentle- 
man " and " lady " bird, for the cock and the hen. 

A little good-natured satire gives spice to conversation, but 
that which cuts is ill-bred, and nearly always inexcusable. 

Never encourage in yourself a tendency to inquisitiveness. 
If your friend wishes to tell you certain things, he will do so 
of his own accord. You should not oblige him to give his 
confidence unwillingly, or put him to the awkwardness of 
refusing. 

Religion and politics should never be introduced in a mixed 
company. 

No subject upon which people may be expected to have a 
vital interest and strong convictions, should be started for the 
sake Of an argument, except in the appropriate time and place. 
Some people much enjoy a controversy, and can indulge in it 



THE ART OF CON VERS A T ON. j g - 

with profit to themselves and others. With such, it is per- 
fectly proper, and a means of enlightenment. 

Do not talk shop. 

Never describe revolting scenes or incidents. 

Avoid any topic which may be disagreeable or painful to 
another. 

The Conversation of the Future, — In looking back over 
the times of Dr. Johnson — that conversational king — and the 
bright galaxy of talkers contemporary with him; in hearing 
the echo of the voices of Burke, Garrick, Sheridan, Moore, 
Lamb, Mackintosh, Macauley, and De Quincey, and delight- 
edly reading the flashes of wit, humor, pathos and learning 
that were the common currency at the dinner table, and those 
nights at the " Mermaid," do we not rather regretfully ask 
if the days of conversation are no more, and if they 
are never to be anything other than a memory? But 
just as the style of literature changes, so does that of 
conversation. In these times of the telegraph, telephone, and 
daily newspapers we have come to devour much, and to want 
it highly condensed. One who can snatch up a newspaper 
and find in a few minutes what is going on all over the world, 
and hear the views of fifty different men on different topics in 
a half an hour, is not willing to listen to one man, on one 
theme, for twice that length of time. Hence, if Coleridge 
should appear in the flesh and wish to talk to such a man, he 
would probably be rudely repulsed. There may be among 
us a Sir James Mackintosh, of whom Sidney Smith said " his 
conversation was more brilliant and instructive than that of 
any human being I ever had the good fortune to be acquaint- 
ed with. His memory (vast and prodigious as it was) he so 
managed as to make it a source of pleasure and instruction, 
rather than the dreadful engine of colloquial oppression into 



I96 0UR SOCIETY. 

which it is some times erected. He remembered words, 
thoughts, dates, and everything that was wanted. His lan- 
guage was beautiful, and might have gone from the fireside 
to the press." There may be also Currans, Foxes and Col- 
eridges in conversational gifts, but if they have no listeners 
they will not speak. This talent, more than any other, 
requires encouragement and a good soil. Assuredly there 
are few good listeners. The times are bad for this most beau- 
tiful and inspiring of the arts. 

We cannot tell what the outlook will be. Perhaps the con- 
versation of the future will be in a much condensed, brilliant, 
epigrammatic style, or it may again go back to the smooth, 
carefully rounded periods and Corinthian proportions of the 
old time, just as we are now hearing nothing but classical 
music; but this last is rather doubtful, as, notwithstanding the 
fact that classical music is fashionable, not one-fourth of the 
people like it, and of those who pretend to, one-half do not 
understand it. Our thoughts must find some clear expression, 
and whatever may be the conversation of the future, we are 
sure that, as the hurry and force of this money-getting age 
takes on more refinement, it must be better rather than worse 
than that of the present time. While men and women think 
and feel, it cannot become wholly a lost art, and the steady 
progress in the mental condition of women alone seems to 
indicate the coming of new life from that direction. Many 
things have been for a century in a transitional state. Even 
Swift saw the beginning of the decline, when he said: " Since 
the ladies have been left out of all meetings except parties of 
play, our conversation hath degenerated." The ladies are 
beginning not to be " left out." Let them help bring in regen- 
eration and reform. 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR 



WEDDINGS. 

Hail, wedded love, mysterious law ! " 

— Milton. 

happy state ! when souls each other draw." 

— Pope. 




h^ .J»-%9 ! & ' 



O important a step as 
marriage must neces- 
sarily be hedged 
about with some 
formality. Even if it 
be the most simple and quiet of 
weddings, certain conventionalities 
must be observed. That all 
womankind (and all mankind, as well,) who contemplate mar- 
riage wish to be informed as to what is strict etiquette in all 
the forms pertaining thereto, is evinced by the numerous 
queries which flood the colums of " Harper's Bazaar " and 
other fashionable journals. "Who shall pay for the cards?" 
"What are the duties of the 'best man'?" "Who orders the 
carriages?" "What part of the brides-maids' outfit is the 
bride expected to furnish?" These are a few of the questions 
which appear from time to time, and which we shall, with 
others, endeavor to answer in this chapter. 

The Betrothal. — There need be no formal announcement 
of a betrothal, although it is customary, in some social circles, 

197 



198 



OUR SOCIETY. 



to do so. Usually, the affair is made known through the 
agency of friends, or a dinner party is given by the parents of 
the lady or gentleman, and, just before rising from the table, 




"IN THAT NEW WORLD WHICH IS THE OLD. 1 * 

the host makes mention of the pleasant intelligence, when a 

general expression of good feeling and congratulations is given. 

When the engagement becomes generally known, friends 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS. 



I 99 



who are in the habit of entertaining, give dancing parties, 
dinners, or theatre parties to the engaged couple. 

When the lady is invited by the gentleman's parents, the 
family of the former should always be included. 

Last Calls. — Just before, or at the time of the distribution 
of the wedding invitations, the expectant bride leaves her 
cards at the residences of her friends. These are her usual 
visiting cards, without the addition of P. P. C, which has, 
heretofore, been considered necessary. They should be left 
in person, though the lady does not enter, except it be to visit 
an invalid or aged person. 

Just Before the Wedding. — After the last calls, it is de 
rigueur for the prospective bride not to be seen in public; 
neither should she see the groom on the wedding-day until 
they meet at the altar. 

The Ceremonious Wedding. — There are as many different 
ways of celebrating a wedding as there are individual tastes 
in the matter ; but where people have a large circle of friends 
and acquaintances, entertain much, and live fashionably and 
elegantly, it is generally expected that the marriage of one of 
the family will be in keeping with the usual manner of living. 
There is, of course, no real obligation in the matter, and the 
happy pair may be married quietly, in their traveling dresses, 
with no one but the family present, if they prefer to do so. 
Especially is this the custom after a recent affliction, or death 
of a relative, when elaborate festivities would be in bad taste. 

When a reception is to follow the ceremony at the house or 
church, invitations are sent out at least ten days before the 
time, and to those living at a distance much sooner, so that 
any who wish to attend may make preparations for the 
journey. 



200 OUR SOCIETY. 

No answer is required to wedding invitations, but friends 
out of the city, who cannot be present, generally send some 
word of congratulation to the groom, if the invitation be from 
him, and of kind wishes to the bride, if from her. Presents 
are no longer sent, except from relatives or very dear friends. 

Form of Invitation. — The invitation is given in the name 
of the bride's father and mother or, if only one parent be liv- 
ing, in the name of the survivor. If the bride be a niece, 
grand-daughter, ward, or of any other relationship to the per- 
son issuing the invitations, the word signifying such relation- 
ship should be substituted for the term " daughter." 

The present fashion is to have finely engraved, in script, 
upon note-paper of the best quality and of a size to fold once 
to fit the envelope, this form: 

Mr. and Mrs. Gerald Talbot 

request your presence 
at the marriage of their daughter, 

Blanche, 

to 

Thomas G. Allgrave, 

on Wednesday evening, October tenth, 

at eight o'clock. 

St. Peter's Church, 

Philadelphia. 

Such an invitation is intended only for the church. Friends 
who are invited to the reception find enclosed with this invita- 
tion the following: 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS. 201 

Mr. and Mrs. Gerald Talbot, 
At Home, 

Wednesday evening, October tenth, 
from half past eight until eleven o'clock. 

48 WEST FIELD STREET. 

Or simply a small card bearing the words: 

Reception at 48 West Field Street, at half past eight. 

When, from the extremely fashionable or prominent posi- 
tion of the bride or groom, a crowd may be expected at the 
church, that will prevent the convenient entrance of invited 
guests, long, narrow cards of admission are also enclosed with 
the invitation, engraved in the same style as the other: 

St. Peter's Church. 
Ceremony at eight o'clock. 

Many people dislike to issue an admission card, but in some 
instances it is absolutely necessary. 

Duties of the Ushers. — Several young gentlemen, usually 
about four in number, are chosen from the friends of the bride 
or groom, to act as ushers. One of these is appointed head 
usher, or master of ceremonies, and upon him devolves the 
responsibility of attending to certain necessary details. He 
must be early at the church, and, being provided with a list 
or number of the guests, determine, as near as possible, the 
space they will occupy, stretching the ribbon or arch of 
flowers as a boundary line. It is ahvays better to give too 
much, rather than too little room, as no lady in full dress likes 
to be crowded. He next ascertains that the organist is pro- 
vided with the musical programme; that the kneeling stool at 
the altar is in its proper place and covered with white cloth, 



202 OUR SOCIETY. 

so as not to sully the spotless robes of the bride. The ushers, 
being all now in position just inside the entrance, in the centre 
aisle, are now in readiness to escort ladies to their seats. 
They offer the right arm, and inquire if the guest is a friend 
of the bride or the groom. If of the latter, she is placed on 
the right side of the main aisle, going toward the altar; if a 
friend of the bride, on the left. Gentlemen accompanying 
lady guests, follow them to the seat. Ushers should place the 
relatives and most intimate friends of the bridal party nearest 
the altar. 

Two of the ushers, as soon as the ceremony is over, hurry 
to the residence where the reception is to be held, in order to 
be ready to receive the newly wedded pair and their guests. 

When the bride and groom are in position to receive, the 
ushers conduct guests to them, and introduce those who may 
not be acquainted, having previously asked the name if it is 
not known to them. They next introduce the guest to the 
parents. As the two families thus brought together may not 
be acquainted with each other's friends, and may live in places 
long distances apart, this is a very necessary formality. In 
all such instances, the gentleman escort follows the lady with 
the usher, and is introduced after she is. 

An usher attends each lady who is without an escort, to the 
supper-room, and sees that she is properly served. 

When the company is small, and the guests sit at table, at 
a wedding breakfast or supper, each lady is provided with an 
escort, as at a ceremonious dinner. 

Dress of the Ushers. — At a morning wedding, the ushers 
wear dark blue, or black frock-coats, light trousers, light neck- 
ties, and gloves of light neutral tint; at an evening wedding, 
full evening dress, white neckties, and delicately-tinted gloves. 
Button-hole bouquets are worn with either dress. 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS. 



203 



Duties of " The Best Man" — The " best man " is an Eng- 
lish institution. Time was when he was unknown in this 
country. In those days, the groom provided a train of cavaliers 
to escort the brides-maids, and to stand at his side during the 
ceremony; but now the custom is to rely solely on the ser- 
vices of a u best man," and to have no other groomsman. 
This, however, is a mere matter of taste, and those who 
choose to follow the strictly American custom, need not fear 
being called old-fashioned. 

The " best man " is usually an intimate and valued friend of 
the groom. He accompanies the latter to church, stands at 
his side, and holds his hat during the ceremony and, at its 
conclusion, goes home with the bridal party (generally in a 
coupe, by himself,) and then assists the ushers in introducing 
guests. He also arranges the business details of the wedding, 
as far as possible, for the groom, pays the clergyman his fee, 
and, if a wedding journey is on the programme, when the 
couple depart for the railway station, hastens on before them, 
in a separate carriage, sees to the checking of baggage and 
purchase of tickets and, when he can be of no further assis- 
tance, leaves the happy pair with his Godspeed and good 
wishes. 

The dress of the " best man " is like that of the groom or 
ushers, with the same distinction for morning or afternoon 
weddings as heretofore explained. 

Duties of the Brides-maid. — The principal duty of the 
brides-maid is to look pretty, and not out-shine the bride. She 
may wear a dainty costume of white or some delicate tint, not 
of so rich a fabric as the bride's, and without a train. Dressy 
hats or bonnets are often worn, and the flowers, instead of 
being arranged in the conventional bouquet, are carried in 
baskets. Sometimes, historical dresses are copied, and where 



204 



OUR SOCIETY. 



these are in keeping with each other, and the colors managed 
harmoniously, the effect is very charming and picturesque. 

The brides-maid must not fail to keep her engagement, 
except in cases of sickness or death; in the latter contin- 
gency, the bride should be immediately informed of the fact. 

Fees and Favors from the Groom. — The groom gives the 
clergyman any fee (not less than five dollars) that he thinks 
proper. He also sends flowers or some small souvenir, such 
as a locket, fan, or bangle, to the brides-maids; and to the 
ushers, scarf-pins, sleeve buttons, canes or any little remem- 
brance his ingenuity may suggest. He generally presents the 
bride with some gift, — a piece of jewelry, or anything that 
seems to him appropriate. He never neglects to send the 
wedding bouquet, or to provide the ring, where one is used in 
the ceremony. 

What the Bride Pays For. — The bride, or her family, pay 
for the invitations or wedding-cards, the wedding-breakfast or 
refreshments, and the carriages, except the one used by the 
" best man," which, being also needed by the groom to convey 
him to the church, is furnished by the latter. The bride also 
provides bontonnieres for the ushers or groomsmen, and 
bouquets for the maids. If she wish the latter to wear any 
unusual fabric or peculiar style of dress, she provides this also. 

Dress of the Bride. — The conventional costume is white 
satin, veil and orange blossoms, but this may be varied to suit 
the taste of the bride. Sometimes, roses or any other white 
blossoms are worn instead of the orange flowers, but the veil 
is worn only with white. The fabric of the gown may be any 
pretty, white material, or it need not be white at all. Several 
brides have looked charming of late in delicate tints of pink, 
cream, tea-rose, and heliotrope, and, where the wedding is 
very quiet, dark silks of tan, brown, wine or plum are becom- 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS. 2 OC 

ingly worn. The traveling dress, which is so convenient as to 
necessitate no change for the wedding journey, has also 
found favor with many. 

Church Weddings. — There are several different ways of 
proceeding to the altar. One which has found much favor in 
high circles is this: the ushers go first, in pairs; then the 
brides-maids, two and two; next come some pretty children, 
not over ten years of age, carrying flowers; the bride, sup- 
ported on her father's right-arm, comes last. If her father is not 
living, some near, male relative, or her guardian, should take 
the father's place and be ready to give her away. When the 
bridal party arrives at the church, the groom and his " best 
man " step forth from the vestry and, with faces turned toward 
the centre aisle, await the coming of the bride. As the pro- 
cession reaches the altar, the ushers separate, half going to the 
right and half to the left ; the brides-maids also separate in the 
same manner, leaving a space for the bride and groom. The 
latter takes the bride by the hand, as she advances to the 
altar, and places her at his left; the children range themselves 
in a group a little back of the party, and the father, or who- 
ever escorted the bride, stands a little back of her, and in con- 
venient position to step forward at the proper moment and 
give her away, which he does by silently placing her right- 
hand in that of the clergyman. The mother and sisters of the 
bride sometimes stand at one side, a little back of the party, 
but, unless these enter with the cortege, they generally arrive 
a short time before, and are placed in the front pews. 

The bride and groom kneel a few moments in silent prayer, 
and when they rise, the ceremony begins. 

After the Ceremony. — The ceremony ended, the clergy- 
man congratulates the pair, but it is no longer considered 
good form to kiss the bride. This could never be other than 



2 06 OUR SOCIETY. 

embarrassing before a church full of people, and it seems 
much more fitting and graceful that the bride should be per- 
mitted to keep her veil over her face until well out of the 
church. The bride takes the left arm of the groom and 
passes down the aisle, followed first by the brides-maids, next 
the ushers and, lastly, the friends in regular order. 

A pretty fancy is to have the children who were part of the 
cortege, precede the bride and strew flowers in her path-way 
as she passes down the aisle; or other children may come 
forth from the pews opening on the aisle and, standing, shower 
rose leaves, or walk before the bride, strewing blossoms. 

Sometimes two pretty boys, costumed as pages of the olden 
time, bear the train of the bride. Where children are to 
appear as picturesque accessories, they should be well trained 
before the event, as one awkward mistake may turn the 
impressiveness of the occasion into burlesque. 

Other Forms. — Where groomsmen are to officiate instead 
of the "best man," the order of proceeding will be as follows: 
The brides-maids, each escorted by a groomsman, lead the pro- 
cession; next comes the mother of the bride on the arm of 
the groom; next the bride, on the arm of her father or nearest 
male relative older than herself. Arrived at the altar, the 
maids pass to the left, the gentlemen to the right; the groom 
either seats the mother in the front pew at the left, or places 
her a little back of the brides-maids; the father stands where 
he can conveniently give away the bride, and the latter stands 
at the left of the groom. In leaving the altar, the bridal pair 
lead, the brides-maids and groomsmen coming next, and the 
father and mother following together. 

When there are neither brides-maids nor ushers, the groom 
may wait at the altar with his " best man," while the father 
escorts the bride up the aisle ; or, where there is no " best 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDTKGS. 207 

man," the groom may walk with the mother, while the father 
follows to the altar with the bride. 

The Traveling Dress. — When the bride is married in trav- 
eling dress, the bonnet, also, is worn. The groom is attired 
the same as for a morning wedding, but may wear dark 
trousers and tie instead of light ones. 

Usually, there are neither brides-maids nor groomsmen, but 
there may still be ushers if there are to be many guests, and 
the groom may have his "best man." 

The Wedding- Guest. — The guest should endeavor to arrive 
at the church five or ten minutes before the entrance of the 
bridal party, and should not hasten out after the ceremony, 
but wait until the cortege is well out of the church. 

The Reception. — Half the maids stand at the right of the 
bride, and half at the left of the groom, while the parents of 
the lady stand at a little distance at her right, and those of 
the groom, at his left. They are now in position for the usual 
congratulations. The nearest relatives and friends are the 
first to offer congratulations, and are now considered the only 
ones privileged to salute the bride with a kiss; the custom of 
all the guests kissing the bride has become obsolete in fash- 
ionable circles. 

Presents. — Wedding presents are not now generally exhib- 
ited, and when they are, the cards are removed from them. 
The good taste of this proceeding will at once recommend 
itself to all, without explanation. 

Presents sent to the bride, if marked, bear her maiden 
name or initials; those to the groom, his cipher or initial. 

Acknowledging Gifts. — The bride should send a short 
note of acknowledgment to all who have given presents. If 
these arrive in time to send thanks before the wedding, she 



208 OUR SOCIETY. 

may do so; if not, she should provide herself with a list of the 
givers, and write her note of thanks while on her wedding- 
tour. 

Refreshments. — A table is usually set in an adjoining room, 
as for an ordinary reception, with salads, oysters, ices and 
confectionary, and these are served en buffet to the guests. 
This method is proper for either a morning or evening wed- 
ding. 

The Wedding Breakfast. — This is an English custom 
which is gaining favor in this country, but only when a lim- 
ited number of guests are to be invited. Invitations are usu- 
ally sent out ten days or two weeks in advance, and should be 
immediately accepted or declined, as in the case of a formal 
dinner. Gentlemen, on arriving at the house, leave their hats 
in the hall, but ladies do not remove their bonnets. 

The guests pay their respects to the bride and groom, and 
then converse together until breakfast is announced. The 
order of proceeding to the dining-room is as follows: The 
bride and groom, the bride's father with the groom's mother, 
the groom's father with the bride's mother, the " best man " 
with the first brides-maid, the remaining brides-maids with 
ushers or other gentlemen invited for the distinction, and the 
remainder of the guests in such order as the hostess shall 
arrange. The wedding-cake is set before the bride and she 
cuts the first slice. 

When toasts are given, the health of the bride is the first 
to be proposed, generally by the father of the groom, and this 
is responded to by the father of the bride. 

Coffee and tea are not generally served, but bouillon, with 
hot and cold dishes and wines, if desired, are offered. 

Shall We Send Cake f — Cake is no longer sent to friends, 
(unless one may wish to make an exception of some friend at 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS, 209 

a distance), but is neatly packed in small boxes, and each 
guest may, if she wish, take one when leaving the house. 

Parents in Mourning. — Parents who are in mourning 
should leave off funeral weeds at a wedding. The mother 
should wear a gown of some other color than black, even if 
she intend to resume mourning after the bride's departure. 

* Guests in Mourning. — -If guests go in mourning to the 
church, they should not mingle with those in full toilette or 
place themselves where they are likely to be seen by the bride. 
If they appear at the reception, they should lay aside black 
for the occasion. 

The Home Wedding. — Home weddings seem to be grow- 
ing in favor, though there will always be those who desire the 
added impressiveness and solemnity which the deep-toned 
organ and all the sacred associations of the church give to the 
ceremony. We once heard a young lady remark that she 
should not think she was legally married if the wedding did 
not take place in church. Nevertheless, there are those who 
shrink from the publicity, and who, therefore, prefer the home 
wedding. 

When it is desired, an altar of flowers may be arranged in 
the drawing-room. It is placed near the wall, allowing just 
enough space for the minister to stand. He then faces the 
guests, while the bride and groom face him. Hassocks for 
keeling are placed before the altar, and a space large enough 
for the bridal party to stand is usually marked off by a ribbon 
stretched across a portion of the room. 

Brides-maids and the " best man " are generally dispensed 
with at home weddings, though they may act in the ceremo- 
nial if it is desired that they should do so. 

The clergyman takes his place behind the altar, and the 
bridal party enter, as at church. After the ceremony is over, 

14 



2IO OUR SOCIETY. 

they turn around, facing their guests, and receive congratula- 
tions. If space be an object, the kneeling stool and altar are 
then removed, or the latter may be pushed up against the wall 
to serve as an additional decoration. 

The forms observed after this are the same as those given 
for the reception. 

If there be dancing, and the bride take part in it, she leads 
the first quadrille with the " best man," and the groom dances 
with the first brides-maid. 

Leaving for the Wedding Journey. — When the time for 
departure draws near, the bride and groom quietly withdraw 
to their dressing-rooms, without taking leave of their guests, 
and make the necessary changes in dress for traveling. At 
large receptions, only the most intimate friends remain to wish 
them don voyage and to throw rice and slippers after the car- 
riage. 

It is not considered in good taste to ask where the 
newly married pair are going, or where the honey-moon is to 
be spent. Still, if the bride or groom volunteer the informa- 
tion, there can be no impropriety in discussing the matter. 

Traveling Dress of the Bride. — The traveling costume 
will, of course, be regulated by the fashion of the period, but 
like any sensible traveling dress, it will be quiet in color, and 
of material suited to the occasion. Any extra magnificence 
or showiness will be avoided by people of good taste and 
modesty, who will not care to advertise the fact of their being 
on a wedding-tour. 

The Widows Marriage. — Authorities differ as to the eti- 
quette of the widow's marriage. One says she should neither 
dress in white, wear a veil, nor have brides-maids; another, 
that she may have maids, and wear white, but no veil or 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS 2 1 1 

orange blossoms. Mrs. Sherwood says : " She should, at 
church, wear a colored silk and a bonnet. She should be 
attended by her father, brother, or some near friend." 

We should say that the veil and orange blossoms are not to 
be thought of, that a white gown is in doubtful taste, as it 
seems on such an occasion to be the especial symbol of tha 
maiden, that brides-maids are also much more appropriate for 
the first wedding, and that some delicately tinted silk, with 
roses or other blossoms, would be most fitting for the occasion. 
If in church, as Mrs. Sherwood suggests, a bonnet should be 
worn. A traveling costume is also in good taste. Out of 
consideration for the groom, the widow should remove her 
first wedding-ring. 

When a reception is to be held at the home of her parents, 
a bride's maiden name forms part of her proper name on the 
invitations. 

Calls After the Wedding. — Those who receive cards only 
to the church, consider that a card left within a month or two 
thereafter, or an invitation extended to the bride when giving 
an entertainment, is all that is required, though it is consid- 
ered, by some, proper to call, the same as after having 
received an invitation to the reception. 

Guests at the reception, or those who have been invited 
and have not attended, should call on the parents within ten 
days or two weeks after the event. 

Announcement of Marriage. — If the wedding is private, the 
custom is to send, soon afterward, marriage notices to friends. 
Often, when the pair are absent on their wedding-tour, such 
announcements are sent by the parents. The following form 
seems to give a formal sanction to the alliance: 



212 OUR SOCIETY. 

Mr. and Mrs. Gerald Talbot 

announce the marriage of their daughter 

Blanche Marcia 

to 

Thomas Goring Allgrave, 

Wednesday, October tenth, 

1885. 

The recipients of such cards send notes of congratulation to 
the parents, and, when intimate friends, to the bride and 
groom. 

Receptions After Marriage. — It is customary for the newly 
married pair to receive on certain days during the first month 
after becoming established in their new home. Sometimes 
the announcement of such receptions accompanies the wed- 
ding-cards, and may simply state the following: 

Wednesdays in May. 

49 PARK SQUARE. 

If the receptions are to be held in the evening, this should 
be distinctly stated. 

These invitations occasionally accompany the announce- 
ment of the marriage, where there has been a quiet wedding, 
and no reception. In this case, the form would be like the 
following: 

Thomas G. Allgrave, 

Blanche Marcia Talbot, 

Married, 
Wednesday, October tenth, 1885. 

At home, 
Wednesday evenings in November. 
49 PARK SQUARE. NEW YORK. 



CUSTOMS AND COSTUMES FOR WEDDINGS, 213 

Another form would be this : 

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas G. Allgrave, 

at horne^ 
Wednesday evenings in November, 

49 PARK SQUARE. NEW YORK. 

These announcements should be sent about ten days or two 
weeks before the first reception day. 

Receptions Given by Parents. — Sometimes, when there has 
not been a reception at the time of the wedding, one is given 
for the young couple by the mother of the bride, after their 
return, even if they have begun housekeeping for themselves. 
If the parents of the groom also give them a reception, it 
should follow that of the bride's parents. 

When the reception is in the evening, the invitations are in 
the name of the parents, accompanied by a card containing 
the names of the bride and groom, enclosed in an envelope. 
If in the afternoon, the form will be this: 

Mrs. Gerald Talbot, 
Mrs. Thomas G. Allgrave, 

at homey 

Thursday ', November ninth, 1885, 

from four to six o'clock. 

Bride's Dress for Receptions. — The bride wears, at her 
receptions in her own or her parents' house, a dark silk, as 
rich and elegant as her tastes or means will permit, but with- 
out any traces of the bridal ornaments. She may wear, at 
parties or dinners, her wedding-dress, without veil or orange 
blossoms, if she wish. 



214 0UR s OCIETY. 

Refreshments at Receptions, — The table at the bride's 
receptions should be exceedingly simple. Tea or chocolate, 
with cake, is quite sufficient. On a very cold day, bouillon is 
always acceptable. An elaborate menu at such receptions 
would be considered absolutely vulgar by society people. 

Courtesies to the Newly Married Couple. — The brides- 
maids, if in the habit of entertaining, should give a party or 
dinner to the married pair, or a four o'clock tea to the bride. 
Friends, when having entertainments, for several months after 
the event, should give them in honor of the newly married 
pair, unless they may especially wish to distinguish some one 
else on the occasion. 

The bride should not feel in duty bound to respond to these 
civilities by elaborate entertainments, unless she is wealthy 
enough to fully warrant the outlay, as society is quite willing 
to entertain her without any immediate return of hospitalities. 

A few Suggestions. — The bridal outfit should be in keep- 
ing with the position in life which the bride will assume after 
marriage. If the means will be limited, it is better to reserve, 
for more needful purposes, a part of the money which is often 
spent is an extravagant trousseau and an elaborate wedding. 

On the wedding journey, or anywhere in the presence of 
others, all demonstrations of affection should be suppressed. 
However interesting it may be to the blissful pair, they are 
only considered by the cold, unfeeling world from a cynical or 
amusing point of view. The bride of good taste, who shrinks 
from being stared at, will not wear anything which is showy, 
" dressy," conspicuous, or in any way suggestive of the wed- 
ding, on her bridal journey. 



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RECEPTIONS, KETTLE -BRUMS AND 
FIVE O'CLOCK TEAS. 




ECEPTIONS are not 
only pleasant methods 
o f entertaining more 
friends than one pos- 
sibly can at a party or dinner, but they 
are especially adapted to the convenience 
of society people who may have several engagements for one 
date. Those held in the afternoon usually include ladies only, 
as the business habits of nearly all American gentlemen pre- 
vent their attending at that time. In the evening, gentlemen 
are expected, and, if they can not be present, they should send 
their cards while the reception is in progress. 

Invitations. — The form most in use is simply for the hostess 
to add to her usual visiting-card the words, "At home," with 
the date and hours for reception. Should anything 
elaborate be required, something like the following 
be used: 

Mr. and Mrs. James Watrous 

request the pleasure of your co?npany 

on Thursday evening, November $th, 

from eight to eleven o'clock. 

40 MURDOCH SQUARE. 

215 



more 
may 



2l6 OUR SOCIETY. 

If a series of receptions are to be given, the visiting-card 
may have added, at the lower left-hand corner, the words: 

Wednesdays in January, 
from four to six o'clock. 

These cards may be sent by post in a single envelope, or 
by messenger, or the hostess may have them left from her 
carriage as she is driven from house to house. 

Shall We Answer? — No answer is required, either of 
acceptance or regret, to such an invitation, unless a response 
is requested. 

Refreshments and Other Arrangements. — A table from 
which light refreshments are served en buffet, is set in an 
apartment convenient of access. Here is stationed a butler or 
head waiter, with a man, and sometimes a maid-servant, to 
assist in serving. The refreshments usually consist of oysters 
or salads, rolls, coffee, cake, ices and confectionery. An 
elaborate menu, especially at an afternoon reception which 
comes so shortly before the dinner hour, is considered in bad 
taste. In the evening something more may be added if wished, 
but the list given comprises all that is necessary. 

The house may be made as beautiful with flowers, palms and 
trailing vines as the means or taste of the hostess may suggest. 
At very elaborate affairs, or when the weather is inclement, an 
awning and carpet extend from the entrance to the carriage 
landing. A man-servant or maid-servant opens the door with- 
out allowing the guest to ring. The former wears white thread 
gloves and black dress-suit, the latter a neat gown and dainty 
cap. He or she may hold a salver to receive the cards of 
guests, or a basket or table may stand in the hall for this pur- 
pose. A maid-servant is also stationed in the ladies' dressing- 
room to remove the wraps of those who wish to do so. At 



RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS, ETC. 217 

very large afternoon receptions a man-servant is a great con- 
venience, whose duty it is to assist ladies from their carriages, to 
give the coachman his number, and to be ready to call him 
when needed. He can better be dispensed with in the evening, 
when the ladies are accompanied by escorts, but he is a 
convenience at either time, unless a footman goes with the 
carriage. 

Sometimes a band of music adds to the festive character of 
the entertainment, but it should be stationed sufficiently far from 
the lady or ladies receiving not to interfere with conversation. 

The Hostess. — The hostess, and those who assist her in 
receiving, should stand at a convenient distance from the 
entrance, and should introduce guests, if not acquainted, to 
her assistants. She should try to throw into her welcome a 
feeling of cordiality and genuine pleasure, but should not 
detain the guest who may wish to give room to others, by 
any extended remarks. At large receptions the hostess rarely 
introduces guests to each other. 

The Guest. — The guest, on entering, lays upon the salver or 
table in the hall, his or her card and the card of a member of 
the family who has been invited and is unable to attend. If a 
dressing-room has been provided for gentlemen, they leave 
their hats and overcoats there; if not, they are deposited in 
the hall. 

Ladies may or may not leave their wraps in the dressing- 
room. As a general thing, the atmosphere of the drawing- 
room is so warm as to render even a slight addition to the 
costume burdensome, and it is usually advisable to allow the 
attendant to take charge of wraps. 

Guests do not generally stay over half an hour, unless there 
is dancing. Sometimes only a favored few are asked to 
remain and join in a quadrille. 



2l8 OUR SOCIETY. 

Guests are not obliged to seek out the hostess before leaving, 
especially if she be busily engaged in receiving. Still, if they 
particularly wish to do so, the courtesy is never out of place. 

When a series of receptions are given, if the recipient of an 
invitation has not been able to attend, he or she should send a 
card for the last one at least, and some people are so careful 
as to send a card each time to remind the hostess that, though 
not present, they have not forgotten the compliment of an 
invitation. 

Reception Dress. — For day receptions, ladies wear a visiting 
costume with bonnet. These should be as handsome as the 
wardrobe affords. Natural flowers may be added if desired. 

Gentlemen are seen in morning dress, but for evening 
receptions they should wear dress-coats and white or light 
tinted neck-ties. 

The ladies' dress for evening is much the same as for after- 
noon, except that lighter colors and more jewelry may be 
worn. When the reception is of the nature of a soiree, bonnets 
are removed. 

Calls. — Calls are not necessary after a reception, except in 
the case of those who received cards and were unable to attend. 

The Kettle-drum. — A kettle-drum is only a reception with 
another name. It is, generally, a little less formal than the 
ordinary reception. Guests remain any length of time, within 
the stated hours, they choose; and conversation and, perhaps, 
music is the order of entertainment. 

Its Origin. — The term, "kettle-drum," is said to have 
originated among officers' wives who, limited in the elegant 
facilities of social life by the exigencies of garrison surround- 
ings, invited their friends to informal entertainments, in which 
the refreshments were served on the drum-head. They could 



RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS, ETC. 2 IQ 

not set out their own dainty china, neither could they rely on 
the trained servant or caterer they had been accustomed to at 
home, so they served their cup of tea, rolls, or sandwiches, from 
such dishes as they could command, and geniality, pleasant 
conversation and improvised music more than compensated 
for the lack of elaborate appointments. 

The Kettle-drum Proper. — The kettle-drum proper should 
carry out the original significance of the term, in being simple 
and informal as to the refreshments and all appointments. 
True, it may be conducted after the same form as that 
described under " Receptions," but less ceremony is more in 
keeping. The ladies receive standing, the same as at recep- 
tions, but a lady of the family, or a friend, presides at the tea- 
urn, and may or may not be assisted by a man-servant or 
maid-servant. 

Some pretty caprices indulged in by hostesses at these 
affairs, were to have a tiny drum beaten at intervals near the 
tea-table, and the young lady who served the tea was costumed 
nattily as a vivandiere. 

Kettle-drums are always held in the afternoon; the refresh- 
ments consist of tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns and 
cake; and the invitation is siniply the addition to the visiting- 
card of the words, " kettle-drum," with date and hour. The 
dress is the same as for a reception. 

The Five CP clock Tea. — The five o'clock tea is even less 
ceremonious than the kettle-drum. As a general thing, the 
number invited is not large. The tea or coffee equipage is 
on a side-table, together with plates of thin sandwiches and 
cake, and is served by members of the family or friends, with- 
out the assistance of servants. The enjoyment of the five 
o'clock tea is more in the mental and social attractions of the 
guests than in the eating and drinking. 



2 2Q OUR SOCIETY. 

The invitations are, usually, the lady's visiting-card with the 
words, " five o'clock tea," and date, written in the lower left- 
hand corner. 

Breakfasts. — The hour for a breakfast party may be any- 
where between half -past nine and eleven o'clock. Very formal 
breakfasts are sometimes given at twelve*, but these can be 
breakfast only in name in our busy country where every one 
rises before ten o'clock, except singers, the theatrical profes- 
sion, and literary people who prefer the night hours for their 
work. People who get up at the usual time must have a 
lunch before noon, and thus the twelve o'clock breakfast is in 
reality a formal luncheon. 

Breakfasts, given to a few congenial people, may be made 
very charming affairs. Lord Macaulay has said: "Dinner- 
parties are mere formalities; but you invite a man to break- 
fast because you want to see him." 

Occasionally, one may be invited to the latter for the same 
reason that he is to dinner, to pay off an obligation, to be 
lionized, or on some other score; but, proportionately, as there 
is less formality and fewer courses than at a dinner, is there 
more enjoyment and social interchange. 

Gentlemen and ladies are invited to breakfast, but among 
the former, only artists, literary men, and those who can take 
up their work at whatever hour they please, are able to attend. 

Invitations to breakfast are, usually, informal notes, or the 
the lady's visiting-card, having below the name the words, 
" breakfast at ten o'clock," with date underneath. These are 
sent out about five days before the event, and should receive 
an answer. Sometimes an informal and impromptu breakfast 
may be given with only a day or two intervening between 
the invitation and the date. 



RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS, ETC. 2 2I 

Going to the Table. — The order of proceeding to the table 
is the same as that for dining, and may be found in the chapter 
on " Ceremonious Dinners." The host takes out the lady to 
be most distinguished, and cards are found on the plates, indi- 
cating where the guests are to be seated. The gentlemen 
are informed by card as to whom they shall take out to the 
dining-room, and if unacquainted, should ask for an introduc- 
tion. When there is no host, the lady of the house leads the 
way with the gentleman to be most honored. 

The Breakfast-table. — There should be choice viands pre- 
pared in the daintiest style, but the food should not be so 
heavy, nor the courses so numerous, as at a dinner. If there 
are less than eight guests, it is not necessary to place cards on 
the plates. The breakfast may be served from the sideboard 
or table, in courses, and the hostess herself dispenses the coffee, 
chocolate, or tea, whichever is preferred. 

The signal to rise is given by the hostess to the opposite 
lady guest, when the entire party adjourn to the drawing-room. 

After Breakfast. — Guests usually depart within half an 
hour after leaving the table. 

After exceedingly simple breakfasts, calls are not expected, 
but after very formal affairs, they are made, the same as in 
the case of dinners. 

The Costume. — Walking-dress is worn by both gentlemen 
and ladies. Gloves are appropriate to sudi costumes, and 
are removed after sitting down to the table. Very formal 
breakfasts demand a handsome reception toilette, and for the 
gentlemen, frock-coats and light trousers. White vests may 
be worn if the weather is warm, or if it is customary to do so 
in the time or place where the breakfast is given. 



2 22 OUR SOCIETY. 

Luncheons. — The lunch, or luncheon, is strictly a ladies' 
affair. To the formal lunch, gentlemen are not invited. At 
these, the food is served very much the same as at a ceremo- 
nious dinner ; the bonbonnieres are as elaborate and the favors 
as expensive. The dress worn is like an elegant reception 
toilette, and the forms observed are much the same as those 
for dinners. 

The Informal Lunch. — The lunch to which a friend is asked 
to drop in when he pleases, or even the affair to which a few 
friends, gentlemen and ladies, have been asked, is a comfort- 
able, easy-going meal, in which the dishes are mostly cold, 
and a guest is pardoned for coming late. The company do 
not go in arm in arm, and have no especial seat assigned them 
at the table, but sit where it is most convenient. 

The Table. — In England the luncheon very much resembles 
a plain American dinner, being generally a roast, vegetables, 
pastry, fruit and a glass of wine. 

In this country the table may be set with flowers or fruit, 
plates of thin bread and butter, jellies, creams, cakes and pre- 
serves, a dish of cold salmon mayonnaise, and decanters of 
sherry and claret. The butler places a cold ham or chicken 
on the sideboard, and a pitcher of ice-water on a side-table, 
and takes no heed of the baser wants of humanity until dinner 
time. An under servant then waits at table. 

After the cold meats or more substantial dishes are served, 
the servant may retire, and the hostess can serve the pastry or 
ice herself, with the assistance of her guests. The servant 
should first remove plates and prepare the table, also providing 
the lady who serves with clean plates, forks and spoons, before 
leaving. 

Tea or coffee are not offered during, or after, luncheon. 



RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS, ETC. 2 2\ 

The guest should not remain long after the meal, as the hostess 
may have engagements. 

For a more formal lunch, Mrs. Sherwood has given some 
good hints. " Suppose it to be served a la Russe, the first 
entree — let us say chops and green peas — is handed by 
the waiter, commencing with the lady who sits on the right- 
hand of the master of the house. This is followed by vege- 
tables. Plates having been renewed, a salad and some cold 
ham can be offered. The waiter fills the glasses with sherry, 
or offers claret. When champagne is served at lunch, it is 
immediately after the first dish has been served, and claret and 
sherry are not then given unless asked for." 

After the salad, a fresh plate, with a dessert-spoon and small 
fork upon it, is placed before each person. The ice-cream, pie, 
or pudding is then placed in front of the hostess, who cuts it 
and puts a portion on each plate. After these dainties have 
been discussed, a glass plate, serviette and finger-bowl are 
placed before each guest, with fruit. The servant takes the 
plate from his mistress, after she has filled it, and hands it to 
the lady of first consideration, and so on. When only mem- 
bers of the family are present at luncheon, the mistress of the 
house is helped first. 

A lady with one servant, or no servant at all, may safely 
rest, nor fear the chance visitor, if directly after breakfast she 
prepare a mayonnaise, salad, a well-seasoned ragout of 
hashed meat, toast and potates, or a round of cold corned beef. 
Any one of these dishes may serve for the principal one, and 
with a plain cake, a blanc mange and some fruit, the table will 
not be meagre. 

It is well to learn to garnish dishes tastefully with capers, a 
border of water cresses, celery tops, or parsley, and to cut 
carrots and other vegetables into fanciful shapes, as even a 



2 24 OUR SOCIETY. 

plain lunch, prettily set out, will prove more appetizing than a 
greater variety in less attractive shape. 

Invitations to Lunch. — Invitations vary and are of all 
degrees, according to the formality of the luncheon. If it is 
to be a very ceremonious affair, the invitation may be the same 
as to a dinner, with the word " luncheon " substituted for "din- 
ner," and may be sent out about ten days before the event. If 
you simply want to talk over something with your friend, you 
may write on a small sheet of note paper: 

My dear Mrs. Farnum ; 

Do come and lunch with me at one. 

Yours sincerely, 

EDITH STANTON. 
Friday, 10 A. M. t 
Oct. 3, 1884. 

Between these two extremes there may be different forms, 
as the exigencies of the case or the degree of intimacy may 
suggest. 

Luncheon Dress.- — The usual walking costume is generally 
worn, except to very ceremonious affairs, when a handsome 
visiting toilette is appropriate. In the country, or at summer 
resorts, ladies and gentlemen may come in lawn-tennis or 
yachting suits, or any costume which they may happen to be 
wearing out of doors at the lunch hour. 

Suppers. — Suppers are gentlemen's parties, and are usually 
given at nine or ten o'clock in the evening. The invitation 
may be either a ceremonious or friendly note, or simply the 
host's visiting-card, with the words: 

Supper at ten o'clock, 
Wednesday, December jth. 



RECEPTIONS, KETTLE-DRUMS, ETC. 2 2< 

Or one may be asked verbally without finding it necessary to 
be shocked. 

There are fish suppers, wine suppers, game suppers, and 
champagne suppers. 

At the first, the menu is mostly fish with the proper 
accompaniments. Salads and fruits, but no sweet dessert, 
coffee and wines complete the repast. 

A game supper means wild fowl, coffee and wines, with 
dessert of pastry, bonbons and ices. 

A champagne or wine supper differs little in luxury from 
a dinner, except that the dishes are cold instead of hot, 
and the pastries and dessert may be as rich as the host or 
head cook chooses. 

These parties do not generally break up before one or two 
o'clock in the morning, and can only be indulged in by men of 
phenomenal digestion and invincible physical powers. 

The Family Supper. — The English custom of late suppers 
seems to be gaining ground among certain fashionable people. 
An informal supper may be served on a red table-cloth, with 
a high dish of oranges and apples or other fruit for a centre- 
piece. There may be some sliced, cold corned-beef or ham, 
pickled tongue, a dish of hashed meat garnished with parsley, 
bread, butter and cheese, with ale, cider or wine, or there may 
be oysters and cold fowl. Hot vegetables are never served. 

Where many guests are invited, the menu sometimes closely 
resembles that of a ceremonious dinner, except that soup is 
omitted. 




15 



MANNERS WHILE TEA VELING. 




T no time is one's stock of 
politeness more likely to be 
put to the test than when trav- 
eling. We naturally wish to be 
as comfortable as possible, and to 
secure and hold possession of such 
p&/ conveniences as we feel ourselves en- 
titled to; but this certainly does not 
justify us in crowding, pushing and trampling upon others in 
the mad pursuit after these desirable things. Anything gained 
at the expense of decent manners is bought too dearly to be 
enjoyed by right-minded people. 

The Gentleman Escort. — When a gentleman is to escort a 
a lady upon a journey, he either accompanies her to the station, 
or meets her there, in sufficient time to attend to the checking 
of her baggage, the procuring of her ticket, and the securing 
of an eligible seat in the cars. He arranges her hand baggage, 
and takes a seat near her, or by her side if invited by her to 
do so. In the ordinary passenger coach, a lady would most 
likely take the latter course, (or, should the car be crowded, 
she will be obliged to share her seat with some one, and she 
would undoubtedly much prefer her escort to an entire 
stranger. 

226 



MANNERS WHILE TRAVELING. 227 

The destination reached, the gentleman conducts his charge 
to the ladies' waiting-room, while he attends to her baggage, 
and secures whatever vehicle she may desire to convey her to 
the hotel or private house which she indicates. He should 
call upon her the next day, if he remain in the city, to inquire 
how she stood the journey. 

Duties of a Lady to Her Escort. — The lady should either 
supply her escort with the amount of money necessary to 
defray her expenses, before purchasing her ticket, or, if he 
prefer, she may allow him to pay the bills, and settle the 
account at the end of the journey. The latter course, however, 
should not be adopted unless the gentleman first propose it 
and wish it, and a strict account of items, which will leave 
nothing for the gentleman to pay for from his own purse, must 
be insisted on. Ladies generally preter the former method, 
and no gentleman will insist upon the latter way, if the lady 
state her preference. 

A lady should not make unnecessary demands upon the 
patience and good nature of her escort. Some people seem to 
continually want hand baggage taken down from the rack, a 
glass of water from the other end of the car, or a cup of tea 
from every third station on the road. Such ladies should 
employ a maid, or else occasionally wait on themselves; they 
can scarcely expect such continual service from an escort or 
mere acquaintance. 

Above all things, don't be fussy, apprehensive or nervous 
concerning the safety of yourself or your baggage. If you 
are afraid you are on the wrong train or your baggage has 
gone wrong, don't reflect on the ability of your escort by con- 
tinually troubling him about it. If you have good cause to 
think such is the case, investigate for yourself, and take the 
matter in your own hands. If the gentleman is incapable of 



228 OUR SOCIETY. 

attending to your affairs, you are perfectly right in taking the 
matter in your own hands, but, in nine cases out of ten, he is 
more likely to know the ins and outs of railway travel than 
yourself; and if he takes upon himself the extra burden of 
your affairs, you should pay him the compliment of at least 
seeming to have perfect confidence in his ability. 

Have as little hand baggage as you possibly can, and do 
not wait until the last minute, when nearing your destination, 
to have it within reach, and your hat, bonnet, veil or acces- 
sories of your toilette adjusted for instant departure when the 
train stops. It occassionally happens that the train is behind 
time, and, if you are to make connections, not many minutes 
are to spare. At all events, it is best to be ready for emer- 
gencies. 

A certain authority says, in speaking of the escort, that it is 
optional with the lady whether or not the acquaintance shall 
be continued after the call, but, " if the lady does not wish to 
prolong the acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her 
friends, to request a similar favor of him at another time." 
We should think the latter would be quite obvious to any one 
of average common sense, but should also suppose that no lady 
would accept such courtesies from any gentleman whom she 
would afterward be unwilling to recognize, unless something 
damaging to his character might come to light, of which she 
was at the time unaware. 

The Lady A lone. — A lady traveling alone may accept from 
a fellow passenger small services, such as the raising or lower- 
ing of a window, assistance in getting on or off the train, 
carrying bags, claiming trunks or calling a carriage. There 
is very rarely found a man who will presume upon such slight 
grounds. If the journey be a long one, a lady need not fear 
to make herself agreeable to other passengers, even should 



MANNERS WHILE TRAVELING. 



229 



they happen to be gentlemen. The woman of fine perceptions 
will know just how far such a chance acquaintance ought to 
go, and it rests entirely with her where to draw the line. The 
slightest overtures at undue familiarty will scarcely ever be 
attempted without some encouragement. Of course, there are 
exceptions to any rule, and there will occasionally be a clown 
or a rowdy among a trainful of passengers who will attempt 
to persecute a lady, but there is always some escape from even 
this affliction. Women of dignity and of quiet, lady-like appear- 
ance and behavior have traveled alone for years without a 
single unpleasant experience of this character. It need 
scarcely be said that anything like conspicuous flirting with 
strange gentlemen will not be indulged in by a lady of 
refinement. 

An acquaintance formed on a railway train need not after- 
ward be continued. 

To ladies traveling alone, we would say: — Cultivate habits 
of self-reliance, be capable of attending to your own baggage, 
obtain time-tables and inform yourself as to the time your 
train starts, buy your own tickets, and, if you need extra inform- 
ation, inquire of officials, who will always be easily distin- 
guished by their uniform, and whose business it is to answer 
all reasonable questions from travelers. If you wish the con- 
ductor to answer any inquiries, ask him before the time comes 
for stopping at a station, as he is then busy and hurried. 
• Do not give money or checks into the hands of a stranger 
to buy your tickets or obtain your trunks. A swindler or 
" confidence man " may have the most polished exterior, and 
you need not be surprised if he take advantage of your 
credulity to rob you in the most expeditious manner. 

Dress stylishly if you can, but let it be neatly and plainly, 
with no extra adornments, and very little jewelry. Glistening 
stones, especially diamonds, are decidedly out of place. 



23O OUR SOCIETY. 

Let your conduct be as quiet as your dress, and you can go 
from Boston to San Francisco without trouble. 

In a parlor or sleeping car, if you have anything which is 
likely to be in your own or other people's way, entrust it to 
the porter to take care of. It is customary to offer him a 
small fee, but if you do not choose to do so, you may ask his 
services without, as he is expected to perform the usual duties 
required of him by passengers. 

Ladies Assisting Other Ladies, — It is not only polite, but 
it should be considered a duty for ladies to give assistance to 
other ladies who, by reason of youth, inexperience, ill health, 
extreme age or any other cause, may stand in need of advice 
or some kindly act, which they are in a position to render. 

Consideration for Others. — No one should raise or lower a 
window without consulting the comfort of those in the imme- 
diate vicinity. It is generally the person directly back of the 
window that is most affected by the draught, and should be 
the first to be considered. 

No lady will insist on retaining two seats when other pas- 
sengers are obliged to stand. We recently saw, on a six 
hours trip, two women occupy four seats, by having the one 
in front of them turned over and filled with baggage. A 
gentleman, who was forced to stand, after a time asked them 
to vacate one of the seats, which they refused to do. There- 
upon ensued a wordy war, in which the sharp speeches of the 
unwomanly offenders were applauded by the rougher portion 
of the passengers, and the real ladies present not only meta- 
phorically, but literally, blushed for their sex. The conductor 
being finally appealed to, he compelled the ill-bred passengers 
to make room for the gentleman who had so pluckily asserted 
his rights. At another time we saw two gentlemen forcibly 



MANNERS WHILE TRAVELING. 2^ 

turn over a seat which had been piled up with the baggage of 
a married pair, and the disgraceful scene which ensued quite 
justified the epithet " hog," which a gentleman who sat near 
applied to the owner of the baggage. 

In the Sleeping Car. — No lady with any consideration for 
the rights or comforts of others will occupy the dressing-room 
for a half hour or more for the purpose of making an elaborate 
toilette. We remember not long ago having seen such a one; 
and we also remember the ladies who stood around that door 
waiting for a chance to enter. The motion of the train 
banged them hither and thither against the walls of the narrow 
passage way, and the remainder of the passengers eyed the 
closed door with growing indignation. Just as the train was 
about to stop, the female " hog " stepped forth, and the ladies, 
who were ready to drop with weariness and vexation, were 
obliged to change cars or snatch a hasty breakfast, without 
having had even an opportunity to wash their hands. 

A lady who has traveled considerably, says she can always 
manage to dress her hair before leaving her berth; she also 
arranges her toilette as far as possible, so that in the dressing- 
room she has only to wash, brush teeth, or, perhaps, don fresh 
cuffs and collar; and this she can always manage inside of ten 
minutes. This lady at home is in the habit of making a care- 
ful and leisurely toilette, but where one small room is in turn 
to accommodate all the feminine portion of the travelers in a 
railway coach, she is well-bred enough to sacrifice some of 
her own convenience to the comfort of others. Her example 
is to be commended. 

Those not wishing to retire should not disturb the repose of 
others by loud talking or laughter after the majority of the 
passengers have gone to their berths. 



232 OUR SOCIETY. 

Retaining a Seat — If it is necessary for a passenger to 
leave his seat to look after baggage, procure a lunch, time- 
table, etc., he may retain possession of his seat by leaving a 
traveling bag, overcoat, or any of his belongings upon it. 
The right of possession must be respected by others, even 
though the seat be a gentleman's and should be wanted by 
a lady. A gentleman should not, however, retain a seat 
in this manner, while he spends the greater part of his time in 
the smoking car. 

A gentleman is not expected to give up his seat in a rail- 
way car to a lady, though almost any one would prefer to do 
so rather than see a lady stand. 

In a street car the case is somewhat different, as the incon- 
venience of standing is much less to a gentleman and much 
more to a lady. No gentleman, unless ill or aged, will allow 
a lady to stand while he sits in a street car. 

On the Steamer. — Where people are thrown together for 
several days with nothing to do but amuse themselves, it is 
quite natural that the genial side of human nature should 
come to the top. On board a steamer, people have better 
opportunities, and are brought into closer social contact with 
each other, than in railway travel; it is therefore even more 
permissible to speak, and enter into conversation with a fel- 
low passenger without being introduced, as it is always under- 
stood that such acquaintances are not necessarily continued; 
and it is not only permissible, but right, that each one should 
contribute his mite toward the pleasure and entertainment of 
his fellow passengers, who thus meet, for the time being, on 
an equal footing. 

The steamer piano, like the hotel instrument, is a much 
abused thing; pray don't torture it often, unless you can bring 
real music from its strings. In that case, it will agreeably 



MANNERS WHILE TRAVELING. 



2 33 



break the monotony, and amuse those who are trying to kill 
time. 

Never allude to sea-sickness at the table. It is in bad taste 
at any table, but is still more so on the water when most 
people are more squeamish than usual. 




THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 




AN in society is like a 
flower blown in its na- 
tive bud. It is there 
alone his faculties, 
expanded in full 
bloom, shine out; 



there only reach their proper use," 
says Cowper, the bashful man, thus 
exemplifying in himself the fact that those who most fully 
realize the benefits to be derived from society are often the 
ones who most shrink from it. 
Man is naturally gregarious. If it had not been meant that 
he should be so, he would not have been endowed with the 
organs of speech and a vast wealth of expression. It is by 
contact with humanity that we become more tender, more 
unselfish, more sympathetic, more wise, and less egotistic. 

Granted, then, that it is a good thing to seek the society of 
our fellow creatures, and that we ought to do so, if not from 
inclination, from a sense of duty to ourselves, the next ques- 
tion is, how shall we meet them? This query will sound 
absolutely absurd to the easy, affable man, who has never, in 
the whole course of his comfortable career, had to propound 
to himself such a problem ; but there is a whole army of shy, 
diffident men who not only spend a good part of their time 

234 



THE A WK WARD AND SHY. 235 

considering it, but come away from every encounter utterly 
vanquished and discouraged. 

In theory the answer might be something like this: In 
the first place, don't think about how you are to meet any- 
body; for the moment you begin to deliberate you are lost. If 
you begin to consider the figure you are going to make, depend 
upon it, the figure will be an awkward one. Self-conscious- 
ness is the beginning of awkwardness. Say to yourself, when 
about to be introduced to a roomful of people: " They are only 
human beings like myself; there is sure to be a large majority 
with kindly intentions toward me, and to those who have not, 
if they are so mean and unjust as to judge me without good 
cause, I fling a Carlylean defiance, and say, what is the worst 
that you can do to me ? ' Let it come, then ; I will meet it 
and defy it.'" Ask yourself, as his hero did: "What art 
thou afraid of? Wherefore, like a coward, dost thou forever 
pip and whimper, and go cowering and trembling ? " There 
is surely nothing in this world that cannot be overcome with 
a resolute front. 

In the next place, if you find yourself getting heated and 
hurried, inwardly resolve that you will not hurry, that you 
will take time, though the heavens fall. In this way you 
avoid stepping upon Mrs. Verney's dress, stumbling over a 
hassock, or imperiling a fragile statuette with your elbow. It 
was the extreme hurry of the bashful man, which caused him, 
when sent to bring a book from a book-case, not to pay suffi- 
cient attention to the title, and thereby pull down a whole row 
of false backs made of wood, creating a terrific crash, to the 
wrath and mortification of his host, and untold misery of him- 
self. Besides, all haste is undignified. "Manners," says Emer- 
son, " require time." 

" But," protests the bashful man, " I want to get it over 
with, as soon as possible, and sink into a corner out of the gen- 



236 OUR SOCIETY, 

eral gaze." Then we answer, crucify the desire the minute it 
comes. Nothing can be achieved in this field without martyr- 
dom, but it will richly pay you in the end. 

We believe we can understand and sympathize with you 
to a certain degree at least. You feel a cold perspiration 
about the hands and forehead, your heart doesn't seem to be 
in regular working order, but halts an instant, and then pumps 
up a larger supply of blood than usual; and this unexpected 
volume flies to the roots of your hair, and stays there. There 
is a fiendish chill crawling up your spine, and you begin to 
wonder which will cause the most disgrace to your family 
and yourself, }^our entrance into the roomful of chattering 
society people, or your sudden and ignominous flight from the 
scene of torture. The balance begins to dip toward the lat- 
ter course, when you are seized by the hostess or some femi- 
nine relative, and actually dragged before the cannon's mouth. 
You never knew how you got through with it, but when once 
more alone with yourself, you have a confused remembrance of 
a sort of mad, delirious nightmare, in which the only thing of 
which you are at all sure is that your answers to pretty Miss 
Frankness were drivelling idiocy, that Mrs. Highbone was 
convinced that you were a dolt, and that no one could possi- 
bly be more aware that you were all these and much more, 
than you are yourself. 

If you are not courageous, you vow never to subject your- 
self to such mortification again. If you are of an unconquer- 
able spirit, you resolve to go in and win. 

It is to the latter class that we shall try to offer some 
words of encouragement, for they richly deserve them. 

Very likely you will begin by protesting that the theory 
is fine but impracticable. " ' Self-consciousness is the begin- 
ning of awkwardness,'" you quote. "Yes, very true, but 
it is impossible to banish the self -consciousness." No, it 



THE A WKWARD AND SHY. 2 yi 

is not impossible. Suppose you are a bashful, awkward 
youth — we say youth instead of maiden, because boys, 
for some reason, are much more apt to be painfully shy than 
girls — or it may be quite probable that you have grown to 
man's estate without having overcome this feeling, and you 
are about to be brought into a roomful of people. If you 
feel the usual painful sensations coming on, just say to your- 
self: " These people are all enjoying themselves with each 
other; I am not of enough account to be likely to cause them 
to take a second thought about me, and the main point is to 
answer their salutations in a respectful manner. If I show 
them the proper deference that is all they require of me. As 
for holding my head erect, I suppose I can do that, for I 
haven't done anything baser than the majority of mankind, 
that I should be ashamed of myself. As for my feet and hands, 
if I resolutely keep them still, no attention will be drawn to 
them, but the moment I begin to shift them around in various 
positions I will become practically nothing but feet and hands, 
they will swell to grotesque and abnormal proportions, will 
take a sort of demoniac possession of me, and drive me, 
in the end, to complete distraction. No, clearly I must 
master my feet and hands and keep them in utter subjection. 
Suppose I suddenly discover that I am sitting in a con- 
strained, stiff attitude. Very well, then I will continue it, for 
if I make a change, the next one may be worse, and by the 
time I have made two or three changes, I will have attracted 
the attention of the one to whom I am talking, to what I am 
trying to accomplish. He will begin to take an interest in 
the operation, and wonder how I am going to come out, 
and the moment this happens, I am lost. 

" If any individual is inclined to talk to me, it would be 
much less egotistical and a good deal more sensible, if I were 
to give my whole attention to listening to him, rather than 



238 OUR SOCIETY. 

thinking about myself. If I know anything about what he is 
saying, I will try to respond with my honest opinion on the 
subject. If I don't know anything about it, I may learn some- 
thing, besides paying him the compliment of my earnest 
attention. The latter is an important point, for not only is 
careful attention to intelligent conversation the beginning of 
wisdom, but it is often taken for wisdom itself. 

" If I am in the company of young girls who congregate in 
corners and giggle, causing me to think that my awkwardness 
is the sole cause of their merriment, instead of growing 
uneasy and red with mortification, I ought to be able to swell 
up, and tower in exaltation over them, when I think how 
infinitely to be preferred my conduct is to theirs, for if I am 
not graceful and easy, I am not so ill-bred as they are, nor 
could I descend to the plane upon which they have put them- 
selves." 

"But," some one protests, "that's priggish." Not at all. 
To be quietly dignified is not to be a prig. 

We have known those who, in attempting to overcome 
intense bashfulness, have rushed into the other extreme of law- 
lessness and familiarity. In this case the remedy is worse 
than the disease. But the unhappy patient is not always 
accountable for the dose. We have known people, when 
under a severe pressure, to make remarks for the sake of say- 
ing something, which afterward, in their calm moments, they 
would have given worlds to recall. The best way, when one 
is apt to say rashly terrible things and to be wildly irrespon- 
sible, for the sake of rushing into a conversational breach, is 
to take the risk of being called awkward and taciturn, and 
say nothing. 

Again, we have known young gentlemen who, being ex- 
ceedingly bashful, wished so much to be called easy-mannered, 
that they walked into your parlor, threw themselves back in 



THE AWKWARD AND SHY. 239 

a lounging attitude on a sofa or easy chair, noticed elderly 
occupants of the room only with a careless nod, and altogether 
had a bored, condescending air which was highly exasperating 
to others, and somehow conveyed the impression that you 
were all Eastern slaves in the presence of the Sultan. 

Some very good people, under the stress of trying to make a 
passable figure before others, seem to lose all control of their 
voices, and shriek in a high key, which they would not think 
of doing under ordinary circumstances. Mrs. Sherwood tells 
of a lady who was presented at court, and "who felt — as she 
described herself — wonderfully at her ease, began talking, 
and, without wishing to speak loud, discovered that she was 
shouting like a trumpeter. The somewhat unusual strain 
which she had put upon herself during the ordeal of being 
presented at the English court, revenged itself by an outpour- 
ing of voice which she could not control." 

Some very shy people are peculiarly affected by certain 
persons before whom they wish to appear at their best. One 
lady of whom we have heard complained that when a certain 
gentleman called, her voice actually degenerated into a squeal, 
and another that her words seemed going off into the distance 
somewhere, as if they belonged to some one else. 

Hawthorne's Shyness. — Many of the most celebrated 
lights of literature have been exceedingly bashful men. 
Among these, a notable example was Hawthorne. This fine 
genius seems to have inherited shyness; it " ran in the family." 
But it is probable that the peculiar bent of his tastes, and the 
people by whom he found himself surrounded, had much to 
do with the strengthening of this tendency. Had Hawthorne 
been placed among congenial neighbors who could, in some 
degree, have sympathized with his thoughts and aims, or had 
his been one of the same easy-going, common-place intellects 



240 



OUR SOCIETY. 



as those about him, he would doubtless have overcome much 
of his natural shyness. 

Julian Hawthorne has thrown some new light on this prob- 
lem in his recent article on the " Philosphy of Hawthorne." 
He says : " What passed for society in Salem was, indeed, as 
destitute of attraction as society can be, and an intelligent 
man, with thoughts and a soul of his own, might well shun 
contact with it. The consciousness of being at odds with the 
spirit of his time and surroundings had the effect of making 
him build a wall of separation still higher. Naturally reserved, 
the dread of unsympathetic eyes rendered him an actual 
recluse." 

Yet the man who withdrew himself so persistently from 
society, had no wish to encourage this tendency in others. 
" And the truth which Hawthorne perceived perhaps more 
profoundly than any other was that of the brotherhood of 
man. By inheritance and training he tended toward exclu- 
siveness ; but both his heart and his intellect showed him the 
shallowness of such a scheme of existence. So far back as 
1835 we find him canvassing the idea of some common quality 
or circumstance that shall bring together people the most 
unlike in other respects, and make a brotherhood and sister- 
hood of them." 

Others Who Have Been Shy. — Washington, Jefferson and 
Grant were decidedly inclined to timidity in society, and 
"Moltke is silent in eight languages." Sheridan and Curran 
almost fainted at the sound of their own voices in their first 
speech in public, and Pope declared that while he could talk 
with two or three persons pretty well, a dozen were his 
complete undoing. Theodore Hook always had unpleasant 
sensations on entering a room; and Sir Philip Francis, 
of the trenchant pen, made this confession : " I am thoroughly 



THE A WKWARD AND SHY. 2 ±1 

conscious of my own infirmities. Even signs and gestures 
are sufficient to disconcert me." 

Cowper, to whom we have before alluded, was so exceed- 
ingly timid that, even in his country rambles, he would con- 
ceal himself, rather than approach a passing stranger on the 
road. It is related that on the day when he was first to 
appear as clerk in the House of Lords, and had simply to 
read some parliamentary notices, his courage forsook him to 
such an extent that he was discovered, by a servant, pre- 
paring to hang himself, rather than make a ridiculous figure 
before the public. 

Treatment of the Shy. — Extreme bashfulness is generally 
an inherited trait, and the parent who is aware that the son or 
daughter is likely to suffer from this misery, should take steps, 
as early as possible, to cure or modify it. The youth or miss 
should be taught elocution, dancing, fencing and gymnastics. 
Nothing gives us so much assurance as the knowledge that 
we can do a thing well. If the voice has become so highly 
trained that every shade and intonation is our ready slave, we 
dismiss all fear on that point, and say to ourselves, " I shall be 
likely to speak as well as the others," and, feeling this way, we 
are sure to do ourselves credit. If the muscles of the body have 
been trained to graceful carriage, it will be quite as much of 
an effort to move awkwardly, as it is for the untrained to be 
graceful. Of course, there are some who, being without self- 
consciousness, are naturally easy in their movements, but these 
we are not now considering. 

Be sure to bring the boy and girl into your drawing-room 
occasionally, and observe how they deport themselves in the 
company of their elders, but above all things do not let them 
see that you are watching them. If they are excessively shy, 
do not reprove them by word or glance for anything they may 

16 



242 



OUR SOCIETY. 



do, unless in an extreme case. Let them get accustomed to 
their surroundings, and be able to remain in the room half an 
hour without visible wretchedness, before you begin to criti- 
cise their behavior. Above all things, never allow brothers or 
sisters or any one to speak to them about their awkwardness. 
They are generally too well aware of this fact to need any 
reminder, which may lead them to exaggerate their case, and 
become morbidly sensitive on the subject. 

We are supposing mental training to keep pace with 
these other accomplishments, for no matter how easy and ele- 
gant the bearing, the ignorant person is bound to be awkward 
in the company of the educated. 

Suppose you are thrown in contact with a very bashful per- 
son, it is best at first not to try to draw him out in any way. 
Don't say things that will require answers, or expressions of 
his opinion, but venture to air a few of your own impressions, 
or re' J:e some little incident of your experience. This will 
convince him that you are neither pitying his weakness, nor 
terribly conscious of it, and will give him time to pull himself 
together and to enter the arena with some little credit to 
himself. It is a great deal better to appear indifferent than 
kindly sympathetic at such a time. Your pity, which gener- 
ally becomes apparent to the bashful individual, immediately 
proclaims to him the fact of your perfect immunity from what 
he is suffering, thereby increasing his awe of such a superior 
creature, and raising a barrier between you. 

It has been noticed by some careful observers that two shy 
people generally get along very well together. Each one is 
thinking much more about himself than he is of the other; 
this fact very soon becomes mutually known, and the sufferers 
thereby gain a certain calmness and strength. Sometimes 
one or the other will become actually bold in the thought that 
at least he can do better than his companion. 



THE A WKWARD AND SHY. 2 A.7 

Why Sho7iId You Not Be Shy? — For a great many rea- 
sons. You make all with whom you come in contact uncom- 
fortable. One painfully bashful man or woman will throw a 
constraint over a whole roomful. You cannot at once enter 
into friendly relations with any one. The position has to be 
stormed, or carried by strategy, and you cannot expect every- 
one to take the trouble to do this. 

You will go through life underrated and misunderstood. 
If the public do not know you through your writings, you 
may be as humorous as Lamb, as witty as Sidney Smith, as 
learned as John Selden, and as wise as Socrates, and no one 
will ever find it out. 

The Cause of Shyness. — The generally received opinion is 
that shyness comes from extreme modesty or self-abasement; 
and this is doubtless, in a certain degree, true. The feeling 
that you do not know how to do a thing, is a presage of fail- 
ure; and to be quite sure that you are not going to do it as 
well as some one else, is enough to make it certain that you 
will not. 

Still there are certain thinkers and writers who declare that 
shyness is egotism. Now, however paradoxical the state- 
ment may sound, we are convinced that there is much truth 
in it. Of course this sort of egotism is a long remove from 
that kind of conceit which imagines that what it does and says 
is worthy to be seen and heard of men, and may be a pattern 
to less gifted humanity; but, nevertheless, it is the sort which is 
always thinking of itself, though it be in humiliation and bitter- 
ness of spirit. Now, if this self-consciousness could be 
exchanged for a strong interest in others, and a real absorption 
in their joys or sorrows, awkwardness and diffidence would 
vanish. 

The author of "John Halifax," speaking of the hero in her 
story of "King Arthur,' 1 says: "There had never been much 



244 0UR SOCIETY. 

of the ' hobbledehoy ' in him, probably because he was not 
shy — he did not think enough about himself for shyness. 
Reserved he was, in a sense; but that painful bashfulness, 
which as often springs from egotism as modesty, never 
trouble him much. By nature — and also by wise upbringing 
— he was a complete altruist — always interested in other 
people, and ' bothering ' himself very little about himself and 
his own affairs." 

Again, it seems that a natural distrust of people may have 
much to do with bashfulness. The child who has no fear of 
a stranger, but seems sure of good treatment, immediately 
puts its little hand in yours, with the most charming confi- 
dence, while another child will crawl out of sight or hide its 
head in its mother's skirts in a perfect agony of bashfulness; 
thus showing that this trust in, or suspicion of strangers, is 
nearly always an inborn tendency, which is hard to modify or 
change. Still it can be in a measure changed. Humanity, 
after all, is about fifteen carats fine. It is not nearly so bad as 
you thought it, O mistrustful man! Give it the benefit of 
the doubt, meet it in a cordial, kindly way, and very often, 
like the confiding child which slips its hand in yours, you will 
disarm any animosity or uncharitableness which may have 
existed toward you. We do not say, " wear your heart on 
your sleeve, for daws to peck at;" but we do say: 

O let thy soul be quick to see a soul; 

Put off the visor of distrust when thou 

Dost meet thy kind. Its chafing steel but wear, 

When thou hast pressing need, for thy defense. 




AT HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS, 




N Washington, society 
seems to be governed to a 
certain extent by a stand- 
ard of its own. The de- 
mands of social life at the 
capital require a code more exact 
and complicated than that in use in other 
cities. A gentleman's social status is 
gauged by his official position, and a 
lady's by that of her husband. While 
there is plenty of very good society, there is also much that 
is incongruous and ill-assorted, from the bringing together of 
the cultured and uncultured, worldly and unsophisticated, 
from the different sections of a great nation. 

The Highest Rank. — The President naturally leads, not 
only in official, but social rank. He is generally alluded to 
as " The President," and is so designated by his wife. 

Any one has the privilege of calling upon the President, but 
the latter is under no obligations to return any visit. He may 
call upon a friend, if he wish, but this courtesy is not expected 
of him. The same rule applies to the wife of the President. 

245 



246 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Calling on the President. — A person wishing to meet the 
President is shown to the secretaries' room, presents his card, 
and waits to be admitted. Persons who come upon business 
are given precedence over those who simply wish to make a 
formal call. In the latter case it is best for the persons call- 
ing to pay their respects and withdraw as soon as they can 
do so gracefully. If there is any reason, beyond mere curios- 
ity, for making a private call, secure, if possible, an introduc- 
tion from some official, or friend of the President. 




THE WHITE HOUSE. 



Presidential Receptions. — Receptions are given at the 
White House, by the President, at stated times, while Con- 
gress is in session. These are held either in the morning or 
evening, and all are at liberty to attend them. The guest, 
upon entering the reception room, gives his name to the usher, 
who announces it; as the guest approaches the President, he 
is introduced to him by some , official to whom this duty is 



A T HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS. 2 *h 

assigned. The President's family usually receive with him, 
and, after the caller has paid his respects to each one (which, 
when there is a crush, is simply confined to a bow), he passes 
on, and, stepping aside, mingles in conversation with others, 
perhaps strolling through the various rooms which are open 
to guests. If one wish, he may leave his card, but this is 
not obligatory. 

State Dinners. — Precedence is given guests according to 
their official rank. An invitation from the President is equiv- 
alent to a command, and must be accepted unless there are 
very grave reasons rendering attendance impossible. It is 
not regarded as discourteous to break another engagement in 
order to be present, provided, of course, the reason is plainly 
stated in the regret. 

New Yearns Receptions. — It is customary for the President 
and family to hold a reception on New Year's day, which 
ladies and gentlemen alike attend, and at which diplomates, 
officials and attaches are expected to pay their respects. It is 
the rule for all the gentlemen entitled to wear uniforms to 
appear in them. The foreign legations present a brilliant 
spectacle in the handsome court dress of their respective 
countries. The ladies wear their most elegant toilettes, suit- 
able to day receptions. They do not remove hats or bonnets 
except when they are membeYs of the families of the cabinet 
officers, in which case they are considered, in a certain sense, as 
belonging to the President's household, and appear in recep- 
tion dress, without bonnets. 

New Year's day is very generally observed in Washington, 
many of the old families not having closed their doors on this 
day for years. Says the author of " A Washington Winter:" 
" A Washington season may be said to commence on New 
Year's day, and to terminate with Ash Wednesday." 



248 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Order of Rank. — Next in rank after the President is 
the Chief Justice, whose office not being dependent on the rise 
and fall of political parties and, hence, being stable and endur- 
ing, seems to give him precedence over cabinet ministers and 
senators. He is addressed as "Mr. Chief Justice;" an associate 
Justice is addressed as " Mr. Justice." 

Next in order of precedence is the Vice-President, and 
after him, the Speaker of the House. 

Next in order are the General of the Army and Admiral 
of the Navy. Members of the House of Representatives call 
first on the above named officials. 

The Cabinet. — Members of the Cabinet are accorded 
precedence in the order of the departments, as follows: the 
State, the Treasury, the War, the Navy, the General Post 
Office, the Interior, and the Department of Justice. The 
Chiefs of these departments are entitled to equal privileges 
and consideration, and it is only on State occasions, such as 
formal dinners, etc., that it is necessary to consider the order 
of their precedence. 

It has been a somewhat mooted point which should first 
call upon the other, the senator or the cabinet minister, but 
the balance of favor has seemed to be for the claim of the 
former. Yet it seems that the senator's wives might grace- 
fully yield this point, in view of the heavy burden of social 
responsibility imposed upon the ladies of the cabinet. At the 
receptions of the latter, which are held every Wednesday 
during the season, their houses are open to all who may 
choose to call. They are also obliged to return all the first 
calls of the ladies who have attended, and to leave the card of 
the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening reception. 
The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators, 
Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of 



AT HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS. 2AQ 

the diplomatic corps, and distinguished visitors, and also the 
ladies of their respective families. When it is remembered 
that the ladies of the cabinet have not only to stand for hours 
receiving, but are also obliged, out of courtesy, to attend nu- 
merous entertainments given by others, and are, not infre- 
quently, appalled by a list of five hundred or more calls to 
pay after one of their receptions, all extra exactions that can 
be lifted from their shoulders should be removed willingly by 
the most precise stickler for precedence. 

Addressing Different Officials. — In writing to the Presi- 
dent the note should begin: " The President: Sir." The 
President in answering never signs himself " Yours truly," 
nor uses any of the usual terms of respect, but simply attaches 
his name. In speaking to him he is addressed as " Mr. Presi- 
dent," " Your Excellency " having of late fallen into disfavor. 
The Vice-President is addressed as " The Honorable, the 
Vice-President of the United States," and in speaking, as 
"Mr. Vice-President." In conversing, the Speaker of the House 
of Representatives should be addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a 
member of the cabinet, "Mr. Secretary;" a senator, "Mr. 
Senator;" and a member of the House, " Mister," unless he 
has some other title. In introducing the latter he would be 

designated as " The Honorable Mr. , of ," naming 

the State he represents. 

Reception Days. — Certain days have been fixed upon at 
Washington at which certain classes, or ranks, of society are 
expected to be at home to callers. The families of Justices of 
the Supreme Court receive calls upon Mondays; the Speaker 
of the House of Representatives, and other members, 
and the General of the Army are at home on Tues- 
days; Wednesday is set apart as Cabinet day, and in the 



25O OUR SOCIETY. 

afternoon of that day the wife of every Secretary is expected 
to be at home; Thursday is the day for calling upon the 
families of the Vice-President and Senators; and Friday is the 
day chosen to receive by all those who are not of official rank ; 
Saturday has heretofore been the day of reception at the 
White House. Guests hand their cards to the usher on enter- 
ing, at any reception. 

Hours for Calling. — Visiting hours are from two o'clock 
to half-past five, for day receptions. 

Calling Cards. — Washington ladies have their day for 
receiving and residence printed upon their cards. Owing to 
to the ceremonious and complicated social machinery which 
exists, they are much given to the turning down of corners 
and ends of cards. Turning down the whole right end of a 
card shows that the call is meant for all who are receiving. 

Formalities of Invitations. — The length of time interven- 
ing between the invitation and the dinner indicates the degree 
of formality of the occasion. A card of invitation sent ten 
days in advance signifies a State dinner, eight days being the 
usual time. Five days and, sometimes, so short a time as two, 
are allowed, but the latter short notice is not usual except 
when some distinguished stranger, whose stay is limited, is to 
be entertained. 

At formal dinners, ladies wear as elegant toilettes as possible, 
and gentlemen wear the conventional dinner dress. At all 
dinners, the gloves are removed on sitting down to the table. 

First Calls. — Residents call first on strangers, and among 
strangers, first comers call on later arrivals. An exception 
to this is foreign ministers; they are expected to pay the first 
visit to the ministers of the nation to which they have come. 
This exception does not include their families. What might 



AT HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS. 



251 



also be called an exception is that visitors at Washington are 
expected to call upon their own Senators and Congressmen 
and other officials, if they wish to make their acquaintance, as 
the visitors' presence in the city will not otherwise be known 
and recognized. Among officials and their families, order of 
rank determines who shall make the first call, the lower call- 
ing first on the higher. 

Senators, Representatives, etc. — Senators, Representatives, 
and all other officials except the President and Cabinet, may 
entertain or not, just as they choose. It is entirely optional 
with them. 




RIDEAU HALL. 

Ottawa. — The customs observed at the Dominion Capital 
are similar to those of England, and a " drawing-room " held 
at Rideau Hall, is the same, with perhaps a shade less of 
formality and imposing ceremony, as one given by Her Maj- 
esty, Queen Victoria. 



252 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Governor-General. — The Governor-General, when 
under the rank of a duke, is styled "His Excellency;" the 
wife of the Governor-General, " Her Excellency." 

English Society. — In England the king and queen are at 
the apex of the social structure. They are addressed as 
"Your Majesty." The heir-apparent, who always bears the 
title of the Prince of Wales, comes next in dignity, and the 
younger sons, on attaining their majority, assume the title of 
duke. The eldest daughter is called the crown princess, and 
all the daughters retain the title of princess. Both sons and 
daughters are called "Your Royal Highness." The royal 
children, during their minority, are styled princes and 
princesses. 

Nobility. — A duke, inheriting the title from his father, 
stands one grade below a royal duke. The wife of a duke is 
a duchess. Both are addressed as " Your Grace." The eld- 
est son of a duke is a marquis until the death of his father, 
when he inherits the title. The wife of a marquis is a mar- 
chioness. The younger sons are lords by courtesy, and the 
daughters have " Lady " prefixed to their Christian names. 

Earls and barons are also designated lords, and their wives 
ladies, though the latter are, by right, respectively countesses 
and baronesses. The daughters of earls are called ladies, and 
the younger sons of earls and barons, honorables. The earl 
stands higher than the baron in the peerage. 

Bishops are lords by right of their ecclesiastical office, but 
the title is not hereditary. 

Gentry. — A baronet has the title "Sir," and his wife, 
" Lady." They are in reality commoners of high degree, 
though some families, who have honorably borne this title 
through many generations, would not exchange it for a 
recently created peerage. 



AT HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS. 



2 S3 



A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality 
with commoners of the highest degree. 

Esquire. — The title of Esquire which in this country we 
find affixed to the name of Brown, Jones and Robinson, and 
which means just nothing at all, in England has a special sig- 
nificance. The following have, in that country, a legal right 
to the title: 

The sons of peers. 

The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in per- 
petual succession. 

All the sons of baronets. 

All esquires of Knights of the Bath. 

Lords of manors, chiefs of clans, and other tenants of the 
crown in ca-pite are esquires by prescription. 

Esquires who are created to that rank by patent, and their 
eldest sons in perpetual succession. 

Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on 
the roll, mayors of towns during office, and sheriffs of coun- 
ties, the latter retaining the title for life. 

Members of the House of Commons. 

Barristers-at-law. 

Bachelors of divinity, law and physic. 

Presentation at Court. — People of all nationalities may be 
presented to the Queen by one of her subjects of rank and 
good standing, provided the person presented is irreproach- 
able as to reputation. Her majesty, whose own life will bear 
so close an investigation, that she can, with the utmost consis- 
tency, demand a high moral standard at her court, rigidly 
excludes all persons who may be in an)' way objectionable. 

Those Eligible for Presentation. — Supposing the moral 
qualification to exist, the nobility, and their wives and daugh- 



254 0UR SOCIETY. 

ters, are eligible for presentation at court. The clergy, naval 
and military officers, physicians and barristers, and the squire- 
archy, with their wives and daughters, have also the right to 
pay their respects to the Queen. Merchants, mechanics, and 
those " in trade," have not, in the past, been allowed this priv- 
ilege, but wealth and aristocratic connections have of late 
opened even to these the gates of St. James. 

Any person who has been presented at court has the right, 
afterwards, to present a friend. 

Necessary Preliminaries to Presentation. — Any lady or 
gentleman wishing to be presented, must leave at the Lord 
Chamberlain's office before noon, two days before the levee, a 
card with his or her name thereon, and the name of the per- 
son by whom she or he is to be presented. The rule is that 
no presentation can be made at a levee, except by a person in 
actual attendance on that occasion. For this reason, there 
should accompany the presentation card a letter from the per- 
son who is to make the presentation, stating his intention to 
be present. This letter is submitted to the Queen for 
her approval. These regulations must be implicitly obeyed. 

Directions as to which gate to enter, and where carriages 
are to stop, are always given in the daily newspapers. 

Presentation Costume. — A lady must be in full dress, with 
low cut corsage,, and short sleeves. In addition to what is 
usually considered full dress, she must wear a long, court 
train, plumes in the hair, and lace tippets. As to these latter 
accessories, any London modiste will give her all the neces- 
sary information. 

The short breeches and long silk hose, with other belong- 
ings, which constitute a court dress for gentlemen, will be fur- 
nished in correct style by any London tailor of reputable 
standing. 



A T HOME, AND FOREIGN COURTS 2 cc 

The Presentation. — In order to get to the audience room 
with one's garments in a presentable condition, it is wise to 
go early to escape the dense crowd which sometimes surges 
through the entrance-way. The lady must take nothing with 
her from her carriage, such as a wrap or scarf. As she enters 
the long gallery of St. James, where she awaits her turn for 
presentation, her train should be carefully folded over her left 
arm. As she passes over the threshold of the presence-cham- 
ber, on her entrance, she drops her train, which is immedi- 
ately spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The 
lady walks forward toward the sovereign, or the person who 
represents the sovereign, and the card upon which her name 
is inscribed is handed to another lord-in-waiting, who reads 
her name aloud. When she arrives before the Queen, she 
courtesies very low, almost kneeling. 

If the lady presented be the wife or daughter of a peer, the 
Queen kisses her on the forehead; if a commoner, the Queen 
extends her hand to be kissed. The lady having done so, 
rises, courtesies to the other members of the royal family, who 
stand about Her Majesty, and passes out. As she must 
never turn her back upon royalty, she is obliged to exercise 
considerable dexterity ir_ the management of her train, in 
making her exit. 

Imperial Rank. — An emperor ranks higher than a king. 
The sons and daughters of the Austrian emperor are called 
archdukes and archduchesses, the title coming down when the 
ruler of that country modestly claimed no higher title than 
archduke. 

The emperor of Russia is known as the czar (sometimes 
spelled tzar, and the empress tzarina, or tzaritza), this rank 
being the same as the Roman csesar or the German kaisar. 
The empress is called the czarina, the heir-apparent the 



256 



OUR SOCIETY. 



czarowitz, and the other sons and daughters, grand dukes and 
grand duchesses. 

Other Titles. — Titles in many parts of Europe often mean 
no more than the numerous " Colonels," " Honorables," and 
w Esquires," which flow so luxuriantly in some sections of this 
country. A German baron may be a good, honest tiller of 
the soil like an American farmer. A count may not own an 
acre of his own, and may not even be respectable, while the 
multitude of Italian and German princes may number not 
only some very commonplace individuals, but many who are 
seeking to make a living by practices that are not strictly 
honorable. 




SUPERSTITIONS OF WEDDING-RINGS 
AND PRECIOUS STONES. 




1 jjLMOST all the precious stones 
used in rings had their own 
peculiar significance in olden 
times. In the earliest mention of rings which we 
can find, they were used as symbols of authority. 
'. i the emperor, or any one of high position, took off his signet- 
ring and handed it to an official, the act, for the time being, 
invested this subordinate with his master's authority. 

The first mention of Rings in the Bible is in Genesis xli 
and xlii, when Pharoah advanced Joseph to be, next to him- 
self, chief in Egypt: "And he took off his ring from his hand 
and put it on Joseph's hand, and made him ruler over all 
Egypt." When the Israelites conquered the Midianites, they 
took all the rings and bracelets found among them, and offered 
them to the Lord. Ahasuerus took his ring from his hand 
and gave it to the Jews' most vindictive enemy, Hainan, and, 
by that sign, gave him unlimited control over the people and 
their property, "to do with them as seemeth good unto him. 7 ' 
But, becoming convinced of Hainan's evil purposes, he 
reclaimed the ring, and gave it to Mordecai, by that act 
enabling him to save his people. The father, joyfully receiv- 
ing back his . prodigal son, clothed him in fine raiment, and 
sealed his forgiveness by putting a ring on his hand. 

17 257 



253 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Signet-rings were also used for sealing important docu- 
ments. The Egyptians used them both as a business voucher 
and for ornament. Rings, whether for seals or for adornment, 
were, among the Egyptians, usually buried with the dead, and 
very many have been found in their tombs. Bronze or silver 
was chiefly used for the signet-ring, and gold for ornament. 
Among the poorer class, rings of ivory or blue porcelain were 
chiefly used. Plain bands of gold were much used, and 
almost invariably engraved with some motto, device, or the 
representation of their deities. Among the rich, rings were 
worn not only three or four on the finger, but on the thumbs. 
No one was considered in full dress among the Jews without 
the signet-ring; and the ladies, instead of the plain gold band, 
had their rings highly adorned with costly gems — rubies, 
emeralds and chrysolites being the most highly valued. The 
Hebrews and people of Asia evidently wore rings some time 
before they were known in Greece; but, having once been 
introduced there, their use spread rapidly. In the days of 
Solon every freedman wore a signet-ring of gold, silver or 
bronze. Wearing jewelery at length became so extravagant 
that the lawgivers attempted to curtail its use, but for a long 
time with little apparent success. The Spartans for years 
refused to indulge such lavish adornment, wearing only iron 
signet-rings. 

As luxuries began to increase, the iron ring was quite dis- 
carded, and the Romans, Greeks and Egyptians carried their 
love for ornaments and jewelry to the most absurd extent, 
often covering each finger and the thumbs up to the middle 
joint of both hands, and increasing the value by addition of 
precious stones to an astonishing extent. Some of the royal 
ladies, and the most conspicuous of the nobility, are said to 
have worn rings costing what in our money would be equal to 
$200,000 and $300,000, 



WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS STONES. 



2 S9 



The Jews wore the signet-ring on the right hand and on 
either the middle or little fingers. The early Christians, who fol- 
lowed the custom of wearing rings, adopted also the Eg} 7 ptian 
mode of putting the most significant ring on the second ringer 
of the left hand, engraving on them something emblematical 
of their faith and worship — a palm-leaf, a dove, an anchor, a 
cross, or pictures of the Saviour or his Apostles; but rings 
were not known among the Christians till A. D. 800. All the 
bishops wore a ring indicating their peculiar office. When a 
pope is consecrated, a seal ring of steel is put upon his hand, 
and afterward committed to the charge of some of his cardi- 
nals. At the death of a pope this ring is broken, and a new 
one made for his successor. Some precious stone is always 
set in the episcopal ring — a crystal, ruby, sapphire or 
amethyst. A cardinal's ring is usually ornamented with a 
sapphire, and we believe an amethyst is the symbol of a Jewish 
rabbi of the highest standing, and worn with his robes of 
royal purple velvet. 

For many years one important part of ecclesiastical sym- 
bols, or insignia, has been a ring of some peculiar form. It 
was a mark or token of dignity or authority, and was supposed 
to s}'mbolize the mysterious union of the priest and church. 
One ring, and the most important one set apart for the pope, 
was kept for the signature of important church papers. The 
usual forms of pontifical rings have some massive book or 
crossed keys engraved on them. 

As wedding gifts, or pledges of betrothal, rings were used 
at a very early period. Among the Romans an iron ring was 
the token of betrothal, as significant of the enduring character 
of the love and engagement. The custom of using a plain 
gold ring as the most appropriate for a wedding-ring, came to 
us from the Saxons. The engagement-ring may be as 
expensive and rich in precious stones as the bank account of 



26o OUR SOCIETY. 

the lover will warrant ; but the plain gold, as rich and massive 
as you please, is the true wedding-ring. The use of this 
especial ring sprung from the old Roman custom of using a 
ring to bind agreements. The wife wears the engagement- 
ring after marriage in Germany, or did so formerly, and the 
husband the wedding-ring. The jemniel, or gimbal, are the 
twin, double rings, ornamented and engraved with tender or 
pious sentiment, often given on an engagement. Some of the 
mottoes, or " posies," engraved on such rings are very quaint 
and curious, and by some were regarded as magical: 

" First, love Christ, who died for thee; 
Next to him, love none but me." 

"Let lyking last." "A faithful wife preserveth life." "As 
God decreed, so we agreed." "I'll win and wear thee." 

Large and highly ornamented betrothal and wedding rings 
are much used by the Jews. On the top of the ring is often a 
small temple or tower, which can be opened by a spring, and 
containing inside the ark of the covenant in miniature. They 
are not to be the property of the newly-married pair, but are 
kept in the synagogue, and at a particular part of the service 
are placed on the ringers of the couple by the priest. 

Queen Elizabeth, it will be recollected, gave a ring to the 
Earl of Essex in token of esteem, promising, if he ever offended 
her, no matter how grossly, this ring, sent to her by him, 
would insure his forgiveness; but, when arrested for treason 
and sentenced to death, he sent the ring to the queen by a 
false friend, who withheld it, and Essex was executed. So 
runs the tale; whether it has any foundation or not, many 
romantic stories have sprung out of that incident. 

" Regard " rings were originated by the French, in which 
several different kinds of precious stones are combined, so as 
to either spell the name or spell "Regard;" two rubies, one 



WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS STONES. 2 6l 

emerald, one garnet, one amethyst and one diamond being 
necessary for the word. 

Very many superstitions have been connected with rings, 
and some still linger about them. The Egyptians placed the 
wedding-ring on the fourth finger of the left hand, because 
they supposed that an artery or nerve extended from that 
finger to the heart. The wedding-ring was thought to pos- 
sess the power to heal diseases, and many still rub a gold ring 
on the eyelid to drive off a sty, or any inflammation from it. 
It was long believed that if one procured some of the silver 
given as alms at the communion-table, made it into a ring, 
and put it on the finger of a child threatened with, or liable to, 
convulsions, it would ward off the danger. 

In olden times many rings were made with a concealed 
cavity in which some quick, active poison was placed, and by 
it the owner escaped tortures, or death by public execution. 
The ring of that great tyrant, Caesar Borgia, which he kept 
secret, or, rather, constantly in his own care — contained a poi- 
son which, it was rumored, he skillfully dropped into the wine 
of any guest whom he wished to put out of his way secretly. 
His father's (Alexander VI.) special favorite was a key-ring, 
in which was a poisoned needle that pierced the hand of any 
one attempting to unlock a certain casket. This ring was 
handed to any of his officials whose death was desirable, 
ostensibly to bring the tyrant some article from the cabinet. 
Of course, obedience to the command insured the victim's death. 

The Prince of Wales gave the Princess Alexandra a 
"keeper" ring on their marriage, set with beryl, emerald, 
ruby, turquoise, jacinth, and emerald again. This spells his 
youthful family name, Bertie. 

The curative -power, the signs, miracles, and all the long 
list of superstitions that have centered round rings, really rest, 
in almost every instance, j> ^s jewel set in the ring, and not 



262 OUR SOCIETY. 

in the circlet itself. Sentiment, and not magic, is attached 
to the band of gold. All those fancies are slowly dying away, 
though some of them are so beautiful that one rather delights 
in lingering over them, half believing, half — or more than 
half — skeptical. But, to a trusting, loving spirit, although the 
betrothal or wedding-rings carry with them no superstition, 
fond and sacred memories must be centered in them, that are 
of more value than all that magic could give. The hour that 
brought full assurance of love returned will daily be recalled 
by the sight of the golden pledge given and taken. And even 
more precious than any gem that may flash from that betrothal- 
ring, is the solid, plain, gold band that is the token of vows 
taken that death alone should sunder. 

Precious Stones. — We have given some of the supposed 
virtues and legends that for a long time clustered around rings, 
and have tried to show that all of magic or mystery rested in 
the jewels that are set in the ring, rather than in the golden 
circlet itself. We now attempt to give some account of those 
superstitions. 

The amethyst was, in some nations, given as a voucher for 
continued love and confidence, and, while worn, it was sup- 
posed that no power was able to shake the trust thus sealed; 
but if lost or defaced, all the sorrows and evils that are 
incident to broken faith and estranged affections might be 
hourly looked for. 

The Persians made drinking-cups of amethyst, under the 
impression that no beverage drunk from those cups could 
intoxicate. After a time, amethyst in any shape, whether as 
a cup, necklace, bracelet or ring, was considered a sure pro- 
tection from intemperance. Many of the Jewish rabbis and 
mediaeval writers asserted that, when worn, the amethyst sub- 
jected its wearer to wild and bewildering dreams; and yet 



WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS STONES. 



263 



this was one of the twelve stones which adorned the high- 
priest's breastplate. The amethyst, with its royal purple or 
new wine color, was, from the dawn of Christianity, famed 
as the emblem of the blood of Christ ; and from that supersti- 
tion it became a fixed law of the Roman Catholic Church that 
no bishop should perform official duties unless wearing an 
amethyst ring. 

The amethyst was also supposed to drive away bad dreams, 
sharpen the intellect, and act as an antidote to poison. 
It is, according to the language of gems, the " natal gem " of 
all born in the month of November, and in ancient times was 
worn as an amulet to propitiate good, and repel bad spirits. 

The Turquoise was believed by the people of the East to 
preserve all who wore it from contagion; and even now, not 
in the East alone, but in Christianized countries, it is still 
worn with full belief in the superstition. It was considered of 
priceless value, and many strange and contradictory stories 
were told of it. An ancient writer says: 

" One of my relatives possessed a ring in which a very fine 
turquoise was set, and wore it as a superior ornament. 
While he remained in perfect health, this stone was noted for 
its remarkable beauty and clearness. At last the owner was 
seized with a malady, of which he died. Scarcely was he dead 
when the turquoise lost its luster, and appeared faded and 
withered in appearance, as if mourning for its master. 

"I had originally designed to purchase it, and could have 
done so for a very trifling sum. But this loss of beauty and 
luster in the precious stone took from me all desire to possess 
it, and so the turquoise passed into other hands. But, as soon 
as it obtained a new master, it regained all of its original bril- 
liancy, and all defects vanished." 

The turquoise was thought, both by the Romans and Greeks, 
to bring good health and kind fortune to the wearer. The 



264 0UR SOCIETY. 

Shah of Persia never allowed any of the best and most brilliant 
of these stones to be taken from his kingdom. 

The carnelian, worn in a ring on the finger, was thought by 
the Arabs and Hebrews to shield its owner from the plague, 
and is still used by many of the Hebrews to stop profuse 
hemorrhage. 

The topaz was believed to discover poison, by becoming 
instantly dimmed or blurred when brought near to any poison- 
ous substances ; that it would subdue the heat of boiling water, 
calm the passions, and prevent bad dreams; but that its 
powers were governed by the moon, increasing or decreasing 
with that luminary. 

The old legends, particularly those of the East, assure us 
that an immense carbuncle was suspended in the ark, to give 
light to Noah and his family. It was called "the flashing 
stone," and, by some, "the thunder stone," and that it and 
the diamond drop from the clouds in flashes of lightning dur- 
ing a thunder-storm. 

The ruby and carbuncle were, in ancient times, the names 
indiscriminately used for all red stones. The Brahmins still 
believe that the dwelling-place of the gods is illuminated by 
rubies, carbuncles and emeralds. The ruby and carbuncle 
were believed to be amulets against plague, poison, sadness, 
evil thoughts and wicked spirits. 

The sapphire, among the Hebrews, was a transparent stone, 
as blue as the vault of heaven ; but among the Romans it was 
supposed to be mixed with gold. It was asserted in ancient 
times among the Hebrews, that the Ten Commandments 
were engraved on tablets of sapphire. To it were ascribed 
the magical power of preserving the sight, and strengthening 
both soul and body; of warding off wicked and impure 
thoughts; that it was a sure antidote to poison; and if 
put into a vessel with any poisonous creature, would kill it. 



WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS STONES. 2 6$ 

St. Jerome says : " The sapphire procures favor with princes, 
pacifies enemies, overcomes enchantment, and releases its 
owner from captivity." On account of its purity it was worn 
by the high-priest. 

The onyx was said to cause strife and melancholy, and to 
cure epileptic fits. 

The jasper, if hung about the neck, was supposed to be a 
cure for indigestion — a wonderful strengthener of the stomach. 

The bloodstone, or heliotrope is credited with the same 
curative power as the jasper. There is a legend, that during 
the crucifixion, the blood that flowed from the wound caused 
by the spear, fell upon a dark green jasper lying at the foot of 
the cross, and transformed it into a bloodstone. 

The opal, one of the most beautiful of all the precious 
stones, has had any amount of superstition attached to it. By 
some, the ill luck attributed to its use is said to have arisen 
from Sir Walter Scott's mention of it in "Anne of Geierstein." 
He ascribed to it supernatural agency; and, long after that 
novel was published, the belief in its evil influence was so 
strong that no one was willing to wear an opal. That may 
have been the first conception of evil from wearing opals; but 
we think it sprang from Eastern superstition, or, at least, that 
there were many and various legends connected with it. 
Some believed that it often changed from a brilliant luster to 
a smoky, dull color, and that any such change foreshadowed 
misfortune and trouble, but did not bring it. We knew of an 
instance where a lady brought an elegant opal necklace to a 
jeweler's, desiring to sell it. They attempted to dissuade her 
from such folly, saying that the setting being old-fashioned, 
they could give her very little for what was really valuable. 
To this she replied that the necklace was given her as a bridal 
gift forty years before, and she had never had an hour's luck 
since they came into her possession, and she would never 



266 OUR SOCIETY. 

carry them home with her. No matter how little they were 
willing to give her, she would leave them. She did so; but 
we have never heard if, by disposing of her opals for a mere 
trifle, she escaped subsequent misfortune. 

In Eastern nations the opal has always been highly prized; 
and with all the superstition associated with it, " ill luck," or 
evil influence has never been attributed to it. 

" Gray years ago a man lived in the East 
Who did possess a ring, of worth immense, 
From a beloved hand. Opal the stone, 
Which flashed a hundred bright and beauteous hues, 
And had the secret power to make beloved, 
Of God and man, the one 
Who wore it in this faith and confidence." 

The ftearl, in China, is supposed to have many medicinal 
properties. 

The moonstone is known by the name of " Ceylon opal," and 
in earlier days much value was set upon it. 

Amber was, and still is, used to protect from witchery and 
sorcery; and many of the present time believe it has singular 
properties for curing all catarrhal troubles. The Greeks 
believed that Phaeton's sisters, lamenting his loss after his 
death, turned into poplar trees, and their tears, which flowed 
continually into the river where they stood, were congealed 
into amber. 

Coral was thought by the Greeks to be formed from the 
blood which dropped from the head of Medusa, which Perseus 
hung on a tree near by the sea-shore. These drops, becoming 
hard, were planted by the sea-nymphs in the sea, where they 
grew up in branches, which, slowly uniting, became coral reefs. 

In the early ages, coral was used medicinally as an astrin- 
gent, and given also to new-born infants; and many valued it 



WEDDING-RINGS AND PRECIOUS STONES. 



267 



for its power to vanquish the devil and overcome his snares, 
if worn as an amulet. 

There has also been much of superstition connected with the 
way in which certain rings should be worn, and good or evil 
fortune prophesied as one conformed or refused compliance to 
the "sign." Each finger had some sign attached to it which 
was used as a reason for caution. But, as each finger has its 
individual functions, there is nothing but what can be 
explained in the simplest and most common-sense manner, 
without resorting to magic, witchcraft or signs and wonders. 
The third finger is now usually the ring-finger — that is the 
wedding-ring finger. The ancients supposed that a nerve in 
that finger was intimately connected with the heart, and it 
was, therefore, set apart for this special honor. On the con- 
trary, it has less independent arteries than either of the others. 
It can not be bent or straightened very much without some 
motion or action of the fingers on either side ; and, as if in com- 
pensation for this deficiency, is chosen as the ring-finger. 




WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 




excuse for bringing friends 
socially together is a good one. 
Especially so is the one which com- 
memorates a happy event, or marks 
years which one loves to remember. 

The annual recurrence of the wed- 
ding anniversary is usually celebrated in 
the family, perhaps by an interchange 
of gifts between husband and wife, an 
"outing," or an excursion enjoyed to- 
gether, or some extra festivity among 
the members of the household. 

It is a beautiful German custom for the children, when they 
are old enough to remember each recurrence of the day, to 
bring to the parents wreaths or boquets of flowers, or some 
simple souvenir of the time. The Germans are especially 
graceful and happy in their remembrance of all family anni- 
versaries. 

Social usage has set apart certain wedding anniversaries 
which, when publicly celebrated, are distinctively named and 
qualified as the " wooden," " tin," or " silver " wedding, and 
so on. On these occasions, the bride usually wears the wed- 
ding dress, or some memento of the wedding-day, such as a 
necklace, handkerchief, or fan. The couple stand and receive 



WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 2 6o 

their guests, and refreshments are served as at the ordinary 
wedding reception. 

If, instead of the buffet style, a supper is served at which all 
sit down together, the bride and groom occupy the position 
of honor, and the bride puts the knife into the wedding-cake, 
as on the first occasion. 

If there is dancing, the bridal couple can leave their position 
where they stand to receive and lead off in the first set. 

The Pafer Wedding. — When one year of happy wedded 
life is past, and the event is to be celebrated by inviting 
friends, it may be called the Paper Wedding. If presents are 
received they must be made of paper. Since such a variety 
of pretty and appropriate things are of this material, from a 
souvenir card to a valuable book or etching, no trouble need 
be experienced in finding suitable gifts. 

The Cotton Wedding, — The second anniversary is some- 
times called the Cotton Wedding, and invitations are printed 
on fine, white cotton cloth. 

The Leather Wedding. — This is the third anniversary, and 
for some reason or other is not so generally observed as the 
others. 

The Wooden Wedding. — At the expiration of five years of 
wedded life it is the proper time to celebrate the Wooden 
Wedding. The prefix " wooden " is generally the signal for 
all sorts of jokes and innocent fun in the choice of gifts. 
"Everything," says Mrs. Sherwood, "is in order but wooden 
nutmegs; they are ruled out." The wag finds an excuse for 
his harmless fooling, the ingenious for a new device, and the 
artistic for some pretty caprice. Everything is taken in good 
part, from a saw-horse, or a set of clothes-pins, to a carved 
cabinet or bedroom set. It is not, however, in good taste for 



27O OUR SO CI El V. 

any but relatives of the pair to give expensive presents. This 
is especially a time for 

"Jest, and youthful jollity, 
Quips, and cranks, and wanton wiles 
Such as hang on Hebe's cheek, 
And love to live in dimple sleek, 
Sport that wrinkled Care derides, 
And Laughter holding both his sides. 

Time has not yet laid up sad memories with the bright ones, 
and youth has not given place to graver years. Therefore 
let the Wooden Wedding be as unceremonious and merry as 
possible; there are none too many holidays in most lives. The 
invitations are sometimes printed on thin cards of wood. 

The Tin Wedding. — The Tin Wedding, from the nature of 
gifts usually given, which are useful or grotesque, as the giver 
chooses, is also the occasion for a frolic. It is held on the 
tenth anniversary. The invitations are sometimes on tin, or on 
paper simulating this metal ; but the more popular style of 
invitation for this, and all other anniversaries, is the ordinary, 
fine English paper instead of the fantastic devices in wood, 
tin, or gelatine, as heretofore used. 

The Crystal Wedding. — The fifteenth anniversary is the 
Crystal Wedding. Its name will indicate what gifts are 
proper. 

The China Wedding. — After twenty years comes the 
China Wedding. The name is legion for the pretty and use- 
ful presents found in ceramics suitable for this occasion. 

The Silver Wedding. — The attaining of twenty-five years 
of happy wedded life is truly an important event, and the 
silver wedding is certainly one which ought to be celebrated. 
The house should be decorated with flowers, and the invita- 



WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 2 Jl 

tions printed in silver on fine white paper. A form much 
used is the following: 

1858 1883. 

Mr. and Mrs. Vinton 

request the pleasure of your presence 

on Thursday, November tenth, 

at eight o'clock. 

Stiver Wedding. 

FREDERICK VINTON. HELEN GRAY. 

Some do not add the names at the end, as it is a mere 
matter of taste. Another form, which might be preferred, 
is this: 

Mr. and Mrs. James Brown 

request the pleasure of your presence 

on Tuesday evening, December fifth, at eight o'clock, 

to celebrate the 

Twenty-fifth Anniversary of their Marriage. 

NO GIFTS RECEIVED. No. 162 VINE STREET. 

Many delicate-minded people who do not wish their guests 
to feel compelled to send a present, or to regard such an occa- 
sion as a request for a donation party, add the last clause to 
the invitation, or enclose a separate card with the words: "It 
is preferred that no presents be offered.'" Still, others who 
do not wish to use these forms of rejecting gifts, send invita- 
tions as for an ordinary reception or party, not intimating to 
any one that it is an anniversary, and surprising their guests 



272 OUR SOCIETY. 

on their arrival by the wedding bell of flowers, the floral 
horseshoe, in which the two dates are intertwined, or the 
bride's loaf with appropriate emblems. 

All invitations of this sort should be answered as 
soon as possible, either accepting or declining the courtesy. 
Where it is known to be an anniversary, congratulations in 
some brief, graceful style are added. 

The forms of invitations here given can also be used for any 
other wedding anniversary, with the necessary modifications. 

At the Silver Wedding it is pleasant to gather together as 
many as possible of the guests who were present at the mar- 
riage. The clergyman who officiated at the ceremony is also 
secured if convenient. Sometimes the service is again per- 
formed, or, more commonly, the clergyman returns thanks for 
the prolonged life of the happy pair, and congratulations are 
in order. If the wedding dress has been well preserved it is 
worn. If not, the style of twenty-five years before is copied 
as nearly as possible, or any suitable reception dress of the 
present time may be worn. A ring is frequently baked in the 
wedding-cake, and toasts are drunk, and speeches made con- 
gratulatory to the honored pair. 

The Golden Wedding. — This is the fiftieth anniversary. 
Says a recent writer: " These golden weddings are apt to be 
sad. It is not well for the old to keep anniversaries — too 
many ghosts come to the feast. It is only the 

exceptionally good, happy and serene people who can afford 
to celebrate a golden wedding." There must be many who 
are good, happy, and serene, and no matter how large the 
number of the trials of this life that fall to the common lot of 
all, can still cheerfully and wisely put aside the " ghosts " 
for the sake of the living; and who rejoice with the children 
and grandchildren, and find their youth renewed in the 



WEDDING ANNIVERSARIES. 273 

celebration of this white epoch, in what is now the golden 
time of their lives. 

If it has not been an unusually saddened or ill-spent life, 
there surely must be more of serenity and chastened happiness 
than tears and regret in a retrospect of fifty years. 

The invitation should be printed in gold letters, and the 
reception conducted in the same manner as the Silver Wedding. 

Presents of the precious metal not being easily within the 
reach of everyone, other gifts are considered quite as appro- 
priate. Flowers are always acceptable at this or any other 
wedding. If it is stated in the card that no presents will be 
received, guests should respect the request by complying with 
it. Those who wish to do so, may venture to send flowers 
without committing a breach of etiquette, even under the 
latter restrictions. 

The Diamond Wedding. — The sixtieth anniversary, called 
the Diamond Wedding, is so seldom celebrated, that it can 
only be said, in case such an event should occur, the form 
would be the same as that laid down for other weddings, and, 
as in the case of the golden anniversary, the gifts would not 
be expected to be in keeping with the precious stones which 
give it its name. Some authorities call this anniversary the 
seventy-fifth, instead of the sixtieth, but we believe the latest 
give their sanction to the latter. 

Calls. — All who have received invitations to wedding anni- 
versaries are expected to call after the event. 




18 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES 
OF DRESS. 




HAT shall I wear?" is an important ques- 
tion.. Let the cynic rail, the satirist gibe, 
and the u unco gude " and wise moral- 
to this consideration must we come 
at last. The greatest names in history, 
literature, and the arts, have not been 
indifferent to dress. George Washing- 
ton was always apparelled as a gentleman, and Napoleon 
Bonaparte was positively extravagant in the matter of white 
broadcloth breeches. Margaret Fuller knew how to drape a 
shawl gracefully, and George Eliot, in her last years, was par- 
tial to delicate lace upon her hair. Madam de Stael, whose 
attire was usually a sad example of the incongruity of dress, 
gave not a little time to its consideration, and was vividly 
aware of the perfect taste in such matters, possessed by her 
much loved and charming friend, Mme. Recamier. 

It is, perhaps, unnecessary to counsel the American woman 
to devote more attention to dress. It might be even wiser to 
say, devote less attention to it. Any woman in this great, 
busy, thinking, serious world, who gives two-thirds of her time 
to the consideration of clothes, is apt to incline one to a belief 
in the Buddhist theory, that she will have to return many 

274 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS. 2J$ 

times to this earth before she comes into possession of a soul 
worth saving. It is a positive weariness to the flesh, and 
spirit, too, even to hear how much of their lives some women 
give to this subject. 

Success in anything is not usually so much a matter of days 
and hours of labor, as it is of intelligent motive power. Some 
people can think out a thing in one hour, and accomplish it in 
another, while others might experiment for a week, with no 
good result. 

One of the most tastefully and stylishly dressed women we 
ever saw, devoted very few hours in a year to the subject of 
what she should wear; but when the necessity came for a 
new gown, bonnet or parasol, she just gave her whole mind to 
it, and "thought hard " while she was about it. The agony 
over, she dismissed the whole topic, walked about in the 
serene consciousness of being fittingly dressed, and devoted 
her attention to other and more important things. 

When we said " fittingly " we struck the key-note of all 
fine dressing. The woman who has mastered that branch of 
the subject, is possessed of the ground-work of the French 
Madame's success. Unless one be apparelled with regard to 
the " eternal fitness of things," though his or her jewels, broad- 
cloth or lace equal a king's ransom, they shall not escape crit- 
icism from the really fashionable of either sex. 

The old adage, " What is worth doing at all is worth doing 
well," will apply here as elsewhere. Let a woman think 
seriously about her face and figure, and what is required to 
bring out their best points and disguise their poorest ones. 
Let her also think in what surroundings, and for what uses, 
her garments are to be worn. Above all things let her not 
forget how much money she has to spend, how much she 
ought to spend, and the number of things to be purchased. 
Let her consider her wardrobe as a whole, and not put all her 



276 OUR SOCIETY. 

funds into one or two articles, leaving nothing to buy the 
necessary accessories. This is especially noticeable among 
some people of slender means, and the lower working-classes. 
In this republican America, one man or woman is " just as 
good as another," and the domestic servant, consequently, 
feels that if brocaded velvet looks well on Mrs. Millionaire, 
it will be quite as becoming to herself. There is certainly no 
law against the former buying or wearing rich fabrics, and 
the good-natured will say: "If it does her heart and soul 
good, let her wear it." Most assuredly; but let us see if it 
does. Bridget may have the aesthetic or the artist soul, that 
revels in beautiful materials and designs; if this be so, there 
is very little to controvert the statement of the good-natured; 
but we venture to say it is not true in nine hundred and ninety- 
nine cases in a thousand. The working-girl in shops and fac- 
tories, the woman writing in offices, on five dollars a week, 
and Bridget in the kitchen, buy velvets and brocades, because 
they wish to make themselves look more attractive, and desire 
to be taken for ladies of social standing " whene'er they take 
their walks abroad." This dress they consider the livery of 
fashion, and it has much virtue in their eyes. But, granted 
that this is their object, do they accomplish it? Let us see. 
Suppose we take the case of pretty little Miss Pinch, who 
works in the candy factory: She scrapes and saves for 
months, and at last accomplishes the dearest ambition of her 
life, a silk dress. She can't bear a cheap silk, so she gets one 
of a very good quality, but the price of it swallows up all her 
resources. She can't afford to have it made, and she con- 
trives to make it herself, working evenings. She is not 
capable of accomplishing a very good fit, and the skirt doesn't 
hang just as it ought. She has to wear a rather dubious hat 
and gloves, and the worn-out parasol is replaced by a very 
cheap one. As she cannot buy another dress for some time, 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS. 277 

this costume has to do duty on every occasion — when she has 
a half-day off, for errands and shopping, or to wear to church, 
or for a boat ride. It matters not whether the weather be hot 
or cold, wet or dry, the " best dress " must go on, as she 
declares that she hasn't another thing to " look decent '' in. 
Now, as a lady of refinement and fashion always dresses fit- 
tingly, and with respect to the whole toilette, will Miss Pinch 
ever be mistaken for such? Will she ever accomplish, by 
such means, the object for which she is striving? Undoubt- 
edly not. And suppose the outfit of Bridget or Miss Pinch 
to be new and fresh, as to gloves, shoes, hat and parasol, if all 
these things are accomplished, and if satin, velvet or brocade 
is attempted, it must be of a very cheap quality; and no lady 
who is a judge of these fabrics is, for a moment, deceived. 
" Cheap," " would-be-fine," is stamped upon the face of them, 
and the wearer is immediately relegated to the same category. 
Thus Bridget and Miss Pinch, who take such infinite pains to 
conceal from the outside world their real position, are really 
flaunting it in the faces of all with whom they come in con- 
tact. 

Now, what is the remedy? It is, of course, useless to sug- 
gest, in this democratic country, a return to the characteristic, 
appropriate and often picturesque costumes which were worn 
by people in the different stations of life, in old times, and are 
still worn in many parts of Europe. 

In the days of the great glory of the Netherlands, the 
sturdy burgher, though ever so wealthy, had no idea of array- 
ing his burly figure in velvet, or topping his broad features 
with the nodding plumes of the high-born nobles. His own 
costume was quite as picturesque and much more appropriate 
and becoming to him. To-day, the Normandy, Swiss or Ital- 
ian peasant girl is the much sought for model of the painters, 
and her harmonious, artistic dress makes charming a face and 



278 OUR SOCIETY. 

figure that would be drearily commonplace and unattractive 
in the gown of a fine lady. 

But, of course, we cannot hope to bring about such a state 
of things here. It is delightful to be a peasant girl or fisher- 
woman at a fancy ball, but in real life, in America, we must 
religiously disguise the fact, and be somebody else if we can. 

Now, the sad part of it is that the faces of Bridget and Miss 
Pinch are not patrician, though they can make them look 
intelligent by culture and study, if they will; their manners 
are not those of the highly bred, but they can, by care and 
study, improve them; but if they depend on dress alone to 
accomplish this, it will be a glaring failure. Bridget's honest 
but plebeian features, which are coarse and commonplace in 
velvets and satins, might be exceedingly good to look upon 
in a fresh lawn or print, with a kerchief over the bosom; and 
little Miss Pinch would be piquant and charming in a gray 
flannel or serge, with a knot of scarlet ribbon, and a hat and 
gloves of gray; or, in summer, in a clean gingham or fresh 
mull. Bridget need not dress like her picturesque ancestors 
among the bogs, if she does not wish to, but if her vaulting 
ambition is to " look like a lady," let her observe that of 
which the lady first thinks, the fitness of things. Her dress, 
which is mostly worn to church or for street use, should be 
adapted to the purpose. Goods of soft wool, in black, gray, 
dark brown or navy blue, are never conspicuous, and if neatly 
and plainly made, with hat and gloves to match, are really 
becoming. Black is probably most economical, as other 
things can more easily be kept to match it. To some people, 
however, it is not becoming, and others have a positive antip- 
athy to wearing it. For such people, any of the other colors 
mentioned will be found serviceable. 

The Farmers Wife. — It is not necessary, because one lives 
on a farm, to proclaim the fact by rusticity of attire. Indeed, 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS. 279 

we have seen some farmers' wives and daughters that could 
well instruct their city sisters in taste and style in dress. But 
the country girl, or matron, who is quite charming, and in 
harmony with her surroundings, in fresh prints or muslins, at 
home, is sometimes something really painful and incongruous, 
or as the aesthetes would express it, " all out of tone," on the 
city streets, when she comes in for a holiday or u a little shop- 
ping." 

No doubt you will say: " But the poor thing is so dragged 
out with the wearing and multitudinous duties of life on a 
farm that she has no time to think about her clothes and, 
often, very little money to spend; for farmers who contem- 
plate buying a plow or having new teeth put in a drag, some- 
times consider the mention of a spring bonnet or wrap as not 
only unkind and inimical to all the best interests of the house- 
hold, but rank heresy and schism." 

No doubt, this is often true; but when the wife of farmer 
Mayflower does buy a bonnet or gown, if she will give just 
the same amount of time that she always devotes to worrying 
over the matter, to considering intelligently, beforehand, what 
uses the article will serve, and what other pieces of wardrobe 
it will render necessary, she will do better than she generally 
does. It must be suited to its uses, and must go with certain 
other garments already on hand. 

If her best dress be a dark green which she is likely to wear 
the whole season, there is no reason why she should buy a 
navy blue bonnet because, considered by itself, it happens to 
be pretty and becoming. A dark green bonnet would be no 
more expensive, and if she does not want green, a black or 
white straw, or jetted lace with ribbon or blossoms to harmo- 
nize with the green dress, will cost no more than the color 
which " swears " at the green. 

If the village milliner assures Mrs. Mayflower that the blue 



28o OUR SOCIETY. 

bonnet is just the thing she ought to have, because, forsooth, 
she does not want the trouble of making up the green or the 
black and would rather dispose of goods already on hand, let 
the buyer declare that she will not have the blue bonnet, but 
will have what she wants or nothing, and the milliner will 
respect her the more and begin to try to please her, rather 
than simply attempt to sell her wares. 

Again, if Mrs. Mayflower be gaunt or sallow, let her 
beware, in the first place, of the green dress; for it is not only 
the gown itself, but all that the green dress entails in the array 
of green things to match, each of which will only help to 
emphasize her sallowness and gauntness, that is to be con- 
sidered. To be sure, accessories need not match, but may 
harmonize; but this latter expedient must be managed with 
much taste and skill, and often proves an unsuccessful experi- 
ment in the hands of the uninitiated. 

If you are obliged, as people in the country generally are, 
to ride everywhere you go, have your dresses made of soft, 
woolen goods that do not easily crease or show the effects of 
sun and dust, and when these become too warm, cotton fab- 
rics that will wash well are the next most suitable materials. 

We saw not long since, on a summer day, in the parlor of 
a hotel, what was apparently a young, married couple who 
had come to the city on an excursion. The young and pretty 
wife, who didn't look a day over eighteen, was arrayed in a 
gown of black velvet, very heavily made with draperies and 
plaits. The skirt was shorter than it should have been, and 
was much distended over crinoline or stiff petticoats. Over 
this gown she wore a scarf shawl of daintily embroidered white 
cashmere, a very pretty thing which would have been a 
charming adjunct to a thin, light costume for a lawn party on 
the piazza at home, an evening festivity, or even on the street 
in certain places, but was the last thing to wear with such a 



FI TNESS A ND INCONGR U I TIES OF DRE SS. 2 8 1 

gown, or with any dress, on a railroad excursion. Her toil- 
ette was completed with a white straw hat, trimmed with pale 
yellow ostrich tips, crape of the same tint, and a dash of wine- 
colored velvet ; not at all the hat to be worn with a black vel- 
vet dress. In the first place, the gown was not suitable for 
such an occasion, or to such a young girl, but it might have 
had a sort of distinction of its own if the hat worn with it had 
been black, with drooping plumes also of black, and no color 
visible save the long gloves, which might have been tan or 
gray. As it was, it was only rather ridiculous, the hat look- 
ing altogether too light and frivolous by contrast with the 
gown, and the gown becoming cumbersome, sombre, and 
incongruous, by being emphasized by the airiness of the hat. 
Shortly after, there came into the room a young lady, attired 
in a brown homespun, plainly and stylishly made, with hat 
and gloves to match, and no jewelry visible. She looked 
like a lady. 

The City Womarfs Clothes. — Let it not be thought that 
ignorance or incongruities in the matter of dress are, by any 
means, confined to Mrs. Mayflower. Much that has been 
said of the latter, with considerable added and some revision, 
will apply to her city sister. There are women in the metrop- 
olis who rush out to the dry goods stores, when the desire for 
clothes is strong within them, and return with a heteroge- 
neous mass of materials from which they evolve a wardrobe 
that would be the despair of a Parisian, and is a warning to 
anybody. These women will buy scarlet stockings to wear 
with a wine-colored dress, a watering-place parasol to carry with 
a sober home-spun or black silk, and an opera bonnet to go to 
market in. 

These may seem to be extreme cases, but they are not, and 
the very women who do these things are often both witty and 



282 OUR SOCIETY. 

wise m everything but dress. We have seen very good 
people sweep into butcher shops or market stalls, of a morn- 
ing, in heavy silks and velvets, which were only suitable for 
reception or visiting toilettes. We have also seen them wear 
diamond ear-rings and brooches in street cars, and on shopping 
excursions ; and we have known these very ladies to appear in 
the evening, in their homes, before callers, in morning wrap- 
pers and negligee, which are proper only for the early hours 
of the day, or the privacy of their own rooms. 

These are certainly not unpardonable sins; we are over- 
looking them every day or two in friends and acquaintances 
in whom we find much to admire and respect. But the man 
or woman of society and the world, and the person of correct, 
artistic taste in these matters, are apt to be unfavorably 
impressed by these things; and who does not wish to 
make as good an appearance as possible, especially before 
strangers, with whom first impressions may count for a great 
deal? We are continually judged, by those who do not know 
our inner qualities, by our dress and appearance. All occa- 
sions do not call for rich and expensive dressing, but there are 
none in which fitness, taste, and neatness are not imperative. 

The Working Woman. — Shop-girls, clerks, book-keepers, 
and the large army of women who support themselves by 
labor in stores, offices and factories, are among the best 
dressed women on the streets. Their clothes are adapted to 
fulfill the requirements of being best suited to all sorts of 
weather, the least conspicuous, the most convenient, compact 
and becoming. A foreign peeress who passed through this 
country not many years ago, provoked an irreverent newspa- 
per man to write: "My Lady would better take lessons of 
an American shop-girl, in dressing for the street; her ill-fit- 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DFESS. 283 

ting cotton gloves, dowdy bonnet and forlorn vail, were such 
as no working-girl would tolerate for a minute.' 7 And he was 
about right. 

The Mother Hubbard. — We do not wish to lend our voice 
to the tirade against the Mother Hubbard. It is neither an 
immodest nor ugly garment, in the proper time and place. 
Neatly belted, it can be as properly worn out of doors, as any 
full or blouse waisted dress. Without a belt, it is no more 
suitable to the street than a princess wrapper would be, as in 
this shape it is strictly a negligee. A gracefully made wrapper 
or Mother Hubbard certainly conceals the outlines of the form 
much more effectually than the tightly fitted, tied back, street 
costume, so generally worn, and it is infinitely more modest 
than the " full " evening dress, in which the women of good 
society display their charms to all beholders; but it is under- 
stood to belong strictly to the house, just as an apron or 
breakfast cap does. There is, in reality, very little common 
sense in the numerous flings against the Mother Hubbard, but 
there is the same reason for objecting to wearing it at all times 
and in all places, that there would be to any other morning 
wrapper. Custom makes iron rules, and, if one defy them, 
he or she must become the subject of remark. The dresses 
that our prim grandmothers wore, with their abbreviated 
skirts and mere apologies for waists, would put to the blush 
any Mother Hubbard in existence. But custom sanctioned 
these costumes, just as it did the gowns of the Directory and 
the tunics of classic Greece ; and who shall question the purity 
of our aunt Patience, or of Calpurnia, or Mme. Recamier? 

Gentlemen? s Dress. — Men, from the narrow latitude allowed 
them as to the color and cut of their clothes, are not so apt as 
women to run into great incongruities of apparel. Still, it is 



284 0UR SOCIETY. 

not an uncommon thing to see a man wearing a flannel suit, 
short sack-coat and tall, silk hat; or heavy boots with an 
evening dress ; or cotton gloves and broadcloth. Felt or straw 
hats should be worn with short coats or rough business suits, 
and silk hats with frock-coats, swallow-tails, and cloth of fine 
quality. The tall hat should be worn on all ceremonious 
occasions, but no man of good judgment will think of donning 
it for a picnic or mountain ramble. 

The business or bicycle suit should not be worn to an even- 
ing party in the city, though such costumes are admissible at 
social gatherings in the country, or at summer resorts. 

The mourning weed is, conventionally, worn only on a silk 
hat, but there seems no good reason why a man who wishes 
to put on mourning for his dead, should always be in cere- 
monious dress in order to do so. 

Men who stand behind counters in grocery and dry-goods 
stores, or are obliged to engage in any daiiy toil, should not 
wear diamonds while at work. 

As to the garments worn by men in general — that is, highly 
civilized men — they are useful and well adapted to the pur- 
poses of protection, but there is scarcely any one who will 
deny that they are ungraceful and ugly. That the men of 
to-day who, unlike many of their ancestors of the cavalier age, 
have to face the stern necessity of toiling for daily bread, 
should rise superior to the question of becomingness in attire, 
is perhaps worthy of praise ; but that they should still cling to 
the badge of toil on festal occasions, seems somewhat to reflect 
on their good taste and knowledge of the fitness of things. 
For a man who goes about his daily business, to incase him- 
self in the shapeless trousers and ungraceful coat of modern 
times, is, no doubt, a practical, sensible thing to do. He finds 
his garments adapted to his work. But for him to wear the 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS. 285 

same thing, only slightly abbreviated as to coat-tail, and 
expanded as to shirt-front, in the evening, amid trailing vel- 
vets and flashing jewels, seems quite as incongruous as if he 
were to toil at his desk in the costume of a cavalier. 

Very few men look well in the modern dress-suit. The 
glistening, white, tombstone-like expanse of starched linen is 
dreadfully trying to a pale, sallow man, and the swallow-tail 
is only to be tolerated on a good figure. Besides, my lord's 
evening dress is the same as the livery of his waiter or butler, 
and we wonder how long any lady would submit to be dressed 
for a ball in garments precisely similar to those of Nannette, 
who takes off her wraps for her. Some very distressing mis- 
takes have occurred, when "Jeames" has been talked to and 
even induced to dance, under the impression that he was his 
master. 

Now, if the gentleman's dress of to-day is adapted to the 
uses of a busy life, let it stay. But for festive occasions why 
not adopt the ruffles, laces and velvets of Washington's time, 
or the cavalier period, or, what may be still better, evolve a 
distinctive, nineteenth-century costume that shall be a modifi- 
cation and embodiment of the best points of all that have gone 
before. 

At Summer Resorts. — At the sea-shore, the mountains, or 
any summer resort, latitude is allowed in the matter of toilette, 
which would not be permissible any where else. Gentlemen 
go to lunches, teas and " hops," in lawn tennis and yachting 
costumes, and ladies may wear pretty prints, ginghams or 
flannels all day if they wish. 

A loose u aesthetic " dress, which is only a modification of 
our grandmother's gowns, is often worn in quiet, retired 
places, and certainly possesses the virtue of being cool and 



286 



OUR SOCIETY. 



aesthetic in effect. Of course, there is much difference in the 
summer resorts. There are the unfashionable places where 






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sensible people go for health-giving air and recreation, and 
there are the well-known places, where some go simply for 
dress-parade. At the latter, there is very little less freedom 



FITNESS AND INCONGRUITIES OF DRESS. 287 

from ceremonious clothes than there would be in London, in 
the " season." To be sure, gentlemen go about considerably 
in lawn-tennis suits, but they are of dainty and irreproachable 
cream-whites or delicate colors, and the ladies are expected 
always to be " dressed." 

Some General Hints to the Gentle Sex. — A woman, when 
about to buy a new dress, should consider the entire figure. 
A small, thin woman should not wear black. We have in 
mind a pale, bony little woman who always goes about in 
black dresses of the severest make as to corsage. We long 
to take off her linen collars, and put something full and fluffy 
about her neck, to set a puffed or baggy vest in the plain, 
prim waist, and to festoon lace, or wind feather trimming, 
around her many angles. We think of Sarah Bernhardt and 
her consummate skill in covering bones, and we sigh for a 
chance to impart to this dreary little spectre just a small frac- 
tion of the French woman's matchless tact in dress. 

Short, stout women should never allow any horizontal trim- 
mings on their gowns. Folds, plaits, and everything else in 
the line of adornment, should keep a perpendicular line, and 
draperies should cling as much as possible. The corsage 
should be trimmed in vest or bretelle style. It is a mistake 
to suppose that leaving it entirely plain will detract from the 
width. Black or dark colors look best on large people. 

Very short women should not wear very large hats. Ex- 
ceedingly thin-visaged ladies should avoid wide brims and 
many plumes. Stout women, in the street, look much better 
in loosely fitting wraps than in tight garments. 

Flying curls and a superabundance of ribbons are permis- 
sible only on a miss. These, added to a large allowance of 
jewelry, and much powder and rouge, are enough to shake 
one's confidence in the most respectable of her sex. 



288 OUR SOCIETY. 

When a rich dress is to be worn on a festive occasion, let 
everything be in keeping. If the dress be of velvet, do not 
put on a linen collar or cheap lace. If real lace is out of the 
question, then filmy tulle or crepe lisse is appropriate. The 
jewelry should not be anything of the flimsy or imitation sort, 
but what there is, should be fine, either in material or work- 
manship. The fan, also, should carry out * the idea of luxury, 
one made of paper or wood being entirely out of place with 
an elegant costume. 

A very young girl should not wear a velvet or plush dress. 
Less heavy and luxurious fabrics are better suited to fresh, 
youthful charms. These dignified, royal materials should be 
left to those who have dropped kittenish ways, and can carry 
them gracefully. 

No disrespect is meant to the many beautiful imitations of 
real laces, the fanciful designs in silver or gilt, or the pretty 
paper fans of the Japanese. These all have their uses, and are 
especially appropriate to soft wools, summer silks, or the 
numerous airy materials for warm weather. But lightness or 
grace is one thing, magnificence or luxury another. And it 
is never well to mix the accessories of a morning or picnic 
dress with a soiree or ball costume. 

There always have been, and always will be those whose 
artistic tastes and fine sense of the fitness of things will lead 
them instinctively in the right way in dress, but to the careless 
and good-naturedly tolerant of all things, we most earnestly 
recommend a little thought and study on this really important 
question. 




MOURNING CUSTOMS. 




|T is an encouraging sign of progress in the 
thought of a people, when their burial customs 
begin to lose much of the sombre and super- 
stitious, and to take on more of the cheerful 
and philosophic. Such seems to be the 
nature of the innovations that are now going 
on, from day to day. As long as human love is 
stronger than human wisdom, death will always 
be terrible, inscrutable and solemn, and there is 
surely little need to add to its terrors by gloomy 
pall and winding sheet, and all the other sombre acces- 
sories of the past. Where the affection has been deep and 
strong, it seems scarcely to need an ostentatious, outward 
demonstration of its loss ; and the grief which would seek to 
cast a shadow over all other hearts within its influence, must 
not be selfish only, but of a barbaric character, partaking of 
the spirit of the times of human sacrifice. Who would not 
have his memory live green and undying in the hearts of a 
few, rather than in the outward show and mourning symbols 
of the many? It is true, we yet have the Egyptian tombs, 
but we have also that which is still better, the tender remem- 
brance of great lives older than the pyramids. 

19 289 



29O OUR SOCIETY. 

Arrangements Before the Funeral. — The formal arrange- 
ment of the body, such as the rigid position and crossed hands, 
has given place to something more easy and life-like, and the 
conventional shroud is now often replaced by garments worn 
in life; in the case of the young, a festal dress is sometimes 
chosen. A prominent author says: "It is not uncommon for 
the soulless body to be neatly attired, as if it were a semi- 
invalid who had fallen asleep upon a sofa. It is tenderly pil- 
lowed and luxuriously draped. Friends take their last look 
upon the quiet face, and there is, at least, one throb of pain 
the less because of the absence of a coffin." 

The old custom of watching by the dead at night, is also 
passing away, except in cases where the remains need atten- 
tion. 

Flowers are always in place, about the remains and dis- 
posed around the room. 

Black crape, tied with black ribbon, for a gentleman or 
married lady, and white crape and ribbon for a child or young 
person, is placed upon the door or bell knob, as a warning to 
the casual visitor, who may possibly not have heard the sad 
intelligence, that out of its earthly habitation a soul has taken 
flight, and there is within only the lifeless clay, and those who 
mourn beside it. It tells one to enter softly, speak low, and 
be helpful and sympathetic. 

Pall-Bearers. — Six or eight gentlemen are usually chosen 
from the immediate friends of the deceased, to act as pall- 
bearers. These gentlemen generally carry the dead to and 
from the hearse, but sometimes they only stand, with uncov- 
ered heads, while the coffin is being borne by others appointed 
for that duty. When they walk to the cemetery, they take 
their position, in equal numbers, at each side of the hearse. 
When they ride, their carriages precede the hearse. 



MOURNING CUSTOMS. 29 1 

The bearers at the funeral of a gentleman or elderly lady, 
are furnished with black, kid gloves, but at that of a young 
lady, or a child, white gloves are usually worn. 

In the House of Mourning. — Visits of condolence are not 
made until after the funeral. It is kindly and proper to call 
and offer to be of service, but the bereaved are not expected 
to see any but the most intimate friends. Such friends should 
arrange all details of the funeral, after consulting the one most 
interested, and should relieve the mourners, as considerately 
as possible, from worry about the necessary arrangements. 

The bitterest enemies who meet in the house of mourning, 
should, while there, forget their differences, and treat each 
other with respect. 

, Funeral Invitations. — In cities where death notices are 
inserted in the daily papers, it is not customary to send invi- 
tations; but in the country and small towns, where friends can 
not be informed through the newspapers, it is necessary to 
send notes announcing the sad event. 

Invitations can be written or printed on small note-paper, 
with heavy black border, worded as follows: 

"Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the 
funeral of Mr. Robert G. Bentley, from his late residence 
(number of residence or street, or name of church, omitting 
" his late residence," may be placed here), on Thursday, June 
19, at 10 o'clock A. m. Burial at Oakwood Cemetery." 

An invitation to a funeral should always be accepted, unless 
it is impossible to attend. 

Funeral Services. — It is now becoming customary, when 
the funeral is held at the house, for the family of the deceased 
not to view the remains, or to appear in the room after friends 
have begun to assemble for the services. A room adjoining 



292 OUR SOCIETY. 

where the words of the clergyman can be easily heard, is set 
apart for the mourners, and they are thus spared the scrutiny 
of spectators at this trying hour. 

Those who wish to look upon the dead should do so before 
taking their seats, previous to the beginning of the services. 

The coffin is seldom opened at the church unless the 
deceased was a person of great prominence, in whom large 
numbers are interested. 

The family of the deceased and all the mourners should be 
allowed to leave the house or church before others attempt to 
pass to the carriages. 

Private Burial. — The announcement, " burial private," 
which quite often accompanies a death notice, has been mis- 
understood by many. Friends have sometimes remained 
away from the funeral, under the impression that they were* 
excluded from the services ; but the meaning of the announce- 
ment is that the interment is to be attended only by the fam- 
ily and immediate friends, while the services are intended for 
all who, out of respect and friendliness, wish to be present. 
This custom is rapidly growing in favor, and certainly has 
much to recommend it. 

Flowers. — Flowers arranged in stiff designs are no longer 
considered in the best taste. There can be no objection to a 
wreath, a cross, or a sheaf of wheat or, perhaps, some other 
forms, where they are s}^mbolic of the life that has departed; 
but a lavish display of all sorts of absurd designs and mottoes, 
sent in by well-intentioned friends, have led some people to 
attach to the funeral notice of their dead, the request that no 
flowers be given. Flowers will never be banished entirely 
from the funeral, as they help so much to soften the sombre 
gloom, and to lend a sentiment of poetry and religious feeling 
to the sad ceremony. Tastefully arranged by the hands of 



MOURNING CUSTOMS. . 293 

friends, in all the lovely hues bounteous nature has given, they 
appeal more directly to the heart, than when tortured 
into the multitudinous conventional shapes which are some- 
times sent from the florist's hands. We once heard a lady 
say: U I want no crowns nor anchors nor broken columns at 
my funeral; but they may take all the flowers they torture 
into these unnatural shapes, and throw them in one great, fra- 
grant heap, on the coffin, burying it out of sight, if they wish, 
and I shall like that a great deal better." We thought her 
good taste in the matter was much to be approved. 

Military Funerals. — A deceased army or naval officer 
usually has the national flag and, sometimes, his sword and 
sash laid upon the coffin lid. If a cavalry officer, his horse 
may follow the hearse. Where the masonic fraternity or 
other organizations take charge of the funeral, the rites are 
conducted according to their formulas. 

Order of Procession. — Carriages containing the clergy- 
man and pall-bearers, precede the hearse ; immediately follow- 
ing, are the carriages of the nearest relatives and friends. At 
the cemetery, the clergyman walks in advance of the coffin. 
When a competent undertaker is to be obtained, no care need 
be given to these arrangements, as it is his business to see 
that all such details are attended to in a proper manner. 

Mourning Garments. — A widow wears crape and bom- 
bazine, made up plainly. Her bonnet should have a narrow 
border of white lisse or tarletan, which is called the widow's 
cap. Those who adhere rigorously to custom wear the long 
crape veil over the face for three months; after the expiration 
of this time, it may be thrown back, and a short, black tulle 
veil may be worn over the face. The long veil must form 
part of the costume a year, at least, and as long thereafter as 



294 



OUR SOCIETY. 



the widow chooses. Widows, as a general thing, do not wear 
gay colors, even after leaving off crape, and not a few cling 
to black the remainder of their lives, or until they are again 
married. These black costumes are usually silk, cashmere, 
grenadine or lawn, softened by laces and white ruchings. 

A widower should wear deep mourning for a year, at least. 
His suit should be black, or very dark gray, his gloves and 
necktie black, and a weed should be on the hat. Sometimes 
black-bordered linen, and jet studs and buttons are also worn, 
but this is not necessary. 

For parents, sons and daughters, very deep mourning is 
worn for a year; after this it may be gradually lightened. 
For brothers and sisters, crape and bombazine are considered 
proper for six months, and for another six months, black, 
white, and gray can be worn. 

For uncles, aunts and grand-parents, black or colorless cos- 
tumes, without crape, are appropriate. 

If children wear mourning for a parent, it is usually light- 
ened with white, and the period is one year. 

Gentlemen regulate the depth of the weed according to the 
nearness of their relationship to the deceased. They also 
adapt the period of their mourning to that of the ladies of 
their family. 

Friends who attend a funeral usually attire themselves in 
black garments, or at least leave off very bright colors. 

There are many who have strong feelings against the wear- 
ing of mourning, and others who arc so unconventional that 
they can see no reason why they should do so, even when 
their grief is the deepest, and still others who, out of regard 
for the sentiments of the deceased on this point, decide not to 
wear the funeral garb. 

This is certainly a free country, and those whose honest 
convictions lead them to set aside a mere conventional cus- 



MOURNING CUSTOMS. 



295 



torn, which cannot possibly affect or concern any but them- 
selves or their households, should be allowed to do so, without 
unkind or uncalled for remarks by others who happen to think 
differently. People who are so formal as to consider it a pos- 
itive sin to have blundered in the width of a crape border, or 
the number of months it is to be worn, are sometimes accused 
of wearing their grief more on the outside than within. 

Cards and Stationery, — These are usually bordered with 
black as long as the person using them remains in mourning, 
the width of the border to be determined by the degree of 
mourning. 

Memorial Cards, — Sometimes black-bordered cards are 
sent to friends, containing the date of birth and death, and 
some few remarks about the departed. These may simply 
contain these words: 

In memoriam, 

Joseph Herndon, 

Died at Baltimore -, Oct. 10, 1875, 

Aged 25 years. 

If a more elaborate form is required, this: 

In affectionate reme?nbrance of 

Joseph Herndon, 

who died at Baltimore, Oct. 10, 1875, 

Aged 25 years. 

(Here may follow scriptural quotations or other appropriate 
sentiments.) 

Calls of Condolence. — In making first calls of condolence, 
none but the most intimate friends ask to see the family 



2 q6 our society. 

For further remarks upon such calls, letters of condolence, 
etc., see chapter entitled " Ladies' Calls and Cards." 

Seclusion of the Bereaved. — As soon as mourners can bear 
to see the outer world and the faces of fellow beings, they 
should no longer seclude themselves within doors. When the 
sound of a musical instrument no longer jars upon the sensi- 
tive nerves, there ceases to be any reason why it should remain 
closed and silent. It is customary not to give or go to enter- 
ments, for one year after the death of a near relative, but if 
the bereaved wish to do so, it should excite no comment. 
Extremely delicate and sensitive people cannot stand the strain 
and monotony of long seclusion; their thoughts need turning 
into a different channel, and their lives need some brightening, 
and outside cheer, to keep them from a settled melancholy. 
Seclusion, which was first of use because it was a protection 
to the sorrow-stricken, should not be suffered to exist one 
hour after it has outlived its usefulness. Then too, no one 
who has others dependent on him for happiness, will allow his 
grief to darken other lives when he is no longer powerless to 
control and master it. It is for the living and those we love 
that we must live, not for the dead, nor for dead customs, 
when the spirit of them has departed. 



The true way to mourn the dead is to take care of the living who 
belong to them. These are the pictures and statues of departed friends 
which we ought to cultivate, and not such as can be had for a few guineas 
from a vulgar artist. — Burke. 



A sorrow, wet with early tears, 

Yet bitter, had been long with me; 

I wearied of this weight of years, 
And would be free. 



MOURNING CUSTOMS. 297 

I tore my sorrow from my heart, 

I cast it far away in scorn; 
Right joyful that we two could part, 

Yet most forlorn. 

I sought (to take my sorrow's place) 

Over the world for flower or gem; 
But she had had an ancient grace 

Unknown to them. 

I took once more, with strange delight, 

My slighted sorrow; proudly now 

I wear it, set with stars of light, 

Upon my brow. 

— Adelaide A. Proctor, 



To be left alone in the wide world, with scarcely a friend, — this 
makes the sadness which, striking its pang into the minds of the affection- 
ate and the young, teaches them too soon to watch and interpret the spirit- 
signs of their own heart. The solitude of the aged, when, one by one, 
their friends fall off, as fall the sere leaves from the trees in autumn — 
what is it to the overpowering sense of desolation which fills almost to 
breaking the sensitive heart of youth when the nearest and dearest ties are 
severed ? Rendered callous by time and suffering, the old feel less, 
although they complain more; the young, bearing a grief too deep for 
tears, shrine in their bosoms sad memories and melancholy anticipations, 
which often give dark hues to their feelings in after-life. — Hawthorne, 



Often the clouds of deepest woe 

So sweet a message bear, 
Dark though they seem, 'twere hard to find 

A frown of anger there. 

Yes! Often has adversity 

A richer boon bestowed, 
Has oft bequeathed a purer joy 

Than all that men call good. 

— Caroline Wilson, 



298 OUR SOCIETY. 

There is nothing, no, nothing, innocent or good that dies and is for- 
gotten; let us hold to that faith or none. An infant, a prattling child, 
dying in its cradle, will live again in the better thoughts of those who loved 
it, and play its part, through them, in the redeeming actions of the world, 
though its body be burnt to ashes or drowned in the deepest sea. There 
is not an angel added to the host of heaven but does its blessed work on 
earth in those that loved it here. Forgotten ! Oh, if the good deeds of 
human creatures could be traced to their source, how beautiful would even 
death appear ! For how much charity, mercy, and purified affection 
would be seen to have their growth in dusty graves! — Dickens. 



Oh, weep not for the dead! 
Rather, oh, rather give the tear 
To those who darkly linger here 

When all besides are fled; 
Weep for the spirit withering 
In its cold, cheerless sorrowing; 
Weep for the young and lovely one 
That ruin darkly revels on; 

But never be a tear-drop shed 

For them, the pure, enfranchised dead. 

— Mary E. Broons. 




CHRISTENINGS, 




HEN the birth of a child 
i s announced, the 
lady friends of the 
mother send in their 
cards with inquiries 
after her health. 
The mother returns 
her own card, with 
" thanks for kind 
inquiries," as soon 
as she is strong 
enough to do so. 
Her lady friends 
then make personal 
calls, but should not 
go into the room of the invalid until assured that she is quite able 
to receive visitors. Gentlemen friends usually call on the father 
to inquire after the health of mother and child, and to con- 
gratulate him. Flowers may be sent by those who desire to 
do so. 

The Baby^s Card. — A pretty conceit, and quite a new one, 
is to have the young stranger announce its coming by a tiny 

299 



3<DO OUR SOCIETY. 

card, about two inches long and one inch wide. One which 
we recently saw was in this form : 



^WtM^&V QwUMJ^ 2>xov^w. 



BORN, MONDAY, JUNE 12, 1866, 
8.30 P. M. 



These very small cards are enclosed in envelopes to match r 
on which is a fanciful seal or tiny bow of ribbon, and are dis- 
tributed among the friends of the parents. 

Church Christenings. — The baptism and christening are 
usually combined in one ceremony; among Protestants this 
does not take place until the mother is able to be present. 

The babe is usually carried to the font in the arms of its 
nurse, the sponsors coming next, the parents last. In taking 
their places the godfather stands at the right of the child, the 
godmother at the left. In answer to the question, u Who are 
the sponsors for the child ? " the proper persons bow their 
heads without speaking. When the clergyman asks the 
name, the answer should be in a clear, distinct tone, so that 
no mistake can be made. It is, perhaps, best to hand in the 
name, written plainly on a slip of paper, before the time; but 
this is not necessary if the one giving the name can speak 
distinctly. 

After the ceremony, which is of short duration, the parents 
may offer, at home, coffee, or wine and cake, or a more elab- 
orate luncheon if they wish, to the sponsors and invited guests. 
When the health of mother or child will not permit of extra 
excitement, or for other good reasons, no guests need be 
invited to the house. 



CHRISTENINGS. 3OI 

Home Christenings. — Sometimes the christening is at the 
house, and flowers and music lend their graces to the beauti- 
ful religious significance of the event. Where many guests 
are invited, invitations are sent out about a week or ten days 
in advance, and guests arrive a short time before the stated 
hour, in reception toilette, and pay their respects to the host 
and hostess as at any reception. The house may be decorated 
with flowers. Designs symbolical of the occasion, and vases, 
banks and trailing vines are all appropriate. A pretty way 
of arranging the temporary font is to place a glass or silver 
bowl on a small, round table or pedestal. . The edge of the 
table or pedestal may be hung with smilax or any other grace- 
ful vine, so as to entirely conceal the support. The top is 
banked up to the rim of the bowl with white flowers, the 
lower row being sometimes composed of calla lilies, their 
points drooping over the edge. The font thus arranged, with 
the stainless, fragrant blossoms bending over the baptismal 
water, seems a fitting and beautiful adjunct to the sacred cer- 
emony. Often a dove with outspread wings is suspended by 
an almost invisible thread over the pedestal, no doubt in token 
of that other baptism which took place so many hundred 
years ago. Sometimes the dove is composed of tiny white 
blossoms, arranged by the florist, on a wire foundation ; but 
a real dove, procured from the taxidermist, is more effective 
and beautiful. Occasionally a band of music is in attendance, 
but more frequently a pianist and quartette of singers, com- 
posed, perhaps, of the relatives or intimate friends, furnish the 
music. 

At the hour stated in the invitation, the child is brought to 
the parents, who place themselves by the font. The spon- 
sors step forward and stand one at each side of the father and 
mother. A hymn or chant is sung, and the clergyman pro- 
ceeds with the rite, according to the forms of his church; 



302 OUR SOCIETY. 

another hymn follows, and the benediction is pronounced. 
After this, congratulations are in order, and the infant is 
petted and carressed as long as his good nature or inclination 
for society will permit of his receiving such attentions amia- 
bly. Of course, the pretty customs of the time may vary 
according to the poetic or artistic fancies of those having the 
affair in charge, but however picturesque and beautiful they 
may be, these accompaniments will in no way detract from 
the sacred meaning of the consecration. 

By all means keep the christening from seeming a grim 
and ponderous affair. Who does not remember with a shud- 
der the solemn luncheon at Mr. Dombey's after the christen- 
ing of poor little Paul; the " black, cold rooms," that " seemed 
to be in mourning like the inmates of the house, " the horrible, 
stiff, glacial luncheon, where " there was a toothache in 
everything," and the " cold pomp of glass and silver, looking 
more like a dead dinner, lying in state, than a social refresh- 
ment." There are Dombeys even in these days, but let us 
hope the race is dying out. 

The Invitation. — The invitation may be written or en- 
graved and should receive an early response. The form is 
like the following, but when written, the lines need not be 
arranged in so formal a manner. 

Mr. and Mrs. John Beat 

request the honor of your presence at the christening ceremony of 

their son (or daughter) 

at 

Five o* clock, Tuesday, December fifth, 

Reception from four to six o'clock. No. 503 Trumbull Avenue. 

The Sponsors. — In the Episcopal church, there are two 
and sometimes three godparents or sponsors. When there are 



CHRISTENINGS. 303 

three, two are godfathers and one godmother, if the child be 
a boy; if a girl, two of the three are godmothers. The per- 
sons selected for these offices should either be relatives or 
friends of long standing, and of the same faith as that of the 
church into which the child is baptized. Very young people 
are not considered qualified for this office, though it seems 
that any one who is of age, if possessed of sufficient charac- 
ter to inspire the confidence of the parents, may properly 
stand as a sponsor for a child. Generally, the maternal 
grandmother and paternal grandfather stand as godparents to 
the first child. A person invited to act as sponsor should not 
refuse without good reason. 

The godparents are expected to make their godchild a 
present, such as a silver mug, knife, fork, spoon, a handsomely 
bound bible, etc., or the godmother may provide the christen- 
ing robe. 

The Clergyman's Fee, — The church performs the cere- 
mony of baptism gratuitously, but the parents, if able to afford 
it, usually make a present to the officiating clergyman, or 
present, through him, a donation to the poor of the parish. 
When the christening is to be held at the house, a carriage 
should be sent for the clergyman. 




THE TOILET, TOILET MEDICINES 
AND RECIPES. 




HE creator has displayed 
so much care and love upon 
our bodies that He not only 
made them for usefulness, but 
He adorned them with loveliness. 
If it was not beneath our Maker's 
glory to frame them in beauty, it certainly cannot be beneath 
us to respect and preserve the charms which we have re- 
ceived from His loving hand. To slight these gifts is to des- 
pise the giver. He that made the temple of our souls 
beautiful, certainly would not have us neglect the means of 
preserving that beauty. Every woman owes it not only to 
herself, but to society, to be as beautiful and charming as she 
possibly can. The popular cant about the beauty of the mind 
as something which is inconsistent with, and in opposition to 
the beauty of the body, is a superstition which cannot be for a 
moment entertained by any sound and rational mind. To 
despise the temple is to insult its occupant. The divine intel- 
ligence which planted the roses of beauty in the human 
cheeks, and lighted its fires in the eyes, has also intrusted us 

304 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. * 305 

with a mission to multiply and increase these charms, as well 
as to develop and educate our intellects. 

Let every woman feel, then, that so far from doing wrong, 
she is in the pleasant ways of duty when she is studying how 
to develop and preserve the natural beauty of her body. 

" There's nothing ill can dwell in such a temple ; 
If the ill spirit have so fair a house, 
Good things will strive to dwell with it." 

It is a most difficult task to fix upon any general and satis- 
factory standard of female beauty, since forms and qualities 
the most opposite and contradictory are looked upon by dif- 
ferent nations, and by different individuals, as the perfection 
of beauty. Some will have it that a beautiful woman must 
be fair, while others conceive nothing but brunettes to be 
handsome. A Chinese belle must be fat, have small eyes, 
short nose, high cheeks, and feet which are not longer than a 
man's ringer. In the Labrador Islands no woman is beautiful 
who has not black teeth and white hair. In Greenland and 
a few other northern countries, some women paint their faces 
blue, and others yellow. Some nations squeeze the heads of 
children between boards to make them square, while others 
prefer the shape of a sugar-loaf as the highest type of beauty 
for that important top-piece to the " human form divine."" So 
there is nothing truer than the old proverb, " There is 
no accounting for tastes." This difference of opinion with 
respect to beauty in various countries is, however, principally 
confined to color and form, and may, undoubtedly, be traced 
to national habits and customs. Nor is it fair, perhaps, to 
oppose the tastes of uncivilized people to the opinions of civil- 
ized nations. But then it must not be overlooked that the 
standard of beauty in civilized countries is by no means 
agreed upon. Neither the buona roba of the Italians, nor the 
20 



306 OUR SOCIETY. 

linda of the Spaniards, nor the embonpoint of the French, can 
fully reach the mystical standard of beauty to the eye of 
American taste. And if I were to say that it consists of an 
indescribable combination of all these, still you would go 
beyond even that before you would be content with the defi- 
nition. Perhaps the best definition of beauty ever given, was 
by a French poet, who called it a certain "je ne sais quoi" or 
"I don't know what! " 

It is very fortunate, however, for the human race that all 
men do not have an exactly correct taste in the matter of 
female beauty, for if they had, a fatal degree of strife would 
be likely to ensue as to who should possess the few types of 
perfect beauty. The old man who rejoiced that all did not 
see alike, as, if they did, all would be after his wife, was not 
far out of the way. 

How to Acquire a Bright and Smooth Shin, — The most 
perfect form will avail a woman little, unless it possess also 
that brightness which is the finishing touch and final polish of 
a beautiful lady. What avails a plump and well-rounded neck 
or shoulder if it is dim and dingy withal? What charm can 
be found in the finest modeled arm if its skin is coarse and 
rusty? A grater, even though molded in the shape of the 
most charming female arm, would possess small attractions to 
a man of taste and refinement. 

I have to tell you, ladies, and the same must be said to the 
gentlemen, too, that the great secret of acquiring a bright 
and beautiful skin lies in three simple things — temperance, 
exercise, and cleanliness. A young lady, were she as fair as 
Hebe, as charming as Venus herself, would soon destroy it all 
by too high living and late hours. " Take the ordinary fare 
of a fashionable woman, and you have a style of living which 
is sufficient to destroy the greatest beauty. It is not the 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 307 

quantity so much as the quality of the dishes that produces 
the mischief. Take, for instance, only strong coffee and hot 
bread and butter, and you have a diet which is most destruc- 
tive to beauty. The heated grease, long indulged in, is sure 
to derange the stomach, and, by creating or increasing bilious 
disorders, gradually overspreads the fair skin with a wan or 
yellow hue. After this meal comes the long fast from nine in 
the morning till five or six in the afternoon, when dinner is 
served, and the half-famished beauty sits down to sate a keen 
appetite with peppered soups, fish, roast, boiled, broiled 
and fried meat; game, tarts, sweet-meats, ices, fruits, etc. 
How must the constitution suffer in trying to digest this 
melange! How does the heated complexion bear witness to 
the combustion within! Let the fashionable lady keep up 
this habit, and add the other one of late hours, and her own 
looking-glass will tell her that ' we all do fade as the leaf.' 
The firm texture of the rounded form gives way to a flabby 
softness, or yields to a scraggy leanness, or shapeless fate. 
The once fair skin assumes a pallid rigidity or bloated red- 
ness, which the deluded victim would still regard as the roses 
of health and beauty. And when she at last becomes aware 
of her condition, to repair the ravages she flies to paddings, to 
give shape where there is none; to stays, to compress into 
form the swelling chaos of flesh; and to paints, to rectify the 
dingy complexion. But vain are all these attempts. No, if 
dissipation, late hours, and immoderation have once wrecked 
the fair vessel of female charms, it is not in the power of 
Esculapius himself to right the shattered bark, and make it 
ride the sea in gallant trim again." 

Cleanliness is a subject of indispensable consideration in the 
pursuit of a beautiful skin. The frequent use of the tepid 
bath is the best cosmetic I can recommend to my readers in 
this connection. By such ablutions, the accidental corporeal 



308 our society* 

impurities are thrown off, cutaneous obstructions removed; 
and while the surface of the body is preserved in its original 
brightness, many threatening disorders are prevented. It is 
by this means that the women of the East render their skins 
as soft and fair as those of the tenderest babes. I wish to 
impress upon every beautiful woman, and especially upon the 
one who leads a city life, that she cannot long preserve the 
brightness of her charms without a daily resort to this purify- 
ing agent. She should make the bath as indispensable an 
article in her house as her looking-glass. 

Importance of Hair as an Ornament, — Without a fine 
head of hair no woman can be really beautiful. A combina- 
tion of perfect features, united in one person, would all go for 
naught without that crowning excellence of beautiful hair. 
Take the handsomest woman that ever lived — one with the 
finest eyes, a perfect nose, an expanding forehead, a charm- 
ing face, and pair of lips that beat the ripest and reddest 
cherries of summer — and shave her head, and what a fright 
would she be! The dogs would bark at, and run from her in 
the street. 

We ought, then, to be constantly impressed with the im- 
portance of hair as a chief ornament in beauty. It is every 
person's business to be informed of the means of developing 
and preserving a luxurious growth of this handmaid of human 
charms. 

It is in the power of almost every person to have a 
good head of hair. But, by many, such a gift can be enjoyed 
only by great pains and constant attention to the laws of its 
growth and preservation. Hair left to take care of itself will 
revenge itself by making its possessor either common looking, 
or a monster of ugliness. Let the woman who is ambitious 
to be beautiful not forget this. 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 309 

How to Obtain a Good Head of Hair. — The foundation 
of a good head of hair ought undoubtedly to be laid in 
infancy. At this tender age, and through all the years of 
childhood, it should be worn short, be frequently cut, and 
never allowed to go a day without a thorough brushing. It 
should also, every morning, be washed at the roots with cold 
water. A damp sponge, rubbed thoroughly upon the scalps 
will be sufficient. The practice of combing the heads o£ 
children too frequently with a fine tooth comb is a bad one, as 
the points of the teeth are quite sure to scratch and irritate 
the scalp, and are almost sure to produce scurf or dandruff. 

Indeed, these rules, except as to the length of the hair, are 
quite as applicable to adults as children. The ladies of my 
acquaintance, who have been most celebrated for the beauty 
of their hair, usually made a practice of thoroughly cleansing 
its roots every morning with the damp sponge. Indeed, the 
coarsest, most refractory, and snarly looks can be subdued, 
and made comparatively soft and glossy by the use of the 
brush alone. Constant brushing is the first rule to subdue 
coarse and brittle hair. And the morning is the best time for 
an extended application of the brush, because the hair is nat- 
urally more supple then than at any other time. This prac- 
tice, thoroughly persevered in, will gradually tame down the 
porcupine head, unless there is some scurfy disease of the 
scalp, in which case the following wash will be found a quite 
sure remedy : — 

Salts of tartar, ... 3 drachms. 

Tincture of cantharides, . • 15 drops. 

Spirits of camphor, . . 15 drops. 

Lemon juice, -J pint. 

In preparing this wash, the salts should be dissolved in the 
lemon juice, till the effervescence ceases, and then add the 



^jO OUR SOCIETY. 

other ingredients ; and, after letting the whole be exposed to the 
air for half an hour, it may be perfumed and bottled for use. 
This is one of the best and most harmless washes for the hair 
I have ever known. I am certain that a lady or gentleman 
has but to try it to be convinced of its efficacy. But let me 
impress upon you the importance of brushing as a cardinal 
means of beautifying the hair. Brush not one minute, but 
ten — not once a day, but two, or three, or four times a day. 
Two brushes are indispensable for the toilet — one for the 
rough use of cleaning the hair, and the other for polishing it. 
A black brush should be used for the former, and a white one 
for the latter. Ladies need not be told that washing spoils 
brushes. The way to clean them is to rub them with bran, 
which removes all the grease, and leaves the bristles stiff and 
firm as ever. When the bristles of a brush become too lim- 
ber for use, they may be hardened again by dipping them in 
one part of spirits of ammonia, and two of water. This will 
also thoroughly cleanse them from all greasy substances. 

To Prevent the Hair from Falling Off. — A remedy for 
weak and falling hair has been sought for by beautiful women, 
and men, too, with as much avidity as ever mad enthusiast 
sought for the philosopher's stone. I have known ladies 
who did nothing but to hunt recipes for baldness. The know- 
ledge of all their friends, especially if they were physicians, 
was laid under perpetual contribution for light on the great 
subject of hair. I knew an old countess in Paris — or who 
was at least fearfully growing old — who became really a 
monomaniac on this subject; she used to rattle on about the 
" bulbs of the hair," the " apex of the hair," and talk as learn- 
edly as a whole college of doctors of the various theories of 
the nature of the disease and the remedy. Some quack had 
recommended her to use caustic alkalies of soda or potash — 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 311 

which by the way I have known to be advised by physicians 
who ought to know better — which completely did the busi- 
ness for her head, for they not only destroyed the reproductive 
power, but also the color of what hair they left upon her 
head. So that this unhappy countess was not only hopelessly 
gray, but she was growing balder and balder every day, not- 
withstanding half a bushel of recipes which she had wrung 
from the skill of a hundred doctors. 

It is well known that Baron Dupuytren obtained a world- 
wide fame for a pomade which actually overcame the evil of 
baldness in thousands of cases where it was applied. A cele- 
brated physician in London gave to an intimate friend of mine 
the following recipe, which he assured her was really the 
famous pomade of Baron Dupuytren. My friend found such 
advantage in its use, that I was induced to copy it, and add it 
to my cabinet of curious recipes. 

Boxwood shavings, • • . 6 oz. 

Proof spirit, . • . . 12 oz. 

Spirits of Rosemary, . • . 2 oz. 

Spirits of nutmegs, . -J oz. 

The boxwood shavings should be left to steep in the spirits, 
at a temperature of 60 degrees, for fourteen days, and then 
the liquid should be strained off, and the other ingredients 
mixed. The scalp to be thoroughly washed, or rubbed with 
this every night and morning. 

To Prevent the Hair from Turning Gray. — No woman 
must rely on compounds and powders to prevent her hair 
from turning gray. Temperance, moderation in all things, 
and frequent washings with pure cold water, are the best 
recipes I can give her to prevent her hair from becoming pre- 
maturely gray. It is certain that perpetual care, great anxi- 
ety, or prolonged grief will hasten white hairs. History has 



312 OUR SOCIETY, 

made us familiar with instances where sudden passion, or 
grief, or fright, have turned the head instantly gray. Sick- 
ness, we know, often does it. But, so far as I know, physiol- 
ogists have failed to explain the reason of this change. We 
know that the hair is a hollow tube, containing a fluid which 
gives it its color — that red hair is occasioned by a red fluid, 
and so all the varieties of color are owing to the variety of 
the color of this fluid. Nothing, therefore can prevent the 
hair from turning white but the avoidance of all the causes 
which produce premature old age, or occasion local obstruc- 
tion and disease of the hair itself. I have reason to believe 
that the injudicious use of the curling-irons, long kept up, will 
hasten this disease. The unnatural heat destroys the animal 
nature of the hair, and is liable to produce a disease of its 
coloring fluid. 

An old and retired actress with whom I had met at Gibral- 
tar, and who had a fine head of hair, far better preserved than 
the rest of her charms, was confident that she had warded 
off the approach of gray hair by using the following prepara- 
tion whenever she dressed her head: 

Oxide of bismuth ... 4 drs. 

Spermaceti .... 4 drs. 

Pure hog's lard . . . 4 oz. 

The lard and spermaceti should be melted together, and 
when they begin to cool, stir in the bismuth. It may be per- 
fumed to your liking. 

How to Soften and Beautify the Hair. — There is no greater 
mistake than the profuse use of greases for the purpose of 
softening the hair. They obstruct the pores, the free action 
of which is so necessary for the health of the hair. No sub- 
stance should be employed which cannot be readily absorbed 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 



313 



by the vessels. These preparations make the hair dry and 
harsh, unless perpetually loaded with an offensive and dis- 
gusting amount of grease. 

There was a celebrated beauty at Munich who had one of 
the handsomest heads of hair I ever beheld, and she used regu- 
larly to wash her head every morning with the following: 

Beat up the white of four eggs into a froth, and rub that 
thorougly in close to the roots of the hair. Leave it to dry 
on. Then wash the head and hair clean with a mixture of 
equal parts of rum and rose-water. 

This will be found one of the best cleansers and brighteners 
of the hair that was ever used. 

There is a celebrated wash called " Honey Water," known 
to fashionable ladies all over Europe, which is made as follows: 



Essence of Ambergris 


1 dr. 


" Musk 


1 dr. 


" Bergamot 


» . 2 drs. 


Oil of Cloves 


1 5 drops. 


Orange- flower water 


4 oz. 


Spirits of wine 


5 oz - 


Distilled water 


4 oz. 



All these ingredients should be mixed together, and left 
about fourteen days; then the whole to be filtered through 
porous paper and bottled for use. 

This is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume. 

But let the man or woman who is ambitious to have hand- 
some hair forget not that frequent and thorough brushing is 
worth all the oils and pomades that were ever invented. 

How to Color Gray Flair. — A great many compounds 
which are of a character most destructive to the hair, are sold 
in the shape of hair-dyes, against which ladies cannot be too 
frequently warned. These, for the most part, are composed 



314 OUR SOCIETY. 

of such things as poisonous mineral acids, nitrate and oxide of 
silver, caustic alkalies, limes litharge, and arsenic. The way 
these color the hair is simply by burning it, and they are very 
liable to produce a disease of the hair which increases ten-fold 
the speed of growing gray. 

An old physician and chemist at Lisbon gave a charming 
Parisian lady of my acquaintance, whose hair was turning 
gray on one side of her head, after a severe sickness, a 
recipe for a hair-dye which seemed to be of astonishing effi- 
cacy in coloring the faded hair a beautiful and natural black. 
The following is the recipe for making it: 

Gallic acid, . . . 10 grs. 

Acetic acid, . . . 1 oz. 

Tincture of sesqui-chloride of iron, 1 oz. 

Dissolve the gallic acid in the tincture of sesqui-chloride of 
iron, and then add the acetic acid. Before using this prepar- 
ation, the hair should be thoroughly washed with soap and 
water. A great and desirable peculiarity of this dye is that 
it can be so applied as to color the hair either black or the 
lighter shade of brown. If black is the color desired, the 
preparation should be applied while the hair is moist, but for 
brown it should not be used till the hair is perfectly dry. The 
way to apply the compound is to dip the points of a fine tooth 
comb into it until the interstices are filled with the fluid, then 
gently draw the comb through the hair, commencing at the 
roots, till the dye has preceptibly taken effect. When the 
hair is entirely dry, oil and brush it as usual. 

Habits which Destroy Beautiful Hair, — The habit of fre- 
quently shampooing the hair, or washing it with soap and 
water, is destructive to its beauty. Soap, if often used, will 
be likely to change the color of the hair to a faded yellowish 
hue, even if it does not produce a greater misfortune. The 



THE TOILET AND 7 OILET MEDICINES. 315 

best way to remove dust, or the effects of an indiscreet use of 
oils or pomades from the hair, is to give it a thorough brush- 
ing. Or a small quantity of white soap may be dissolved in 
spirits of wine, and used without deleterious effects. But, by 
all means, shun strong soap and such alkaline lyes as are used 
in shampooing; for these lyes are capable of dissolving the 
hair if long left in them, and their use is invariably deleterious. 
Washing the hair even with cold water and leaving it to 
dry in curls, as is the custom of some, after the example of 
Lord Byron, renders it harsh and coarse. Whenever the hair 
is washed it should be thoroughly dried with towels, and then 
be well brushed. 

Blemishes to Beauty. — There are a great many accidental 
blemishes to beauty, such as pimples, black specks, freckles, 
tan, and yellow spots, which may be removed by proper rem- 
edies faithfully applied. 

To Remove Pimples. — There are many kinds of pimples, 
some of which partake almost of the nature of ulcers which 
require medical treatment; but the small, red pimple, which 
is the most common, may be removed by applying the follow- 
ing, twice a day: 



Sulphur water, 


• 


1 oz. 


Acetated liquor of ammonia, 


. 


i oz. 


Liquor of potassa, 


. 


1 gr. 


White wine vinegar, . 


. 


2 oz. 


Distilled water, 


. 


2 OZ. 



These pimples are sometimes cured by frequent washing in 
warm water, and prolonged friction with a coarse towel. The 
cause of these pimples is obstruction of the skin and imper- 
fect circulation. 

To Remove Black Specks or "Flesh-worms" — Sometimes 
little black specks appear about the base of the nose, or on 



316 OUR SOCIETY. 

the forehead, or in the hollow of the chin, which are called 
" flesh worms," and are occasioned by coagulated lymph that 
obstructs the pores of the skin. They may be squeezed out 
by pressing the skin; ignorant people suppose them to be 
little worms. They are permanently removed by washing 
with warm water, and severe friction with a towel, and then 
applying a little of the following preparation : 

Liquor of potassa, . . . i oz. 

Cologne, . . . . 2 oz. 

White brandy, . . . . 4 oz. 

The warm water and friction alone are sometimes sufficient. 

To Remove Freckles. — The most celebrated compound 
ever used for the removal of freckles, was called " Unction 
de Maintenon," after the celebrated Madam de Maintenon. 
It is made as follows: 



i oz. 



Venice soap, . . . . 1 oz. 

Lemon juice, . 

Oil of bitter almonds, 

Deliquidated oil of tartar, 

Oil of rhodium, 



i oz. 

i oz. 
3 drops. 



First dissolve the soap in the lemon juice, then add the two 
oils and place the whole in the sun till it acquires the consist- 
ency of ointment, and then add the oil of rhodium. Anoint 
the freckled face at night with this unction, and wash it in the 
morning with pure water or, if convenient, with a mixture 
of elder-flower and rose-water. 

To Remove Tan. — An excellent wash to remove tan is 
called " Creme de PEnclos," and is thus made: 

New milk -J pint. 

Lemon juice • • \ oz. 

White brandy • . . -J oz. 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 317 

Boil the whole and keep it clear from all scum. Use it 
night and morning. 

A famous preparation with Spanish ladies, for removing 
the effects of the sun and making the complexion bright, is 
composed simply of equal parts of lemon juice and the white 
of eggs. The whole is beat together in a varnished earthen 
pot, set over a slow fire, and stirred with a wooden spoon 
till it acquires the consistence of soft pomatum. This com- 
pound is called " Pommade de Seville." If the face be well 
washed with rice-water before it is applied, it will remove 
freckles and give a fine lustre to the complexion. 

To Cure Chapped Lips. — A certain cure for chapped lips, 
used by French ladies, is called " Beaume a F Antique," and 
is thus made: 

Oil of roses . . . . 4 oz. 

White wax . . , 1 oz. 

Spermaceti . . . . -J °z. 

They should be melted in a glass vessel and stirred with a 
wooden spoon till thoroughly mixed, and then poured into a 
glass or china cup for use. 

To Remove Yelloiv Spots. — Sometimes yellow spots of vari- 
ous sizes appear under the skin of the neck and face, and 
prove most annoying blemishes to beauty. I have known 
them to be effectually removed by rubbing them with the 
flower of sulphur until they disappeared. The following wash 
is also a safe remedy: 

Strong sulphur water . . 1 oz. 

Lemon juice . . . \ oz. 

Cinnamon water . . . 1 dr. 

Wash with this three or four times a day. Sometimes 
these spots indicate a difficulty in the stomach which may 
require medical advice. 



318 OUR SOCIETY. 

To Remove and Prevent Wrinkles. — There is a curious 
recipe called "Aura and Cephalus," which is of Grecian ori- 
gin, as its name would indicate, and is said to have been most 
efficacious in removing and preventing premature wrinkles 
from the faces of the Athenian ladies. 

Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficient- 
ly heated to melt the gum gently, and when it liquefies, cover 
your head with a napkin and hold your face over the myrrh 
at a proper distance to receive the fumes without inconven- 
ience. I will observe, however, that if this experiment pro- 
duces any symptoms of headache, it better be discontinued at 
once. 

But an easy and natural way of warding off wrinkles is fre- 
quent ablution, followed by prolonged friction with a dry nap- 
kin. If a lady is a little advanced towards the period when 
wrinkles are naturally expected to make their appearance, she 
should use tepid water instead of cold, in her ablutions. 

To Remove Stains or Spots from Silks. — If a lady has the 
misfortune to stain a silk dress, the following preparation will 
remove the stain without injuring the silk. 

Take five ounces of soft water and six ounces of alum, well 
pounded; boil the mixture for a short time, then pour it in a 
vessel to cool. Previous to using it, it must be made warm, 
when the stained part may be washed with it and left to dry. 

To Remove Grease from Silks. — Wash the soiled part with 
ether and the grease will disappear. 

A Beautiful Hand. — A beautiful hand performs a great 
mission in the life of a belle. Indeed, the hand has a language 
of its own, which is often most intelligible when the tongue 
and every other part of the human body is compelled to be 
mute. When timid lovers have never dared to open their 



THE TCILET AND TOILET MEDICINES, 319 

mouths to each other, their hands will get together and 
express all the passion that glows within. Or, often when 
two lovers are annoyed by the presence of a rigid mother or 
guardian, they secretly squeeze each other's hands, which 
says, loud enough for their hearts to hear, " what a pity we 
are not alone ! " And, when parting in the presence of the 
crowd, how much is said, how much is promised in that 
gentle pressure of the hands! When a lady lets her ringers 
softly linger in the palm of a gentlemen, what else does it say 
but, u you have my heart already. 1 ' 

But besides this secret and potent language of the hand, it 
is a great ornament as a thing of beauty. The great Petrarch 
confesses that Laura's " beautiful hand made captive my 
heart;" and there. is no woman who is not conscious of the 
power she has in the possession of a charming hand. 

The Spanish ladies take, if possible, more pains with their 
hands than with their faces. There is no end to the tricks to 
which they resort to render this organ delicate and beau- 
tiful. Some of these devices are not only painful but exceed- 
ingly ridiculous. For instance, I have known some of them 
to sleep every night with their hands held up to the bed-posts 
by pulleys, hoping by that means to render them pale and 
delicate. Both Spanish and French women — those at least 
who are very particular to make the most of their charms — 
are in the habit of sleeping in gloves which are lined or plas- 
tered over with a kind of pomade, to improve the delicacy 
and complexion of their hands. This paste is generally made 
ot the following ingredients. 

Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce 
of mutton tallow, and boil them until they are thoroughly 
mixed. After the boiling has ceased, but before it is cold, 
add one gill of spirits of wine, and a grain of musk. 

If any lady wishes to try this she can buy a pair of gloves 



320 OUR SOCIETY. 

three or four sizes larger than the hand, rip them open and 
spread on a thin layer of the paste, and then sew the gloves 
up again. There is no doubt that by wearing them every 
night they will give smoothness and a fine complexion to the 
hands. Those who have the means, can send to Paris and 
purchase them ready made. But I am not aware that they 
have been imported to this country. It will not surprise me, 
however, to learn that they have been, for fashionable ladies 
are remarkably quick at finding out the tricks which the 
belles elsewhere resort to for the purpose of beautifying them- 
selves. Sleeping in white kid gloves will make the 
hand white and soft. Of course, no lady who wishes to 
be particular about her hands will ever go out into the air 
without her gloves. 

It requires almost as much labor and attention to keep the 
hands in order as it does to preserve the beauty of the face; 
taking care of the nails, alone, is an art which few women 
understand, for eight out of ten of even fashionable ladies 
always appear with their nails neither tastefully trimmed nor 
otherwise in good condition. The nail, properly managed, 
will be smooth, transparent and nearly rose-colored. 

If the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap, the fol- 
lowing wash will remedy the evil. 

Lemon juice, - - - 3 oz, 

White wine vinegar. - - 3 oz. 

White brandy, -J pint. 

The Bath. — The bath is the first requisite for health, clean- 
liness, vigor and beauty. No better health preservative can 
be prescribed than the bath. It not only cleanses the body, 
but preserves the skin and keeps its millions of pores in a 
clean, healthy state. We should not bathe simply to be 
clean, but for the sanitary effects, and to remain healthy and 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 32 1 

clean. Nothing refreshes and invigorates like cold water, 
but it stimulates to much and does not cleanse enough. A 
warm water bath, once or twice a week, with plenty of soap, is 
necessary for cleanliness. The water should be from eighty- 
five to ninety-five degrees Fahrenheit. The flesh-brush 
should be applied vigorously, and a coarse Turkish towel used 
for thorough drying. For beautifying the complexion, the 
daily use of the sponge or flesh-brush, plenty of exercise in the 
operation, and early rising, can not be equaled. 

A house should always be provided with a bath-room. Dis- 
pense with the parlor or the bed-room rather than do without 
the bath-room. The loss will be a princely gain. A house 
containing a bath-room, with hot and cold water, affords a 
luxury to be prized; but in small towns and country houses 
such conveniences can not be had. An oil-cloth placed upon 
the floor will make a hand bath agreeable. 

The shower bath can not be recommended for indiscrimin- 
ate use, for it can not be endured by persons of delicate con- 
stitutions. 

A hip bath may be taken every morning, with the tempera- 
ture of the water suited to the endurance of the individual. 
A sponge bath is recommended upon retiring, in summer. A 
warm bath should be taken at least once each week in order 
to thoroughly cleanse the body and keep open the pores of the 
skin. Always use rough towels to dry the skin, remove the 
impurities, and give a healthy glow to the body. The use of 
the hair-glove or flesh-brush is recommended before applying 
the towel. The head should be wet first in all baths. If 
overheated or fatigued, always rest before bathing. Dr. 
Franklin and eminent French physicians recommend the air 
bath, which is simply exposure to the sun, light and air, and 
in many cases this simple treatment is said to have effected 
wonderful cures. 
21 



322 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Teeth. — The teeth should be carefully brushed with a 
hard brush after each meal, and also on retiring at night. Use 
the brush so that not only the outside of the teeth become 
white, but the inside also. After the brush is used, plunge it 
two or three times into a glass of water, then rub it quite dry 
on a towel. 

Use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly. Castile soap 
used once a day, with frequent brushings with pure water and 
a brush, cannot fail to keep the teeth clean and white unless 
they are disfigured and destroyed by other bad habits, such 
as the use of tobacco, or too hot or too cold drinks. 

Decayed Teeth. — On the slightest appearance of decay or 
tendency to accumulate tartar, go at once to the dentist. If 
a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neglected, it will 
eat it until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A dentist see- 
ing the tooth in its first stage, will remove the decayed part 
and plug the cavity in a proper manner. 

Tartar on the Teeth. — Tartar is not so easily dealt with, 
but it requires equally early attention. It results from an 
impaired state of the general health, and assumes the form of 
a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At first it is 
possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of 
the tooth brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is 
necessary to have it chipped off by a dentist. Unfortunately, 
too, by that time it will probably have begun to loosen and 
destroy the teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to 
have produced one obnoxious effect — that of tainting the 
breath. Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush is 
used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar. 

Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are sub- 
ject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt and water, but 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 323 

it is well to rinse the mouth frequently with water with a few 
drops of tincture of myrrh in it. 

Foul Breath. — Foul breath is often caused by neglected 
and decayed teeth. If arising from the teeth, mouth or local 
cause, a gargle, made by dissolving a spoonful of chloride of 
lime in a half tumbler of water, will remove the offense. 
Frequent use of common parsley will remove the taint of 
smoking. Particles of food which lodge between the teeth 
can not always be removed with the brush, and if let remain 
will be decayed by the hot atmosphere of the mouth and 
cause offensive breath. A tooth-pick is necessary to remove 
such particles. A goose quill is the safest and best. Those 
made of metal should be avoided. A harsh tooth brush will 
irritate the gums, and should not be used. A concentrated 
solution of chloride of soda, say five or ten drops in a wine- 
glass of water, is an excellent wash for the mouth to remove 
bad breath. The taint of onions may be removed with pars- 
ley leaves, with vinegar, or burnt coffee. 

Preserving a Youthful Complexion. — The following rules 
may be given for the preservation of a youthful complexion: 
Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. 
Use plenty of cold water and good soap frequently. Be mod- 
erate in eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much 
as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded assemblies 
Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The latter dry the 
skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have in 
view. 

Moles. — Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the 
face, but they should not be tampered with in any way. The 
only safe and certain way of getting rid of moles is by a sur- 
gical operation. 



324 OUR SOCIETY. 

Freckles. — Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned 
by exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanescent, 
are denominated " summer freckles ; " those which are consti- 
tutional and permanent are called " cold freckles." With 
regard to the latter, it is impossible to give any advice which 
will be of value. They result from causes not to be affected 
by mere external applications. Summer freckles are not so 
difficult to deal with, and with a little care the skin may be 
kept free from this cause of disfigurement. Some skins are 
so delicate that they become freckled on the slightest expos- 
ure to open air in summer. The cause assigned for this is that 
the iron in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, 
leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give 
in their appropriate places some recipes for removing these 
latter freckles from the face. 

Other Discolor ations. — There are various other discolora- 
tions of the skin, proceeding frequently from derangement of 
the system. The cause should always be discovered before 
attempting a remedy ; otherwise you may aggravate the com- 
plaint rather than cure it. 

The Eyes. — Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can 
owe little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of the 
expression of the face, therefore it should be borne in mind 
that those who would have their eyes bear a pleasing expres- 
sion must cultivate pleasing traits of character and beautify 
the soul, and then this beautiful soul will look through its nat- 
ural windows. 

Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroy- 
ing them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and 
vulgar. 

Sty on the Eyelid. — To remove a sty, put a teaspoonful of 
tea in a small bag; pour on just enough boiling water to 



THE TOILE T AND TOILE T MEDICINES. 325 

moisten it; then put it on the eye pretty warm. Keep it on 
all night, and in the morning the sty will most likely be gone; 
if not, a second application is sure to remove it. 

The Eyelashes and Eyebrows. — A beautiful eyelash is an 
important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may be lengthened 
by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be 
taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and espe- 
cially that the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye. 
The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the direction in 
which they should lie. In general, it is in exceeding bad taste 
to dye either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them into 
inharmony with the hair and features. There are cases, how- 
ever, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is 
utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases, one 
can hardly be blamed if India ink is resorted to, to give them 
the desired color. Never shave the brows. It adds to their 
beauty in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of 
new hair. 

Take Care of the Eyes. — The utmost care should be taken 
of the eyes. They should never be strained in an imperfect 
light, whether that of shrouded daylight, twilight or flicker- 
ing lamp 01 candle light. Many persons have an idea that an 
habitually dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary 
it weakens them and renders them permanently unable to 
bear the light of the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed 
to endure the broad light of day, and the nearer we approach 
to this in our houses, the stronger will be our eyes and the 
longer will we retain our sight. 

Eyebrows Meeting . — Some persons have the eyebrows 
meeting over the nose. This is usually considered a disfigure- 
ment, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consolation 
for such people to know that the ancients admired this style 



326 OUR SOCIETY. 

of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is 
useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is 
applied, a mark like that of a scar left from a burn remains, 
and is more disfiguring than the hair. 

Inflamed Eyes. — If the lids of the eyes become inflamed 
and scaly, do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they 
will bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a little cold 
cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, and wash them in 
the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It is well to 
have on the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Sperma- 
ceti ointment is simple and well adapted to this purpose. 
Apply at night, and wash off with rose-water in the morning. 
There is a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small 
piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same size in a 
quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold and let 
them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it. 

Treatment of Warts. — Warts, which are more common 
with young people than with adults, are very unsightly, and 
are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan is 
to buy a stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and 
case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and 
touch the wart every morning and evening, care being taken 
to cut away the withered skin before repeating the operation. 
A still better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day, 
with a camel's hair pencil, to the summit of the wart. Care 
should be taken not to allow this acid to touch any of the 
surrounding skin; to prevent this the finger or hand at the 
base of the wart may be covered with wax during the opera- 
tion. 

The Nails. — Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or 
gentleman, however well dressed they may otherwise be, with 
unclean nails. It always results from carelessness and inatten- 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 327 

tion to the minor details of the toilet, which is most repre- 
hensible. The nails should be cut about once a week — 
certainly not oftener. This should be accomplished just after 
washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should 
be taken not to cut them too short, though, if they are left too 
long, they will frequently get torn and broken. They should 
be nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect the filbert-shaped 
nail is considered the most beautiful. Never bite the nails; 
it not only is a most disagreeable habit, but tends to make the 
nails jagged, deformed and difficult to clean, besides giving a 
red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips. 

Some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the 
nail as it grows. This may be pressed down by the towel 
after washing; or should that not prove efficacious, it must be 
loosened round the edge with some blunt instrument. On no 
account scrape the nails with a view to polishing their surface. 
Such an operation only tends to make them wrinkled. 

Absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty, which 
requires that the proper proportions should be observed in the 
human figure. With proper care the hand may be retained 
beautiful, soft and shapely and yet perform its fair share of 
labor. The hands should always be protected by gloves when 
engaged in work calculated to injure them. Gloves are 
imperatively required for garden-work. The hands should 
always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such 
labor. If they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little 
vinegar or lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth 
at once. 

Remedy for Moist Hands. — People afflicted with moist 
hands should revolutionize their habits, take more out-door 
exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutri- 
tious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic 



328 OUR SOCIETY. 

of some sort. Local applications of starch-powder and the 
juice of lemon may be used to advantage. 

The Feet. — The feet should be more carefully attended to 
than any other part of the body. Experience has taught 
every person that colds, and many other diseases which pro- 
ceed from colds, are attributed to cold and improperly cared 
for feet. The feet are so far from the centre of the system of 
circulation that the flow of the blood ma}' be easily checked, 
and this could result in nothing but evil. Yet there is no part 
of the human body so much neglected and trifled with as the 
feet. Persons should not cramp their toes and feet into thin, 
narrow, bone-pinching, high-heeled boots and shoes, in order 
to display neat feet in the fashionable sense of the term. 
Changing warm for cold shoes or boots can not be too care- 
fully guarded against. Avoid wearing air-tight boots or shoes. 
India-rubber shoes should not be worn except when absolutely 
necessary, and then only for a short time. Wash the feet 
every day- A tepid bath at about eighty or ninety degrees 
should be used. The feet may remain in the water five min- 
utes, and when taken out, they should be immediately dried 
with a coarse towel. Do not pare the nails until after the 
bath, as the water softens them and they will not break so 
easily. 

Treatment for Moist or Damp Feet. — Some persons are 
troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises 
more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, 
and the greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in 
respect to it. Persons so afflicted should wash their feet 
twice a day in soap and warm water, after which they should 
put on clean socks. Should this fail to cure, they may, after 
being washed as above, be rinsed, and then thoroughly rubbed 
with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water and 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 7> 2 9 

three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of 
soda. 

Treatment for Corns, — Many persons wear ill-fitting boots 
and shoes, and at the same time suffer pain from cramped 
toes and bruised corns. The best preventive of corns is 
to wear the right kind of boots and shoes. Persons who 
wear loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots are seldom troubled 
with corns. The most effective cure is to be found in the 
application of a circular disk of felted wool or of cotton with a 
hole in the middle to receive the corn. This may be obtained 
at drug stores. This relieves the corn by removing from it 
the pressure of the shoe; in time, the corn will entirely disap- 
pear. 

Persons who have a great deal of walking to do, should 
always have easy, well-fitting shoes or boots and woolen 
stockings. If the feet should get sore, take equal parts of 
gum camphor, olive oil and pure beeswax, and mix them 
together; warm them until they are united and become a 
salve. At night wash the feet well, dry them, and apply the 
salve, and put on clean stockings and sleep with them on. 
Next day the feet will be in excellent trim for walking. 

Blisters may be prevented by turning the stockings wrong 
side out and rubbing them thoroughly with common brown 
soap before starting on a long walk. If blisters occur, pass a 
darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister 
lengthwise, and leave an inch of the thread outside at each 
end. Let the thread remain until the new skin forms beneath 
the old. Do not treat blisters in any other way or a trouble- 
some sore may be the result. 

Chilblains. — To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary 
to observe three rules: i. Avoid getting the feet wet; if 
they become so, change the shoes and stockings at once. 



330 OUR SOCIETY. 

2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never, under 
any circumstances, " toast }^our toes " before the fire, espe- 
cially if you are very cold. Frequent bathing of the feet in 
a strong solution of alum is useful in preventing the coming 
of chilblains. On the first indication of any redness of the 
toes and sensation of itching, it would be well to rub them 
carefully with strong spirits of rosemary, to which a little 
turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in 
camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment, may be 
applied and retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, 
dress it twice daily with a plaster of equal parts of lard and 
beeswax, with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine. 

The Toe-Nails. — The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the 
finger-nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed at 
least once a fortnight. They are much more subject to 
irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to their 
confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at 
at the sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of 
lint introduced beneath the parts with an inward tendency, 
and the nail itself scraped longitudinally. 

Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers. Keep 
them a moderate length — long enough to protect the toe, but 
not so long as to cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the 
nails; never tear them, as is too frequently the practice. Be 
careful not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails, 
as that is the great guard to prevent them going into the 
quick. 

The Ringworm. — Apply a solution of the root of common, 
narrow-leafed dock, which belongs to the botanical genus of 
Rumex. Use vinegar for the solvent. 

Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a walnut, 
in one ounce of water. Apply night and morning for a 
couple of days and it will disappear. 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. . 33 1 

To Remove Sunburn. — Take two drams of borax, one 
dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an ounce of sugar- 
candy, and a pound of ox-gall. Mix and stir well for ten 
minutes, and stir it three or four times a fortnight. When 
clear and transparent, strain through a blotting paper and 
bottle for use. 

Pomades, and how to make them. — Take the marrow out 
of a beef shank-bone, melt in a vessel placed over or in boiling 
water, then strain and scent to liking, with attar of roses or 
other perfume. 

Unsalted lard five ounces, olive oil two and a half ounces, 
castor oil one-quarter ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti one- 
quarter ounce. These ingredients are to be liquefied over a 
warm bath, and when cool, perfumed to liking. 

Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a little almond oil or sweet 
oil, and scented with attar of roses or other mild perfume. 

A transparent hair pomade is made as follows: Take half 
a pint of fine castor oil and an ounce of white wax. Stir until 
it gets cool enough to thicken, when perfume may be stirred 
in; geranium, bergamot or lemon oil may be used. 

It is well known that the women of Germany have a more 
luxuriant growth of hair than the women of any other nation. 
The following is a method used by many of Germany's most 
noted women : Boil for a half an hour or more a large handful 
of bran in a quart of soft water; strain into a basin, and when 
tepid rub into the water a little white soap. With this wash 
the head thoroughly, using a soft linen cloth or towel, thor- 
oughly dividing the hair so as to reach the roots. Then take 
the yolk of an egg, slightly beaten in a saucer, and with the 
fingers rub it into the roots of the hair. Let it remain a few 
minutes, and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in 
pure water. Rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has 



332 



OUR SOCIETY. 



disappeared from it, then wipe and rub it dry with a towel, 
and comb the hair from the head, parting it with the ringers, 
then apply some soft pomatum. In winter it is best to do 
all this in a warm room. This should be repeated every two 
weeks. 

To Make Lifi-Salve. — Melt in a jar placed in a basin of 
boiling water, a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and 
spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half an ounce 
of the oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool. Color 
red with alkanet root. 

How to Whiten Linen. — Stains occasioned by fruit, iron 
rust and other similar causes may be removed by applying to 
the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of lime, the 
cloth having been previously well washed. The parts sub- 
jected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft, 
clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediately dried in 
the sun. 

Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end. 

To Clean Cotton Goods. — For mildew, rub in salt and some 
buttermilk, and expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk 
and soap or lemon-juice and salt are also good. As fast as 
the spots become dry, more should be rubbed on, and the gar- 
ment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. 
Some one of the preceding things will extract most kinds of 
stains, but a hot sun is necessary to render any one of them 
effectual. 

Scalding will remove fruit stains. So also will hartshorn 
diluted with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply 
it several times. 

Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry 
will remove them. 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 333 

Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, should 
be soaked in lukewarm sour milk. 

To Remove Pitch or Tar. — Scrape off all the pitch or tar 
you can, then saturate the spots with sweet oil or lard; rub it 
in well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour. 

To Remove Paint. — Saturate the spot with spirits of tur- 
pentine, let it remain a number of hours, then rub it between 
the hands; it will crumble away without injury either to the 
texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or silk goods. 

To Clean Silks and Ribbons. — Take equal quantities of 
soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses. Put the silk on a 
clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with a flan- 
nel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and hang 
it up to dry without wringing. Iron it before it gets dry, on 
the wrong side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will 
look very nicely. 

Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without 
changing the color of most things. They should be dried in 
the open air and ironed when pretty dry. 

The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very 
good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens and makes them glossy 
and black. 

Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in 
two suds and not rinsed in clean water. 

Remedy for Burnt Kid or Leather Shoes. — If a lady has 
had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near the 
stove, and thus had them burned, she can make them nearly 
as good as ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they 
are still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. It 
softens the leather and prevents it drawing up. 



334 0UR society. 

Inflamed Eyelids. — Take a slice of stale bread, cut as thin 
as possible, toast both sides well, but do not burn it; when 
cold, soak it in cold water, then put it between a piece of old 
linen and apply, changing when it gets warm. 

To Make Rose- Water. — Take half an ounce of powdered 
white sugar and two drams of magnesia. With these mix 
twelve drops of attar of roses. Add a quart of water, two 
ounces of alcohol, mix in a gradual manner, and filter through 
blotting-paper. 

How to Wash Laces. — Take a quart bottle and cover it 
over with the leg of a soft, firm stocking; sew it tightly above 
and below. Then wind the collar or lace smoothly around 
the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and sew 
very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace, 
catching ever}' loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bot- 
tle up and down in a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally 
rubbing the soiled places with a soft sponge. It must be 
rinsed well after the same manner in clean water. When the 
lace is clean, apply a very weak solution of gum arabic and 
stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take off the lace 
very carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it 
between the white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a 
hurry, iron on flannel, between a few thicknesses of fine mus- 
lin Done up in this way, lace collars will wear longer, stay 
clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy look that they will 
not have otherwise. 

Putting A way Furs for the Summer. — When you are 
ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard against 
the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour- 
sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or 
tobacco or snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers. 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 335 

Before putting your muffs away for the summer, twirl them 
by the cord at the ends, so that every hair will straighten. 
Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of paper where the 
lid fits on. 

To Keep the Hair in Curl, — To keep the hair in curl take 
a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and add perfumery if 
you like ; wet the hair with this and it will keep in curl longer 
than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good 
to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the 
wind. 

Protection Against Moths. — Dissolve two ounces of cam- 
phor in half a pint each of alcohol and spirits of turpentine; 
keep in a stone bottle and shake before using. Dip blotting 
paper in the liquid, and place it in the box with the articles to 
be preserved. 

To Take Mildew Out of Linen. — Wet the linen in rain 
water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some fine chalk 
to powder, and rub it well into the linen; lay it out on the 
grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with rain 
water. Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours 
the mildew will entirely disappear. 

To Remove Grease- Spots from Woolen Cloth. — Take one 
quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of winter- 
green, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavender. 
A little alkanet to color if you wish. Mix. 

To Take Ink-Spots from Linen. — Take a piece of mould 
candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the spotted part of 
the linen in the melted tallow. Then throw the linen into the 
wash. 

To Remove Fruit-stains. — Moisten the parts stained with 



336 OUR SOCIETY. 

cold water ; then hold it over the smoke of burning brimstone, 
and the stain will disappear. This will remove iron mold also. 

Cleaning Silver. — For cleaning silver, either articles of 
personal wear or those pertaining to the toilet-table or dress- 
ing case, there is nothing better than a spoonful of common 
whiting, carefully pounded so as to be without lumps, reduced 
to a paste with gin. 

To Remove a Tight Ring. — When a ring happens to get 
so tight on a finger that it cannot be removed, a piece of 
string, well soaped, may be wound tightly round the finger, 
commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the 
ring is reached. Then force the end of the twine between the 
ring and finger, and as the string is unwound, the ring will be 
gradually forced off. 

Remedy for Chapped Hands. — After washing with soap, 
rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them thoroughly, by 
applying Indian meal or rice flour. 

Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, 
and white brandy half a pint. 

Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine, 
and apply freely at night. 

To Make Tincture of Roses. — Take the leaves of the com- 
mon rose and place, without pressing them, in a glass bottle, 
then pour some spirits of wine on them, close the bottle and 
let it stand till required for use. Its perfume is nearly equal 
to that of the attar of roses. 

To Re?nove Discoloration by Bruising. — Apply to the 
bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water, and renew fre- 
quently until the pain ceases. 

To Clean Kid Gloves. — Make a solution of one quart of 
distilled benzine with one-fourth of an ounce of carbonate of 



THE TOILET AND TOILET MEDICINES. 337 

ammonia, one-fourth of an ounce of fluid chloroform, one- 
fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether. Pour a small quantity 
into a saucer, put on the gloves, and wash, as if washing the 
hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Rub 
them clean and as dry as possible with a clean, dry cloth, and 
take them off and hang them where there is a good current 
of air to dry. This solution is also excellent for cleaning rib- 
bons, silks, etc., and is perfectly harmless to the most delicate 
tint. Do not get near the fire when using, as the benzine is 
very inflammable. 

Washing the gloves in turpentine, the same as above, is also 
a good means of cleaning them. 

Perspiration. — To remove the unpleasant odor produced 
by perspiration, put two tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit 
of ammonia in a basin of water, and use it for bathing. It 
leaves the skin clear, sweet and fresh as one could wish. It is 
perfectly harmless and very cheap. 




THE GUEST-CHAMBER. 




HE custom in olden times was to 
set apart the best room in the 
house as the "guest-chamber." 
It was thought necessary to fur- 
nish it more elaborately than any 
other, and, by so doing, show re- 
spect and affection for the guests 
who occasionally occupied it. We 
think this was a mistake, and are well 
pleased to see that housekeepers are learning that while they 
are careful to make the room as pleasant, inviting and home- 
like as their means will allow, the comfort and convenience of 
the home — of the family — should not be curtailed or en- 
croached upon. A guest should receive every kind attention, 
and find the guest-chamber sufficiently inviting to give the 
impression that he is surrounded with kindness and thoughtful 
care. All this can be done without selecting the largest and 
most commodious apartment in the house. Except in the 
house of a public man, or of one whose position gives him very 
little of the home rest and privacy that all crave, there is not the 
least necessity of making a revolution — an entire change in 
the regular routine of home-life — when a guest is in the house. 
Certainly not to so disarrange and break up the usual family 

338 



THE GUEST-CHAMBER. 339 

home-life, that children will be in danger of looking upon a 
guest as an affliction, rather than a pleasure. Children thus 
defrauded will not be likely to be hospitable or courteous 
when they arrive at mature age and have homes of their own. 

The chambers most used, and, next to the family sitting- 
room, most necessary to the comfort and happiness of the 
family to whom the house is to be the home, and not a mere 
transient stopping-place for guests, should be the best ven- 
tilated, the largest and most convenient of any in the house. 
The mother's chamber and the nursery — if there must be two 
apartments they should be separated only by a door, that the 
mother shall always find quick and easy access to it at all 
hours — ought to be chosen with reference to the health and 
enjoyment of those who, for years, will probably occupy them. 

The "spare-room " or guest-chamber is far less important; 
for, however honored and beloved, our guests are but tempo- 
rary occupants of our rooms. We shall, of course, while they 
are with us, give them every attention and as much time as 
family cares will permit, and, by a courteous and affectionate 
manner, manifest our pleasure in their presence and society. 
But to the permanent inmates the house should be a resting- 
place from hard labor — a refuge from outside care to the 
older members of the family. To make it such, the mistress 
of the house has a daily routine of duties which might be too 
burdensome if not brightened by cheerful, pleasant surround- 
ings. Thus, for reasons having a bearing on every member 
of the household, it certainly is desirable that more thought, 
care and expense be given to secure a pleasant outlook, a 
thorough ventilation, and attractive as well as convenient fur- 
niture for each of the family rooms than for the one reserved 
for guests, who can, of necessity, remain but a short time. 

It is with no idea of encouraging selfishness that we have 
made the above statements. There are times when so many 



340 OUR SOCIETY. 

guests are in the house that one room will not suffice. 
There are times when one expects and enjoys large gather- 
ings, and children should be taught to be ready, eager, to 
contribute some part of their own individual rights to the 
cordial entertainment of friends during these reunions. If 
not too frequent, so as to keep the family in perpetual unrest 
and confusion, it is a source of amusement, and causes much 
sport and real enjoyment, for all to meet in family council and 
discuss how they can contrive to stretch the house and re- 
arrange the furniture so that twenty people can be comfort- 
ably accommodated, where eight or ten usually think they 
have only sufficient room. 

These efforts are not burdensome when each member of 
the family lends a helping hand. It is like a picnic. Every 
child, from its earliest years, should be taught to find a pleas- 
ure in giving up rights, whims and fancies connected with its 
own apartments, to accommodate others. This is easy when 
it is understood to be only temporary. Then, when the pres- 
sure abates, and each returns to his own room, he will better 
appreciate the tender care and affection which arranged the 
apartments with reference to the peculiar taste and comfort 
of each member of the family. 

It is painful if, instead of this effort to make each room a 
thing of beauty, designed to satisfy the special fancy of the 
occupant, no thought is bestowed on beautifying or adorning 
it, or filling it with objects that will unite grace and beauty 
with usefulness. We have often heard, " Oh, this is good 
enough, just for our own family!" But enough will be ex- 
pended on the guest-chamber to compel pinching in every 
thing that belongs to home and family comforts, just for the 
ostentatious display of hospitality! Where there are such 
contrasts between the family apartments and the "spare- 
room," they will also be found to run through every thing 



THE GUEST-CHAMBER. 34 1 

connected with the home-life. The commonest kind of delf, 
odd bits of broken or defaced china, every variety of mis- 
mated cups and saucers, and food of the poorest quality, pre- 
pared most carelessly, will exhibit the same unwise disregard 
for family comfort ; but let any company appear, and cut-glass 
and line china will adorn the table, which will be loaded 
with delicacies on which the utmost skill in cooking has been 
expended. 

This is all wrong. Home should be first, company of 
secondary importance, if it be necessary to show any differ- 
ence. Let your family have the best that can be reasonably 
afforded, and cordially welcome your friends to share the good 
and pleasant things with you. Your children will not love 
home and prefer its society to all others, if they learn that all 
the good and pleasant and beautiful things are to be used only 
for visitors. One has no right to hope that the children will 
have good manners, or be refined, if they see only the coarsest 
of every thing when alone with their parents and the family, 
and are called upon, when company appears, to put on com- 
pany manners for the occasion. Love of home will grow 
cold, refinement will be a farce, and good manners will rust 
and become bashfulness and awkwardness, or sullen disre- 
spect, if only called into use on state occasions. Constant 
and daily use will keep all these choice qualities brightened, 
and develop a natural, graceful exhibition of them, when 
children are taught that it is what should be always expected. 
When this courtesy is shown to father and mother, sister 
and brother, daily, it becomes a second nature. 

But because we urge that the family should have the best, 
we would not be understood to mean that the room which 
friends may occupy has no claim on the housekeeper's atten- 
tion; only that it should not be paramount to all others. 
Bestow such care and taste in furnishing it as the condition of 



342 OUR SOCIETY. 

the family purse will justify. The bed should be as com- 
fortable as possible, and alwa} r s scrupulously clean. If only 
used for one night by the same person, the linen must 
be changed for every new-comer. A white spread, even 
if not of the best and heaviest quality, is always desirable 
for any bed. An extra blanket, neatly folded and laid 
across the foot of the bed, is almost indispensable, unless 
there is a closet in the room; then it will be protected from 
the dust if laid there, but the occupant of the room should be 
shown where to find it. A low easy-chair, or rocker, is 
needed; for a lady friend may bring a young child with her 
which is accustomed to be quieted by rocking. A lounge 
and one or two low easy-chairs are desirable in furnishing a 
chamber; but be careful that no bed-chamber is overcrowded 
with furniture. 

A table with a drawer, or a small, neat writing-desk, and 
ink-stand, pens, paper and envelopes, are most convenient ad- 
ditions to any chamber, and friends, who often come without 
much preparation, would look upon such conveniences, ready 
at hand, as a most kindly attention. They are among the 
little things that make a guest-chamber home-like. 

A brush, hair-brush, comb, pin-cushion and shoe-buttoner 
are needed in every chamber, and the spare room is no 
exception to this rule. One or two drawers in the bureau 
should be empty — for the use of guests. The comb and brush 
in every room should be washed every week. A few drops 
of ammonia, put into a little weak suds, will perfectly cleanse 
a brush; then rinse well and hang up by a string to dry. 

For a wash-stand, good soap, plenty of towels and a nail- 
brush are needed; the water-pitcher full of fresh water. A 
water-bottle is better for drinking-water in a chamber than a 
pitcher, as water left exposed to the air in a sleeping-room 
becomes impure. A well filled match-box is a most import- 



THE GUEST-CHAMBER. 



343 



ant article in every room; and a scrap-basket or cornucopia 
is needed, into which hair from the comb and burnt matches 
may be put, and should be emptied in the morning when 
slops are removed. 

Of course, there are many rich and rare articles which help 
to beautify, not only the family apartments but that set apart 
for visitors, which we have not alluded to. Those specified 
are all most convenient, and some quite necessary, for all 
sleeping-rooms^ and can be provided without great expense, 
and many made by home ingenuity. In closing, permit us to 
say, embellish the guest-chamber to any extent that correct 
taste and your circumstances will permit — only do not 
defraud the home circle to accomplish it. 




HOME BEAUTIFUL. 




E it ever so humble, there is no place 
like home! — No place where the love 
of beauty, instinctive in most natures, 
can be so much exercised. 

It is almost impossible for the aver- 
age female mind to confront unmoved 
the delightful possibilities now afforded 
by the many new and beautiful, yet in- 
expensive, articles of home adornment. 
The housekeeper has full scope to de- 
velop her taste, in both purchasing and 
making household elegancies. 

It is not necessary to have costly 
furniture, expensive pictures, fine paintings, 
elegant draperies, or Haviland and Wedgewood 
wares to produce pleasant effects ; but have the 
colors harmonize and have nothing too good to 
use. Violent contrasts should generally be avoided; yet 
sometimes, if well chosen, they produce a more pleasing effect 
than severe harmony. In the furnishing of a home, there is 
at present an aesthetic mania for adornment; but rich, warm 
colors, and handsome furniture always maintain their pre- 
eminence, however fashion may change. 

The chief feature to be observed in house furnishing is 
color, form and proportion. All stiffness of design in furni- 

344 



HOME BE A UTIFUL. 



345 



ture should be avoided. Do not attempt to match articles, 
but rather carry out the same idea as to color and form in the 
whole. It is not en regie to have decorations in sets or pairs; 
the arrangements should all be done with odd pieces. Every 
room in the house should be arranged for occupancy, having 
nothing too good for use, and the judicious housewife will 
follow a medium course and adopt no extreme of fashion. 

The style and arrangement of the furniture should corres- 
pond to the size of the room, with a due regard to the place a 
piece of furniture or ornament will occupy. The order of 
arrangement in furnishing is subject to individual taste, but 
the following suggestions may not be inappropriate: — 

In decorating a dining-room, deep, rich tones should be used 
— a drawing-room or parlor should have bright, cheerful 
shades — in a library use deep, rich colors, which give a sense 
of worth — a sleeping-room or chamber should have light 
pleasing tints, which give a feeling of repose. 

The Hall. — The hall being the index to the whole house, 
due care should, therefore, be given to its furnishing. Light 
colors and gildings should be avoided. The wall and ceiling 
decorations now mostly used are in dark, rich colors, shaded 
in maroons, or deep reds. Plain tinted walls and ceilings in 
fresco or wainscot are also frequently used. 

The latest shades of hall paper come in wood-colors, dark 
olive-greens, stone-colors and grays, in tile, Arabesque, land- 
scape designs, and with these are used a corresponding dado 
and frieze. 

A tile or inlaid wood floor is the most appropriate; but if 
circumstances do not admit of one of these, a floor stained a 
deep wood-brown, base-board and mouldings to correspond, 
may be substituted, when India matting and rugs may be 
used. 



346 OUR SOCIETY. 

The colors now in vogue for hall carpets are crimsons, or 
Pompeiian reds, with small figures of moss green and peacock 
blue. The prevailing shades of the walls and floor, should be 
incorporated in the stair carpet. 

If the hall is narrow, none but the most essential pieces of 
furniture should be used; but if wide enough there may be a 
lounge placed against one of the walls, an old-fashioned clock, 
of the cuckoo style, set in a quiet corner, two high-backed 
chairs upholstered in leather, a table, an umbrella-stand placed 
near the door, a jardinier filled with tropical plants, set near 
the foot of the stairway, and a hall-mirror with a deer's head 
and antlers placed above it, and a wooden or marble slab 
underneath. The slab should be covered with a Roman scarf, 
allowing a fall of twelve inches at each end. The hat-rack 
must also find a place. Family portraits or a few well selected 
pictures, are appropriate for these walls. 

If the door-lights are not stained glass, lace shades in de- 
signs of birds, cupids and garlands of flowers are used; also 
etchings in various colors and designs are worked on different 
fabrics. Crimson silk shades, lined with black netting, are 
very desirable, as the light penetrating through them fills the 
hall with a rich, subdued glow. 

The Parlor., — The furnishing of the parlor should be sub- 
ject to its architectural finish. The first things to be consid- 
ered are the walls and floor. The former may be decorated 
in fresco or papered, according to individual taste and means. 
The latest styles of parlor paper come in light tints of gray, 
olive, pearl and lavender grounds, and in small scroll patterns, 
panels, birds and vines, finished in heavy gold traceries, with 
dado and frieze to correspond. 

The style of carpets mostly used are Brussels, Wilton, 
Tapestry and Axminster. A tapestry carpet in light canary 



HOME BEAUTIFUL. 347 

ground, with clusters of Lotus or Begonia leaves, makes a 
charming background to almost all the colors generally used 
in upholstery. 

In selecting the furniture, the first thoughts should be 
given to its true worth. Chairs and couches should be 
chosen for comfort rather than for style. They should be 
of solid make, easy, graceful, and of good serviceable colors 
and materials. The most serviceable woods to select in 
frames are ebony, oak, mahogany, cherry and walnut. These 
frames are finished in different styles, plain, carved, inlaid 
and gilt, and are upholstered in all shades of satin, plush, rep, 
silk and velvet brocade, and India goods. These come at 
prices within the means of a slender purse. That slippery 
abomination in the shape of hair-cloth furniture should be 
avoided. 

The latest design in parlor furniture is in the Turkish 
style, the upholstery being made to cover the frame. Rich 
Oriental colors in woolen and silk brocades are mostly used, 
and the trimmings are cord and tassels, or heavy fringe. 

Formerly the parlor appointments were all in sets and 
pairs, but this fashion is no longer observed, as the most 
tastefully arranged parlor has now no two pieces of furniture 
alike; but two easy chairs placed opposite each other are 
never out of place. Here may stand an embroidered otto- 
man, there a quaint little chair, a divan can take some cen- 
tral position, a cottage piano, covered with some embroidered 
drapery, may stand at one end of the room, while an ebony 
or mahogany cabinet, with its panel mirrors and quaint 
brasses, may be placed at the other end, its racks and shelves 
affording an elegant display for pretty pieces of bric-a-brac. 

Marble topped center-tables are no longer in use. Tables 
in inlaid woods, or hand-painted, are used for placing books 
and albums on. Small, airy-looking tables, elaborately 



348 OUR SOCIETY. 

mounted in gilt, may stand near a window or wall. The 
mantel mirror, with its beveled edges and small racks 
arranged on each side, looks very effective when decorated 
with pretty oddities — ferns, grasses and pieces of old china, 
A jardinier filled with living plants and placed near a bay 
window, makes an elegant ornament. 

Care should be taken in arranging that the room is not 
over-crowded. There should be a few good pictures, or 
painted plaques mounted in plush, hung on the wall; a por- 
trait may be placed on a common easel, and draped with a 
scarf in old-gold or peacock blue, and tiny lambrequins, 
painted or embroidered, may hang beneath a bracket sup- 
porting a bust or flower vase. 

An embroidered scarf with fringed ends may be placed on 
the back of the chair or sofa in place of the old-fashioned lace 
tidy. 

A sash made of small pieces of bright colored plush or silk 
in crazy work may be flung across the table, the ends droop- 
ing very low. The mantel-piece may be covered with a cor- 
responding sash, over which place a small clock as center 
piece, and arrange ornaments on each side — statuettes, ban- 
nerettes, flower-holders, small Japanese fans, pieces of odd 
china, painted candles in small sconces may all find a place on 
the mantel. 

Window curtains of heavy fabric, hung from brass or plush 
mounted poles, may be gracefully draped to the sides, while 
the inner lace ones should hang straight and be fastened in 
the center with some ornament or bow of ribbon, correspond- 
ing in shade to the general tone of the room. The straight 
shades next to the glass may correspond in tones with the out- 
side walls, or window facings; but this is a mere matter of 
taste. White or light tinted shades finished in etching or 
narrow lace, are always in vogue. 



HOME BE A UTIEUL. 349 

The dado shades are the latest innovation in window dec- 
orations. These come in all colors, from the lightest to the 
darkest shades, with the dadoes in tile, Arabesque and fresco 
patterns, finished in lace, fringe and brasses. 

Portieres (curtain doors) have superseded folding doors. 
These should be in shades to contrast with the general blend- 
ing of all the colors in the room. The fabrics mostly used 
are India goods, but they may be made of any material, from 
expensive tapestries, satins and plushes, to ten-cent factory 
cottons. These curtains, if made from striped tapestry and 
Turcoman, will give the finishing artistic touches to almost 
any room, but the last softening polish comes only from the 
genial presence of trailing and climbing vines. 

The preceding suggestions for furnishing and arranging a 
room will be found of value to most of those who are mak- 
ing homes for themselves; but the following suggestions may 
be practicable to those of smaller means: 

" I have known a young man," says an authority, " who had 
but twenty-five dollars to furnish his room, and he made such 
a den that no one could enter it without envying him. The 
room was entirely bare when he took possession. The first 
thing he did was to take down the common-place marble 
mantel. Being handy with tools, he built one of white pine, 
with a high, broad shelf and several smaller shelves, the 
whole covering the chimney-piece. Then he painted the 
wood-work black, and the brick a dark red. A pair of and- 
irons cost him a dollar and fifty cents. The walls he covered 
a Pompeiian red, in kalsomine; two pieces of plain olive- 
green wall-paper furnished the dado. Pine strips painted 
black made the mouldings, and above this was tacked Japan- 
ese fans for a frieze. Now for the floor! A carpet was 
impossible, so the next best thing was to stain the floor. 
Two pounds of stain was bought for sixty cents, and the floor 



350 OUR SOCIETY. 

received two good coats. A thick, bright-colored rug was 
bought for seven dollars, and looked exceedingly pretty when 
laid on the dark floor. For window curtains he bought dark 
brown Canton flannel at twelve cents per yard, and finished 
with a dado of gold Canton flannel. The curtain poles and 
window were painted black. For five dollars he bought an 
old cabinet, with innumerable shelves and brasses, battered 
and stained by time and use; this he polished up with the aid 
of an old felt hat, pumice stone and linseed oil, for the small 
cost of thirty cents, and an old mahogany table, bought for 
three dollars, was treated in the same manner. This was 
covered with Canton flannel the same shade as the curtains, 
and trimmed with a band of old-gold fabric. An old-fash- 
ioned mirror, the gift of his grandmother, was placed above 
the mantel, with peacock feathers stuck all around it. A pair 
of brass candlesticks from his grandfather, did duty as mantel 
ornaments, with a neighboring pair of Japanese vases which 
cost twenty-five cents. A few engravings and a few etchings 
hung on the walls, the frames of white pine shellacked, and 
each cost, without the glass, thirty cents. Japanese fans were 
placed on the walls at irregular intervals, and made bright 
bits of color. For fifty cents apiece he bought three battered- 
up chairs which he painted black and yellow in imitation of 
black and old-gold. The gas fixture in the room was an 
unsightly object, but a new one was out of the question. 
Again Japan came to the rescue, and a rose-colored umbrella 
was purchased and fastened to the pipe, handle upwards, so 
that when the gas was lighted it threw a delicate roseate hue 
over all who sat beneath. 

The window was filled with Alpine plants, and the walls 
and pictures festooned with ivies and creepers. 

The effect of the room was exceedingly pretty, and no one 



HOME BE A UTIFUL. 3 5 1 

could believe that it had not cost a large sum of money to 
furnish and arrange it." 

The Sitting-Room. — The sitting or every-day room should 
be the brightest and the most attractive room in the house. 

Its beauty of decoration should not lie so much in the rich- 
ness and variety of material, as in its comfort, simplicity and 
harmony of its tints — the main feature being the fitness of 
each article to the needs of the room. In these days of so 
many advantages much can be done in adornment by simple 
means. 

The wall-papers mostly used come in grounds of cream, 
umber, rose, pale olive, fawn, ciel blue and light gray, with 
designs and traceries of contrasting hues. 

The carpet, if in tapestry, looks more effective in grounds 
of pale canary or light gray, with designs in bright-colored 
woodland flowers and borders to match. The new ingrain 
carpets, with their pretty designs and bright colors, are very 
fashionable for rooms that are much used. 

Whatever may be the prevailing tint of the carpet, the 
window curtains should follow it up in lighter tones or con- 
trast with it. The curtains may correspond with the cover- 
ings of the chairs, sofas, mantels and table draperies in color 
and fabric. If the furniture is of wicker, bamboo or ratan, 
the curtains should be made of Japanese or any kind of 
Oriental goods. Curtains of muslin, either white or tinted, 
gay colored chintzes, lace, or dotted Swiss muslin looped back 
with bright-toned ribbons look very pretty and are appropri- 
ate for the sitting-room at almost any season. 

That clumsy structure, called the cornice, for putting up 
curtains on, has happily given place to the more light and 
graceful curtain pole, which comes in plain and ornamental 



352 OUR SOCIETY. 

woods, brasses and nickel, with rings to correspond. The 
latest styles are covered with plush. 

One large table, covered with a pretty, embroidered cloth, 
should be placed in some central location for a catch-all. A 
low divan with a pair of square soft pillows, may stand in a 
quiet nook; a rocker, handsomely upholstered, with a pretty 
tidy pinned to its back, a large, soft, easy-chair, a small sewing 
chair placed near a work-table, and a bamboo chair trimmed 
with ribbons, will be tastefully arranged in the room. 

Window-stands and gipsy-tables may be draped with some 
rich fabric, the surrounding valance being caught up in small 
festoons and fastened with bows or tassels, finished around the 
edge of the table with cord or quilled ribbon. 

If the furniture is old, or in sets, it can be covered with 
different patterns of cretonne or chintz, which not only pro- 
tects the furniture, but breaks up the monotony and lends a 
pleasing variety to the room. A Turkish chair is a grand 
accessory to the family-room; this may be made by buying 
the frame and having it upholstered in white cotton cloth, and 
covering it with a rich shade of cretonne, finishing it with 
cord and fringe; this makes a cheap and handsome-looking 
chair to fill up some angle. 

A foot-rest frame can be made in the same way and covered 
with a piece of home-made embroidery, finishing it off with a 
cord or narrow gimp around the edge. Home-made easels, 
screens and pedestals may be made out of black walnut, and 
when stained and draped look exceedingly pretty. An old 
second-hand cabinet may be bought for a trifle, and when 
polished up may be set in some corner, on which to display 
some pieces of bric-a-brac. 

If the house has no library, the sitting-room is just the place 
for the book-case. An old superannuated cupboard may be 
fixed up in such a way as to make an elegant book-case. 



HOME BEAUTIFUL. 353 

Knock off the doors — and if there are too many shelves take 
out one or two of them — paint the inside a deep red, or cover 
the sides and shelves with deep crimson cloth, and fasten with 
brass upholstering nails. On these shelves put your books, or 
any ornaments such as vases, pieces of odd china, mineral 
specimens, brass ornaments, or anything quaint and pretty. 
Curtains can be arranged on a rod to draw across the opening. 
A few of these tastefully arranged things give an air of com- 
fort and luxury to a room, hardly to be compared to the small 
amount expended. 

An ordinary stone jar, such as is used for pickles, may be 
painted in some dark shade and decorated with either Boucher 
or Watteau subjects ; these, if of symmetrical shape and taste- 
fully decorated make very pretty ornaments. 

Some family portraits and a few steel engravings may hang 
on the walls. A bunch of oats, a sheaf of wheat or a cluster 
of preserved autumn leaves, tied and suspended by a ribbon 
under a picture frame, looks exceedingly pretty. 

The mantle mirror may be decorated with peacock feathers, 
pampas, plumes, ferns and grasses, and the shelf covered with 
some drapery and filled with different ornaments. A great 
vase filled with plants and mosses may be placed on each side 
of the grate, and the fire-screen takes its place at a short 
distance. 

Some people would think it a poorly furnished room if it 
did not contain several card-tables — pretty little tables, inlaid 
in cloths of different hues. People who are fond of games 
stock their table drawers with cribbage and backgammon 
boards, cards of every variety, bezique counters and packs, 
and the red and white champions of the hard-fought battle of 
chess. 

These tables and games may be one of the attractions of 
the family sitting-room. This room is also well adapted for 

23 



354 



OUR SOCIETY. 



the window garden, where an abundance of climbing and 
trailing plants may be grown from boxes and brackets. The 
climbers may be Japanese woodbine, climbing over a door- 
way; the Madeira vine, winding around a mirror or picture 
frame; the family of ivies may be trained to adorn an easel or 
pedestal, while the Vinca with its pale blue flowers, the trail- 
ing arbutus with its rich tinted foliage and pretty pink blos- 
soms, and the lovely little Kenilworth ivy, all droop and trail 
among the window drapery. 

With the windows and walls festooned with vines, they 
form an effective background for such bloomers as the carna- 
tion, fuchsia, geranium, petunia, bouvardia, heliotrope, abutilon 
and calla. 

A room of this character, with floods of sunshine, makes a 
most attractive and comfortable living-room. 

The Library. — The walls should be hung with rich, dark 
colors, the latest style in wall-paper being a black ground with 
old-gold and olive-green designs. 

The carpet comes in Pompeiian red with moss-green and 
peacock-blue patterns. Statuary and the best pictures should 
find a place in the library. The library table should be mas- 
sive and the top laid with crimson baize. There should be a 
few high-backed chairs upholstered in leather, a reading-chair, 
soft rugs, foot-rests, a mantel mirror, a few mantel ornaments, 
and the -piece de resistance — the book-case. In large libraries 
the book cases are built in the wall. It is quite in vogue to 
hang curtains on rods in front of book-cases, instead of doors, 
but we think the old style is the best inasmuch as the books 
may be seen, and the glass doors exclude the dust. 

Heavy curtains of raw silk, Turcoman and Canton flannel, 
with a full valance at the top, are used for the window drapery. 



HOME BEAUTIFUL. 355 

Chambers. — The walls should be decorated in light tints 
and shadings, with a narrow rail and deep frieze. 

Most housekeepers prefer the rug and oiled floors to car- 
pets, but this is a matter of individual taste. Rugs are as 
fashionable as they are wholesome and tidy. These floor 
coverings should be darker than the furniture, yet blending 
in shade. If carpets are chosen they should be in the lightest 
shades, and in bright field-flower patterns. Avoid anything 
dark and sombre for the sleeping-room. Pink and ciel blue 
combined is very pretty; scarlet and gray, deep red and very 
light blue, dark blue with sprays of Lily-of-the-valley running 
through it is exceedingly pretty for bed-rooms. 

Dark furniture will harmonize with all these colors, but the 
lighter shades are preferable. Cretonnes in pale tints, and 
chintzes in harmonizing colors, are used for light woods. 
Square pillows of cretonne on a bamboo or wicker lounge 
are very pretty. Canton matting is often used, either plain 
or in colored patterns. 

Formerly the bed coverings were spotlessly white, but the 
profluent tide of color has included these also. The coverings 
now in vogue are Nottingham lace, darned net, applique, 
antique lace and Swiss muslin; these are used over silk and 
silesia for backgrounds, and are exceedingly pretty, with pil- 
low shams to match. Cretonnes, chintzes, dimities, and silk 
in crazy-work or South Kensington patterns are also used. 

Cheese cloth, bunting, Swiss muslin, cretonne and Swiss 
curtains are used for window drapery; these maybe trimmed 
with the same fabric or antique lace. They are hung on 
poles above the windows and draped back with ribbons. 

The appointments of a bed-room are a low couch, a large 
rocker, a small sewing-chair, a work-basket, foot-stools, a 
toilet-table prettily draped with muslin, or a dressing-case, 



356 OUR SOCIETY. 

brackets for vases, flower-pots, a few pictures, small tables, 
hanging shelves for books, etc., and the bed. 

The washstand should have a full set of toilet mats, or a 
large towel with a colored border may be laid on it; also a 
splasher placed on the wall at the back of the stand is very 
essential. If the room has no mantel a shelf can be arranged 
very prettily with mantel draperies, at very little expense. 
Canton flannel makes a pretty shelf valance, if etched or 
embroidered. 

A screen is a very desirable part of the bed-room appoint- 
ments, especially if there is no dressing-room. The three-leaf, 
folding, Japanese screen — or a less expensive one may be made 
by getting the frame made, then covering it with cloth or 
thick paper, and decorating it with Japanese figures, flowers, 
or anything that fancy may suggest — is very pretty. 

A rug should be placed in front of the bed and dressing- 
case, to save the carpet, and pretty wall-pockets filled with 
flowers, ferns, or mosses, may be placed on the walls with 
good effect. 

The Dining-Room. — The dining-room should be furnished 
with a view to convenience, richness and comfort. Choose 
deep, rich grounds for the walls — bronze, maroon, black, 
Pompeiian red and deep olive — and the designs and traceries 
in old-gold, olive or moss-green, with dado and frieze to cor- 
respond. But in these days of modern improvement the 
dining-room walls and ceiling are wainscoted with oak, wal- 
nut, maple, etc. Some are finished in plain panels with dif- 
ferent kinds of wood, others again are elaborately carved in 
fruit, flowers, and emblems of the chase. 

This sombre style of wall finish is very handsome if the 
room commands a sunny situation; but if on the dark side of 
the house, a generous share of gilding to throw up lights and 
brighten the room is very desirable in the wall decorations. 



HOME BEAUTIFUL. 357 

The floor is the next point for consideration. It may be of 
tile or laid in alternate strips of different colored woods, with 
a border of parquetry. Rugs or carpets may be used on 
these floors, or dispensed with, according to taste. If a carpet 
is used, the dark, rich shades found in the Persian and Turk- 
ish designs should be chosen. 

The window drapery should be those deep rich colors that 
hold their own despite time and use — the pomegranates, the 
rich crimsons, the dark blues, the dull Pompeiian reds and the 
soft olives. These curtains may be hung on poles, and should 
fall in heavy folds to the floor, then looped back with a wide 
embroidered dado. 

Screens of stained glass are now used in the windows; they 
are both useful and ornamental, for they exclude the strong 
rays of the sun, and the light filtering through them beauti- 
fies the room with its many mellow hues. 

Dark woods should be used for the furniture; the chairs 
should be chosen in square, solid styles, and upholstered in 
embossed or plain leather, with an abundance of brass or 
silver-headed nails, which are used for upholstering leather 
and add much to the substantial appearance of the articles. 

The dining-table should be low, square or bevel cornered, 
heavily carved, and when not in use, should be covered with a 
cloth corresponding in shade to the window drapery. The 
border may be embroidered in some aesthetic design — a hand- 
ful of scarlet poppies dropped on one side, a corner adorned 
with a cluster of languid lilies, and a sun-flower wrought in 
old gold and umber may be left on another corner. Pretty 
designs in etching may also be introduced, and the cover fin- 
ished with a heavy fringe. 

A buffet may stand in some corner for the display of 
ceramics or decorated china. The sideboard should be of 
high, massive style with shelves and racks for glassware and 



358 OUR SOCIETY. 

pieces of china; when convenient, it is built in the wall in 
the Gothic style of architecture. 

There was a time when the dining-room looked like a pic- 
ture gallery; but the prevailing fashion now confines the num- 
ber of pictures to two or three small fruit pieces and one or 
two plaques of still-life. A Japanese scroll may hang on the 
doors with good effect, and a painted panel is very appropri- 
ate for filling a vacant corner. 

Here the fire-place with its many appointments may be dis- 
played to good advantage. The grate with its accompanying 
brasses should be polished to the highest degree of brightness. 
The mantel cabinet with its small bevel-edged mirrors, numer- 
ous racks and tiny cupboards, is just the place for all the 
trifling oddities that would not be appropriate in any other 
room. All the knickknacks, from grandmother's spinning- 
Vvdieel to the finest marine and mineral specimens, may be set 
on these diminutive shelves. 

A case of stuffed birds, a few large pots of tropical plants, 
and a fernery are in keeping with the dining-room appoint- 
ments. A three-leaf, folding, Japanese screen should not be 
forgotten; also a lamp-shade of antique lace lined with crim- 
son silk is very desirable. 

While speaking of the different rooms we must not forget 
to take a peep into the kitchen. It is a remark too often 
made that this or that " is good enough for a servant." We 
take a decided stand against anything of this kind and wish 
to be known as a friend to the servant. If all knew that 
unpleasant surroundings made unpleasant servants and ill- 
prepared meals we think more pains would be taken to have 
pleasant and comfortable kitchens. There should be a pleas- 
ant window or two through which fresh air and floods of sun- 
light may come, a few plants on the window sill — for plants 
thrive better in the kitchen than any other room in the house 



HOME BE A UTIFUL. 359 

— a small stand for a work basket, an easy chair that the ser- 
vant may " drop into " when an opportunity offers, the walls 
painted or kalsomined with some beautiful and cheerful tint, 
and the wood-work grained, instead of painted in some dingy 
color as is usually the case, and a general air of comfort per- 
vading the whole kitchen, as well as the parlor. She who 
aims to make the kitchen pleasant seldom has dissatisfied ser- 
vants. Good and faithful servants are the best friends of a 
family; it is they who prepare our meals and administer to 
our wants, and it is but human that their surroundings be 
made pleasant. We have often noticed, too, that those who 
take pleasure and pride in making their apartments as cheer- 
ful as the means alloted them will allow, are the ones who 
give the best satisfaction. We can recall an instance where 
the kitchen windows were so filled with beautiful plants and 
the floor and wood-work so scrupulously white and clean, 
that the lady of the house often remarked that " her girl " 
had the most pleasant room in the house, and that she was 
always so cheerful and happy while going about her duties 
that she almost envied her. 




A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 




Home is the cradle of 
social and moral culture. 
— Emerson. 



iAN'S purpose of life 
should be like a river, 
which was born of a 
thousand little rills in 
the mountains; and 
when at last it has 
reached its manhood 
in the plain, though, 
if you watch it, you 
shall see little eddies 
that seem as if they 
had changed their minds, and were going back again to the 
mountains, yet all its mighty current flows, changeless to the 
sea. If you build a dam across it, in a few hours it will go 
over it with a voice of victory. If tides check it at its mouth, 
it is only that when they ebb it can sweep on again to the 
ocean. So goes the Amazon or the Orinoco across a conti- 
nent — never losing its way or changing its direction for the 
thousand streams that fall into it on the right hand and on the 
left, but only using them to increase its force, and bearing 
them onward in its resistless channel. 



We live in deeds, not years; in thought, not breath; 
In feelings, not in figures on the dial. 
We should count time by heart-throbs when they beat 
For God, for man, for duty. He most lives 
Who thinks most, feels noblest, acts best. 
Life is but a means unto an end — that end, 
Beginning, mean and end to all things — God. 
360 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 36 1 




There is no misconception so universal as that in regard to 
the relation which exists between parents and children. 
All will agree that it is the duty of parents to provide the 
necessaries of life, and to train up their children in the way they 
should go. And it is also acknowledged, in all Christian 
countries, that children should obey their parents. And then, 
by an arbitrary law, purely parental authority is made to 
cease when the child is twenty-one years old. A law so 
devoid of the least shadow of any divine sanction, and so 
directly in opposition to that which God has ordained, should 
be discountenanced by all who believe the fifth commandment 
of the decalogue. The child which is a little inclined to dis- 
regard the authority of its parents, looks hopefully to the 
future and longs for the time when, by law, it is free from all 
parental jurisdiction. Such false ideas of the family relation 
create visionary schemes in the mind, which have a tendency to 
alienate the child's affections and lead it to ignore the good ad- 
vice of the parent. One of the greatest ornaments in the charac- 
ter of a child is respect for the names, father and mother, and 
respect and obedience for the laws which they have made to 
govern the home and family circle. With this obedience and 
respect on the part of the child, and the tender regard to the 
proper social and moral home-training on the part of the par- 
ents, we have our highest conception of home-life including 
everything which will make it a source of blessing and joy to 
every member of the family. The home should be a little 
paradise, in which flow the clear streams of love and peace, 
in which flourish the fruits of faith, and in which bloom the 
flowers of hope. The home should be the pleasure garden of 
every father, the shady bower of every mother, and the fairy 
realm of every child. In the happy home must shine the 



362 



OUR SOCIETY. 



pure sunlight of parental virtue and piety, and from it must 
issue the enchanting music of hearts attuned to the praise and 
worship of God. It must be a place of all others most sacred, 
to which our hopes and affections cling amid the ever-chang- 
ing scenes of our earthly life. Home is not home, unless it is 
the source of true happiness. Happiness is not the child of 
strife. It is not the fruit of unhallowed associations, nor the 
product of the parental despot. Happiness grows not up 
amid the bramble and brier of domestic life. It is not the 
weed of family strife, but it is the golden grain of parental 
love. Happiness does not thrive in the burning sands of 
domestic heat, nor in the frigid zones of domestic infidelity. 
It cannot plant its beauty on the hearth-stone of family strife, 
nor can it diffuse its fragrance through the chambers of a 
cheerless home. Happiness is the flower of peace, and the 
fruit of faith; it is the ambrosial air of a paradise-life, and the 
warmth of unbroken friendship and love. A home without 
happiness is only a -place. The highest idea of home can only 
be associated with domestic felicity. Where this is wanting, 
the true elements of home are lost, and man goes wandering 
in the gloomy caverns of a wretched life; the sun-light has 
faded, the pale moon is veiled in somberness, and the bright 
stars have lost their glory to him who lives amid the clatter 
and confusion of a cheerless home. 

ic Home is the sphere of harmony and peace, 
The spot where angels find a resting place 
When, bearing blessings, they descend to earth." 

The true object of marriage should be the consummation of 
a happy home. Where this fails, its results are marked with 
domestic infelicity. Where the highest object of the home is 
the least consideration of the marriage contract, there misery 
untold, unfelt, but not avoidable, begins. With the true idea 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 363 

of home must be associated all the minute details that make 
it happy. The elements which enter into such a home are 
not found so much in the possession of gold, as in the rich 
and exhaustless mines of love. The happiness of home is 
not the product of earthly comforts, so much as the result of 
honest and congenial spirits. The embers on the hearth-stone 
reflect the joys and comforts of home only in the company of 
those whose hearts beat in sympathy and unison with our own. 
Hence, the home begins to be happy when the gentle goddess 
of love treads softly in every part. The darkness fades and 
clouds disperse in the presence of her majestic form, and then 
upon the clear firmament may be seen the sweet-faced 
cherubs of a heavenly clime, all smiling gladly over a scene — 

" Where he enjoys 
With her, who shares his pleasure and his heart, 
Sweet converse." 

With all that wealth may add to the happiness of home, 
must not be forgotten the rich treasure of religion. True 
fraternal love will as naturally cherish religion as an essential 
element of home, as the child will love the gentle and caress- 
ing spirit of the parent. In all the rich treasures of earth 
there is no jewel so rare as religion, and of the ornaments with 
which we might beautify home, there is none to compare with 
it. For, however desirable it may be to dwell in a palatial 
residence, or in princely splendor, these, without the sanctify- 
ing and comforting influence of religion, are bereft of their 
magnificence, and deprived of their glory. It is not the pride 
of life, nor the luxuriant surroundings that constitute the 
happy home, We may possess all these, and then not have 
a happy home. We would, therefore, give prominence to the 
Christian home in its highest possible development. In the 
lowly home at Bethany, we find the true elements of the happy 



364 OUR SOCIETY. 

family, where Christ was a frequent and welcome guest. To 
its social and hallowed associations he was gladly welcomed, 
and in its small circle could be felt his divine presence. To it 
he retired when weary and hungry, and here he came when 
no other place was open in Bethany. To it he went as teacher, 
comforter, and companion. In ignorance he was their 
wisdom, and in sorrow their divine comforter. To this home 
he brought all the consolations of his grace, and into it he 
poured all the wealth of his earthly walks, and from it he 
drew the ministry of his love. This little circle was broken by 
the death of the parents, and now in the still and quiet of life, 
the Savior would make this his pleasure garden. When this 
home-life is again broken by the messenger of death, who 
snatches from these sisters their brother Lazarus, the Savior 
forgets not to come again. He comes when the cloud of sorrow 
has just burst, and when the heavens have grown darkest, and 
with his voice breaks the shackles of death, and glori- 
fies himself as Lord of all. This was the hour of greatest 
gloom and yet into this lowly home flowed a stream of highest 
joy. The happiness of this home was greatest when they 
mingled in the associations of the Savior. To them the Savior 
was the source of joys unspeakable, because he came with all 
his consolations when most needed. 

That scene is but the type of what the Savior is to every 
home. With his advent comes in the halo of heavenly joy, 
with him as a companion and counsellor, life is stripped of 
its thorns, and clouds appear with their silver linings. With 
the holy principles of the Christian religion, comes into the 
home a charm and glory, which worldly fortune cannot pur- 
chase. Around him, as the fountain of supreme love may 
gather the loving father, the tender-hearted mother, and the 
silver-voiced children, in the delights of sacred praise. With 
this influence upon the life and character of all within that 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 



365 



sacred place, the result may be easily measured and the re- 
wards are plainly revealed. No home is supremely happy 
without the comforts of religion. 

Christ still loves to go to the Bethanies where he may find 
loving hearts to appreciate his visits. He it is that mellows 
the affections and purifies the thoughts. He it is that fills the 
heart with purest love, and moulds the life into fairest forms. 
Through his principles he dissipates human sorrow, and gives 
to home the aspirations of the purest life. 




* The first sure symptoms of a mind in health, 
Is rest of heart, and pleasure felt at home." 

This happy home becomes the holiest retreat to all its 
members. Into it will come all that is intended to carry for- 
ward the true enjoyment of life. Here will be heard the sweet 
voices of the children, mingling in praise with the parents; 



366 OUR SOCIETY. 

here will be heard the clear-sounding instruments to cheer 
the heart and feast the mind; here will be gathered the 
thoughts of ages in the volumes of history, literature, science 
and art. Here, in this little enclosure called home, may be 
found a sweet foretaste of heavenly joys. 

The happy home is the weary man's rest, and from this the 
old patriarch looks out toward the land of promise with the 
assurance that he will rest at home. From this paradise of 
earth loom up the everlasting hills, where all will soon be 
gathered with the loved and blest. Then, when ties are 
broken and these familiar forms vanish from our presence, we 
look aloft and see the white-robed messengers bearing them 
hence to rest forever amid the unbroken joys and felicities of 
the everlasting home. 

The family circle may be — ought to be — the most charm- 
ing and delightful place on earth, the center of the purest 
affections and most desirable associations, as well as the most 
attractive and exalted beauties to be found this side of Para- 
dise. Nothing can exceed in beauty and sublimity the quie- 
tude, peace, harmony, affection, and happiness of a well-ordered 
family, where virtue is nurtured and every good principle 
fostered and sustained. From the well-ordered homes in this 
great, broad land of religious and civil liberty, not only are 
great and good statesmen to come, and eminently pious and 
intelligent divines, but what is equally important, from these 
homes must come the more common populace of the land, 
upon whose intelligence, patriotism, and purity depends the 
continuance of the rich blessings which are now common to 
all. If freedom is kept and sanctified by the people; if the 
true spirit of Christianity is to be continued, in all its sacred 
purity, on to our children's children, even to the latest genera- 
tions of men, they must be kept inviolate in our families and 
impressed in our homes. 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 367 

Home's not merely four square walls, 
Though with pictures hung and gilded; 
Home is where affection calls, 
Filled with shrines the heart hath builded! 
Home! go watch the faithful dove, 
Sailing 'neath the heaven above us; 
Home is where there's one to love; 
Home is where there's one to love us! 
Home is not merely roof and room, 
It needs something to endear it; 
Home is where the heart can bloom, 
Where there's some kind lip to cheer it! 
What is home with none to meet, 
None to welcome, none to greet us? 
Home is sweet, — and only sweet — 
Where there's one we love to meet us. 



Home of my childhood, thou shalt ever be dear 
To the heart that so fondly revisits thee now; 

Though thy beauty be gone, thy leaf in the sere, 
The wreaths of the past still cling to thy brow. 

Spirit of mine, why linger ye here? 

Why cling to those hopes so futile and vain? 
Go, seek ye a home, in that radiant sphere, 

Which through change, and time, thou wilt ever retain. 



Oh sing once more those joy-provoking strains, 

Which, half -forgotten, in my memory dwell; 
They send the life-blood bounding through my veins, 

And circle round me like an airy spell 
The songs of home are to the human heart 

Far dearer than the notes that song-birds pour, 
And of our inner nature seem a part; 

Then sing those dear, familiar lays once more — 
Those cheerful lays of other days — 

Oh! sing those cheerful lays once more. 



368 OUR SOCIETY. 




A question of great importance demands our attention 
when we inquire to whom we are indebted for the prin- 
ciples and particular traits of our character? These 
elements of character are the governing principles, and give 
to every man the leading features by which he is distinguished 
from his fellow-men. Observation and reflection give abun- 
dant proof, and convince us that these influences are powerful 
agents for good or evil. The various stages of life through 
which we are called to pass, from youth to old age, are periods 
of preparation, one for the other, in their order. 

The golden opportunity comes in childhood's unclouded 
hours, when the mind is like the unsullied page — without a 
stain — waiting for the indelible marks, which are permanent 
and lasting, and not effaced by the countless changes of the 
future. 

The home and fireside influences have a great bearing on 
the future of the child who is expected to perform some noble 
part in the busy scenes of life. In the very nature of things, 
some one occupies a very responsible position in reference to 
the future of the youth, as he goes forth on the ocean of life to 
meet its stern realities. No one stands any closer, nor has any 
one an earlier claim, than a mother. She comes forward as the 
first instructor, whose watchful eye is always ready to discern 
any of the needs and wants, and with an ever ready and will- 
ing hand to provide every comfort. 

The mother's influence is incalculable, and deserves the 
careful reflection of every individual, for it lies at the founda- 
tion of all future work. She not only performs an important 










The mother is, at once, the zenith and horizon, the centre and the circumference 
of the little child's world."— Page 373. 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 369 

part in seeing that the daily wants are supplied, but it is hers 
to sow the seeds of moral habits of character and conduct. It 
is in her power to stamp on the mind the impulses which lead 
to usefulness, honor and greatness, or to sorrow, shame, dis- 
honor and ruin. Under her influence are those who go forth 
to fill the important places in life, to whom the people look for 
law and order, and who are to rule wisely to the glory and 
honor of God. The mother's influence enters into the various 
spheres of life, and can be seen in him who rules over the 
nation, in those who represent the nation in its various inter- 
ests, and in those who bear the message of " life, light and 
immortality." 

The future men will be what mothers make them. She 
wields a mighty influence in shaping the destinies of people and 
nations. Many are they who now hold responsible positions, 
who pay a lasting tribute to the memory of their mothers for 
instilling, by precept and example, the principles of an 
unright, godly life. There is, therefore, much importance 
attached to a mother's influence, and her responsibilities are 
great, in order that the principles taught and impressions 
made be in harmony with a noble life and be right in the sight 
of God. The history of the past is full of appeals to motners 
of faith and piety, and the great want of all ages has been 
Christian mothers. 

Is there anything nobler than to lay the foundation for a life 
of usefulness? Who is better able to do this than a mother 
who, in an unconscious and conscious way, seeks to develop 
the higher faculties of the child? 

Her position is by no means a low one, but an exalted and 
honored one, upon which Heaven smiles. Using her position 
aright, she can hand down to posterity blessings which coming 
generations will hail with great delight. 
24 



370 OUR SOCIETY. 

Time and labor thus spent will bring untold comforts which 
are of priceless value, worth more than gold or silver, a treas- 
ure which motii :sn not corrupt, nor thieves break through 
and steal. It will be rar-reaching in its influence, like the rays 
of the sun diverging as they go from the fountain head, yet 
extending to all their vivifying and beneficial influence. No 
other impressions are so lasting and indelible, for they were 
made when the mind was free from the corrupt influences of 
life. These, for the future man, are the seeds which are to 
develop and present to the world the rewards which follow 
the earnest endeavors of a Christain mother. 

Through all life's commotion, amid cares and woes, we can 
find much comfort and satisfaction in carrying into effect the 
examples and precepts of those who bear "the sweetest names 
that earth can know." 

Youthful treasures cannot fail, but are like the perennial 
plant, always fragrant with the recollections of a mother's 
affectionate words — a mother's counsel and earnest appeals — 
and her fervent prayers for our welfare in life's onward march 
to victory. Time has erased a multitude of things impressed 
on the mind, but the fireside words of home and mother are 
still on memory's pages. Though years have intervened and 
the desire for fame and wealth has led the wanderer into dis- 
tant lands, the maternal teachings are like unto guardian 
angels hovering over him, pointing to the true end of life. A 
mother's words are never lost nor forgotten. We may strive 
to hide them and be completely immersed in the business of 
life, yet the whisperings of a mother's words often break upon 
our ears. Let us go back to childhood's sunny hours and live 
"o'er and o'er" the days when our mothers carefully and ten- 
derly cared for " the little olive plants." 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 37 1 

Not a little has been said about maternal cares. That 
peculiar responsibilities belong to the sweet and holy 
relation which a mother holds to her offspring, there can 
be no doubt. The tie between mother and child is, in a sense, 
closer than any other earthly tie. It is one which God himself 
made, and which all nature owns, and all animated creation 
shares. Even the brute mother has the maternal instinct 
strongly developed, and shows unselfish devotion to her young, 
caring for them with fondest solicitude, and defending tnem 
even with her life. 

If in the animal world, where instinct only holds sway, we 
see such mother love, we will surely look for a higher exhibi- 
tion of it in the human heart, controlled by reason and re- 
ligion. 

What sacrifice too great, what labor too severe for the true 
mother! There is no annoyance she will not endure, no self- 
denial she will not undergo, no danger she will not brave for 
her children. Home is the sphere of the mother's action, and 
the care and training of her children, her life-work. 

This training includes care for the bodies, minds, and souls 
of the little ones she has brought into the world. No one but 
a mother can comprehend the anxious care that must sur- 
round the child through its earliest years. The infant is utterly 
helpless and dependent, its capacities of body are undeveloped, 
its powers of mind and soul latent, and the mother is the one 
to whom God has given the work of developing and moulding 
these wonderful possibilities of body and soul. What work 
so great, so fraught with responsibility and dignity as this, the 
building of character for time and eternity! 



272 OUR SOCIETY. 

How much care the little body requires in health and sick> 
ness, alike. It must be nourished, clothed, and cared for, 
taught and trained. Many of the mother's duties are, in 
themselves, trivial, but in the aggregate, constitute a heavy 
and wearing burden, and when disease blows its poisoned 
breath upon her child, how these cares are augmented. 
What mother but has spent hours of sleepless anxiety beside 
the sick-bed of her little one? Who can fathom the harrow- 
ing suspense of these sick-bed vigils, when the too bright 
eye, flushed cheek, and hurrying pulse arouse her worst fears ; 
or the sunken eye, pallid lips, and failing pulse tell of the 
waning life, and remind her that her treasure was but lent, 
and that the Master claims his own. 

Through the mother's training, habits are to be formed 
which will tell, not only on the physical frame, but also on 
the child's whole nature, such as habits of neatness and 
punctuality, of order and dispatch, of industry and persever- 
ance, of bodily posture and bearing; what care the mother 
takes that good habits are formed and become as second 
nature, and that bad ones are avoided. The mother's cares are 
but begun, when she attends to these bodily needs of her child. 
There are other habits which affect the body, but include 
qualities of the heart, such as diffidence and boldness. While 
it is desirable to cultivate sufficient self-confidence to give the 
child an easy bearing, and make it possible, under all circum- 
stances, for it to take up and discharge life's duties well, an 
extreme of assurance or boldness is greatly to be deplored. 
A modest demeanor and humility of spirit go hand in hand, 
and it may be safely asserted that a bold bearing will accom- 
pany a conceited spirit. That child can never be a learner, 
in the best sense, which has an overweening confidence in its 
own powers, and an exalted notion of its own attainments. 
It is no unimportant part of a mother's work to draw these 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 373 

distinctions, and instil a spirit of modest self-reliance in her 
children. 

It is the mother who must supply food to the eager, inquir- 
ing, unfolding mind of her child. She must take heed that it 
absorbs the sunshine of Divine wisdom, and drinks the dew 
of heavenly grace, so that it may blossom at last in perfect 
beauty, symmetry and purity. She cannot, if she would, 
keep it in darkness. It is her blessed privilege, as well as her 
overwhelming responsibility, to teach it, not only the rudi- 
ments of all learning, but the principles of all truth. 

The mother is, at once, the zenith and horizon, the centre 
and the circumference of the little child's world. All its 
experiences are bounded by her love; its little hopes and fears, 
aims and activities are based on her approval; and her kiss 
and smile bring healing for all pain, and reward for all 
endeavor. The mother must be the confidant and adviser of 
her children under all circumstances. She must sympathize 
with their sorrows, imaginary perhaps, but real to them, and 
rejoice in their successes. She must deplore their failures 
and urge them to renewed effort. She must enter into their 
plays, and often give her best energies to their entertainment. 
She must never relax her efforts to make them graceful as 
well as good, polished without and within. She must, how- 
ever weary with the unending round of life's duties, have 
leisure to help, direct, instruct, restrain, inspire, and sooth her 
children in all the countless contingencies of every day life. 
From infancy to maturity she must instil principles of truth, 
honesty, obedience, and courage; not physical courage alone, 
though that is not to be despised, but that moral quality which 
dares to do right. She must inculcate sentiments of honor, 
and stimulate self-respect. The individual who does not 
respect himself, will certainly not respect his fellow-men, or 
reverence his God. She must teach them that self-denial is 



374 



OUR SOCIETY. 



the foundation of all virtue, and that love is the keystone in 
the arch of a beautiful life. And while " line upon line, pre- 
cept upon precept," may be employed with good effect, her 
example will do far more. If she can live before their eyes a 
life in which temptations are overcome, passions suppressed, 
self-interest made subordinate to the good of others, and in 
which the love of God is the mainspring of action, then indeed 
she may look for, and confidently expect, the best results. 

Who can measure the influence a mother wields in and 
through her child. She may be training the intellect that 
will, in the future, lead the scientific world. She may be 
moulding the character that will purify the political world; 
or, like the great Matin Luther, withstand the allied hosts of 
Satan, and proclaim, in all their purity, the everlasting truths 
of God. But whatever earthly sphere she qualifies and 
inspires her child to fill, she has set in motion "a wave of 
influence that will extend and widen to the eternal shore." 
It has been said that the mother is the ancestor of all the good 
or evil done by her children, and by the whole line of her 
posterity, down to the world's end. As the piety of Timothy 
descended to him from his mother Eunice, and his grand- 
mother Lois; so the inhuman and blood-thirsty Nero received 
these traits from his mother, whose teaching and example 
made him the incarnation of evil, and the horror of the 
world. 

Characters traced on the sand of the beach when the tide is 
out, are washed away in a few hours by the returning waves; 
but impressions made on the soul of a child are indelible, and 
no wave from the river of Time, or tide from the ocean of 
Eternity can wash them away. Solemn thought! What 
* mother could bear this burden of responsibility and rightly do 
her part, but for the fact that she has a Divine Helper. Her 
hands would grow we *ry, her steps falter, and her heart fail 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 375 

before the long years of training, with their discouragements 
and failures were over, did she not have an unfailing source 
of strength. She has the precious assurances of Holy Writ, 
" Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is 
old, he will not depart from it." "Cast thy burden upon the 
Lord, and he shall sustain thee." And again, " Casting all 
your care upon Him, for He careth for you." She has the 
inspired declaration, " For the promise is unto you, and to 
your children." And above all else she has the help of the 
Savior, who, while on earth, was himself the dutiful son of a 
pious mother. 

Sustained by this spiritual help the Christian mother labors 
on year after year, with unwearied devotion and unfailing 
trust, certain that the souls of her children will shine in her 
crown as stars forever and ever. 




otterntneuf — sflftitl ijfi if? 



IT is not to watch children with a suspicious eye, to frown 
at the outburst of innocent hilarity, to suppress their joyous 
laughs, and to mould them into melancholy little models of 
octagenarian gravity. And when they have been in fault, it 
is not to punish them on account of the personal injury that 
you have chanced to suffer in consequence of their fault, 
while disobedience, unattended by inconvenience to yourself, 
passes without rebuke. 

Nor is it to overwhelm the little culprit with angry words; 
to stun him with a deafening noise; to call him by hard 
names, which do not express his misdeed; to load him with 
epithets which would be extravagant \1 applied to a fault of 



^ <v 



376 OUR SOCIETY. 

tenfold enormity; or to declare, with passionate vehemence, 
that he is the worst child in the world, and destined for the 
gallows. 

But it is to watch anxiously for the first risings of sin, and 
to repress them; to counteract the earliest workings of self- 
ishness ; to repress the first beginning of rebellion against law- 
ful authority; to teach an implicit, and unquestioning, and 
cheerful obedience to the will of the parent, as the best prep- 
aration for a future allegiance to the requirements of the civil 
magistrate and the laws of the great Ruler and Father in 
heaven. 

It is to punish a fault because it is sinful, and contrary to 
the demand of God, without reference to whether it may, or 
may not have been productive of immediate injury to the par- 
ent or others. 

It is to reprove with calmness and composure, and not with 
angry irritation — in a few words, fitly chosen, and not with a 
torrent of abuse; to punish as often as you threaten, and 
to threaten only when you intend, and can remember, to 
perform; to say what you mean, and infallibly do as you say. 

It is to govern your family, as in the sight of Him who gave 
you authority, and who will reward your strict fidelity with 
such blessings as he bestowed on Abraham, or punish your 
criminal neglect with such curses as he visited on Eli. 



Few things are more important in a home than its conver- 
sation, and yet there are few things to which less delib- 
erate thought is given. The power to communicate 
good which lies in the tongue is simply incalculable. It can 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 



377 



impart knowledge; utter words that will shine like lamps 
in darkened hearts; speak kindly sentences that will comfort 
sorrow, or cheer despondency; breathe out thoughts that will 
arouse and quicken heedless souls; even whisper the secret of 
life-giving energy to spirits that are dead. 

*' Only a word, but 'twas spoken in love, 
With a whispered prayer to the Lord above; 
And the angels in heaven rejoiced once more, 
For a new-born soul entered in by the door." 

The good we could do in our homes with our tongues, if 
we would use them to the utmost limit of their capacity, it is 
simply impossible to compute. Why should so much power 
for blessing be wasted? Especially, why should we ever per- 
vert these gifts and use our tongues to do evil, to give pain, 
to scatter seeds of bitterness? It is a sad thing when a child 
is born dumb ; but it were better far to be dumb and never to 
have the gift of speech, than, having that gift, to employ it 
in speaking sharp, unloving, or angry words. 

"Only a word! 
But sharp, oh! sharper than a two-edged sword, 

To pierce and sting and scar 
The heart whose peace a breath of flame could mar." 

The home conversation, pre-eminently, should be loving. 
Home is the place for warmth and tenderness, yet there is in 
many families a great dearth of kind words. In some cases 
there is no conversation at all worthy of the name. There 
are no affectionate greetings in the morning, or hearty good- 
nights at parting when the evening closes. The meals are 
eaten in silence. There are no fireside chats over the events 
and incidents of the day. A stranger might mistake the 
home for a deaf and dumb institution, or for a hotel where 
strangers were together only for a passing season. In other 



378 OUR SOCIETY. 

cases, it were better if silence did reign; for there are words 
of miserable strife and shameful quarreling heard from day to 
day. Husband and wife, who vowed at the marriage altar to 
cherish the one the other until death, keep up an incessant, 
petty strife of words. Parents who are commanded in the 
holy word not to provoke their children to wrath lest they be 
discouraged, but to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord, 
scarcely ever speak gently and in tenderness to them. They 
seem to imagine that they are not " governing " their children 
unless they are perpetually scolding at them. They fly into 
passion against them at the smallest irritation. They issue 
their commands to them in words and tones which would bet- 
ter suit the despot of a petty savage tribe than the head of a 
Christian household. It is not strange that under such " nur- 
ture " the children, instead of dwelling together in unity, with 
loving speech, only wrangle and quarrel, speaking only bitter 
words in their intercourse with one another. That there are 
many homes of just this type, it is idle to deny. That prayer 
is offered morning and evening in some of these families only 
makes the truth sadder; for it is mockery for the members of 
the household to rise together from their knees only to begin 
another day of strife and bitterness. 

Nothing in the home life needs to be more carefully watched 
and more diligently cultivated than the conversation. It 
should be imbued with the spirit of love. No bitter word 
should ever be spoken. The language of husband and wife, 
in f heir intercourse together, should always be tender. Anger 
in word or even in tone should never be suffered. Chiding 
and fault-finding should never be permitted to mar the sacred- 
ness of their speech. The warmth and tenderness of their 
hearts should flow out in every word that they speak to 
each other. As parents, too, in their intercourse with 
their children, they should never speak, save in words of 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 379 

gentleness. It is a fatal mistake to suppose that children's 
lives can grow up into beauty in an atmosphere of strife. 
Harsh, angry words are to their sensitive souls what frosts are 
to the flowers. To bring them up in the nurture of the Lord 
is to bring them up as Christ himself would, and surely that 
would be with infinite tenderness. The blessed influence of 
loving speech, day after day and month after month, it is im- 
possible to estimate. It is like the falling of warm spring sun- 
shine and rain on the garden. Beauty and sweetness of char- 
acter are likely to come from such a home. 

" We have known a word more gentle 

Than the breath of summer air; 
In a listening heart it nestled, 

And it lived forever there. 
Not the beating of its prison 

Stirred it ever, night or day ; 
Only with the heart's last throbbing 

Could it fade away." 

But home conversation needs more than love to give it its 
full influence. It ought to be enriched by thought. The 
Savior's warning against idle words should be remembered. 
Every wise-hearted parent will seek to train his household to 
converse on subjects that will yield instruction and tend 
towards refinement. The table affords an excellent opportu- 
nity for this kind of education. Three times each day the 
family gathers there. It is a place for cheerfulness. Simply 
on hygienic grounds, meals should not be eaten in silence. 
Bright, cheerful conversation is an excellent sauce, and a 
prime aid to digestion. If it prolongs the meal and thus 
appears to take too much time out of the busy day, it will add 
to the years in the end by increased healthfulness and length- 
ened life. In any case, however, something is due to refine- 
ment, and still more is due to the culture of one's home-life. 



380 OUR SOCIETY. 

The table should be made the center of the social life of the 
household. There all should appear at their best. Gloom 
should be banished. The conversation should be bright and 
sparkling. It should consist of something besides the dull and 
threadbare common-places. The idle gossip of the street is 
not a worthy theme for such hallowed moments. 

The conversation of the table should be of a kind to interest 
all the members of the family; hence it should vary to suit 
the age and intelligence of those who form the circle. The 
events and occurrences of each day may, with profit, be spoken 
of and discussed, and now that the daily newspaper contains 
so full and faithful a summary of the world's doings and hap- 
penings, this is easy. Each one may mention the event which 
has specially impressed him in reading. Bits of humor should 
always be welcome, and all wearisome recital, and dull, unin- 
teresting discussion should be avoided. 

Table-talk may be enriched and at the same time the intel- 
ligence of all the members of a family may be advanced, by 
bringing out at least one new fact at each meal, to be added 
to the common fund of knowledge. Suppose there are two 
or three children at the table, varying in their ages from five 
to twelve. Let the father or the mother have some particular 
subject to introduce during the meal which will be both inter- 
esting and profitable to the younger members of the family. 
It may be some historical incident or some scientific fact, or 
the life of some distinguished mam The subject should not be 
above the capacity of the younger people for whose especial 
benefit it has been introduced, nor should the conversation be 
overladen by attempting too much at one time. One single 
fact, clearly presented and firmly impressed, is better than 
whole chapters of information poured out in a confused jargon 
on minds that cannot remember any part of it. A little 
thought will show the rich outcome of a system like this if 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 38 1 

faithfully followed through a series of years. If but one fact is 
presented at every meal, there will be a thousand things 
taught to the children in a year. If the subjects are wisely 
chosen, the fund of knowledge communicated in this way will 
be of no inconsiderable value. A whole system of education 
lies in this suggestion; for, besides the communication of im- 
portant knowledge, the habit of mental activity is stimulated, 
interest is awakened in lines of study and research which may 
afterwards be followed out, tastes are improved, while the 
effect upon the family is everlasting and refining. 

It may be objected that such a system of table-talk could 
not be conducted without much thought and preparation on 
the part of parents. But if the habit once were formed, and 
the plan properly introduced, it would be found comparatively 
easy for parents of ordinary intelligence to maintain it. Books 
are now prepared in great numbers giving important facts in 
small compass. Then there are encyclopaedias and dictiona- 
ries of various kinds. The newspapers contain every week 
paragraphs and articles of great value in such a course. A 
wise use of scissors and paste will keep scrap-books well filled 
with materials which can readily be made available. It will 
be necessary to think and plan for such a system, to choose 
the topics in advance, and to become familiar with the facts. 
This work might be shared by both parents, and thus be easy 
for both. That it will cost time and thought and labor ought 
not to be an objection; for is it not worth almost any cost to 
secure the benefits and advantages which would result from 
such a system of home instruction? 

These are hints only of the almost infinite possibilities of 
good which lie in the home conversation. That so little is 
realized in most cases when so much is possible, is one of the 
saddest things about our current life. It may be that these 
suggestions may stimulate, in some families at least, an earn- 



382 OUR SOCIETY. 

est search after something better than they have yet found in 
their desultory and aimless conversational habits. Surely 
there should be no home in which, amid all the light talk 
that flies from busy tougues, time is not found every day to 
say at least one word that shall be instructive, suggestive, 
elevating or at least in some way helpful. 



A desire for knowledge is common to man as may be in- 
ferred from the inquisitiveness of children. Lord Bacon, 
when but a lad, asked so many questions about the origin 
and relation of things that Queen Elizabeth was wont to call 
him the little -philosopher. Any one who has been much with 
children knows how inquisitive they are, and how many ques- 
tions they ask which are hard to answer. As no parent has 
the time to answer all the questions which the inquisitive 
nature of children leads them to ask, and as it would be 
wrong to suppress their desire for knowledge, books become 
as indispensable in every household as articles of furniture. 
If required to make choice between the two, we would 
say, far better do without statuary and painting, without 
costly articles of dress and furniture, and without the luxuries 
of life than to dwarf and famish the mind by giving it no 
books to read or study. 

As the body needs wholesome and nutritive food in 
order that it may grow and develop its strength, so the 
mind needs that which will awaken its latent powers and 
energies. To withhold either from our children in the forma- 
tive period of life is a wrong which no one has a right to 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 383 

inflict up^n them, from which we may infer that it becomes as 
much the duty of parents to provide food for the mind as for 
the body, a truth, which, if generally admitted, is poorly prac- 
ticed, as it is no uncommon thing to find the table in many 
families well supplied with every article of food necessary to 
satisfy the appetite, while there is an almost entire absence of 
everything calculated to feed and nourish the mind. Where 
this is the case it is easy to see that the natural and inevitable 
consequence is the development of one side of our nature to 
the neglect and injury of the other. 

We have no fault to find with those parents who rear their 
children to habits of industry and toil. There is nothing de- 
grading in labor. The body needs healthful exercise as well 
as food in order that it may become fitted for the service for 
which it is intended. Children reared in idleness seldom 
amount to much in after-life. Those parents, therefore, who 
teach their children physical energies, are to be commended, 
if they are equally anxious and solicitous to cultivate in them 
habits of study and intellectuality. Where the physical and 
intellectual meet and develop side by side, we have a higher 
type of manhood than where this is not the case, which, per- 
haps, affords a reason why so many of our most distinguished 
men rise from the common and ordinary walks of life. The 
natural effect of luxury and idleness is to produce weakness 
and effeminacy, while that of labor and toil is to produce 
strength and activity. 

The conclusion, then, to which we come, is that every family 
needs and should have a library, whether large or small, so as 
to cultivate a taste for reading and intellectual improvement, 
the want of which must always be regarded a serious defect. 
Those who have no access to books and read but little, must 
be narrow and contracted in their views, knowing only what 
comes within the circle of their own observation. 



384 0UR SOCIETY. 

But which of all the multitude of books and periodicals that 
are published and offered for sale are we to select and intro- 
duce into the family? This is a question often difficult to 
determine, as the number of those which possess decided 
merit and value is largely in excess of the means at hand 
for this purpose. 

There are some books and periodicals which no family can 
well do without, as is the case with the Bible, the hymn book, 
catechism, and the paper of the church with which the family 
stands connected, as these are necessary to the development 
of Christian character and usefulness. The same is true of 
certain secular papers and of books pertaining to an element- 
ary education. What and how many books and periodicals 
besides those which are actually necessary should find a place 
in the family library and on the parlor table will depend 
largely on the means at hand for this specific purpose. Where 
the outlay may be large, more can and ought to be purchased 
than where this is not the case, but in no instance should there 
be an entire absence of reading matter in the family, as it 
would be far better to exercise the strictest economy and self- 
denial in other respects than to have no intellectual food in 
the house. As well let the barrel be without flour, and the 
table without butter, as to have no books or papers to read. 

As life, however, is very short, and the books and periodi- 
cals that may be read with profit almost without number, 
great care should be exercised in the selection of such as are 
best calculated to cultivate a taste for reading and general 
edification. Such books and papers as have a decidedly bad 
tendency, as is unfortunately the case with much of the liter- 
ature of the day, should be as scrupulously kept out of the 
family as that which would impair the health of the body. 
Parents cannot be too watchful and particular in this respect, 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING, 385 

as the reading of bad literature is without doubt one of the 
fruitful sources of the profligacy and -degeneracy of the age. 

Such books as have no decided literary merit or moral char- 
acter should be passed by, as life is too short and time too 
precious to be spent in doing that which will be of no positive 
benefit, especially as there are many books within the reach 
of all, the reading of which is always healthful and invigor- 
ating. 

As the tastes and dispositions of the different members of 
the family vary, one having a predilection for poetry, another 
for history, biograplry, or the natural sciences, there should be 
a corresponding variety in the books and periodicals pur- 
chased, so each may find that which is most congenial and 
interesting. A wise and thoughtful parent will always have 
respect to this, even though it may occasion a greater outlay 
and expenditure of funds. 

When there is little taste for reading great pains should be 
taken to cultivate what little there is by the purchase of such 
oooks and periodicals as are of special interest, which should 
occasionally be read in the presence of all the members of the 
family, after which the advantages resulting therefrom should 
be pointed out for the encouragement of each. Occasional 
presents of books on subjects in which children have special 
interest have often been attended with happy results, as it 
seems natural for them to read what has been given them as a 
token of affection and merit. 

Let us look at the circumstances in which our youth are 
placed in regard to literature. At the homes of a large part 
of them there is scarcely a book except the text-books of the 
children themselves. At the homes of a majority of those 
remaining may be found a few books upon the parlor table, 
which are usually considered by the parents too nice for the 



386 OUR SOCIETY. 

children to read. It is safe to say that very few of our youth 
have access to a good home library. In my opinion, a boy 
who leaves at the end of a common school course with a 
love of reading good books, is better prepared for a life of 
honor and influence than one who passes through a high 
school course without that love; and he who has an ordinary 
high school education combined with a taste for good reading, 
is better equipped for the duties of life than the graduate of 
the best college or university in the country without such a 
taste. The self-made men who have figured high in State 
and national councils have, with few exceptions, been men of 
extensive and judicious reading. In general, those who exert 
the greatest influence in the communities in which they live 
are the readers of good literature. " From the hour of the 
invention of printing,' 7 says the essayist Whipple, " books and 
not kings were to rule the world." Weapons forged in the 
mind, keen-edged and brighter than a sunbeam, were to sup- 
plant the sword and the battle-ax. Books ! lighthouses built on 
the sea of time ! Books ! by whose sorcery the whole pageantr}' 
of the world's history moves in solemn procession before our 
eyes ! From their pages great souls look down in all their 
grandeur, undimmed by the faults and follies of earthly exist' 
ence, co isecrated by time. 

Upon a subject of such broad and general interest as family 
reading, the most we can do in an article like this is to call 
special attention to it in the hope that those who may chance 
to read it will think upon it, and devise such measures as in 
their judgment will be best calculated to promote a general 
taste for reading among all classes of society; the result 
will be decidedly beneficial, as a reading people will always 
be a thinking people, an intelligent and prosperous people. 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 387 

The Apostle Peter, after describing the duties of the wife 
to her husband, and the husband's duty to his wife, 
exhorts his brethren to "be ye all of one mind, having 
compassion one for another; love as brethren, be pitiful, be 
courteous." 

Reader, whoever you may be, whether a father or mother, 
a sister or brother, the apostle's words, if obeyed in their true 
spirit, will prove more valuable than silver or gold, for in them 
there is great reward. 

Courtesy is a christian virtue, and should be planted in the 
same garden with faith, hope, and charity, and cultivated as 
carefully as the three graces just named. 

The family is the best garden, and the children the best soil 
in which to grow such beautiful flowers, which bloom all the 
year in this world and for ever in the Paradise of God. For 
is it not written by the wisest of men, " Train up a child in 
the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart 
from it? " And did not David pray, " That our sons may be 
as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may 
be as corner-stones, polished after the similitude of a palace?" 
To this prayer of the Psalmist all who have sons and daugh- 
ters will respond with a solemn Amen. For what father and 
mother would not like to see their sons and daughters grow 
up in the way described? Brothers are anxious that their 
sisters shall be as corner-stones, polished and refined for the 
best place in the best palaces, and sisters are even more 
anxious that their brothers shall grow up as plants in their 
youth and become blessings and ornaments to society. 

Since, then, we are all of one mind in respect to this beau- 



388 OUR SOCIETY. 

tiful theme, let us walk out into the garden of our father 
among the flowers. Parents, bring your children along, for 
we shall find fragrant flowers of rarest beauty. And as it is 
in the cool of the day we may hear the voice of the Lord 
God, who will courteously receive us, explain many of the 
flowers to us, and permit us to carry them home and cultivate 
them in our gardens. 

The first flower we come to is faith. All Christians have 
it in their families; but in many it is almost dead, and bears 
no fruit. But here it is so thrifty and strong that it can easily 
do all that Paul in the Epistle to the Hebrews says it has done 
in the past. And what a rich cluster of graces, such as virtue, 
knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kind- 
ness, and charity is before us, like the pomegranates, and figs, 
and grapes of Eshcol. 

As we proceed, we come to another lovely flower. What 
is this called? This is hope, blessed hope, the child of patience 
and experience; the plant by which we are saved, because it 
maketh not ashamed, since the love of God is shed abroad in 
our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. 

We next come to charity, the fairest plant ever seen by 
man or angel, which Paul immortalizes in the thirteenth 
chapter of his Epistle to the Corinthians. But right here by 
the side of charity is another plant which seems as modest as 
the violet, as lovely as the rose, and as pure and sweet as the 
lily of the valley. What is it? No one, it seems, can tell. 
Let us, therefore, call the gardener, to come and explain its 
name and qualities. He comes and requests the parents to 
call their children to come and see this flower also, and learn 
how valuable it is in every calling in life. What did he call 
it? I hear the the children ask in voices as sweet as the angels 
have, and the gardener and the parents answer in concert, 
" Courtesy," in a voice more charming than sirens ever sung, 



A TREASURY OF NOME READING. 389 

and as the melody lingers upon the air, and seems loath to 
leave a place so heaven-like, courtesy bows and smiles, and all 
the other flowers in the garden become more fragrant and 
beautiful than before, and the Lord of the garden says, " My 
courteous little beauty, yonder by the side of charity, is mak- 
ing a very Eden out of my garden." Since courtesy has taken 
her place by the side of charity and began to bloom, all the 
other plants and flowers have become more attractive. The 
sun shines more gloriously than ever before, the birds are hap- 
pier among the trees, the heavens declare the glory of God, 
and the firmament showeth his handiwork as never before. 
Myself, wife, and children have studied and admired that 
polite, complaisant, well-bred, and civil little courteous Nymph 
of a plant until we have been changed even more than all the 
rest around this wonderful flower. Indeed it seems to be a 
very pool of Bethesda, which is always moved by some angel, 
so that whoever is near enough to look upon and study the 
flower is cured of any deformity of speech or manners which 
may be a hinderance in life; a pool of Siloam, where we may 
wash and receive si^ht to see how to behave ourselves in all 
places and at all times. Parents, take a slip of this courtesy 
plant home with you, place it near your charity plant, and 
cultivate it with care. Bring your children around it in the 
morning, at noon, and in the evening, and as they, day by 
day, muse upon and behold the courteous little flower, you 
will see your sons and your daughters grow up in their youth 
fit for corner-stones in society the most cultured and refined. 

" So gently blending, courtesy and art, 
That wisdom's lips seem'd borrowing friendship's heart." 

" A smile for one of mean degree, 
A courteous bow for one of high, 
So modulated both that each 
Saw friendship in his eye." 



39° 



OUR SOCIETY. 







No word in the English language is so sweet and full of 
meaning as the little word, home. We all know its sig- 
nificance. We can never escape its influence, nor seldom 
do we desire to forget its hallowed associations. Home is the 
common birth-place of humanity, and the nursery of society. 
It is the magazine whence the strong man obtains equipment 
for the grand struggle of life. It is the retreat to which all 
delight to repair as the sun of their days goes down. 

" Home is the resort 
Of love, of joy, of peace and plenty; where, 
Supporting and supported, polished friends 
And dear relations mingle into bliss." 

The thought of the immortal bard of " Home, Sweet 
Home " is the general sentiment of all mankind: "There is 
no place like home." 

A place to which one is attached by so many tender and 
yet strong cords cannot soon be forgotten. Its memories are 
lasting. The impressions first received are generally of the 
home. They are taken in the cradle, at a mother's knee, 
during the early and tender years of life, and are indelibly 
stamped upon our being. They are the last to be forgotten. 
The aged man of fourscore years remembers yet his child- 
hood days; and even when his physical powers fail, his mind 
becomes impaired and a second period of childhood occurs, 
he ever and anon recalls wholly or in part a scene or incident 
of the home of his birth. The young man, who leaves the 
parental roof and mingles with the world, however gay and 
attractive apparently his present life may be, cannot forget 
entirely the surroundings, teachings and friendships of home. 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 



39 1 



The father at his office, on the tented field, in foreign parts on 
sea or land, will ever be carried back in mind to the family 
hearth-stone and altar. The memory of his home is so con- 
stant that it gives direction and tone to every action. Under 
all circumstances or periods of life the thoughts of home are 
with us. It does seem that they will extend beyond the 
bounds of time and still exist in eternity. They will be ever- 
lasting. 

The memories of home are also dear. We treasure them 
as precious things. They occupy the safest and best chambers 
of the mind. It is no wonder they are so enduring. Besides 
they relate to the dearest spot on earth, to our best friends 
and to the most important moments of our life. Home mem- 
ories include all that adds worth to brick or mortar, garden 
or orchard, farm or fireside — to the exterior surroundings 



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of home. They comprehend father and mother, sister and 
brother, sons and daughters, friends and lovers. The associa- 
tions of these in the true home cannot be otherwise than 



392 



OUR SOCIETY. 



pleasant. Their remembrance will be sweet. The days spent 
at the old homestead were important as the character was 
then in process of formation and the preparation for life's 
struggle was made. Present achievements and anticipated 
pleasure are enjoyable, but no less interesting and pleasurable 
are the memories of our early home life and apprenticeship. 

How powerful is the remembrance of home ! It is as strong 
as it is lasting. It is as potent in the interest of evil as of 
good. The aims of a worldly life may only be the resultant 
of the home influence. The memory of bad examples and 
teachings, may have strengthened and nerved the crimi- 
nal's hand. However, home memories are powerful for good 
as well. They control our actions and lives. They restrain 
our hands from evil, and encourage our hearts to noble pur 
poses and deeds. The thoughts of a mother's parting prayer 
and of her soft hand on his head in blessing before her spirit 
took its flight, or the son left the home, has always been of 
great value. Many a son has thereby been led to live in the 
spirit of such a prayer, and to die in the happy realization of 
such a blessing. Neither the stirring appeals of the pulpit, 
nor the counsel of earnest companions have been so efficient 
in bringing the strong man to the Savior's feet as the memory 
of a sainted mother. Who can measure the influence of the 
home altar at which parents and children together bowed 
from day to day in worship unto God? Who will regret the 
moments spent in the true home, at a mother's knee, or in 
counsel with an honored father? The recollection of these 
things will never lose its power. Already, in the present life, 
the efficiency of home memories is seen, but eternity alone 
will reveal in fullness their height and depth, their length and 
breadth. 

Home-builders, you are building not only for time, but for 
eternity. Memory will ever keep fresh through succeeding 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 393 

generations — how well you build. Your children and your 
children's children will rise up and call you blessed if your 
home shall send forth many pure and sweet and fragrant 
memories. — " The memory of a well-spent life is eternal. 17 




Mothers should not only be the guardians of their 
daughters, but their most intimate companions and 
friends. We have long felt that parents make great 
and sometimes ruinous mistakes by sending their daughters 
away from home during the latter years of their education, 
delegating a mother's watchful care to strangers or boarding- 
school matrons and teachers, who, however excellent, must 
find it impossible to give any special supervision to each 
scholar among so many. This idea, of course, pre-sup- 
poses that the mother is what her Maker designed her to 
be — the watchful guardian of her daughters' health and char- 
acters. There are cases, to be sure — and, alas ! to many of 
them — where the mothers are so thoroughly devotees of 
fashion that their children are a secondary consideration. 
The only hope for the future usefulness and stability of the 
daughters of such mothers is to remove them as far from 
maternal influence and example as possible; and that is, 
indeed, a forlorn hope. 

But although it is u quite the style " to send our girls away 
from good homes and a good mother's watchful care as soon 
as they have mastered the rudimentary part of their education, 
it surely cannot be the wisest plan. To suffer our young and 
immature children to pass out from under home care and 



594 0UR SOCIETY. 

its formative influence just as they have reached that critical 
period in their lives when they are the most susceptible to all 
good or evil teachings, is a fearful experiment. This is the 
time when they can be easily built up into a true and noble 
womanhood, or led into wrong paths. Their quick impul- 
ses and unregulated imaginations, at this age, tend to all 
kinds of sentimental extravagances, which only a mother's 
watchful love and unslumbering care will detect and judi- 
ciously modify or dispel. 

We do not mean that mothers should themselves attempt 
the education of their daughters at home. Under the wisest 
regulations, home is not the best place in which to study, nor 
the mother, with all her other cares and constant interruptions, 
the most successful teacher so far as book-teaching is con- 
cerned. But mothers cannot afford to have their children far 
away from them. They should be their loving companions 
when the school hours are over for the day, and ever ready 
to join with them in such amusements as are necessary for 
healthful change and needful recreations. A mother should 
know the habits and characters of those who are their 
daughters' chosen companions, or who may, at times, be 
desirable escorts. 

But, instead of this, our girls are taken away from home 
and all its best influences, and placed among strangers. No 
mother can hope to secure such a hold on her girls, through 
their affectionate remembrance of her, as will guard them 
from all the dangers that beset the unwary and inexpe- 
rienced, or save them from the snares that are too often con- 
cealed to entrap our loveliest and our best. We surely should 
be able to furnish schools of the highest order so near us that 
our children can, after school hours, have the comforts of 
home and be shielded by paternal love. 

Nowhere do we see greater cause for anxiety and alarm 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 395 

than for those daughters whose mothers find it necessary to 
leave their homes during the winter months, and often for a 
longer period, for their health's sake. Many who are thus 
banished have the wisdom to take their daughters with 
them to be placed in the best schools in the vicinity of their 
own boarding-places. Indeed, many mothers, to secure a 
good education for their daughters, and yet keep them under 
their own care and daily supervision, take rooms where they 
can be sure of the best facilities for education, and make a 
temporary home there. At all events, keep your daughters 
near you. 




IN most respects, the same patient supervision is needed for 
our boys as for our girls ; but, in addition, there will be 
needed more anxiety and more gentle watchfulness, be- 
cause, in many particulars, they differ so widely. 

We can hardly imagine that mothers, blessed with a family 
of boys and girls, can join hands with those women who boldly 
assert that both are equally adapted to work side by side in 
all the various departments and occupations of life. We do 
not allude to the many discussions as to their intellectual 
equality; and, in truth, we can see no reason why that point 
need ever require discussion; let deeds show where the great- 
est strength lies. A few years of effort, after each arrives at 
mature manhood or womanhood, will so far develop such talents 
as they possess that all will find their true position. Nay, 
a daughter often manifests a much stronger literary or intel- 
lectual tendency than any of her brothers. Mothers will 
soon discover this. They also know that boys and girls 



396 OUR SOCIETY. 

brought up together, governed from infancy by the same laws, 
having equal claims to their parents' care and attention, 
and daily receiving it, will develop tastes and characteristics 
as distinct as if they belonged to different nations. No train- 
ing or discipline can make them think or act precisely alike, 
and in many cases they will be opposite. 

If the eldest children are daughters, the boys may be 
influenced by them in some degree during childhood, and 
often grow to manhood milder, gentler, and more refined, 
through the example of their sisters. On the contrary 
if the eldest are boys, the girls are very likely to follow 
in their footsteps, so far at least, as to be inclined to romp and 
be more boisterous and less refined and delicate in speech and 
actions, during early girlhood, than if boys had not been their 
leaders and examples. 

Yet, even in these cases, their distinctive characteristics can 
not be mistaken. In their wildest moods of rude, boisterous 
frolic, in which girls sometimes indulge, those traits which mark 
them as set apart for womanhood and its duties will make 
themselves known and felt. The woman, waiting to be toned 
and polished for a more quiet, gentle and delicate life, shines 
through all the roughness of wild, hoydenish, healthy girlhood; 
and equally unmistakable signs, though of a widely different 
character, herald, through the boy, the coming man. 

But, while desiring that mothers should keep fast hold of 
their girls as long as they can, what shall we do with the boys? 

It rests with the mothers usually, far more than with the 
fathers, to decide. If the mother is tender, but firm and equit- 
able, overlooking misdeeds that do not spring from natural 
depravity but from the thoughtlessness of youth with its- 
frolicsome, bubbling, effervescing spirits — if she is prompt 
and ever-watching to know whereunto this boisterousness may 
tend — always ready with loving but restraining hand to 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 



397 



check their wild play whenever it approaches real wrong or 
evil — then, we may be sure, such mothers will keep their 
boys, as well as girls, where their influence will always 
be stronger and more holy than any other. But with the 
mothers who are constantly restraining and thwarting every 
childish pleasure, giving words of unmerited reproof for every 
mistake or wayward act, there is danger that their children 
will become peevish, selfish and deceitful. Particularly is this 
the danger with boys, who, when out of doors, are beset by 
the very evils that assail them through the uncertain and often 
unnatural discipline of boarding-schools. 

Ah! if some of the mothers who most conscientiously 
endeavor to do their duty by their children, giving cheerfully 
their own ease, strength and comfort to this work, could, 
while the little ones are growing up, act with the same insight 
and judgment which comes to them after this formative work 
is done, what precious results would follow! How many of 
our most scrupulous and conscientious mothers err by over- 
governing — over-watchfulness! Their children, after a little 
while, learn to look upon them as "keepers," or spies, and do 
not dream that this irritating supervision comes from imper- 
fect judgment — not lack of affection — in the mothers, who 
would gladly give their own lives to be able to make their 
children always happy while trying to lead them in the 
straight and narrow path. Yet the sense of responsibility 
which they feel, and which is supposed to rest upon the par- 
ents, always makes the little ones shrink from them. Consci- 
entiousness is so largely developed in some minds as to make 
their lives a perpetual torture to themselves and all who come 
under their influence or control. So strong is the hold that 
this peculiar trait of character has over their whole lives — a 
trait expressed in so many different forms of action — that 
they are not able to distinguish the follies and freaks of joyous 



gS OUR SOCIETY. 

childhood from the flagrant sins and vices of riper and more 
responsible age. So they mete out the same reproof or pun- 
ishment to the " toddling wee things " that may be merited by 
a child just on the borders of mature life. 

Then sickness, in many cases, is too mighty for some moth- 
ers, and they indulge in reproof and irritability because their 
nerves are unstrung, and not because the child is deserving of 
rebuke. Particularly is this the case with boys in the family. 
Boys will be boys. They must run and whistle, and will some- 
times burst into the house, forgetful — not regardless — -of 
their mother's aching head. Who more sorry than they 
when they see that they have increased her suffering? 
Yet how soon it is all forgotten when the door closes after 
them, and they once more feel the invigorating air which sets 
their young blood dancing. 

But the poor mother forgets her own young life, or that 
which is so natural to boyhood's health and buoyant spirits, 
and therefore is not easily appeased, or ready to forego the 
reprimand which such thoughtlessness seems, in her estima- 
tion, to deserve. She forgets that these wild, noisy boys will 
ere long shoot up into men — " and learn to do without her." 

We have known and felt it all, and just now we are look- 
ing back over many years, remembering the few little frets 
and annoyances, the many perplexities and great mistakes of 
our life in the years that will never come back to us again. 
When we think that the little girls have now grown beyond 
our guidance or gone to the better land; when we remember 
that from this time, 

(i None but tall and deep- voiced men 
Will, gravely, call us ' Mother,' 
Or we be stretching empty hands 
From this world to the other," 

how we wish we had been more patient, more gentle! More 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 399 

loving we could not have been. But we see, as no doubt all 
mothers do, where we made mistakes, where we could have 
done more and better for our children, and think, " If we could 
only take them back to the time when they had not learned to 
do without us ! " 



^ttltisr if it| iltif Jjjetttif* 

Careful attention to the manners and behavior of chil- 
dren is among the most important parental duties, 
because so much of the comfort and happiness of a 
family and of friends depends upon the deportment of the 
younger members. Only the most gentle firmness will 
restrain and guide, without making the teaching galling, and 
a bondage that leads to deceit. 

Respectful demeanor to elders, loving attention to the 
wishes of parents, the thousand small courtesies that are 
claimed for superiors — extended to their young associates 
and to the servants, which can only come as the result of care- 
ful parental guidance — are much less strictly attended to, 
among a large proportion of families, than is desirable. This 
neglect, so annoying to all who are compelled to endure or 
witness it, is most injurious to the young. 

The beginning of the evil can be traced to the fact that 
parents and teachers seldom realize that they are under any 
obligations to treat children politely. If our children do not 
see us practice the politeness which we inculcate, why should 
they believe our precepts are of any great importance? Chil- 
dren have as strong claims for civil treatment and polite atten- 
tion as their elders have. Such gentle courtesy as we show 
to our friends, if extended to the children, will not interfere 



400 OUR SOCIETY. 

with the respect, deference and obedience to parental author- 
ity which are desirable and should be secured. Parents and 
teachers will find an ample reward if they teach children good 
manners by example as well as by precept. 

Elegant manners are most desirable. It is not easy to define 
Exactly what the term " good manners," means. But all, edu- 
cated or uneducated, who really possess this good thing very 
easily recognize it. Many who have never read a page on 
etiquette, and know not one of the rules that are expected to 
be the a open seasame " into the "best society," are beautiful 
examples of a wise mother's training. We do not pretend to 
describe it, but there is an indefinable something by which one 
can usually recognize a true gentleman or lady. " Blue 
blood," or being born " under the purple," does not insure it. 
We think it is the result of early training — a mother's handi* 
work. 

We see many children who act as if they thought it of no 
consequence how they behave at home. They talk loudly, 
are boisterous when they enter a room, race up and down 
stairs, and call with loud voices from one story to another, 
slamming every door after them, until the noise is like the 
report of a cannon, regardless of the great annoyance and dis- 
comfort they inflict upon all in the house. A visitor at a 
house where such behavior in children is tolerated, would 
scarcely recognize them if he met them away from home — 
they can then be so quiet and unobtrusive. But that is not 
being refined and polished. True politeness and good man- 
ners can not be taken on or put off at pleasure- They must 
be home-made, instilled into the minds of the children from 
the cradle, to be the pure article. But to be sure, a spurious 
article is better than none. At least it will be some relief to 
those who must witness the boorishness of their home manners. 

Now, if parents can teach their children that they must not 



A TREASURY OF HOME READING. 40 1 

enter a friend's house and throw off hats cloaks or rubbers 
anywhere — on the floor, on chairs, sofas, etc., instead of put- 
ting them in their appropriate places; that they must not rush 
noisily about, talking loudly, or calling from one end of the 
room to the other; that they must be respectful and deferen- 
tial to all, when visiting, they surely can teach them that rude 
conduct at home is offensive and reprehensible to the last 
degree, and in nowise to be tolerated. Parents can train 
their children to be polite at home, as well as abroad, and they 
are guilty of a great wrong if they do not do so. 

Well-bred persons — young or old — will respect the com- 
fort and pleasure of others, and be quite as solicitous of secur- 
ing it as their own. They will be ashamed to allow any habit 
that would offend the taste or delicacy of any one to have 
control over them. They are watchful to use no annoying 
expressions, to guard or overcome any propensity that will 
make another uncomfortable, such as sharp words, sarcasm 
or repartees that give pain, and many other troublesome 
habits. A well-bred person will not indulge in anything 
of this kind at home or abroad, when there is danger of giving 
offense to any member of the family, or friend who is fastidi- 
ous and likely to be hurt by it. At home and among friends 
or strangers, good manners are simply those actions which 
spring from that spirit which "suffereth long and is kind;" 
which "envieth not; vaunteth not itself; is not easily pro- 
voked; thinketh no evil."" If parents will so teach their 
children, they will not only add to their own comfort a 
thousand-fold while the little ones are maturing, but will pre- 
pare them to go out from their home, when they arrive at 
man's and woman's estate, useful and respected members c>f 
society, blessing and being blessed by all. 

26 



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PHYSICAL CULTURE, 



— BY — 



^#9 haps, 




HYSICAL culture is, per- 
as much studied as 
a* A any art or science. In 

\S ~^^^^^^> itself it is a science ; 

carried to the highest per- 
fection it becomes an art. 
It fosters good health, cheer- 
fulness, long life ; it teaches 
temperance and purity of 
living. These are its true 
purposes, strive after them 
we may or may not. 
In the preparatory schools, colleges and gymnasiums, so 
much attention is paid the practical and theoretical details 
of body culture, that it seems as though everyone should 
know all concerning it, and any further addition to gymnas- 
tic literature appears unnecessary. 

We believe, however, that the practical part of it, especi- 
ally those exercises suitable for general use away from the 
gymnasium, may be better illustrated and simplified, and 
by this means many may become interested in the culture 
of their physiques more readily than in any other way. 

Men generally, get sufficient exercise ; some, however, do 
not, and women and girls, usually, not as much, or of the 
right kind, as they ought to receive. If women indulged 
more in this healthful practice, doctors' bills would decrease 
at an alarming rate — to the doctors — and life have health 
and pleasure in a far greater measure than when these 
exercises are neglected. 

403 



404 OUR SOCIETY. 

Physical Culture in the Home. — A gymnasium ought to 
be in every house, but while this is believed by many to be 
desirable, even necessary, its adoption is as yet limited. 
Many homes, we are pleased to note, make provision for an 
exercise room, and fitted up with the more simple, yet prac- 
tical of apparatus, all the members of the family may indulge 
in a continuation of the exercises which some or all of them 
go through in the public or private gymnasium. 

The value of such a room in the houses, more especially 
of those living away from the cities and regular gymnasiums, 
is practically unlimited. The cost of the apparatus, while 
perhaps not slight, need not be extravagant. Only the 
things which are actually necessary should be placed there : 
a pair of chest weights with additional pulleys fastened to 
the floor in front of them, so that the ropes may pull either 
from the upper or lower wheels, a bar-bell or wand, two pairs 
wooden dumb bells, and two pairs of clubs complete a very 
good list of implements for such a place. 

The best is the cheapest in gymnasium apparatus as in 
many other things, so that it pays when purchasing a chest 
weight for the home to secure the best. 

A room especially set apart as the house gymnasium while 
possible with some, is denied to others because of lack of 
space for it. Particularly so is this in hotel, apartment, and 
boarding house life, yet every similar institution ought to 
possess just such an addition. The lack of this, however, 
ought not to prevent one from indulging in health-giving 
exercise because but a small space is required in which to 
go through those movements of head and body, arm and 
leg, which, when correctly performed and faithfully adhered 
to, will bring renewed activity and strength to all parts of 
the human frame. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 405 

Ethics of Exercise. — Let us always remember that using 
heavy weights, exercising severely, or for too long a time, 
will not produce a desirable result. Except in some peculiar 
or special case, it is best to use a light or medium weight 
whether it be when using a chest weight or other kind of 
pulleys, going through dumb bell exercise, swinging clubs, 
or performing with a bar, bell or other form of apparatus. 

Modern athletes (and in many ways they undoubtedly 
equal, if not excel, those of ancient Greece) train with just 
such an understanding of the value of systematic and regu- 
lar light work. The performing of a motion or motions is 
of the first importance, not the heaviness of the weights 
used. Following out such theory .of exercise we find that 
while the muscles and parts grow strong, and in contour 
beautiful, they yet retain endurance and suppleness. The 
nervous system is not overtaxed, the muscles are not 
strained but strengthened. 

This is the right conception of the best method of exer- 
cising, and the man or woman who, with persistent regular- 
ity, follows such a course will enjoy good health, know less 
of the " blues," be brighter and more sociable, and better 
fitted for business duties and social pleasures than those 
who confine themselves entirely to business, or to the par- 
ticipating in of social enjoyments, to the exclusion of proper 
attention to the growth and development of their physical 
powers. 

Health is the great essential in these modern times of 
struggle and worry, and push and strife of commercial life, 
and in the practice of gymnastics or athletics it should be 
the chief thing striven for ; the making of muscle, and the 
acquiring of great strength, being made incidental and of 
secondary importance by all but those training for contests 
in which these are severely required. 



406 OUR SOCIETY. 

Muscle will, of course, be developed to a more or less 
degree, and enduring strength be perfected in those taking 
exercise along the general lines here laid down ; it is but 
natural that these should come, for as a muscle is used often 
in a certain way it gets more and more able to bear the 
strain, be it ever so slight there is yet a strain, of such a 
motion : accustomed to a great variety of positions and 
movements it becomes a more faithful servitor in all of 
them. 

When and How Long to Exercise. — Ten to twenty min- 
utes exercise in your room in the morning, just after arising, 
and that much time put in at the same practice, just before 
retiring, will greatly invigorate the body, and better prepare 
the brain and physical powers for the duties of the day, or 
the enjoyment of undisturbed rest and refreshing sleep. 

The practice of deep breathing as an exercise is one to 
be commended and adopted by all. 

Those who make it a practice to fill up their lungs often 
with fresh air are doing much to place these vital organs in 
better condition. 

The times suggested above are as good as any for exer- 
cising, though ten or eleven o'clock in the morning and 
between half-past four and half-past five in the afternoon 
are both capital times in which to enjoy pleasurable recrea- 
tion indoors or out. 

The home exercises should not exceed twenty minutes at 
a time. If you attend a gymnasium, exercise at home also, 
for the lessons in physical education taught there, should be 
studied and rehearsed to some extent when away from it. 

An hour to an hour and a quarter is a sufficiently long 
period to spend in a regular gymnasium at any one time, 
this also including ten minutes for rest. A refreshing bath, 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 407 

after using up this time in exercising, followed by a thorough 
drying and a brisk, vigorous rubbing, or polishing, with a 
coarse towel, will make one feel like a new being. 

On Bathing. — For the further preservation of the health, 
and as a great aid and a necessary adjunct of gymnastic 
exercise, the bath should be used frequently. 

Vigorous movements of the body produce copious per- 
spiration usually. The laws of hygiene tell us that it is 
unhealthy to allow this excretion to remain on the surface 
of the body, and thus clog up the minute openings through 
which it has issued. 

An ordinary bath is as good as any unless one is ailing 
or has accumulated an over abundance of not too, too solid 
flesh, then special baths such as sulphur, Russian, vapor, or 
mineral baths may be of benefit. 

The Turkish bath is, in its way, a good thing to indulge in 
occasionally, say once or twice a month. If one desires a 
rapid reduction of flesh doubling or trebling this number 
will bring about the desired result very soon. When this is 
done, however, the process is forced so rapidly that loss of 
strength ensues. 

Generally speaking cold baths should be avoided. Many 
vigorous constitutions have been wrecked, and many diseases 
of heart and other organs have been superinduced by such 
practice. Suited to a great many constitutions is a bath in 
which the water is at first warm, then changed to cool, after 
which a dash of cold water is sprayed on the body to com- 
plete the bath, and create sufficient reaction, and decrease 
the chances of catching cold. Not over ten or fifteen min- 
utes should be spent in this routine ; over that length of time 
we lose a great deal of the healthy after glow that should 
come when we have bathed properly. 



408 OUR SOCIETY. 

It is always advisable to follow the old rules of not to 
bathe when very tired, where a draught of cold air plays 
upon you, or immediately before or after a full meal. 

Those in good health ought to bathe at least once a day. 
A light bath should always be taken, when convenient, after 
out-door or in-door exercise. 

Clothing to Wear When Exercising. — Any loose fitting 
suit not too heavy, not too light, is the proper garb to take 
exercise in. This . applies equally as well to the recreative 
sports indulged in out doors, and the systematic body build- 
ing of the gymnasium. If you are given to too much flesh 
wear heavier, warmer garments, and keep the arms and legs 
covered also when exercising. 

Women will never exercise with corsets on if they desire 
or expect benefit from physical culture. The illustrated 
figures show the style of costume generally worn in the 
gymnasiums by men and women. Comfort and ease, and 
freeness of movement only are thought of, style here being 
sacrificed for healthy action of all parts of the body. 

The usual foot wear is the rubber soled tennis shoe ; with 
leather insole these are all right, but without it they often 
give great inconvenience to the feet. A better shoe is one 
made with a leather upper, and felt or buckskin sole. At 
home one can wear just what one pleases when taking the 
daily exercise. 

Use of the Chest Weight, — This machine is a valuable piece 
of gymnastic apparatus, and is one of the most common and 
more generally used of the many different appliances for 
developing the human body. It is operated standing with 
one's face, either side, or back turned to the wall to which 
the pulley is fastened. In each position several exercises 
are possible with one hand at a time, both hands moving 
together, or alternately. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



409 




The illustration on this 
page shows the construc- 
tion of the chest weight, 
the mode of its attachment 
to the wall, and showing 
its adaptability of being 
placed in a private room 
or office. It is practically 
noiseless, not unsightly, 
and a child or strong man 
may use it to advantage. 

While learning the movements use a weight that is lighter 
than is necessary ; after becoming familiar with them increase 
the weight somewhat, remembering to limit it so that the 
powers will not be overtaxed. 

In presenting the principal exercises on this excellent 
machine, the routine will be to take up, first, those in which 
the operator faces the pulleys, then with the side, and lastly, 
with the back toward it. In addition, several exercises are 
pictured with the use of the additional floor pulleys. 

The chest weight has been brought to its highest perfec- 
tion by the Narragansett Machine Company, of Providence, 
who have for a number of years made a specialty of manu- 
facturing all kinds of scientific developing apparatus. 

Each piece they make, whether for gymnasium or home, 
is finely finished and neatly packed in a separate box with 
all parts in place so that it may very easily be put in position 
for use. 

Their ten dollar machine is a model of usefulness, and 
ought to be in every house in the land. They make lower 
priced and also more expensive chest weights, any and all of 
which the publishers of this book will be pleased to supply. 



4-io 



OUR SOCIETY. 





























^^""S^ 




» 1 



Position Facing the Pulleys. — Stand erect facing the wall, 
the head well up in the air, chin drawn down and in, chest 

advanced and should- 
ers squared back. 
The arms are ex- 
tended in front, the 
hands firmly grasping 
the handles, palms of 
hands facing the floor. 
The legs are straight 
without stiffness, heels 
a couple of inches 
apart, toes turned out- 
ward, the heels touch 
an imaginary line run- 
ning at right angles 
to the extended arms. 
This position is in it- 
starting Position. self good exercise; 
practice each movement by itself 
until learned before taking up 
another, or combining two or more 
of them. All of the front move- 
ments start from, and return to this 
first position. 

First Movement. — Bend forward 
and downward without jerk, carrying 
the hands close to the floor, or as 
near to it as possible, without bend- 
ing the knees. From this bent atti- 
tude, swing back to the first position, 
square the shoulders back. 

First Movement. 





PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



411 



Action : strengthens the muscles of the small of the back 
and loins, and also the abdominal sets, the knee joints are 
made stronger. 

Second Movement. — Carry the hands down 

past the outside of the thighs, arms quite 

straight, body erect, head up and shoulders 

back, thence back to starting 

position. 

Action : strengthens and 
develops the shoulder, upper 
chest and arm muscles. 

Third Movement. — Keeping 

the arms as straight as possible, 

carry the hands high up in the 

air, and from there back to first 

position. 




<*&$& 



Second Movement. 

Action : strengthens 
and develops the muscles 
of the back of the shoul- 
der, the lower back, arm, 
fore-arm and wrist. 

Fourth Movement. — 
First position, but with 
palms of the hands facing 
the ceiling, bend the arms, 
carrying the hands in a 
curling manner back to 




Third Movement. 



412 



OUR SOCIETY. 



over the top of the shoulders, thence to position, keeping 
palms turned up. 

Action : develops and strengthens the muscles of the front 
upper arms. 

Fifth Movement — First posi- 
tion, but with palms of hands 
inward facing one another, fold 
the arms close to the body, left 
hand under pit of right arm, the 
right hand over the left shoul- 
der, from this back to starting 
position ; keep the elbows up 
high in front. 

In repeating this exercise, 
alternate, reversing the position 
of the arms, first, right hand 
over left shoulder, then left 
F.fth Movement. hand over right shoulder. 

Action : develops and strengthens the muscles of the front, 
inner and upper part of the chest, equalizes the shoulders. 

Sixth Movement. — First 
position, with palms facing 
in : open the arms apart to 
side horizontal position, 
keeping the arms straight; 
from there resume the start- 
ing position. 

Action : develops the 
muscles back of, and between 
the shoulder blades, those of 
the upper arms and also of 
the back, tends to give erect- 
ness to the carriage of the 
body. 





Sixth Movement. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



413 




Seventh Movement — 
Position same as in the 
last exercise. Keep the 
hands close together, 
arms straight, and swing 
them around sideways to 
the right, hands as high 
as the shoulders, thence 
to starting position. 
' The legs should be kept 
J straight, and both heels 
remain on the floor in 
this exercise. In repeat- 
ing alternate swinging 
the arms around on the 
right and left side. May 



C Seventh Movement. 

be performed also with feet 
apart. 

Action: capital exer- 
cise for strengthening the 
waist, loin, and lower 
back muscles, assists in 
giving freer motion for 
walking, and easier car- 
riage generally. 

Presented on this page 
is an illustration showing 
the second and third 
movements done alter- 
nately with either hand. 
Both hands start from 
the first position; the 




Alternate Combination of Second and Third 
Movements. 



4H 



OUR SOCIETY, 



right arm swings up into the third, the left at the same time 
going into the second, both hands return to first position, 
after which the left goes up and the right down, thence to 
first position. 

With right or left side to 
pulleys. First Side Movement — 
Position : right side to pulleys, 
right hand grasping one handle. 
Keeping the arm straight, carry 
it down to the side, forcing it 
close to the body, then back to 
starting position. 

Action : strengthens and 
develops the muscles of the 
front and side chest, and those 
on the side of the back. 




Firs* S'de Movement. 




Second Side Movement — 
Same position, swing the right 
arm down in front of and close 
to the body, bending the arm 
somewhat in the movement, 
thence to starting position. 

Action: develops and 
strengthens the arm, shoulder, 
middle and lower part of the 
chest. 



Second Side Movement. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



415 




Third Side Movement. — From 
first position swing the arm high 
up over head, arm straight, palm 
facing wall, from there swing 
back to starting position. 

Action : exercises the muscles 
on back of the upper arm and 
shoulder. The side walls of the 
chest receive a beneficial out- 
ward expansion in this. 



Third Side Movement. 



Fourth Side Movement. — 
Side position, with palm of 
the hand turned toward the 
front of the body, keeping 
the arm straight, swing it 
outward in front of the 
chest and then back to first 
position. 

Action: develops and 
strengthens the shoulder, 
chest and side, also the 
abdominal and loin muscles. 



-CE: 




Fourth Sido Movement. 



416 



our society: 



These side movements 
allow of exercising the right 
and left arm, and in this way 
should be practiced. 

The three last movements 
may be performed with the 
right hand, while the left 
side is toward the pulleys 
and vice versa. 

With the Back to the Put- 
leys. — Position : stand erect, 
legs straight, two or three 
inches of space between the 
heels, toes turned outward, 
head up, chest forward, arms 
straight out in front with 
palms facing ceiling, grasp 

the handles firmly, keep the arms as straight as possible in 

all the exercises. 



First Back Movement. — Swing the 
arms downward past outside of thighs, 
keeping palms of the hands square 
to the front, from there back to start- 
ing position ; head and shoulders 
braced back in this exercise. 

Action : chest and shoulder mus- 
cles, and those on the back of the 
upper arms are brought into vigorous 
play in this movement. 




Third Side Movement; 
Opposite Side to Weights, 




First Back Movement. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



417 




Second Back Movement. — 
Position as before, but with 
palms facing in ; spread the 
arms wide apart, opening to 
the side horizontal position, 
arms straight, hands as high 
as the shoulders, thence to 
starting position. 

Action : fine exercise 

for expanding the chest, 

: IJ II equalizing the strength and 

\Tll ne ig nt °f tne shoulders ; the 
9 __ \ muscles of the chest and 
back are benefited here. 



Second Back Movement. 



Third Back Movement. — 
Same position as for the 
second back movement, but 
with palms of the hands 
facing the floor; swing the 
arms high up in the air, 
arms kept as straight as 
possible, then return to 
the starting position. 

Action : strengthens and 
develops the muscles of the 
upper arms, the chest, back 
and loins. 




Third Back Movement. 



418 



OUR SOCIETY. 




Combination of Back 
Movements . — Start from 
same position as for the first; 
but with palm of left hand 
facing floor, swing down 
into the first movement with 
the right, and at the same 
time make the left arm to 
go upward into the third 
movement, both hands 
return to the starting posi- 
tion, the palms of the hands 
are reversed, left up, right 
down, and the right hand 
swings up into the third 
while the left performs the 



Alternate Combination of First and Third 
Back Movements. 



first, from there back to starting position. 
Action: good exercise for / 

shoulders and chest, and in r* 
common with all chest w eightj3\\ _/J 
movements, builds up the 
arms, forearms and wrists. 

Use of the Floor Pulleys. — 
When this additional attach- 
ment is connected with the 
chest weight, the ropes are so 
arranged that they may be 
changed, to run over the top 
pulleys or under those on the 
floor, almost as quickly as it 
takes to tell this. 




Back and Loin Movement with th« 
Floor Pulleys. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



419 



Quite a variety of exercises are permissable with this 
attachment, both where the hand or hands grasp the handles, 
and the body is bent forward and then up to the erect atti- 
tude, strengthening chiefly the back and loins, and where the 
foot is hooked into one or both handles, with the face, either 
side or back turned to the weights, and the leg swung back- 
ward, sideways or forward. 

Back and Loin Movements. — Reach down and grasp the 
handles firmly, keep arms and legs straight, swing the arms 
to high vertical, straightening up the body, then back to 
starting position. Another movement is performed by 
swinging the hands, while bending toward the floor, from 
close to the pulleys toward and past the ankles, the hands 
only two or three inches from the floor, from this back to 
the pulleys again, up to high over the head, or up and then 
past outside of thighs. 

Action : these movements strengthen the back, loin, 
waist and abdominal mus- 
cles. 



Leg Movements, with 
the Floor Pulleys. — With 
the foot fastened in one 
or both handles, face 
turned to pulleys, swing 
the leg to the rear with a 
sort of backward kick, 
keeping the rope taut, 
then to front, bend the 
knee in the back swing. 

Action : develops the 
muscles on the back part 
of the thigh and front 
part of the lower leg. 




Floor Pulleys, Back of Thigh Movement. 



420 



OUR SOCIETY. 




With the foot and leg 
turned sideways to the 
weights and swung away 
from the wall and back to 
starting position the mus- 
cles of the inner thigh, 
side lower leg, and hip are 
strengthened. This may 
also be done from the 
upper pulleys as illustrated.' 
Turn the back to the pul- 
leys, fix the foot in the 
handles and kick or swing 
the leg outward from the 

Chest Weights-Inner Thigh Movement. Wall. In this eXerdse the 

muscles brought into play are those lying on the front of the 
thigh, and on the back part of the lower leg. 

Notes on the use of the Chest Weights. — Use them regu- 
larly aiming to get a vari- 
ety of movements into 
your exercise. When 
learning the movments, 
or using the machine for 
the first time, go slow in 
your work, and never 
have the weights heavy. 

The foregoing move- 
ments are arranged in 
progressive steps ; select 
those exercises which 
give most pleasure and 
benefit to you, and 
change the order to suit 

Floor Pulleys — Front of Thigh Movement. 







PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



421 



yourself ; aim to benefit yourself by the use of the chest 
weights and you will do it. Each single movement ought 
to be repeated six, eight, ten, or more times before another 
is taken up. When familiar with them, aim to get a smooth, 
swinging action in combining or running one exercise into 
another. 

The Wooden Dumb Bells. — Next to the chest weight, in 
point of value as developers, come the dumb bells. Some 
believe them to be superior to any other form of gymnastic 
work, and in a great many ways they are. The wooden 
bells ranging in weight from a pound to two pounds are now 
in fashion, and are undoubtedly superior to large iron ones, 
though small bells of metal, from two to three pounds in 
weight may be used by many to advantage. 

Fifteen minutes daily exercise with these 
light bells will wonderfully build up the 
health and strength. Splendid developing 
exercises are these with the bells, and their 
use and known value should be wide spread. 
Men and women, boys and girls, may and 
do use them to good purpose, and by their 
use stimulate the nervous and muscular 
forces to greater intelligence and useful- 
ness. A great many different movements, 
all good ones, are allowable with the bells ; 
the limit of our pages, however, confining 
us to a few of the most useful and practical. 
The wrists, forearms, upper arms, shoul- 
Rest To e e8 R or iS He g e is n the ders, chest, back, abdominal and leg mus- 
cles may each or all be built up in strength and beauty 
through a systematic course of exercise with dumb bells. 

Take one movement at a time ; learn it thoroughly, then 
take up another, and so on through them all. 




42 2 



OUR SOCIETY. 




First Fore Arm Exercise. — Starting posi- 
tion : heels together, toes outward at an angle 
of sixty degrees, (each foot midway between 
pointing straight out in front and out at the 
side, spread eagle fashion), legs straight with- 
out stiffness, shoulders squared back, chest 
advanced in front, head up, eyes looking to 
front, chin drawn in slightly ; the arms hang 
naturally at the sides, but with palms facing to 
the front, elbows close to the body. The 
movement : keeping the arms straight, and 
tightening the grasp on the bells ; twist the 
back of the hand to the front, then to first 
starting Position, position. Do this six times with arms in this 
position, six times with arms stretched out straight in front, 
("front horizontals,") six times opened apart to side horizon- 
tals, hands kept as high as the shoulders, and six times with 
arms up high over the head, then back to starting position. 

Action : chiefly on the muscles lying on the outside and 
inside of the forearm. 



Second Fore Arm Exercise. — Position 
of starting, as in the last movement, but 
with palms of hands facing the floor, 
knuckles turned outward and upward ; 
change the position of the hands, arms 
kept straight, so that the knuckles face 
the floor, palms inward and upward, flex- 
ing the hand strongly toward the fore- 
arm ; from this position extend the hand 
to the starting position This exercise 
may be performed six times each, with 
the hands at the sides, out in front, 







'Front Horizontals," Side View. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



423 



Gfce^-r^ 



opened apart to side horizontals, and finally high up over 
head, then back to starting position. 

Action : strengthens the muscles lying on the front and 
back of the fore arm. 

First Upper Arm Exercise. — In the position previously 

given, place the elbows 
close to and in front of 
^^ the waist, palms of 
jf^ ■^E-Si' hands turned outward. 
Keeping the upper arms 
pressed against the 
body, bring the hands 
upward in a curling 
motion, squeeze the 
handles of the bells 
tightly, and put a good 
deal of exertion in this 
upward movement; 
from this straighten the 
arms down to the start- 
ing attitude, letting the hands swing down easily. 

Action : creates strong movement in, and, therefore, 
strengthens and develops, the muscles of the front upper 
arms. 

Second Upper Arm Exercise. — Position as for the last 
exercise, but with the bells at the shoulders, as in the first 
part of that movement : turning the palms of the hands 
gradually toward one another, then so that they face the 
floor, and finally outward from the sides ; with one continu- 
ous motion raise the elbows and push the arms down until 
they are perfectly straight ; do not bend the head or shoul- 
ders forward in this movement, keep them erect ; return the 




'Side Horizontals," Front View. 



424 



OUR SOCIETY. 



bells upward to the starting position at the shoulders ; swing 
up easily ; push downward vigorously. 

Action : brings into strong play the muscles lying on 
the back part of the upper arms. 

Shoulder Exercise. — Position of starting exactly the same 
as for the last movement ; raise the bells upward and out- 
ward away from the front of the body, gradually straighten- 
ing out the arms ; continuing the movement, carry the arms 
down past the outside of the thighs and to the rear, palms 
facing the front : swing the bells reversly through these lines 
back to starting position. 

Brace the shoulders back in this exercise, and look to it 
that the head does not swing down in front when the bells 
do, keep the erect attitude ; make this exercise to be one of 
graceful easy curves, performed in a vigorous manner. 

Action : the muscles of the front, upper and side parts of 
the shoulders, each side of the back, the front upper chest, 
and front and back part of the upper arms are all called into 
healthy play in this movement. 

Sixth Exercise. — 
Arms straight at the 
, sides, palms of the 
•' hands touching side of 
thighs, (i) Raise the 
arms outward to the 
side horizontal position, 
palms facing the ceil- 
ing; (2) carry the 
hands to over the top 
of the shoulders, bend- 
ing the fore arms upon 
the upper arms ; (3) 
straighten the arms out 




Sixth Exercise. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



425 



sideways, hands as high as the shoulders, palms up ; (4) 
drop the arms, keeping them straight, and forcing them 
close to the sides, touching the thighs with the palms. 

Action : develops the muscles of the shoulders, upper 
arms, front upper chest, and those of below and on the 
outer side of the shoulder blades. 

Seventh Exercise. — 
Starting position the 
same as in the sixth 
exercise. (1) Raise 
the arms out sideways, 
palms of hands facing 
the floor ; (2) curl the 
bells to under the arm- 
pits, making them to 
swing close to the upper 
arms; (3) straighten 
the arms out to the side 
horizontal position ; (4) 

drop them tO the Sides. Seventh Exercise. 

Action : builds up the front and back 
shoulder muscles, those of the side chest, 
and inner and back upper arms. 

Eighth Exercise.- — The bells are at the 
sides close to the thighs. (1) Extend the 
arms outward in front to "front horizontal" 
position, arms straight, hands as high as 
the shoulders, palms facing the floor. (2) 
Step forward with the right foot, opening 
the bells apart away from each other, 
turning the palms to face the ceiling. 
/___i Take a good sized step, the body sinking 

Front Horizontals, Side View. 





426 



OUR SOCIETY. 



down somewhat as the foot is advanced 
right foot to alongside the left, bringing 
the bells sharply together out in front, 
arms straight, palms facing floor. (4) 
Bells to the sides as in starting position. 
This exercise may be performed with 
the left foot taking the step, and also 
alternately : first with the right foot 
then with the left. 

Action: fine exercise for expanding 
the chest and straightening the spinal 
column. The chest, loin, and leg mus- 
cles are here developed into greater 
strength and fullness. 




Eighth Exercise, Side View. 



££" 



>K 



Ninth Exercise. — This is a repetition of the eighth exer- 
cise, except that the step is made sideways, on the right or 
left, instead of forward ; position as in previous movement. 
(1) Bells out to front horizontal, palms facing floor. (2) 
Swing the right arm around sideways to the right, turn the 

body, and step out with 
the right foot, palms of 
* both hands facing the 
ceiling. (3) Recover to 
facing to the front, right 
foot along side the left, 
palms of hands turned 
down, arms straight out 
in front. (4) Arms 
down to sides as in 
starting. 

Action : similar to 
that of the eighth exer- 




Ninth Exercise. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



427 




cise, in addition being more vigorous exercise for the lower 
waist, loins, and inner thigh. 

Tenth Exercise. — Position of starting : 

bells high over head, palms facing each 

other, feet spread wide apart. (1) Bend 

forward and toward the floor, swinging 

the arms between the legs. (2) Straighten 

up, turning body to the right side, elbows 

brought strongly back close to the body, 

palms facing ceiling, legs straight. (3) 

Extend the arms, keeping the body turned 

to the right. (4) Elbows vigorously W h Exercise, side view. 

brought back to the body, palms facing ceiling. In repeat- 
ing, perform these counts an equal number of times on the 

left side. 

Actron : strengthens the 
small of the back, acts bene- 
ficially on the spinal column, the 
($k \ loins and inner parts of the thighs 

receive good exercise in this 
movement, the arms and chest 
are built up. 

Eleventh Exercise. — Starting 
position : bells over head, backs 
of both hands turned outward, 
inner ends of the bells touching, 
feet spread apart. (1) Lower 
the arms to out in front of the chest, arms straight, palms 
of hands facing the ceiling. (2) Open the arms apart to 
the side horizontal position. (3) Return the arms to the 
second position in front, striking the inner ends of the bells 
together. (4) Bells carried to high up over the head, arms 
quite straight. 




Tenth Exercise, Front View. 



428 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Action : upon the muscles of the arms, shoulders, chest 
and back. 



--■Qn 



Twelfth Exercise.— 
Starting position : the 
bells are on the shoul- 
ders, palms facing the 
shoulder tops, elbows v .♦---, 
opened apart, feet 
spread — same position 
as that illustrated for 
starting the thirteenth 
exercise but with hands 
lowered down upon the 
shoulders. (i) Bend 
down sideways on the 
left, striking the floor 
with the left hand bell, 
pushing the right hand 



QOn®-- 




or 



Eleventh Exercise. 




Twelfth Exercise. 



bell high up in the air, turn- 
ing the head in that direction, 
both arms quite straight, 
right leg extended, left bent. 
(2) Resume starting position, 
straightening up the left leg, 
bells carried to the shoulders, 
eyes looking to front. (3) 
Bend on the right side, push- 
ing the right hand bell up in 
the air, left bell to floor, look 
up, both arms and left leg 
straight, right leg bent. (4) 
Back to starting position. 
Action : brings into play 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



429 



a majority of all the superficial muscles ; lateral curvature of 
the spine is remedied to quite an extent, and the digestive 
and other internal organs are toned up by this movement. 

Thirteenth Exercise. — Position i n 
starting : bells up high, palms facing 
one another, feet spread apart. (1) 
lower the bells to side horizontals, 
palms facing the ceiling. (2) Strike 
the ends of the bells together in front, 
arms straight, and as high as the shoul- 
ders, palms facing the ceiling. (3) Open 
the arms apart to side horizontals. (4) 
Bells back to starting position, over 
head, striking the sides together in the 
up swing. In performing this move- 
ment count up to fifteen, and jump the 
feet together as the bells swing up into 



Thirteenth Exercise, Starting Position. 

the sixteenth count. 

Action : inner and 
upper chest muscles, 
those under and around 
the shoulders ; the waist 
and abdominal parts are 
strengthened and devel- 
oped in this exercise. 

Fourteenth Exercise — 
Position for starting: 
the "position of the sol- 
dier," heels together, 
legs straight, shoulders 
braced back, chest 








Thirteenth Exerci 



430 



OUR SOCIETY. 



advanced, head up, chin drawn slightly in. The 
arms hang close to the sides, palms of hands 
facing the thighs, (i) Raise the arms out- 
ward to the side horizontal position, palms of 
hands facing the floor. (2) Swing the bells 
around to the front, striking the inner ends 
together, palms facing floor. (3) Open the 
arms apart to side horizontals. (4) Force the 
arms down close to the body as in the starting 
position. 

This movement may be varied to good pur- 
pose by making the hands to face the ceiling 
when at (1) side horizontals, (2) when they FourwhTSoiw, 
strike in front, (3) in the side horizontal position again, and 
(4) turned downward to face the thighs when carried close 






Fourteenth Exercise, Front View, 



Fourteenth Exercise, 
Side View. 



to the body. The arms should be kept perfectly straight 
throughout the entire exercise, and also in the change sug- 
gested. A pleasing variation is made by performing the 
fourteenth exercise once, then the latter change once, and 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



431 



repeating this combination. Both of these may be again 
changed by not striking the bells together. 

Action : fine exercise for building up flat chests, devel- 
ops also the arm, shoulder and side muscles. 

Fifteenth Exercise. — Position in start- 
ing : heels together, legs straight, arms 
extended in front, palms facing the ceiling. 
(1) Raise upon the toes, legs kept straight, 
at the same time open the arms apart to 
the side horizontal position. (2) Lower 
the heels to the floor, swinging the bells 
around in front, striking the inner ends 
together. Keep the legs straight through- 
out the exercise ; hands always as high as 
the shoulders. 

Action : builds up the muscles of the 

chest, shoulders and back; acts as a Fiftee nth EwrcuTsid. view. 

straightener of the spinal column. The extensor muscles of 

the thigh and lower leg 
receive capital exercise in 
this. 

Notes on the Dumb 
Bells. — For girls and 
boys the weight should be 
from a pound to a pound 
and a quarter ; the length 
of time for exercising, 
from five to ten or twelve 
minutes. The weight of 
the bells for women is 
from one and a quarter 





Fifteenth Exercise. Front View. 



432 



OUR SOCIETY. 



to one and a half pounds. Ten or fifteen minutes exercise 
at one time is long enough. For men the popular and best 
weight is two pounds, and the length of time occupied in 
using them, from fifteen to twenty minutes. These times 
and weights may be changed to suit the energy of the pupil, 
or as circumstances demand. 

To accustom the muscles gradually to this exercise, it is 
best to take up but two or three different movements at a 
time for a week or so, then add two or three more, and so 
on, until a regular routine is reached. 

In the back bending and, therefore, back strengthening 
exercises, swing down and up in an easy manner until the 
parts grow strong enough to withstand and enjoy a more 
vigorous swing. With a little study of the movements here 
presented, new exercises and combinations may be made 
up, which will prove valuable in the repertory of dumb bell 
work. 

The Bar Bell. — Have you ever seen one ? It is simply a 

stick or "bar," varying in length 
from three to four and a half feet, 
at either end of which is a ball or 
"bell" of wood or iron. Without 
the bells it would be called a wand. 
Those with the wooden bells have 
thinner bars than those with the 
iron ends, the wooden part of the 
latter being a trifle thicker than 
an ordinary broom handle ; in 
fact the broom stick will answer 
every purpose in the following 
exercises where a bar bell is not 
easy to procure. 

Starting Position. 




PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



433 



The bar bell exercises are useful and practical ; simple in 
detail ; easy of execution, and of great variety. They may 
be used by men, women and children. They affect particu- 
larly the carriage of the body, making it to become more 
erect and graceful, and give to the chest and shoulders such 
exercise that they cannot but be benefited thereby. 

The spinal column is greatly strengthened by several of 
the exercises given below, and taken all in all it may be 
said that the bar bell occupies its own particular field, which 
neither pulley, club, nor bell can usurp nor diminish. 

First Exercise. — Starting position : the 

easy erect attitude as given in the dumb- 
bell series : the bar is grasped by both 

hands equi-distant from the centre, held 

close to the front of the thighs, and on a 

horizontal line. (i) Grasping the bar 

firmly, carry it to a vertical position at the 

right side, right hand uppermost, palm 

facing to the front, 
left arm swung 
across front of the 
body, palm of 
hand facing to 
the rear. (2) 
Return the bar to 
the starting posi- 
tion, pushing it down strongly with 
both arms. (3) Change to the 
left side, bar vertical, left hand 
uppermost, right arm across the 
front of the body. (4) Push the 
bar down to the front starting 





First Ex«rc!ie. 



First Exercise. 



434 



OUR SOCIETY. 



rfi=o 



position. Brace the head back as the bar swings down^ 
Action : upon the fore-arm, upper-arm, shoulder and 
chest muscles, fills out the front parts of the shoulders. 

Second Exercise. — Start- 
ing position as in first exer- 
cise, (i) Carry the bar to 
high over the head, arms 
straight, bar horizontal. (2) 
Lower the bar down behind 
the head upon the upper 
part of the back, and back 
part of the shoulders. (4) 
Down in front to starting 
position, pushing down vig- 
orously with straight arms, 
drawing the 
waist parts in, 
and filling out 
the chest as 
much as possi- 
ble. Action: 





Second Exerciso. 

develops and strengthens the 
upper back, chest and arm muscles. 



Third Exercise. — Position of starting : the 
bar held on a horizontal line out in front of, and 
away from the chest, arms straight. (1) Keep- 
ing the arms straight, change the position of 
the bar from a horizontal to a vertical one, in 
front, right hand uppermost. (2) Resume the 
starting position with the bar held horizontally 
in front, away from the body. (3) change the 
carriage of the bar to the vertical position, with 
-U^!^^ the left hand uppermost. (4) Twist the bar 
back to the attitude assumed for commencing 



Third Ex«rcit«, 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



435 



this exercise. Action : the muscles of the side chest, those 
behind the shoulders, and on the upper arms, participate in 
the performance of this exercise. 

Fourth Exercise. — 
Position of starting : bar 
high over head, on hori- 
zontal line, arms straight, 
(i) Lower the bar to 
out in front of the 
upper part of the chest, 
arms kept straight. (2) 
Swing the bar in a vigor- 
ous manner to high up 
over the head again. If 
the eyes follow the up- 
ward movement, and the 
head is bent backward, 
the neck and topmost Fcurth Exe rcise. 

muscles of the back are exercised. 
(3) Lower the bar down behind 
the back, arms straight, bar hori- 
zontal. (4) Resume the starting 
position, with bar high over head. 

Action : squares and evens the 
shoulders ; brings into active play 
a majority or the muscles of the 
front, side and back chest, also the 
arms. 

Fifth Exercise. — Starting posi- 
tion as for the first exercise, with 
bar on horizontal line down close 

(1) Step out: 





to front of thighs. 



Fourth Exercise. 



436 



OUR SOCIETY. 




in front with the left foot, at the 
same time fold the arms close to 
the chest, one upon the other, the 
right arm uppermost, the bar 
swung around in a circular man- 
ner to a horizontal line, a foot or 
so above that formed for the start- 
ing position, and somewhat higher 
than that illustrated in the cut of 
this exercise. (2) Return the left 
foot to alongside the right, 
unwinding the arms, and dropping 
them to the starting position close 
to front of thighs, arms straight. 

(3) Step OUt in front With the Fifth Exercise. 

right foot, folding the arms as before, but with the left 
hand uppermost. (4) Right foot, arms and bar returned to 
the starting position. The step may also be taken to the 
rear, and a further change be made in alternately stepping 

out forward and backward. 

Action: strengthens and 
develops the muscles of the 
inner and upper chest, the 
upper arms; tones up the 
abdominal, loin and leg mus- 
cles. 

Sixth Exercise. — Starting 
position as for the first exer- 
cise. (1) Bend forward and 
downward, carrying the bar 
to within a few inches of the 
floor, arms and legs kept 
straight. (2) Straighten the 




3ffi^ 



Sixth Exercise. 



PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



437 



body, stepping to right side with right foot, bar to vertical 
position at right side, right hand uppermost, left arm across 
in front of the body. (3) Bend down in front, as in the 
first number of this exercise. (4) Step to left side with 
left foot, bar vertical at left side, left hand uppermost, right 
arm across the body. 

Action : strengthens the muscles of the lower back and 
loins, those of the legs and arms. 

Seventh Exercise. — Starting 
position : as in first exercise, 
but with bar touching the chin, 
arms bent, palms facing to the 
front. (1) Push the bar 
straight out in front, extending 
the arms to their full length, 
palms of hands facing the 
floor. (2) Bend the arms 
back toward the body, bar 
brought back to the chin. (3) 
Step out sideways with the 

right foot, pushing the bar Seventh Exerci9e> 

endways in that direction, right arm straight, left arm bent. 
(4) Return the right foot to alongside the left, centre of 
bar made to touch the chin. The step may be taken to the 
left side with the left foot, and also performed alternately 
on right and left sides. 

Action : upon the muscles of the upper arms, chest and 
shoulders, and those of the loins and legs. 

Eighth Exercise. — Position of starting, as in the first 
exercise : bar across the front of the thighs. (1) Swing the 
bar up high over the head, arms straight, bar held horizon- 
tal. (2) Bend forward, and down toward the floor, as in 




438 



OUR SOCIETY. 




? 5*° the attitude for number one 
in the sixth exercise. (3) 
Straighten the body, swing- 
ing the bar high up in the 
air, at the same time step- 
ping out in front with the 
right foot. (4) Return the 
right foot to alongside the 
left, bar carried down to in 
front, as in the starting 
position. Step out, also, 
with the left foot, and alter- 
nate with the right and left 
in taking up this exercise. 
Exercise. The step may also be taken 

to the right or left side instead of in front, the body turning 
at each third count to the side on which the step is to be 
taken, and resuming the starting 
position, facing to the front at each 
fourth count. 

Action: this is a fine general 
developing exercise, the muscles of 
the arms, shoulders, abdomen, back, 
loins and legs all receiving vigor- 
ous and beneficial treatment. 

Ninth Exercise. — Starting posi- 
tion, as for the first exercise: (1) 
Step out with the right foot to the 
left oblique, a cross step, at the 
same time swinging the bar to high 
over the head, turning the body 
slightly sideways to the left, and 
bending the back somewhat back- 
Eighth Exercis*, 




PHYSICAL CULTURE. 



439 



wards as the bar swings to overhead. (2) Return the right 

foot and the bar back to the starting 
position, squaring the shoulders and 
body to the front. (3) Step with 
the left foot to the right oblique, 
bar high up in the air, arms straight, 
body inclined slightly backward, and 
turned somewhat to the right side. 
(4) Return the left foot to alongside 
the right; turn the body to the 
front, and swing the bar down to 
across the front of the thighs, as in 
the starting position. 

Action : develops and strength- 
ens the waist and loin muscles, and 
those of the lower back. The mus- 
cles of the thigh have considerable 




Ninth Exercise. 



to do in this exercise. 



Tenth Exercise. — Starting position : bar on horizontal 
line over head, arms straight. (1) Bend down to the floor, 
stepping to the rear with the right foot, the left keeping its 
position without moving. The right leg should be perfectly 
straight, the left bent. (2) Straighten the body, returning 
the right foot to alongside the left, bar swung vigorously to 
high over head, straight arms. (3) 
Bend down to the floor, stepping 
backwards with the left foot, the 
right holding its position, left leg 
stretched out, the right bent. (4) 
Resume the starting position, left 
foot alongside the right, bar high 
up in the air. 



0=^^ 




440 



OUR SOCIETY. 



Action : the back, waist, loin and abdominal muscles are 
all benefitted and strengthened in this exercise ; the legs 
also, partake in the general development. 

Notes on the Bar Bell. — These exercises may be taken in 
connection with the dumb bell and pulley work, or used with 
the pulleys on alternate days, taking up the dumb bell exer- 
cises on the remaining. Women and girls use the wooden 
belled bars, the iron ones are for the practice of men. Each 
exercise should be thoroughly rehearsed, and attention given 
to the details. The bony parts of the human structure are, 
in general, greatly benefitted through use of the bar bell, and 
many deformities of figure corrected in this way. 

* The leather gymnasium shoe, with felt sole, mentioned on page 408, may be obtained 
of Pierce, Small & Co., Randolph, Mass., makers of fine athletic and gymnastic foot 
wear. 




Qlj^ine^ ©ultUre 





HE savings of individuals compose 
the wealth — in other words, the 
well-being — of every nation. On 
the other hand, the wastefulness 
of individuals occasion the im- 
poverishment of states. So that 
every thrifty person may be re- 
garded as a public benefactor 
and every shiftless person as a 
public enemy. 
Economy is not a natural instinct, but the growth of 
experience, example, and forethought. It is also the 
result of education and intelligence. It is only when men 
become wise and thoughtful that they become frugal. 
Hence the best means of making men and women provi- 
dent is to make them wise. 

The mere material wealth bequeathed to us by our fore- 
fathers forms but an insignificant item in the sum of our 
inheritance. Our birthright is made up of something far 
more imperishable. It consists of the sum of the useful 
effects of human skill and labor. These effects were not 
transmitted by learning, but by teaching and example. 
One generation taught another, and thus art and handi- 

441. 



442 OUR SOCIETY. 

craft, the knowledge of mechanical appliances and materials, 
continues to be preserved. The labors and efforts of former 
generations were thus transmitted by father to son ; and they 
continue to form the natural heritage of the human race — 
one of the most important instruments of civilization. 

Who have helped the world onward so much as the 
workers ; men who have had to work from necessity or from 
choice ? All that we call progress — civilization, well-being, 
and prosperity — depends upon industry, diligently applied — 
from the culture of a barley-stalk to the construction of a 
steamship ; from the stitching of a collar to the sculpturing 
of "the statue that enchants the world." 

A large proportion of men do not provide for the future. 
They do not remember the past. They think only of the 
present. They preserve nothing. They spend all that they 
earn. They do not provide for themselves ; they do not 
provide for their families. They may make high wages, but 
eat and drink the whole of what they earn. Such people 
are constantly poor, and hanging on the verge of destitution. 

The provident build houses, warehouses, and mills. They 
fit manufactories with tools and machines. They build 
ships, and send them to various parts of the world. They 
put their capital together, and build railroads, harbors, and 
docks. They open up mines of coal, iron, and copper ; and 
erect pumping engines to keep them clear of water. They 
employ laborers to work the mines, and thus give rise to an 
immense amount of employment. 

Saving of time is equal to saving of money. Franklin 
said . " Time is gold." If one wishes to earn money, it may 
be done by the proper use of time. But time may also be 
spent in doing many good and noble actions. It may be 
spent in learning, in study, in art, in science, in literature. 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 443 

Time can be economized by system. System is an arrange- 
ment to secure certain ends, so that no time may be lost in 
accomplishing them. Every business man must be syste- 
matic and orderly ; so must every housewife. 

Let no man say that he cannot economize. There are few 
persons who could not contrive to save two dollars weekly. 
In twenty years it would amount to two thousand and eighty 
dollars ; and, by addition of interest, to four thousand two 
hundred dollars. Some may say that they cannot save nearly 
so much. Well, begin with one dollar, or even less. Begin 
somewhere ; but, at all events, make a beginning. It is the 
habit of economizing that needs to be formed. 

Men must prepare in youth and in middle age the means 
for enjoying old age pleasantly and happily. There can be 
nothing more distressing than to see an old man who has 
spent the greater part of his life in well-paid-for labor, 
reduced to the necessity of begging for bread, and relying 
entirely upon the commiseration of his neighbors or upon 
the bounty of strangers. Such a consideration as this should 
inspire men in early life to work and to save, for the benefit 
of themselves and their families in later years. 

It is, in fact, in youth that economy should be practiced, 
and in old age that men should dispense liberally, provided 
they do not exceed their income. The young man has a 
long future before him, during which he may exercise the 
principles of economy ; while the other is reaching the end of 
his career, and can carry nothing out of the world with him. 

This, however, is not the usual practice. The young man 
of to-day spends, or desires to spend, quite as liberally, and 
often much more liberally, than his father, who is about to 
end his career. He begins life where his father left off. He 
spends more than his father did at his age, and soon finds 



444 0UB SOCIETY. 

himself up to his ears in debt. To satisfy his incessant 
wants, he resorts to unscrupulous means and to illicit gains. 
He tries to make money rapidly ; he speculates, overtrades, 
and is speedily wound up. Thus he obtains experience ; but 
it is the result, not of well-doing, but of ill-doing. 

When economy is looked upon as a thing that must be 
practiced, it will never be felt as a burden ; and those who 
have not before observed it, will be astonished to find what 
a few dollars laid aside weekly will do towards securing 
moral elevation, mental culture, and personal independence. 

There is a dignity in every attempt to economize. Its 
very practice is improving. It indicates self-denial, and 
imparts strength to the character. It produces a well-regu- 
lated mind. It fosters temperance. It is based on fore- 
thought. It makes prudence the dominating characteristic. 
Above all, it secures comfort, drives away care, and dispels 
many vexations and anxieties which might otherwise prey 
upon us. 

That a man should maintain himself and his family with- 
out the help of others is due to his sense of self-respect. 
Every genuine, self-helping man ought to respect himself. 
He is the centre of his own little world. His personal 
loves, likings, experiences, hopes, and fears — how important 
they are to him, although of little consequence to others! 
They affect his happiness, his daily life, and his whole being 
as a man. 

The sum and substance of our remarks is this • In all the 
individual reforms or improvements that we desire, we must 
begin with ourselves. We must exhibit our gospel in our 
own life. We must teach by our own example. Each man 
can exhibit the results in his own person. He can begin 
with self-respect. 



PUNCTUATION, ACCENT and CAPITAL LETTERS. 



MARKS OF PUNCTUATION. 

The Period (.) denotes the close of a sentence. 

The Dash ( — ) indicates a sudden change of subject. 

The Interrogation Point (?) is used when a question is 
asked. 

The Exclamation Point (!) denotes wonder or astonish- 
ment. 

The Parenthesis ( ) includes something not essential to 
the sense. 

Quotation Marks (" ") indicate a verbatim quotation. 

The Hyphen (-) connects the syllables, or parts of a word. 

The Caret (y\) denotes that some letter, word, or phrase 
has been omitted. 

Brackets [ ] are chiefly used to note corrections. 

The Ellipsis ( * * * ) ( ) denotes the omission of letters 

or words. 

The Index ( I5F* ) points to something of special sig- 
nificance. 

The Comma (,) denotes a slight pause, and divides a 
sentence into its component parts. 

The Semicolon (;) indicates a longer pause, and also 
divides compound sentences. 

The Colon ( : ) is placed between the chief divisions of a 
sentence, when these are but slightly connected. 

MARKS OF ACCENT. 

The Acute (£) is represented by a mark over a letter or 
syllable to show it must be pronounced with a rising inflec- 
tion ; as European. 

44i 



446 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Grave (a) must be pronounced with a falling inflec- 
tion ; as, "Will you walk or ride ?" 

The Circumflex (a) represents the union of the acute and 
grave accents in the same syllable ; as Montreal. 

The Macron (6) placed above a letter represents a full, 
long vowel sound ; as, home. 

The Breve (a) is placed over a vowel to denote its short 
sound ; as, St. Helena. 

The Diaeresis (a) is placed over the latter of two vowels 
to show that they are to be pronounced in separate syllables ; 
as, cooperative. 

The Cedilla (9) or cerilla, placed under the letter c, shows 
that it has the sound of s. It is used chiefly in words derived 
from the French language. Thus, gargon, in which the 9 is 
to be pronounced like s. 

The Tilde (n) placed over the letter n in Spanish words 
to give it the sound of ny ; as, senor, minion. 

RULES FOR PUNCTUATION. 

A period is placed after a declarative and imperative sen- 
tence. 

All abbreviations are followed by a period. 

A period is placed after numbers in the Roman notation. 

A colon is placed between the chief divisions of a sentence 
when they are but slightly connected, and they are them- 
selves divided by some other mark. 

A colon is used after a sentence which announces a dis- 
tinct quotation. 

A colon is placed between clauses when the connection is 
so slight that any one of them might be a distinct sentence. 

A succession of clauses depending on one principal 
expression should be separated by a semicolon. 

A semicolon is placed after an expression which introduces 
particulars. 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 447 

When a clause especially explains the meaning of some 
other expressions, it is separated from that expression by a 
semicolon. 

A semicolon is used to divide a sentence into sections 
when the various parts are not sufficiently independent to 
require a colon. 

A comma is placed between the particulars mentioned in 
a succession of words all in the same construction. 

A comma is placed between each pair of words when each 
pair is in the same construction. 

A comma is placed before and one after every paren- 
thetical expression. 

A comma is used before a quotation closely connected 
with the preceding words. 

Expressions repeated must be separated by a comma. 

A phrase or clause which explains, in any degree the 
meaning of any other phrase or clause, is separated from it 
by a comma. 

All modifying expressions, unless closely connected with 
the rest of the sentence, are separated by a comma. 

A comma must be used in sentences which would other- 
wise be misunderstood. 

An interrogation point is placed after every sentence, 
phrase, clause, or word which denotes a direct question. 

An interrogation point, inclosed in a parenthesis, is often 
used to denote doubt. 

An exclamation point is placed after every exclamatory 
sentence, clause, phrase, or word. 

Where special emphasis is required, several exclamation 
points may be used. 

An exclamation point, inclosed in parenthesis, is used to 
denote peculiar surprise. 

A dash is usually placed before the answer to a question, 
when they both belong to the same line. 



448 OUR SOCIETY. 

A dash is often used instead of the parenthesis marks. 

A dash is commonly used before an expression repeated 
for special emphasis. 

A dash follows the sentence which introduces a quotation, 
when the quotation commences a new paragraph. 

In order to have the meaning of words readily understood, 
it becomes necessary to divide them into paragraphs, sen- 
tences and clauses, by means of punctuation. As an instance 
of the absence of punctuation and the farcical results, just 
read this : Lost on Broadway on Thursday evening last an 
umbrella by an elderly gentleman with a carved ivory head. 

Take the following rules and mark them well : 

Put a comma wherever you would make a trifling pause, 
were you speaking ; as, "He came, he saw, he conquered." 

A semicolon makes a longer pause in an incomplete sen- 
tence; as "Julia is handsome; Agnes is beautiful." The 
semicolon separates the sentence more distinctly than the 
comma. 

The colon marks a sentence which is complete in itself, 
but is followed by some additional remark ; as, "Shun vice : 
it will lead to ruin." The colon is also used to precede a 
quotation, and point it off from the rest of the sentence ; as, 
Shakespeare says : ' Assume a virtue, if you have it not." 

A period is used to denote that a sentence is complete ; 
as, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." 

A dash is used to denote a sudden pause, or abrupt change 
of sense ; as, "I have loved her madly, wildly — but why 
speak of her?" 

The interrogation point is used only after a question ; as, 
"Why did you say so ? " 

The interjection point is used only to denote an exclama- 
tion ; as, ' Alas ! all my joys have flown ! " 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 449 

The parenthesis is used to enclose a portion of a sentence 
which, if left out, would not destroy the sense ; as, "I value 
this flower (a faded flower) very highly." 

The apostrophe is used to mark the possessive case, 
and also the omission of a letter or letters in a word ; as, 
"Frederick's hair is black," or, "Gen'l Grant and Gen'l Har- 
rison." 

The caret is used to mark an omitted word, which word 

wet 

must be written immediately above; as, "What a* day !" 

The hyphen is used to connect compound words, and at 
the end of a line shows that more syllables are carried over 
to the next line. 

Quotation marks are used before and after every quota- 
tion to separate and define it; as, "Many are called, but few 
are chosen." 



CAPITAL LETTERS. 

The capital letters only set apart the sentences and' 
paragraphs ; but while their proper use adds greatly to the 
beauty of an epistle, their omission or improper use will 
make the pages present a perfectly absurd appearance. 

Begin all quotations with a capital letter. 

Begin every paragraph with a capital letter. 

Begin every sentence following a period with a capital 
letter. 

Begin all proper names with a capital letter. 

Begin every line of poetry with a capital letter. 

Begin all titles as President, Vice-President, General, 
Doctor or Captain, with a capital letter. 

Begin all names of places, as Chicago, Long Branch, or 
Niagara, with a capital letter. 
[29] 



450 OUR SOCIETY. 

Begin the words, North, South, East, West, and their 
compounds and abbreviations, as Northwest, S. E., with a 
capital letter. 

Begin the names of the Deity and Heaven, or the pro- 
noun used for the former, as, in His mercy — Thou, Father, 
with a capital letter. 

Begin all adjectives formed from the names of places or 
points of the compass, as English, Northern, with a capital 
letter. 

Begin all titles of books, and usually each important word 
of the title, as " Our Society," with capital letters. 

Begin the name of any historical event, as the Civil War, 
with a capital letter. 

The pronoun I and the interjection O must invariably be 
written with a capital letter. 

Begin all the names of the months, as June, April, with a 
capital letter. 

Begin all addresses, as Gentlemen, Dear Sir, Madam, 
with a capital letter. 

Capital letters must never be placed in the middle of a 
word ; never, except in accordance with the foregoing rules, 
in the middle of a sentence. 

When the letters I and O stand alone, they are under- 
stood and admitted to be words ; and as words should, in 
every case, be written in capital letters, thus : 

If I were you. O, Judge, have mercy. 




BUSINESS CULTURE. 45 I 

We show below the Form of Salutation of a Letter ; the 
Address, Punctuation, and the Proper Signatures that 
should be used with such Salutation. 

SOCIAL FORMS. 

Delaware, Ohio^Nov. 10, '91. 
My Dear Mamma — Have you forgotten, etc. 



Your affectionate and grateful daughter, 

Nellie Darling. 



Greencastle, Ind., Oct. 5, 1892. 
My Dear Mrs, Wilson : 

Please accept my thanks, etc. 



Your sincere friend, 

Grace Greenwood. 
Or Very sincerely yours. 

Yours sincerely, 

Yours affectionately, 

Most faithfully yours, 

Any of these signatures may be used, when writing to a 
friend. 

BUSINESS FORMS. 

Iowa City, Iowa, Dec. 3, 1891. 

Messrs. ONeill & Co., New York. 

Gentlemen : 

I send you herein, etc. _ 



Yours respectfully, 

{Mrs.) L. A. Latham. 



452 



OUR SOCIETY. 

Galesburg, III., Sept. 8, 1892* 



Mr. J. W.Jackson, 

London, Ont. 
Dear Sir : 

I hope you will send, etc. 



Very truly yours, 

(Miss) Mary Martin. 



Atlanta, Ga., June 25, 189 — 

Reverend Sir, — We take pleasure in sending you, with 

our compliments, etc 

Very respectfully yours, 

D. W. Thayer & Co. 
To the Rev. C. R. Henderson, 

Detroit, Mich. 

BUSINESS FORMS. 

St. Joseph, Mo., Dec. 24, 189 — 

Mrs. M. B. De Koven, 

Wooster, Ohio. 

Dear Madam : 

In reply to your favor of Dec. 22, etc. 



Respectfully yours, 

D. D. Darrow & Co. 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 453 

St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 26, 1891. 
Miss Neva Johnson, 

Marion, Ohio. 
Dear Miss Johnson : 

Your selection oj music has been 

Jorwarded, etc. 

Very respectfully yours, 

J. A. Spencer & Co. 



Cincinnati, Ohio, May 20, 1893. 

Gentlemen : 

During the "World's Fair," it will 

be impossible, etc.„ „ „ „ „ _ _ 

Chatfield & Woods. 
To Crane & Breck, Kalamazoo, Mich. 

OFFICIAL TERMS. 

To His Excellency, Wm. McKinley, 

Governor of the State of Ohio. 

Columbus, Ohio. 
Your Excellency ; 



To His Excellency, Gen. Harrison, 

President of the U. S. 
Your Excellency : 



454 0UE SOCIETY. 

The Title of Honorable is prefixed to the names of 
United States Senators and Representatives and members 
of the State Legislatures, contracted into Hon., thus : — 

Hon. James G. Blaine. 

If the person be a member of Congress, the initials, M. C. 
are added after the name, thus : — 

Hon. T. W. Palmer, M. C 

The term "Honorable" is always used in addressing any 
legislative Board or Assembly, and in any communication 
or petition, the persons addressed should in all cases be 
referred to as "Your Honorable Board," or "Your Honor- 
able Body," as the case may be. 

When a letter is written to a person who occupies a pro- 
fessional or official position, the distinctive title should 
invariably be given both in the Address over the Body of 
the letter and upon the envelope. 

A Minister of the Gospel should always be addressed as 
Reverend, thus :— 

Rev. Lyman K. Beecher, 
or, Rev. Mr. Swing. 

A Bishop is Right Reverend, abbreviated thus: — 
Rt. Rev. Bishop McClosky. 

A Doctor is designated in different ways, according to 
the Ecclesiastical or Collegiate Degree to which the person 
has attained. 

The Degree of Doctor of Divinity, is designated by the 
initials D. D. placed after the name, thus : — 
Rev. PIenry Wood, D. D. 

A Doctor of Medicine or Physician is addressed as Doctor 
abbreviated, before the name, thus : — 

Dr. Henry Lyster. 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 



455 



This is generally considered in better form than 
Henry Lyster, M. D. 
although this would not be incorrect, and is sometimes 
adopted. 

Other Collegiate Degrees are designated by initials or 
contractions at the end of the name, as follows : — 
Doctor of Laws, LL. D. 

Doctor of Philosophy, Ph. D. 
Doctor of Music, Mus. Doc, 

Officers of the Army and Navy are addressed in accord- 
ance with their rank, and generally in contracted form pre- 
ceding the name, thus : — 



General, 


is written 


Gen. 


Colonel, 


a li 


Col. 


Major, 


n it 


Maj. 


Captain, 


11 it 


Capt. 


Lieutenant, 


u li 


Lieut. 


Major General, 


<< it 


Maj. Gen 





45^ 



BUSINESS GULTUBK 



Darling Bros, & Co., 
Detroit, Mich. 



Rt. Rev. Bishop Foley \ D. D., 

Detroit, 



Mich. 



R. E. Whitman & Co., 
Harrisburg, Pa. 



STAMP. 



Morris & Peabody, 

Columbus City, 



Ind. 











STAMP. 


Mrs. 


M.A. 


Boughton, 
Bowling 


Green, 


Ohio. 



BUSINESS CULTTJBE. 



457 



Southwestern Pub. House, 
Nashville, Tenn. 



Russell A. Alger, 

Detroit,. 
150 Fort Street. Mich. 



Curtis Pub. Co., 




Cincinnati, 0. 




Hon. Jos. C. S. Blackburn, 




Versailles, 




Woodford County. 


Ky. 



R. H. Woodward & Co., 




Publishers, 




Baltimore, Md. 




Hon. A. P. Gorman, 




Laurel, 






Md. 



458 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 



JOINT AND SEV ERAL NOTE. 



®2 ,000.00 ^ Cipci^abi, 0., D e c 10, 1891. 



0r;e year afber dabe, we joirjbly ar>d severally 
proline bo pay A. A. LINDSAY CO., or order, blje 
<puu) of Two Tt)ousar)d Dollar^. Value received. 

W. I.. FOX. 

NO- - ./JsT^L M. C. LYON. 



NOTE BEARING LEGAL INTEREST. 

\ 

$1,000.39. <f 4- Bo^bor,, Mass., January 2, 1892. 

Four rr)or)br;^ afber dabe, I pron^e bo 
pay J. Q. ADAMS & COMPANY, or order, Ope 
Tl)ousar;d ar>d ttht Dollar 2, wibl) ipberesb. 

NOTE BEARING SPECIAL RATE OF INTEREST. 




J ,$2,010.09. ^^Ablapba, Ga., Sepb. 8, 1892. 



Tl>ree n)Oi)bl)^ afber dabe, for value received, 
we prorpi^e bo pay bo D. W. THAYER & CO., or order, 
bl)e suii) of Two Tl)ousar>d Terj, arj>d tVo" Dollars, wibl) 
irjberesb ab bl>e rabe of ber; per Cer>b. per ar/purr). 



JL \1/v1/v1/v1/v1/v1, 



Will W. Williams & Co. 



acaai a, ^ Isaacs aaaacaai *:.:*>. z^zimisttzzri*. j&j&r* rfa>zszg^E3g„*CTS2^3&a;3Eg;i 



BUSINESS CULTURE. ^ 

Demand Note. 









l_- S. CARTER 


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■&£■£-£■■&£ &LJ<t--d C*z-'td- j 


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Negotiable Note. 







XX>&<U£, 7?ll^£.; fflta-Lod, /0; /?4^. 




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^o-«^ ty?co-n--t'*i4- xz,£-t-&4. dtzsC-O; X p--Ln-rn.-cd.-e> -Co- ■p**z.-u- •£<«. JOHN BAG LEY, 



Non-Negotiable Note. 







J&USK, 


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4 6o BUSINESS CULTUBK 

BACK OF A NEGOTIABLE NOTE, SHOWING HOW IT HAS PASSED THROUGH DIFFERENT HANDS. 



> i $ 

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FORM OF TIME DRAFT. 



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$400.90. Trentniij Md,, Ndv, 2D, 1B31. ! 

Thirty days after sight, pay tn the DrdEr of 
/T^e^apies' Bapl(, St. Ipuis, (T)o. 

Four HundrEd and r%- Hollars, valns received; 
and charge ta thE ace aunt of 

To WILSON, MEAD & CO., B. S. Sc^U«a- ^^. 

J 



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ST. LOUIS, MO, 







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d be considered by WIL 
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due in thirty days, adding 
days grace]. '■ 




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£ 3 p 3 



BUSINESS CULTURE. 46 1 

CHECK. NEGOTIABLE WITH INDORSATION. 

$30.00. Sar\ Francisco, Cal., June 20, 1892. 

the^ANK OF OaLJFORNIA 

OF SAN FRANCISCO, 

Pay to tt\e order of D. C. RICHARDSON, 

Thirty arid ^ Dollars. 

£\>. 64. J. "DEWING &- CO. 

CHECK. NEGOTIABLE WITHOUT INDORSATION. 

$30.00. Minneapolis, Minn.> June 20, 1892. 

the Jhrst ISTational'^ank 

OF MINNEAPOLIS, 

Pay to tr\e order of D. C. RICHARDSON, or bearer, 

Thirty arid -^0 Dollars. 

C^o. 65. L. M. AYER PUB. CO. 

RECEIPT. 



2 

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. x 

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(D 

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© 

£ 

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* 

n 



St. Louis, Mo., June 10, 1891. 

Received frorn DARLING BROTHERS & CO., 
Nine Hundred and Ninety-seven Dollars, in full of 
account. 



BUSINESS LAWS, OR POINTERS. 



A note by a minor is void. 

Notes bear interest only when so stated. 

An indorsement may be written on the face or back. 

Altering a note in any manner, by the holder makes it 
void. 

Notes obtained by fraud, or given by intoxicated persons, 
cannot be collected. 

If the time of payment of a note is not inserted, it is held 
payable on demand. 

The payee should be distinctly named in the note, unless 
it is payable to bearer. 

A bill may be written upon any paper, or substitute for it, 
either with ink or pencil. 

The loss of a bill or note is not sufficient excuse for not 
giving notice of protest. 

Joint payees of a bill or note, who are not partners, must 
all join in an indorsement. 

Notice of protest may be sent either to the place of busi- 
ness or the residence of the party notified. 

If two or more persons as partners are jointly liable on 
a note or bill, due notice to one of them is sufficient. 

After the death of the holder of a bill or note, his executor 
or administrator may transfer it by his indorsement. 

The maker of a note that is lost or stolen, is not released 
from payment, if the amount and consideration can be 
proven. 

462. 



BUSINESS LAWS, OR POINTERS. 463 

A Joint and Several Note is one signed by two or more 
persons, and each become liable for the whole amount. 

Demand Notes are payable on presentation, without grace, 
and bear legal interest after a demand has been made, if not 
so written. An indorser on a demand note is holden only 
for a limited time, variable in different States. 

A Negotiable Note must be made payable either to bearer 
or order;' if to order, must be properly indorsed by the per- 
son to whose order it is made. If the indorser wishes to 
avoid responsibility, he can indorse " without recourse." 

Three days' grace are allowed on all time notes, after the 
time for payment expires ; if not then paid, the indorser, if 
any, should be legally notified, to be holden. 

"For value received " is usually inserted in a note, and 
should be, but is not absolutely necessary, as it is presumed 
by the law, or supplied by proof. 

Notes falling due Sunday, or on a legal holiday, may be 
paid the day after in some States ; but usually the day 
before. Notes dated Sunday are void. 

If a note be transferred as security, or even as payment of 
a pre-existing debt, the debt revives if the note be dis- 
honored. 

An indorser has the right of action against all whose 
names were indorsed previous to his. 

The maker of an "Accommodation" bill or note (one for 
which he has received no consideration, having lent his 
name or credit for the accommodation of the holder), is not 
bound to the person accommodated, but is bound to all other 
parties, precisely as if there were a good consideration. 

A note indorsed in blank (the name of the indorser only 
written), is transferable by delivery, the same as if made 
payable to bearer. 

The time of payment of a note must not depend upon a 
contingency. The promise must be absolute. 



464 OUR SOCIETY. 

If letter containing a protest or non-payment be put into 
the post-office, any miscarriage does not affect the party 
giving notice. 

The holder of a note may give notice of protest either to 
all the previous indorsers, or to only one of them ; in case 
of the latter, he may select the last indorser, and the last 
must give notice to the last before him, and so on. Each 
indorser must send notice the same day or the day following. 
Neither Sunday nor legal holiday is to be counted in reck- 
oning the time in which notice is to be given. 

The finder of negotiable paper, as of all other property, 
must make reasonable efforts to find the owner before he is 
entitled to appropriate it for his own purposes. If the finder 
conceal it, he is liable to the charge of larceny or theft. 

One may make a note payable to his own order. He must 
then write his name upon the back or across its face, the 
same as any other indorser. 

The husband who acquires a right to a bill or note which 
was given to the wife, either before or after marriage, may 
indorse it. 

An agreement without consideration is void. 

Contracts made on Sunday cannot be enforced. 

A contract made with a minor is void. 

A contract made with a lunatic is void. 

Ignorance of the law excuses no one. 

The law compels no one to do impossibilities. 

It is a fraud to conceal a fraud. 

Signatures made with a lead pencil are good in law. 

A receipt for money is not always conclusive. 

Each individual in partnership is responsible for the whole 
amount of the debts of the firm, except in cases of special 
partnership. 



BUSINESS LAWS, OR POINTERS. 465 

A verbal promise to pay, made without conditions, is gen- 
erally held as sufficient to revive a claim otherwise shut out 
by the law of limitation. 

An oral agreement must be proved by evidence. A writ- 
ten agreement proves itself. The law prefers written to oral 
evidence, because of its precision. 

No evidence may be introduced to contradict or vary a 
written contract, but it may be received in order to explain 
it, when such contract is in need of explanation. 

Checks or drafts must be presented for payment without 
unreasonable delay. 

Checks or drafts should be presented during business 
hours ; but in this country, except in the case of banks, the 
time extends through the day and evening. 

If the drawee of a check or draft has changed his residence, 
the holder must use due or reasonable diligence to find him. 

If one who holds a check, as payee or otherwise, transfers 
it to another, he has a right to insist that the check be pre- 
sented that day, or at farthest, on the day following. 

The acts of one partner bind all the rest. 

If a debtor owes several debts, and pays a sum of money 
to the creditor, he has the right to designate the particular 
debt to which the payment shall apply, and the creditor 
must so appropriate it. 

If, when a debt is due, the debtor be out of the State, the 
"six years" do not begin to run until he returns. If he 
afterwards leave the State, the time forward counts the same 
as if he remained in the State. 

Except in case of absence from the State, the "six years" 
begin when the bill or account is due. In case of a note, 
they count from the "three days of grace." In case of a 
note on demand, they count from the time of the demand. 

[30] 



466 OUR SOCIETY. 

The Statue of Limitations does not void or cancel the 
debt, but only provides that no action in law may be main- 
tained after a given time. The statute does not affect col- 
lateral security. 

No consideration is sufficient in law, if it be illegal in its 
nature. 

All seals which do not rest upon a seal ox judgment must 
be sued within six years from the time when they arise. 

Part payment of a debt which has passed the time of statu- 
tory limitation revives the whole debt, and the claim holds 
good for another period of six years from the date of such 
partial payment. 

Written instruments are to be construed and interpreted 
by the law according to the simple, customary, and natural 
meaning of the words used. 

"Acceptance" applies to bills, and not to notes. It is an 
engagement on the part of the person on whom the bill is 
drawn to pay it according to its tenor. The usual way is to 
write across the face of the bill the word "Accepted," and 
below it the signature. 

A witnessed note does not outlaw for twenty years. 



~^iH 






^|^, ^ ^ 

§*« «- -SHE: 

Anniversaries, Wedding 268 

Art Gallery, Etiquette at 32 

Art of Conversation 183 

Some Conversation Only Talk 184 

.^ Conversation as a Fine Art 186 

The First Requirement 187 

Listening 188 

Dogmatism 189 

Talking Too Much 190 

Training Children in the Art 191 

, Cultivating the Memory igi 

Relating Particulars 192 

Compliments 193 

Flattery - 193 

Things To Think About 193 

Conversation of the Future, The 195 

Awkward and Shy, The 234 

Hawthorne's Shyness 239 

Others Who Have Been Shy 240 

, Treatment of the Shy 241 

* Why You Should Not Be Shy 243 

Cause of Shyness 243 

Balls 94 

Bow, How To 62 

Breakfasts 220 

Be Patient With the Boys 395 

Calling Customs of Gentlemen 124 

The First Call 125 

Visiting Card 126 

When to Call 126 

Whom to Ask For 126 

After an Entertainment 128 

Answering Invitations 128 

Calling with Ladies 128 

Calling with Strangers 128 

Acknowledging a Courtesy 128 

467 



468 



GENERAL INDEX. 



Calling Customs of Gentlemen — Continued. 

Calling at a Hotel 129 

The Formal Call 129 

Calls of Congratulation „ 130 

The Yearly Call 131 

After a Marriage 131 

A Bridegroom's Card. . . . 131 

Letters of Introduction 131 

Receiving Bearer of Introduction 132 

Notes and Visits of Condolence 132 

Call in Person 133 

At the Club 133 

A Graceful Civility 133 

New Year's Calls 134 

Acquaintance Not Continued 135 

What To Wear 135 

The Proper Card 135 

When To Call 135 

Sending Cards „ 135 

Entering the House. 136 

Calling on the President 246 

Calls of Condolence , 295 

Calls After Anniversary Weddings 273 

Calls Before Weddings „ . . , 199 

Calls After a Wedding 211 

Calls After the " German " 102 

Calls After a Ball 100 

Calls After Dinner 161 

Calls and Cards 107 

Morning Call 107 

Evening Call 108 

Duties of Lady Receiving 108 

Receiving New Year's Calls . no 

Calls of Acknowledgment 114 

A Visiting List 115 

At a Summer Resort • 115 

Reception Days - 115 

Calls After Betrothal •".■' 116 

Calls of Congratulation 117 

Calls of Condolence . . 117 

First Calls "7 

Cards 120 

Titles 120 

P. P. C. Cards 121 

Turning Down Corners of Cards 122 

At Receptions .. 122 



GENERAL INDEX. 



469 



Calls and Cards — Continued. 

Cards of Congratulation 122 

Cards of Condolence 122 

Cards by Mail 122 

Relative's Card. 123 

Change of Residence 123 

Once a Year 123 

Cards, Memorial 295 

Card, the Baby's 299 

Cards, Dinner 150 

Cards, Ladies 120 

Ceremonious Dinners . 147 

Old Style and New 148 

The Table 148 

The Table-cloth 149 

Decorations , 149 

Dinner Cards 150 

Favors and Eonbonnieres. 1 1 151 

Laying the Table. 155 

Serving . .< 156 

Sideboard 156 

Order of Wines 157 

Servants. . , 157 

Hour for Dining 157 

Entering Dining-room 158 

First Course 158 

Taking Wine , „ 159 

Rising from Table 160 

After Dinner 160 

Taking Leave 161 

Calls After a Dinner , 161 

Invitations 161 

In Honor of a Guest 162 

Acceptance or Regrets 162 

Guests from One's Family 163 

Returning Courtesies 163 

French Etiquette for Diners-out 164 

Chaperon, The 51, 96 

Children at the Table 177 

Children's Parties . . . , 105 

Christenings 299 

The Baby's Card 299 

Church Christenings. 3°° 

Home Christenings 3 QI 

The Invitation 3°2 

Sponsors 3°2 

The Clergyman's Fee 303 



,470 GENERAL INDEX. 

Church, Etiquette in , 28 

Conversation, The Art of 183 

Courtesies, Acknowledgment of 23 

Courts, Home and Foreign 245 

Courtesies in the Family. . 387 

Culture in the Home 399 

Customs and Costumes for "Weddings 197 

Debut, the Age for 17 

Debut, Invitations to . 18 

Debut, The Formal, 18 

Debut — Other Formalities 19 

Debutante, Some Words to 20 

Decoration of the Home 344 

Diners-out, French Etiquette for 164 

Dining-room, In the 167 

Laying the Table 168 

The Breakfast-table 168 

Lunch 170 

The Dinner-table , 170 

Serving Dinner .... 172 

The Tea-table 172 

Carving 1 73 

Serving 1 73 

The Napkin 173 

The Knife 174 

The Fork 175 

The Spoon 175 

Eating Fruit, Eggs, Bread, etc ?•. . . 176 

The Soup-plate 176 

The Cup and Saucer 177 

Children at the Table 177 

Dinners, Ceremonious 147 

Dress for Balls 98 

Dress for Receptions 213 

Dress for Garden-party 93 

Dress for the Opera 37 

Dress for Matinees 89 

Dress for Receptions, Kettle-drums, etc 218 

Dress for New Year's Calls » 135 

Dress for Driving * 83 

Dress, Traveling, for Bride 2IO 

Dress of Ushers at Weddings 202 

Dress, Court Presentation 254 

Dress for a Bride 204 

Dress at Breakfasts 221 

Dress at Luncheons 224 



GENERAL INDEX. 



471 



Dress — Funeral Occasion 293 

Dress, Fitness and Incongruities of 274 

The Farmer's Wife 278 

City Woman's Clothes 281 

The Working- woman 282 

The Mother Hubbard 283 

Gentlemen's Dress 283 

A Summer Resort 285 

Some General Hints to the Gentle Sex 287 

Entering Society 17 

Age for a Debut 17 

The Formal Debut 18 

Invitations 18 

Other Formalities 19 

The Son's Entrance into Society 20 

Some Words to the Debutante „ 20 

Acknowledging Courtesies 23 

The " Horrid Man " Speaks 23 

Lovingly Addressed to Girls 25 

Entering a Drawing-room 47 

Escort, Duties of , 38 

Etiquette in Public Places 28 

Etiquette in the Street 58 

Fairs and Festivals, Etiquette of 34 

Family Government 375 

Garden-party, The 90 

" German," The 101 

Guest-chamber, The 338 

Hats, Where to Keep on 40 

Home, To Decorate the „ 344 

Home Memories 390 

Home Conversation 376 

Home Reading 382 

Home Beautiful 344 

The Hall 345 

The Parlor 346 

Sitting-room 351 

Library 354 

Chambers 355 

Dining-room 356 

Home and Foreign Courts 245 

The Highest Rank 245 

Calling on the President 246 

Presidential Receptions 246 

State Dinners 247 

New Year's Receptions 247 



472 GENERAL INDEX. 

Home and Foreign Courts — Continued. 

Order of Rank 248 

The Cabinet, Precedence Among „ . . . 248 

Manner of Addressing Officials 249 

Reception Days 249 

Hours for Calling. 250 

Calling Cards .... 250 

Formalities of Invitations 250 

First Calls 250 

Senators and Representatives 251 

Ottawa — Canada 251 

The Governor-General 252 

English Society 252 

The Nobility 252 

The Gentry 252 

The Title of Esquire 253 

Presentation at Court 253 

Who are Eligible for Presentation. . 253 

Preliminaries to Presentation 254 

Presentation Costume 254 

The Manner of Presentation 255 

Imperial Rank 255 

Other Titles 256 

Hotels, Etiquette in 33 

Introduction 9 

Introductions 42 

Social Endorsement 42 

Under Your Friend's Roof • 43 

Usage 43 

A Deaf and Dumb Guest 43 

Discontinuing an Acquaintance 44 

The Benefit of the Doubt , 45 

The Cut Direct , 45 

A Stony Stare 47 

Whi h Shall Bow First 47 

Talking in the Street 47 

Introducing Yourself 47 

Shaking Hands 48 

Too Effusive r 49 

Introducing a Gentleman to a Lady 49 

Form of Introduction 5° 

The Chaperon 50 

Good Intentions to be Respected : 5 1 

Introducing Relatives 5 T 

Bestowing Titles - 5 2 

Tact of Introducer 5 2 



GENERAL INDEX. 473 

Introductions — Continued. 

Obligatory Introductions 53 

Introductions Among Gentlemen 53 

Business Introductions 54 

Letters of Introduction 55 

Business Letters of Introduction 56 

Delivering Letter of Introduction 56 

Obligations of Bearer of 56 

Invitation to Christening 302 

Invitation to Garden-party 91 

Invitation To Visit 139 

Invitation to Wedding 200 

Invitations to Balls ........ 99 

Invitation to Debut 18 

Invitations to Dinner 161 

Invitations, Funeral 291 

Invitations to the ' ' German " „ 101 

Invitations to Lunch 224 

Invitations to a Party 102 

Invitations to Receptions, Kettle-drums, etc 215 

Invitations to Soirees, Matinees, etc 87 

Invitations to Wedding Anniversaries 271 

Keep Your Daughters Near You , 393 

Ladies' Calls and Cards 107 

Lawn Parties 90 

Letters of Introduction 55, 13T 

Luncheons , 222 

Manners While Traveling 226 

The Gentleman Escort, Duties of 226 

Duties of Lady to Her Escort . o 227 

A Lady Traveling Alone , .0 228 

Ladies Assisting Other Ladies 230 

Consideration for Others 230 

In the Sleeping-car 231 

Retaining a Seat 232 

On a Steamer 232 

Matinees S3 

Memory, To Cultivate the 191 

Mother's Influence, The 36S 

Mother's Cares, The. 37 1 

Mourning Customs 2S9 

Arrangements Before the Funeral 290 

The Pall Bearers 290 

In the House of Mourning 291 

Funeral Invitations • 29I 

Funeral Services 291 



474 GENERAL INDEX. 

Mourning Customs — Continued. 

Private Burials „ . . 2g2 

Flowers, Decoration, &c 292 

Military Funerals 293 

Order of Procession at Funerals 293 

Mourning Garments 293 

Cards and Stationery 295 

Memorial Cards 295 

Calls of Condolence 295 

Seclusion of the Bereaved 296 

Selections in Prose and Verse 297 

Musicals 89 

New Year's Calls 134 

New Year's Calls, Receiving 110 

Notes of Acceptance and Regret, Dinner 162 

Notes of Condolence 132 

Opera, Dress at 37 

Opera, Etiquette at 35 

Opera Parties 103 

Politeness, True 40 

Precious Stones, Superstitions of 262 

Preface 3 

Private Theatricals 105 

Public Places, Etiquette in 28 

In the Studio 30 

In the Art Gallery 32 

In the Hotel „ 33 

At Fairs and Festivals 34 

At the Opera and Theatre 35 

Dress at the Opera 37 

Duties of the Escort 38 

Where We May Keep Hats on 40 

Where Can We Smoke 40 

The Fatal Banana Peel 40 

True Politeness 40 

Reception Days 115 

Receptions, Kettle-drums and Five O'clock Teas 215 

Invitations 215 

Refreshments and Other Arrangements 216 

The Hostess — Her Duties. 217 

The Guest 217 

Reception Dre?s 218 

Calls 218 

Kettle-drum— What Is It ? 218 

Origin of the Kettle-drum 218 

The Five O'clock Tea .219 



GENERAL INDEX. 



475 



Receptions, Kettle-drums and Five O'clock Teas — Continued. 

Breakfasts 220 

Going to the Table 221 

The Breakfast-table < 221 

The Costume 221 

Luncheons 222 

The Table 222 

Invitations To Lunch 224 

Luncheon Dress 224 

Suppers 224 

The Family Supper 225 

Relations of Parents and Children 361 

Riding and Driving 79 

Learn How To Ride' 79 

Duty of Gentleman as Escort 79 

Helping a Lady To Mount 80 

Accompanying Ladies 80 

Helping a Lady To Alight 80 

Meeting a Lady 81 

The Best Seat 82 

Entering a Carriage 82 

Duties of the Gentleman 82 

Keep to the Right 83 

Trust Your Driver , 83 

Dress for Driving 83 

Salutations 69 

Novel Salutations of Different Nations « 69 

Antiquity of Certain Customs 72 

The Bow 72 

The Bow Between Gentlemen 74 

Always Return a Bow 75 

Saluting a Lady 76 

A Lady's Duty 77 

Shaking Hands 77 

A Beautiful Custom 78 

The Kiss 78 

The Kiss of Respect 78 

Society, Entering 17 

Soirees, Matinees and Musicals 85 

Invitations 87, 99 

Invitations R equiring Answers 87 

Guest at the Soiree 88 

Matinees 88 

Refreshments, etc 89 

Matinee Dress 89 

Musicals 89 



476 GENERAL INDEX. 

Soirees, Matinees and Musicals — Continued. 

Lawn Parties . . . . . ........ 90 

Invitations to Garden-party „ „ 91 

Preparations Necessary. ..'-». „ „ „ 91 

Dressing for Garden-party. 93 

Balls 94 

The Supper-room „ 94 

The Smoking-room 95 

In the Ball-room 95 

The Lady Guest . . 95 

The Chaperon 96 

The Gentleman Guest 96 

Ball Dress .'. 98 

How Many Guests To Invite 99 

Acceptances and Regrets 100 

Calls After the Ball 100 

Suggestions 100 

The German 101 

Invitations to the German IOI 

Calls 102 

Party Invitations 102 

Opera and Theater Parties 103 

A Gentleman's Theater Party 104 

Forms, Formalities, etc 104 

Private Theatricals ..-„ 104 

Children's Parties 105 

Street, Etiquette in the 58 

The True Lady 58 

Who Should Bow First 59 

Conduct in a Crowd 59 

Intrusive Inquiries 60 

Stopping To Talk 60 

Walking with a Lady 60 

Offering the Arm to a Lady 61 

Keeping Step 61 

Answering Questions 1 61 

Staring. ................... 61 

A Lady Walking with Two Gentlemen 61 

The Salutation 61 

How To Bow 63 

Joining a Lady 63 

Keeping an Engagement 63 

Bowing to Your Friend's Friend . 63 

Civilities to Ladies 63 

Passi ng Pedestrians 64 

Crossing the Street 64 



GENERAL INDEX. 



477 



Street, Etiquette in the — Continued, 

In Street-car or Omnibus 64 

The Umbrella .. 65 

Hack Fare 66 

Shopping . 66 

Studio, Etiquette in 30 

Street Car. . 39 

Superstitions of Wedding-rings and Precious Stones 257 

First Mention of 257 

Signet-rings 258 

Regard Rings 260 

Engagement and Wedding-rings 259 

Precious Stones 262 

Amethyst 262 

Turquoise 263 

Cornelian . . 264 

Ruby 264 

Sapphire 264 

Onyx, Jasper, Blood-stone, and Opal 265 

Pearl, Moonstone and Coral 266 

Suppers o 224 

Theater, Etiquette at 35 

Theater Parties „ 103 

Toilet, Toilet Medicines and Recipes 304 

How To Acquire a Bright, Smooth Skin 306 

Hair as an Ornament . . 308 

How To Obtain a Good Head of Hair 309 

To Prevent Hair Falling off 310 

To Prevent Hair Turning Gray 311 

How To Soften and Beautify the Hair 312 

How To Color Gray Hair 313 

Habits Which Destroy the Hair . . , 314 

Blemishes to Beauty „ .'. , 315 

How To Remove Black Specks 315 

How To Remove Pimples 315 

To Remove Freckles and Tan , 316 

To Cure Chapped Lips 317 

How To Remove Yellow Spots 317 

To Prevent Wrinkles 318 

To Remove Stains from Silk 318 

To Remove Grease from Silk 318 

A Beautiful Hand 318 

The Bath 320 

Care of the Teeth 322 

Decayed Teeth , 322 

Tartar on the Teeth 322 



478 



GENERAL INDEX. 



Toilet, Toilet Medicines and Recipes — Continued. 

Foul Breath 323 

Preserving a Youthful Complexion 323 

Moles, To Remove .• 323 

To Remove Freckles and Discolorations 324 

The Eyes . 324 

Sty on Fyelid 324 

Eyelashes and Eyebrows 325 

Eyebrows Meeting „ 325 

Care of the Eyes 326 

Infl .med Eyes '. . 326 

Treatment for Warts 326 

The Nails 326 

Moist Hands, Remedy for 327 

The Feet .328 

Damp Feet, Remedy for 328 

Corns, Treatment of. 329 

Chilblains, Treatment of 329 

Toe-nails, Ingrowing 330 

Ringworm 330 

To Remove Sunburn * 331 

Lip-salve, To M ake 332 

Linen, To Whiten 332 

Cotton Goods, To Clean 332 

Pitch, Tar and Paint, To Remove \ 333 

Silks and Ribbons, To Clean 333 

Burnt Kid or Leather Shoes 333 

Inflamed Eyelids 334 

Rose-water 334 

Putting Away Furs for Summer 334 

To Keep Hair in Curl 335 

Protection Against Moths 335 

To Take Mildew Out of Linen 335 

To Remove Grease from Woolen Cloth 335 

To Remove Ink Spots from Linen 335 

To Remove Fruit Stains 335 

To Clean Silver 336 

To Remove a Tight Finger-ring » 33° 

Chapped Hands, Remedy for 336 

To Remove Discoloration by Bruising , 336 

To Clean Kid Gloves 33« 

Perspiralion 337 

Traveling, Manners While 226 

Treasury of Home Reading 360 

Parents and ChilHen, Relations of 361 

A Mother's Influence , 368 



GENERAL INDEX. 479 

A Treasury of Home Reading — Continued. 

A Mother's Cares 371 

Family Government — What is it ? ., 375 

Home Conversation 376 

Home Reading 382 

Courtesies in the Family 387 

Home Memories. 390 

Keep Your Daughters Near You 393 

Be Patient With the Boys 395 

Culture in the Home 399 

Visitors and Visiting . 138 

A General Invitation 139 

The Right of a Hostess 140 

The Time Specified. . . 140 

Limit To Be Made by Guest 141 

Making a Friend a Convenience „ 141 

Duties of Host and Hostess 142 

The Model Host or Hostess 143 

Making Presents 145 

Your Host's Friend 146 

Taking Leave 14.6 

Visiting Card 126 

Visits of Condolence . , 132 

Wedding Anniversaries 268 

The Paper Wedding 269 

Cotton Wedding. 269 

Leather Wedding 269 

Wooden Wedding 269 

Tin Wedding 270 

Crystal Wedding 270 

China Wedding 270 

Silver Wedding 270 

Invitations to Wedding Anniversaries 271 

Golden Wedding 272 

Diamond Wedding 273 

Calls After Wedding Anniversaries 273 

Wedding-rings, Superstitions Of 257 

Weddings, Customs and Costumes For 197 

The Betrothal , 197 

Last Calls 199 

Just Before the Wedding 199 

The Ceremonious Wedding 199 

Form of Invitation 20O 

Duties of Ushers 201 

Dress of Ushers \ 202 

Duties of Best Man 203 



*^ 1 2 GENERAL INDEX. 

Weddings, Customs and Costumes for — Continued. 

Duties of Bridesmaid . . . „ . . 203 

Favors From the Groom 204 

What the Bride Pays For 204 

Church Weddings 205 

After the Ceremony. 205 

Other Forms •. 206 

The Wedding Guest 207 

The Reception 207 

Wedding Presents 207 

Acknowledging Gifts 207 

Refreshments 208 

Wedding Breakfast 208 

Shall We Send Cake 208 

Parents in Mourning. 209 

Guests in Mourning 209 

The Home Wedding 209 

Traveling Dress for Bride 210 

Wedding Journey, Leaving For 210 

The Widow's Marriage 210 

Calls After the Wedding 211 

Announcement of Marriage 211 

Receptions After Marriage 212 

Receptions Given by Parents 213 

Bride's Dress for Receptions 213 

Refreshments at Receptions 214 

Courtesies to the Newly Married 214 

Suggestions — General - 214 

♦Including full page illustrations 




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